The Vampire's Assistant tsods-2

by Darren Shan

  I lifted the flap of the tent and looked inside. It was too dark to see anything. "Who's Evra?" I asked, turning back to Mr. Tall. But he was gone, having disappeared with his usual quick, silent speed.

  I sighed and entered, clutching the blankets to my chest. I let the flap fall back into place, then stood quietly inside, waiting for my eyes to adjust. I could hear someone breathing softly and could make out a vague shape in a hammock in the darkness beyond the middle of the tent. I looked for somewhere to make my bed. I didn't want my tentmate tripping over me when he was getting up.

  I walked forward a few blind steps. Suddenly something slithered toward me through the darkness.

  I stopped and stared ahead, wishing so badly that I could see (without the light of the stars or moon, even a vampire struggles to make things out).

  "Hello?" I whispered. "Are you Evra? I'm Darren Shan. I'm your new —"

  I stopped. The slithering noise had reached my feet. As I stood rooted to the spot, something fleshy and slimy wrapped itself around my legs. I instantly knew what it was but didn't dare look down until it had climbed more than halfway up my body. Finally, as its coils curled around my chest, I worked up the courage to look down and stare into the eyes of a long, thick, hissing… snake!

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Istood frozen with fear for more than an hour, staring into the snake's deathly cold eyes, waiting for it to strike.

  Finally, with the light of the strong morning sun shining through the canvas of the tent, the sleeping shape in the hammock shifted, yawned, sat up, and glanced around.

  It was the snake-boy, and he looked shocked when he saw me. He immediately rocked back in the hammock and raised the covers, as though to protect himself. Then he saw the snake wrapped around me and breathed easily.

  "Who are you?" he asked sharply. "What are you doing here?"

  I shook my head slowly. I didn't dare speak for fear that the movement of my lungs would cause the snake to strike.

  "You'd better answer," he warned, "or I'll tell her to take your eyes out."

  "I… I… I'm Duh-Darren Sh-sh-Shan," I stuttered. "Mr. Tuh-Tall told me to cuh-come in. He said I wuh-wuh-was supposed to be your new ruh-ruh-ruh-roommate."

  "Darren Shan?" The snake-boy frowned, then pointed knowingly. "You're Mr. Crepsley's assistant, aren't you?"

  "Yes," I said quietly.

  The snake-boy grinned. "Did he know Mr. Tall was putting you in with me?" I nodded and he laughed. "I've never met a vampire without a nasty sense of humor."

  He swung down out of the hammock, crossed the tent, took hold of the snake's head, and began unwrapping it. "You're okay," he assured me. "In fact, you were never in danger. The snake's been asleep the whole time. You could have tugged her off and she wouldn't have stirred. She's a deep sleeper."

  "She's asleep ?" I squeaked. "But… how come she wrapped herself around me?"

  He smiled. "She sleepcrawls."

  " Sleepcrawls !" I stared at him, then at the snake, which hadn't moved while he was unwinding her. The last of her coils came free and I could step away to one side. My legs were stiff and full of pins and needles.

  "A sleepcrawling snake." I laughed uneasily. "Thank God she's not a sleepeating snake!"

  The snake-boy tucked his pet away in a corner and stroked her head lovingly. "She wouldn't have eaten you even if she had woken up," he informed me. "She ate a goat yesterday. Snakes her size don't have to eat very often."

  Leaving his snake, he threw back the tent flap and stepped out. I followed quickly, not wanting to be left alone with the reptile.

  I studied him closely outside. He was exactly as I remembered: a few years older than me and very thin, with long yellow-green hair, narrow eyes, and strangely webbed fingers and toes; his body was covered in green, gold, yellow, and blue scales. He was wearing a pair of shorts and nothing else.

  "By the way," he said, "my name's Evra Von." He held out a hand and we shook. His palm felt slippery, but dry. A few of the scales came off and stuck to my hand when I pulled it away. They were like scraps of colored dead skin.

  "Evra Von what?" I asked.

  "Just plain Von," he said, rubbing his stomach. "You hungry?"

  "Yes," I said, and went with Evra to get something to eat.

