by Hailey Smoke
“No no. I was just wondering. I can find someone who could use it. Not to worry. I’m going to run now. I’ve got to pick up Joel today. He can’t wait to see you race on Sunday.”
“I can’t wait to see him either. Give everyone my love.”
“Ok, dear. Bye! See you on Sunday then!”
I sat in the parking lot for a few minutes after the call ended. When I had sent the tickets off yesterday, I had wondered about the wisdom of including the extra ticket. I had been absolute when I had said I would not bother her ever again but maybe she had reconsidered, and this would be my way of giving her a crack to squeeze through as well. Absentmindedly my hand went to the beaded bracelet I wore on my left wrist. It was still puzzling as to how Serena’s bracelet had gotten into the pocket of my weekend bag. But by the time I had found it I was far away from home. I had slipped it on, and it fit perfectly. Since then it had come off only in the shower. If I couldn’t have her, I would hold on to what I could have.
I pulled out of the parking lot and headed to the condo I was using for the short term. A quick stop at the store got me a few supplies to take me through the week. Whether or not I wanted to admit it I needed to get my life back on track, with or without Serena. After the race on Sunday, I planned to go home just to rest. I also needed to get back to the whole business of house hunting. I would be back on the circuit by the end of August and needed some stability to return to when I wanted to come home. The apartment, though cozy, was just a resting place. It was never intended to be my permanent home. I wondered how it would feel to see Serena again. would we be able to be in the same space together, given what had happened between us? I half contemplated a plan to avoid having to deal with her directly but that would have been just childish. I would only be proving that I was indeed immature, being the younger one.
I parked in my spot and quickly unloaded the vehicle. I pushed all thoughts of Serena to the back of my brain. I had Sunday to think about. After the race then I could contemplate my next move.
* * *
The week went by on wings and all too soon Sunday arrived. I got to the track first thing in the morning. It was one of my favorite things to do. The stillness of the space washed over me as I looked around at the empty pits and stands. It was hard to believe that in a few hours it would be a beehive of activity. I looked at the box where my special guests would be sitting just over the finish line. I rubbed the beads on my wrist as I wished with all my heart for a special person to be there. Many times, over the past few days I had held my phone in hand intending to call Serena. I just wanted to hear her voice, even if it was that damned message recording. I thought about how much better my win would feel knowing that she was by my side.
“Quiet isn’t it. You can hear a pin drop. A direct contrast to what it will be like later.”
I turned at the sound of Mr. Ross’s voice. The older gentleman walked over to me and clapped me on the shoulder.
“Win, lose or draw, it’s been a great year Connor.”
“It has been. I won’t complain. I want to bring this one home for you, sir.”
“You got here. Connor. Many with far more years and experience never make it past the first round. But you’re here. That’s already a win in my book. Just do your best and make us proud. Your lady will be proud of you too.”
I arched my eyebrow questioningly and he smiled. He reached out and flicked the bracelet with his finger.
“Your little good luck charm gives you away.”
I shifted my eyes to look across the track. I shrugged and sighed.
“It’s a bit complicated right now, sir.”
“Life has a way of sorting itself out. Get through the day and let the rest take care of itself. Win this for Annie-Girl.”
“Don’t you mean with Annie-Girl?”
“My grey hairs are not just for fashion, son. I said what I meant.” He winked at me and shuffled down the track. I watched him go and shook my head with a bemused smile.
A few hours later I felt the rush of adrenaline as I heard my name being called over the speakers. The crowd was restless, and the energy was high. I made my way to the team pit to make my final checks.
“Connor! Connor King! Blake Davis from the Observer. Tell me what some of your expectations of the race are today.”
“Hi, Blake. For the race, I just want to do my absolute best.
“With the way you’ve be been driving all season and coming off the high of placing second in the Aussie Prix last year how do you feel about your prospects of winning?”
“I’d like to think my prospects are just as good as anyone else in these finals. We’ve all gone through the prelims, done our times and met the requirements. We’re all at the top of our game today and it is anyone’s race.”
“Is there anyone you want to be keeping an eye on today and using for your benchmark?”
“No. I drive my race. I am my competition. I strive to better my own time and standards.”
“You’ll be driving a new car today, Connor, from the Mercedes line. Having never raced it before how you feel it will stand up to this track?”
“Annie-Girl is tough. She did well in the trials earlier this week and I have no doubt she will cross that in one piece.”
“Annie-Girl? That’s an unusual name for a race car.”
“The name bears some significance for me. My race today, win or lose, is dedicated to the original Annie-Girl. Thanks. I have to go now.”
“Thank you, Connor King, for chatting with us.”
The reporters moved to another pit as I pulled on my helmet and gloves. I took a deep breath and flexed my shoulders. This was it. I closed my eyes as I was strapped into the compact vehicle. The pit team did their final checks. A few moments later I rolled up to the starting line.
