by Lisa Henry
“What, turned on?” Daniel asked with a breathy laugh.
“No.” Bel thought back to the hospital again. “Trusting.”
Daniel sighed as Bel clicked the cuffs shut. “I like to be restrained.”
“I know you do,” Bel said. “That’s a thing you like that doesn’t hurt, isn’t it?”
“Yeah,” Daniel whispered.
Bel leaned down and brushed his lips against Daniel’s. Tasted toothpaste. “Well, we’re gonna find plenty of other things you like that don’t hurt.”
“Are we?” Daniel lifted his head for another kiss.
Bel obliged him, this time touching his tongue against Daniel’s, deepening the kiss and swallowing the noises that Daniel made underneath him. He curled his fingers in Daniel’s hair and tugged gently before kneeling back again.
Daniel panted, shifting restlessly on the bed.
“Used to watch you running track,” Bel said. “Wanted you, even back then. Wouldn’t’ve known what to do with you if I’d had the chance, but I know different now, don’t I?”
Daniel nodded. “Yeah.”
“So I guess,” Bel said, reaching out and splaying his hand over Daniel’s wildly thumping heart, “I can do whatever I want.”
Daniel arched toward his touch.
Bel smiled as Daniel’s nipple hardened under the palm of his hand. “You like that?”
“Yeah.” Daniel swiped his tongue over his lower lip. “I like that, Bel.”
Bel swelled with pride. Felt good to touch a man like this, to be in charge. None of that awkwardness of past hookups where you had to figure out who was putting what where, and whether the answer might mean the whole thing was a bust. Didn’t have to worry about that with Daniel.
“Fuck me,” Daniel said, his voice straining. “Please, fuck me, Bel.”
No, didn’t have to worry at all.
“We got all night,” Bel told him. “Ain’t you much for foreplay?”
Daniel made a face. “Past few weeks have been foreplay. I’ve been to the edge so many times, I’ve got the goddamned T-shirt. Just stick your cock in me already.”
Bel laughed. “I might be new at all this, Daniel, but I know you’re not in charge.” He slid his hand down to Daniel’s abdomen, feeling the muscles undulate under his palm. “Are you?”
“No.” Daniel exhaled, his hips jerking. “You’re in charge.”
“Okay then,” Bel said.
Daniel closed his eyes.
“Lucky for you, I’m more than ready to get straight to the main event.”
Daniel’s eyes flashed open. “Fuck, yeah. Please.”
Bel laughed again and rose from the bed. He shoved his jeans and underwear down and stepped out of them. Picked up the lube and condoms. Climbed back onto the mattress, and knelt in the space that opened for him between Daniel’s legs. Actually licked his lips at the sight of Daniel’s hole, small and tight.
Bel opened the lube, drizzled it on his fingers. “How many you want?”
This, this was a hurt he’d be willing to give him.
“Two,” Daniel said. “Start with two. I can take it.”
“Yeah you can.” Bel slid his fingers up Daniel’s crease, circling that tiny opening and then pushing in.
Daniel jolted like he was caught on an electric fence, all his breath whooshing out of him, his body squeezing the hell out of Bel’s fingers.
“You okay?”
Daniel gasped for breath. “Yeah. It’s good. Keep going.” His body jerked again, less violently this time, and he rolled his hips. Found Bel’s rhythm and matched it. “Yeah, fuck, yeah.”
Bel felt Daniel’s muscles loosen and scissored his fingers inside. Watched Daniel’s face—his eyes closed, a tense line between his drawn brows, his jaw clenched—and watched the way he pulled against the cuffs, his muscles cording. So fucking hot.
Bel withdrew his fingers and ripped a condom open. Rolled it down his aching cock, and slathered himself with lube.
“Gonna—” His voice hitched. “Gonna fuck you now.”
Daniel took a deep breath. “Yeah, Bel.”
Bel shifted closer on his knees, his hands under Daniel’s ass. Lifted him slightly, tilted his pelvis up. Wondered if this was what submission looked like: Daniel, restless with anticipation as Bel arranged him how he wanted him. He shifted Daniel up more, getting his knees under him. Hooked his elbows under Daniel’s legs. Held him there for a moment, just to see what he’d do.