  The camp was alive with activity. Since there had been no show the night before, most of the freaks and their helpers had gone to bed early, and so now they were up and about earlier than usual.

  I was fascinated by the hustle and bustle. I hadn't realized there were so many people working for the Cirque. I'd thought it would just be the performers and assistants I'd seen the night I went to the show with Steve, but as I looked around I saw that those were just the tip of the iceberg. There were at least two dozen people walking or talking, washing or cooking, none of whom I'd seen before.

  "Who are all these?" I asked.

  "The backbone of the Cirque Du Freak," Evra replied. "They do the driving, set up the tents, do the laundry and the cooking, fix our costumes, clean up after shows. It's a big operation."

  "Are they normal humans?" I asked.

  "Most of them," he said.

  "How did they come to work here?"

  "Some are related to the performers. Some are friends of Mr. Tall. Some just wandered in, liked what they saw, and stayed."

  "People can do that?" I asked.

  "If Mr. Tall likes the look of them," Evra said. "There are always openings at the Cirque Du Freak."

  Evra stopped at a large campfire, and I stopped beside him. Hans Hands (a man who could walk on his hands and run faster on them than the world's fastest sprinter) was resting on a log, while Truska (the bearded lady, who grew her beard whenever she wanted) cooked sausages on a wooden stick. Several humans were sitting or lying around.

  "Good morning, Evra Von," Hans Hands said.

  "How are you, Hans?" Evra replied.

  "Who's your young friend?" Hans asked, eyeing me suspiciously.

  "This is Darren Shan," Evra said.

  " The Darren Shan?" Hans asked, eyebrows raising.

  "None other." Evra grinned.

  "What do you mean, The Darren Shan'?" I asked.

  "You're famous in these parts," Hans said.

  "Why? Because I'm a" — I lowered my voice — "half-vampire?"

  Hans laughed pleasantly. "Half-vampires are nothing new. If I had a silver dollar for every half-vampire I'd seen, I'd have…" He scrunched up his face and thought. "Twenty-nine silver dollars. But young half-vampires are a different story. I never saw or heard of a guy your age living it up among the ranks of the walking dead. Tell me: Have the Vampire Generals been around to inspect you yet?"

  "Who are the Vampire Generals?" I asked.

  "They're —"

  "Hans!" a lady washing clothes barked. He stopped speaking and looked around guiltily. "Do you think Larten would enjoy hearing you spreading tales?" she snapped.

  Hans made a face. "Sorry," he said. "It's the morning air. I'm not used to it. It makes me say things I shouldn't."

  I wanted him to explain about the Vampire Generals, but I guess it would have been impolite to ask.

  Truska checked the sausages, pulled a couple off the stick, and handed them out. She smiled when she came to me, and said something in a strange, foreign language.

  Evra laughed. "She wants to know if you like sausages or if you're a vegetarian."

  "That's a good one!" Hans chuckled. "A vampire vegetarian!"

  "You speak her language?" I asked Evra.

  "Yes," he said proudly. "I'm still learning — it's the hardest language I've ever tried to learn — but I'm the only one in the camp who knows what she's saying. I'm excellent at languages," he bragged.

  "What language is it?" I asked.

  "I don't know," he said, frowning. "She won't tell me."

  That sounded weird, but I didn't want to say anything to offend him. Instead, I took one of the sausages and smiled thanks. I bit into it and had to drop it immediat
ely; it was piping hot! Evra laughed and handed me a glass of water. I drank until my mouth was back to normal, then blew on the sausage to cool it down.

  We sat with Hans and Truska and the others for a while, chatting and eating and soaking up the morning sun. The grass was wet with dew, but none of us minded. Evra introduced me to everyone in the group. There were too many names for me to remember at once, so I just smiled and shook hands.

  Mr. Tall soon appeared. One minute he wasn't there, the next he was standing behind Evra, warming his hands over the fire.

  "You're up early, Master Shan," Mr. Tall remarked.

  "I couldn't sleep," I told him. "I was too — " I looked over at Evra and smiled "- wound-up."

  "I hope it will not affect your ability to work," Mr. Tall said.

  "I'll be fine," I said. "I'm ready to work."