13
Serena
“I can get that, mum.” I collected the used dishes from my mother and took them to the sink. I made quick work of getting them washed and into the dish drainer while my mother went to the living room. I smiled as I heard the game show channel. She would never change.
Marjorie Reynolds-Bishop was a game show-cholic but refused to admit it. She had tried to draw both my dad and me into it when I was a child to no avail. She had taken her defeat in being unable to convert us graciously and had satisfied herself with the never-changing antics of her favorite game show hosts.
I grabbed two bottles of water as I joined her on the couch. I handed her one as I looked across at her. As a child, I was often told that I was a miniature of my mother. I had not seen the resemblance until I had gotten older and we would often be mistaken for sisters. Even in her fifties she was still a beautiful woman. Her hair had just a few grey strands but rather than detract from her beauty it gave her more dignity. There were no worry lines in her face, only the slight crinkle of laugh lines around her eyes. Her figure was still trim and was a result of her daily walks from home to the gift shop they operated. Entrepreneurship was in my blood. All my memories of my parents at work had been in the shop they owned. It was inevitable that I would follow in their footsteps and be my own boss. I smiled and saw her smile in response though she was not looking directly at me. She had always had that uncanny ability to see everything I did without looking at me directly.
“Thanks for spending the weekend mum. You were like a breath of fresh air.”
“Think nothing of it, darling. You’ve been the one going back and for the last few visits. I decided it was time to return the courtesy. Besides, how else could I find a television to monopolize today? Today is the Grand Prix and your father will not release the remote today. I know you don’t watch television so here I am. My motives were a bit selfish. Sue me.”
My heart skipped a beat. Grand Prix. Yes, that is what today was. I studiously turned towards the television as I heard the canned audience laughter from the game show. I was not even sure which one this was. The images were a blur as my mind wandered far.
The purple tick
et had been on my desk Wednesday morning when I walked into the office. I had not known what it was at first. But the minute I had seen the words ‘Grand Prix’ and ‘Box seat 26’ I no longer wondered. Connor. The past month and a half had not been easy, but it was becoming more bearable. I was now at a point where I could listen to Lucy prattle on and not feel the need to find a corner, curl up and cry. I had taken a seat and was going through my diary for that day’s showing when Lucy had pushed her head in.
“Connor asked me to give you that. Just in case you want to catch the race live. It’s a box seat. The rest of the family will be going down for the weekend. You can stay with us if you’d like.”
“Oh. Ok.” I had no idea how I had managed to maintain a straight face when inside I felt as if I was melting into a puddle. She had stood looking at me for a while before retreating. I had slipped the ticket into my purse. I was in a quandary as to whether I would even use it. Was this Connor’s way of reaching out once more? What was I expected to do? What would he expect if I did use it? Would I even use it?
I blinked as my mother waved her hand in front of my face.
“Earth to Serena. Come in.”
“I’m right here mum.” I rolled my eyes. “No need to be so melodramatic.”
“Well, I’ve been talking to your body for the last five minutes, but your spirit just wasn’t here. Were you perhaps with the source of your misery for the past weeks?”
I looked at her sharply and she rolled her eyes. So that’s where I had gotten that from.
“Your father and I have been a bit, worried dear. We figured that you would be willing to open up a bit more now that some time has passed. I volunteered to excavate.”
“So, your visit does have an unselfish motive at heart.”
She shrugged. “Let’s be real dear, I could have that remote any time, day or night, or even banish him to the basement with the thirteen inch. Now talk.”
I sighed and leaned my head against the back of the couch. I knew it would have only been a matter of time before I would have to come clean to my parents about Connor. The last time I had been in this position was when I was going through my divorce. That had been a painful conversation, especially given my liability in the whole matter.
I started at the beginning and left nothing out. Apart from the initial raising of her eyebrows at Connor’s age and profession she remained silent and allowed me to speak. I told her everything from the meeting at Joel’s party, looking at houses, the subtle flirtation, the overt flirtation, the date, the sex, everything. I described the weekends we had spent together, the intimate phone calls that had taken place: nothing was left out. I described the morning leading up to the last time I had seen him six weeks ago as he got into the cab and drove out of my life.
We remained silent for a bit. I could see the wheels turning in her head and braced for the barrage of questions. But they never came. My mother simply took my hands in hers and looked me dead in the eye.
“Do you love this Connor fellow Serena?”
As I looked into my mother’s eyes only one word could come out.
“Yes.”
“Then go get him.”
“But what if he doesn’t feel the same way about me? What if I make a fool of myself?”
“What if your nose was a doorpost, where would you put the hinges?”
“Mum! Be serious!”
“I am being serious darling. You can’t live your life in a ‘what if’ zone. There are so many things that we miss out on simply because we don’t take the chance. Now if you go to see him and he tells you to bugger off at least you know. And when you know you can move on. You haven’t moved on yet and you know that. You’re not as weepy as you were a few weeks ago but you’re still hanging around in limbo. Do you think your father and I would have lasted as long as we have without a few issues of our own?”