Daniel tugged on the cuffs. “Please.”
“Open your eyes,” Bel said, shifting so that his cock nudged Daniel’s hole.
Daniel obeyed.
“That’s it,” Bel said. “Want to see you, Daniel.”
He pushed in.
Daniel’s body arched toward him like a bow. The cuffs rattled against the rails of the bed. His body shook.
“So tight,” Bel groaned.
“Fuck me,” Daniel whispered, eyes wide. “Fuck me hard.”
Might have been a good time to remind Daniel that he wasn’t calling the shots, but Bel wasn’t inclined to disagree with him at that moment. Fuck him hard? Hell yes. They’d been stepping around this for weeks now, for too damn long. Now that it was happening, now that he was finally inside Daniel’s ass, there was nothing that could stop Bel from giving them both what they needed.
Bel went as hard as he could, his first thrust pushing a moan out of Daniel. His second, something that was more like a yelp.
“Yeah, right there.” Daniel gasped.
Bel angled his hips to hit the spot again, and Daniel arched his spine and shook his head from side to side. Squeezed so tight on Bel’s cock that Bel gasped as well. No way was Bel going to last. He dropped Daniel’s left leg, and Daniel hooked it around his hip. Bel grabbed for Daniel’s cock, hard and leaking against his abdomen. Bel wrapped his fingers around it and jerked it in time to his thrusts.
Daniel shuddered. “Jesus, Bel!”
Bel grunted at him. Must be nice to have enough breath to form words. Next time he’d lie back and make Daniel do the work. At the moment, it was taking all of his energy to keep thrusting, and to stop from coming too fast.
“Fuck,” he groaned. “You need me to tell you . . .”
Daniel writhed underneath him.
Bel thrust again into the tight heat of his body. “You need me to tell you to come?”
“Gonna,” Daniel managed. “Gonna, real soon.”
“Hurry up then.” Bel grunted, tightening his grip on Daniel’s hot shaft. Daniel’s body tensed, froze, and then he came all over Bel’s hand. Bel managed one more thrust, then a second one, and tried for a third before he was coming as well, buried deep in Daniel’s ass.
Daniel slumped back down onto the mattress.
Bel withdrew slowly, easing himself carefully to his shaking legs. He stumbled to the bathroom to dispose of the condom, then lay back on the bed beside Daniel. Wiped the mess off his belly with the sheet.
“You want me to uncuff you now?” he asked when he’d caught his breath, nuzzling against Daniel’s throat.
“Want you to do anything you want,” Daniel whispered, his eyes fluttering closed.
Bel propped himself up a little.
“Think I’d like to leave you cuffed,” he said, leaning down to kiss Daniel. He ran his palm over Daniel’s chest, then slowly down his torso. “Just let me touch you awhile.”
Bel slid his fingers over Daniel’s hip. Drew small circles on the top of Daniel’s thigh. He kept his gaze on Daniel as he touched him, watching the subtle shifts in Daniel’s expression, noting when Daniel tensed or squirmed. Cataloged hitches in his breathing, moments where he arched into Bel’s touch. He wanted to learn this body.
He brushed his fingers over Daniel’s now-soft cock. Daniel jerked, then slowly exhaled.
“All right.” Bel leaned over and snagged the key to the cuffs. Let Daniel out. Daniel kept his arms above his head. Bel smiled. “You look real good like that.”
&nb
sp; Daniel smiled too. “I like it when—” He stopped himself.
“When what?”
“When it’s because I want to, not because of what I might do when I’m asleep.”
Bel took his wrists and gently guided his arms down. “I like that, too.” He kissed Daniel’s shoulder. “Roll over.”
Daniel obliged. Bel ran his hand from the base of Daniel’s neck down his back. Daniel shivered. Bel did it again. After a few more strokes, he let his hand continue over the hard muscles of Daniel’s ass. Daniel spread his legs slightly without any hesitation. Bel’s chest tightened. There was trust there. Unless it was just habit. Bel frowned as he ran his hand down the back of Daniel’s leg and massaged his calf.