  "You're sure?"

  "I'm sure."

  "That's what I like to hear." He pulled out a large notebook and flipped through the pages. "Let's see what we can find for you to do today," he said. "Tell me: Are you a good cook?"

  "I can cook stew. Mr. Crepsley taught me."

  "Have you ever cooked for thirty or forty humans?"

  "No."

  "Too bad. Maybe you'll learn." He flipped through another couple of pages. "Can you sew?"

  "No."

  "Have you washed clothes before?"

  "By hand?"

  "Yes."

  "No."

  "Hmmm." He flipped some more, then snapped the book shut. "Okay," he said, "until we find a more permanent position for you, stick with Evra and help him with his chores. Does that sound fair?"

  "I'd like that," I said.

  "You don't mind, Evra?" he asked the snake-boy.

  "Not at all," Evra replied.

  "Very well. It's settled. Evra will be in charge of you until further notice. Do what he says. When your colleague-in-blood arises," — he meant Mr. Crepsley — "you're free to spend the night with him if he so desires. We'll see how you do, then make a decision on how best to utilize your talents."

  "Thank you," I said.

  "My pleasure," he replied.

  I expected him to suddenly vanish then, but instead he turned and walked away slowly, whistling, enjoying the sunshine.

  "Well, Darren," Evra said, sticking a scaly arm around my shoulders, "looks like you and I are partners now. How do you feel about that?"

  "I feel good… partner."

  "Cool!" He slapped my shoulder and gulped down the last of his sausage. "Then let's get going."

  "What do we do first?" I asked.

  "What we'll be doing first every morning," Evra said. "Milking the poison from the fangs of my snake."

  "Oh," I said. "Is it dangerous?"

  "Only if she bites before we finish," Evra said, then laughed at my expression and pushed me ahead of him to the tent.

  CHAPTER NINE

  Evra did the milking himself — to my great relief — then we brought the snake outside and laid her on the grass. We grabbed buckets of water and scrubbed her down with really soft sponges.

  After that, we had to feed the wolf-man. His cage was near the back of the campsite. He roared when he saw us coming. He looked as angry and dangerous as he had that night I went to see the Cirque with Steve. He shook the bars and lunged at us if we got too close — which we didn't!

  "Why is he so vicious?" I asked, tossing him a large chunk of raw meat, which he grabbed in midair and bit into.

  "Because he's a real wolf-man," Evra said. "He's not just somebody very hairy. He's half human, half wolf."

  "Isn't it cruel to keep him chained up?" I asked, throwing him another slice of meat.

  "If we didn't, he'd run free and kill people. The mix of human and wolf blood has driven him mad. He wouldn't just kill when he was hungry; if he was free, he'd murder all the time."

  "Isn't there a cure?" I asked, feeling sorry for him.

  "There isn't a cure because it isn't a disease," Evra explained. "This isn't something he caught, it's how he was born. This is what he is."

  "How did it happen?" I asked.

  Evra looked at me seriously. "Do you really want to know?"

  I stared at the hairy monster in the cage, ripping up the meat as if it were cotton candy, then gulped and said, "No, I suppose I don't."

  We did a bunch of jobs after that. We peeled potatoes for the night's dinner, helped repair a tire on one of the cars, spent an hour painting the roof of a van, and walked a dog. Evra said most days were like this, just wandering through the camp, seeing what needed doing, helping out here and there.

  In the evening we took a garbage bag full of cans and broken pieces of glass to the tent of Rhamus Twobellies, a huge man who could eat anything. I wanted to stay and watch him eat, but Evra hurried me out. Rhamus didn't like people watching him eat when he wasn't performing.

  We had a lot of time to ourselves, and during our quieter moments we told each other about our lives — where we'd come from and how we'd grown up.

  Evra had been born to ordinary parents. They were horrified when they saw him. They abandoned him at an orphanage, where he stayed until an evil circus owner bought him at the age of four.

  "Those were bad days," he said quietly. "He used to beat me and treat me like a real snake. He kept me locked up in a glass case and let people pay to look at me and laugh."

  He was with the circus for seven long, miserable years, touring small towns, being made to feel ugly and freakish and useless.

  Finally, Mr. Tall came to the rescue.

  "He showed up one night," Evra said. "He appeared suddenly out of the darkness and stood by my cage for a long time, watching me. He didn't say a word. Neither did I.

  "The circus owner came. He didn't know who Mr. Tall was, but thought he might be a rich man, interested in buying me. He gave him his price and stood back, waiting for an answer.

  "Mr. Tall didn't say anything for a few minutes. Then his left hand grabbed the circus owner by the neck. He squeezed once and that was the end of him. He fell to the floor, dead. Mr. Tall opened the door to my cage and said, 'Let's go, Evra. I think Mr. Tali's able to read minds, which is how he knew my name."

  Evra was quiet after that. He had a faraway look in his eyes.

  "Do you want to see something amazing?" he finally said, snapping out of his thoughtful mood.

  "Sure," I said.

  He turned to face me, then stuck out his tongue and pushed it up over his lip and right up his nose !

  "Ewww! Gross!" I yelled delightedly.

  He pulled the tongue back and grinned. "I've got the longest tongue in the world," he said. "If my nose were big enough, I could poke my tongue all the way to the top, down my throat, and back out my mouth again."

  "You couldn't!" I laughed.

  "Probably not." He giggled. "But it's still pretty impressive." He stuck his tongue out again and this time licked around his nostrils, one after the other. It was revolting but hilarious.

  "That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen." I laughed.

  "I bet you wish you could do it," Evra said.

  "I wouldn't, even if I could," I lied. "Don't you get snot all over your tongue?"

  "I don't have any snot," Evra said.

  "What? No snot?"

  "It's true," he said. "My nose is different from yours. There's no snot or dirt or hairs. My nostrils are the cleanest part of my whole body."

  "What does it taste like?" I asked.

  "Lick my snake's belly and you'll find out," he replied. "It's the same taste as that."

  I laughed and said I wasn't that interested!

  Later, when Mr. Crepsley asked me what I'd done all day, I told him: "I made a friend."

  CHAPTER TEN

  We'd been with the cirque two days and nights. I spent my days helping Evra and my nights with Mr. Crepsley, learning about vampires. I was going to bed earlier than I had been, though I rarely hit the sack before one or two in the morning.

 
Evra and I were tight friends. He was older than me, but he was shy — probably because of his abusive childhood — so we made a good team.

  As the third day rolled by, I was gazing around the small groups of vans and cars and tents, feeling like I'd been part of the scene for years.

  I was starting to suffer from the effects of going for too long without drinking human blood. I wasn't as strong as I had been, and couldn't move as quickly as I could before. My eyesight had dulled, and so had my hearing and sense of smell. I was a lot stronger and quicker than I'd been as a human, but I could feel my powers slipping a little more every day.

  I didn't care. I'd rather lose some strength than drink from a human.

  I was relaxing with Evra on the edge of the campsite that afternoon when we spotted a figure in the bushes.

  "Who's that?" I asked.

  "A kid from a nearby village," Evra said. "I've seen him hanging around before."

  I watched the boy in the bushes. He was trying hard not to be seen, but to someone with my powers — fading though they were — he was as obvious as an elephant. I was curious to know what he was doing, so I turned to Evra and said, "Let's have fun."

  "What do you mean?" he asked.

  "Lean in and I'll tell you."

  I whispered my plan in his ear. He grinned and nodded, then stood and pretended to yawn.

  "I'm leaving, Darren," he said. "See you later."

  "See you, Evra," I replied loudly. I waited until he was gone, then stood and walked back to the camp myself.

  When I was out of sight of the boy in the bushes, I went back, using the vans and tents to hide my movements. I walked about a hundred yards to the left, then crept forward until I could see the boy and sneaked toward him.

  I stopped ten yards away. I was a little behind him, so he couldn't see me. His eyes were still glued to the camp. I looked over his head and saw Evra, who was even closer than I was. He made an «okay» sign with his thumb and index finger.

  I crouched down low and moaned.

  "Ohhhh," I groaned. "Wwwooohhhh."

  The boy stiffened and looked over his shoulder nervously. He couldn't see me.