Was always gonna be hard, wasn’t it, to figure out what Daniel really wanted versus what he’d trained himself to want?
Bel draped over Daniel’s back, rubbed a hard circle on his side, feeling his ribs. He placed his lips close to Daniel’s ear. “You’re incredible.”
Daniel stiffened under him. Bel didn’t budge, just kept touching him. After a minute, Daniel relaxed.
Bel wasn’t sure when they drifted off to sleep. He woke once in the night to find Daniel on the floor drawing. Daniel didn’t stop when Bel got up, but he also didn’t fight when Bel leaned down and gently took the pencil from his hand and guided him to his feet. “That’s beautiful,” Bel said, taking the picture and setting it on the table. He kept one arm around Daniel and whispered against his neck, “Beautiful work, but you need to sleep.”
Daniel didn’t say anything. He was usually coherent during his sleepwalking episodes, but every now and then there’d be one where Daniel didn’t speak at all.
Bel led him back to bed.
“Well, look at you,” Ginny said when Bel walked in the police station the next morning. “I know that look. Belman got laid!”
Bel rolled his eyes but couldn’t stop the telltale smile from tugging at his lips. And why the hell not smile? He was entitled. Last night had been fucking incredible, and waking up beside Daniel this morning had felt pretty damn good as well.
“You can’t tell that just from looking at a guy,” Diggler protested from his desk.
“I can,” Ginny said. “I’m an expert. Also, he’s wearing the same clothes he left in last night.”
Bel clapped her on the shoulder. “Do some fucking work, Ginny.”
He headed down to the locker room to get changed and have a proper shave. That bathroom in Daniel’s cabin was next to useless. It was pokey, and the mirror above the sink was tiny. It would have been nice to shower together, except there was no way the pair of them would have fitted. Would have been nice to eat breakfast together as well, sitting down at a table instead of on the front porch steps although that had been all right. Sharing a plate of toast with peanut butter since Daniel had nothing else in his kitchen, their hands knocking together when they reached for a slice at the same time.
Daniel had been shy this morning, and Bel liked that. Liked the way his smile had been hesitant until Bel had reached for his hand, tugged it, and said, “Can’t wait until my shift is done and I can see you again.”
Daniel’s smile had widened then. Matching Bel’s.
It was the sort of smile that Bel wanted to come home to at the end of every shift.
Bel changed into his uniform, laced on his boots, and fastened his utility belt. Then he headed back out into the office to check his emails and tasks for the day.
“Hey, Bel,” Ginny said. “You gonna be free around midday?”
Something in her tone warned him. He glanced at Diggler, who shook his head urgently.
“No, I got an interview coming in,” he said warily.
“Goddamn,” Ginny groaned.
“Why?” Bel asked.
She made a face. “I gotta go give a road safety talk at the elementary school, and they want me to bring Petey.”
Petey was the department’s Road Safety Ambassador, a talking dog. He’d been around long enough that Bel could remember him from when he was in elementary school. The costume smelled of mothballs and, for some reason, cough syrup.
Bel snorted. “Oh, hell no. You can definitely find someone else.”
He’d made the mistaking of agreeing to be Petey once, back when he was still the rookie. Never again. There was just something about a grown man in a dog costume that triggered the attack response in kids.
“I’ll find someone, I guess,” Ginny said.
Diggler grabbed his keys and bolted.
Bel laughed and began to check his emails. His phone buzzed. A text from Daniel.
Hey, Bel. It’s Daniel. It’s not 2:30 yet, but I wanted to tell you I’m happy.
Bel read it twice.
I’m happy too, he sent back.
Was that the sort of thing a dom would send? Well hell, too late now to change his mind. He was happy and didn’t see the point in acting all strict and dour just to stick to some role that he didn’t really understand in the first place. Just because he was the one making the rules, didn’t mean he had to be some sort of hardass, did it?
He hoped that wasn’t what Daniel was expecting.
He set his phone on his desk so he wouldn’t miss Daniel’s reply.
Later on, he might head to Harnee’s and pick up some bacon and eggs so they could have a decent breakfast tomorrow. Maybe he’d even make pancakes. That probably wasn’t the sort of thing a hardass dom should do either.
Bel had been checking it out online again. Reading about subs who were subs even outside of scenes. Subs who kept the house clean and had dinner ready on the table, and were always looking for ways to please their man. Like 1950s housewives, except for the kink. And it seemed weird to Bel. The height of hypocrisy. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d mopped his kitchen floor, so why the hell would he expect someone else to do it for him?
Kink was kink. Lifestyle was . . . too much?
Bel was overthinking it, probably. There was nothing to suggest that Daniel wanted anything like that. There was nothing to suggest he was even as hard-core as his gear might indicate. It was just unsettling to Bel, knowing so little about what he’d gotten into. Knowing that he was supposed to be in charge when really it was Daniel who understood more about what they were doing.
But last night. Last night had been amazing, so they were doing something right. That had to count for something.
Bel smiled when Daniel’s text came through: I’m glad you’re happy too.
“I’m drawing again,” Daniel said to John a week later. “Bel . . . um, Officer Belman said I should tell you that.”
“You don’t need to use any titles in here,” John told him. “He’s your friend, I know that.”
John’s tone said he knew a lot more than that, and Daniel flushed.
“Do you like drawing?” John asked him.
“I don’t know,” Daniel said. “I only do it when I’m sleeping. Stopped for a while, but it’s back now.”
“That scares you, huh?”
John wasn’t like any other therapist Daniel had ever spoken to. The others had been inside prison or hired by his defense team. It didn’t feel so official, sitting in John’s home office drinking tea.
“Yeah,” Daniel said. “If that’s back, what else is? Bad enough when I was bending over for any asshole in Greenducks, but at least I wasn’t—”
“At least you weren’t what?”
“Least I wasn’t killing anyone.”
There, he’d said it, but if it was any kind of breakthrough moment, John didn’t comment on it. Just showed Daniel that same encouraging smile he always did, as though Daniel didn’t scare him at all. And waited.
“Last week was Kenny’s vigil,” Daniel muttered.
“Mm-hmm,” John said. “How’d you do?”
“Always makes me feel sick. Don’t know if it’s because I hate Kenny or hate myself.”
“Which do you think it’s more of?”
“It’s both.”
Daniel paused. “I think . . . because I’d imagined doing it before—just fantasized, you know? About getting him back for what he did? If I hadn’t let myself think about that, ever, maybe I wouldn’t’ve done it. And I worry I should have known. Should’ve known I was dangerous. Just, I never hurt anyone before. Hit a couple of people who tried to wake me up. That’s it. I didn’t know that I could do something so bad.”
Daniel stared at the African violet on John’s windowsill.
John shifted in his chair. “In the days leading up to Cooper’s death, did you notice anything different about yourself? Any change in mood, behavior, or thought patterns?”
John asked the question easily, without any censure or suspicion. Daniel had been asked similar questions before, but always by people trying to get him to admit he’d known what he was going to do. That he’d planned it. And Daniel wasn’t sure whether he was relieved or pissed by John phrasing it “Cooper’s death.” Not “Cooper’s murder,” just “Cooper’s death”—as though Kenny might have died of illness or in an accident. As though Daniel might not have been involved at all.
“I don’t remember,” Daniel admitted. “I wasn’t sleeping very much. And when I did sleep, I was sleepwalking. I got to where I honestly couldn’t tell when I was awake or not. And I kept seeing things. It was like I really was crazy.”
“Did you find yourself thinking about Cooper during that time? Or don’t you remember?”
Daniel hesitated. “Yeah. Sometimes. I have these—nightmares. Really bad ones. And usually I don’t remember them. But I had some the week before I set the fire that I remembered.”
“What happened in them?”
“’Bout him beating me up, I guess. Hard to even want to go to sleep, because I knew I’d see him.”
Can see him now. Shit. Don’t want to talk about this.
“And after Cooper died, did you still have those nightmares?”
“I slept fine the first two nights in jail. Slept like a fucking baby. During the days I was a wreck, but at night I was fine. Fuck!” He squeezed the arm of his chair, forcing himself to calm down. “Sorry.”