“You and dad are the perfect couple mum. I can’t see either of you without each other.”
“But we nearly were separated and possibly divorced.”
My eyes opened wide in shock. “What!?”
She sighed and leaned back against the couch.
“You were just about three years old I believe. Your dad and I had been going through a rough patch. Everything that could become an issue in marriage became an issue. The house, the finances, the car payments, the in-laws, other women, other men, everything. When we saw what you went through with Paul, we were tempted to intervene but decided to let things run their course. We’d never liked him for you anyway.”
“Now you tell me.”
“He was a pompous stuffed-shirt jackass. He could never see beyond his reflection and you were just a pretty accessory. Anyway, let’s get back to my story. Your dad and I started to drift. We maintained a façade just for you. We both got caught up in being so right and the other being so wrong that we almost lost sight of why we had gotten married in the first place – love. Things came to a head one evening. You were already asleep, and we were going at it like nothing before. I couldn’t take any more and I told him that I would be moving out by the end of the week. He said over his dead body. Then he said something that I will hold in my heart forever. He said, ‘Marjorie Alvorine Marian Reynolds-Bishop if you walk out that door, I’ll be walking out with you. How dare you even think of leaving me without a heart.’ I just stood staring at him and then he started to cry. And when he started to cry, I started to cry. We just fell apart in each other’s arms and had a good holler. We got into counseling the next day to work through the problems. We learned to communicate. One thing we decided and followed through on was that we would never again leave any loophole or wiggle room for misunderstanding to take up residence in our relationship. Even if what we had to say would be hard for the other person to hear, we were brutally honest and respectful in our honesty. We wanted our marriage and family to stay together until death do us part, although I’ve told him if he dares die before me, I’m going to slap him silly until he wakes up and takes me with him.” She slid over to me and pulled my head down to her shoulder. “If you love Connor, and he loves you, you’re going to have to fight for each other luv. Now go see him. He lives a few minutes, away right?”
“He does. But he’s racing in the Grand Prix finals this evening.”
“Grand Prix Finals. I think he will already have your father’s blessings. Go, son-in-law!”
“Mum!”
“I haven’t met the chap and he sounds ten times better than Paul. So, watch the finals and cheer him on and be waiting on his doorstep when he gets home.”
“I can do better. He sent me a ticket to sit in his box.”
“And you’re still sitting here!? Silly girl! Go! Go!” My mother hustled me up the stairs and into the shower. I was ready in record time. She dropped me at the station and saw to it that I had managed to get a ticket for the next train out.
My heart was in my mouth as I waited for departure. Many times, I thought of taking a cab back home but knew I couldn’t face my mother with my cold feet. I boarded and found a seat by the window. Slowly the engine started up and we moved off slowly. The scene moved from my being able to identify individual things to everything becoming one big moving blur. It was kind of the way my life had gone over the past few months.
With every turn of the wheels that brought me closer to this crossroads at which I found myself, my heart flip-flopped. Was I doing the right thing? As we pulled into the London station and I disembarked I prayed that I would not regret the bold move I had made.
14
Connor
I could feel my heart pounding in my ears as I completed lap fifty-one. Every nerve ending in my body was on high alert. One more lap to go. I had been making record time with my laps and pit stops and now that the end was in view I felt as if I was going to lose it. I focused my attention on the track through the narrow strip of the windscreen.
“Come on Annie-Girl. This is it, baby. We’ve got this.”
The counter
was running so fast the numbers seemed to be running into each other. I pressed the accelerator harder still when I made the eighteenth turn. Only two more turns. Brakes screamed and engines raced. The crowd was a blur. I shut it all out. Turn nineteen. One more to go. I saw the counter go red as it hit the one-minute mark. This was my fastest lap time ever! I felt the car shudder beneath me as I floored the gas pedal completely. Turn twenty! I held my breath. The home stretch. That was when everything seemed to unfold in slow motion. Those were the longest five seconds I had ever experienced in my entire life. I felt as if I was floating. The numbers started to dance. I could identify the faces in the crowd. Annie-Girl and I became one. A black and white blur flashed across my peripheral vision as time re-asserted itself. I came to a grinding halt and felt my body go into shock. I couldn’t even hear myself over the screams of the crowd. I had won. I…had…won? I HAD WON!!!
“We won baby girl! We won!!!” I quickly unstrapped and leaped out of the car. I jumped on to the hood and held my arms up in victory. My pit team was on me in a flash as I was hoisted up onto their shoulders. The crowd was going crazy. I looked around at the finish line where my family would be. I jumped back into the car and reversed it to the box.
“Connor!” Lucy was waving madly. I ran to her with a grin and planted a big sloppy kiss on her forehead. I hugged my mum tightly and received congratulatory hugs from my dad and Matt. The flashbulbs from the press had not stopped going off. A huge bottle of champagne was pushed into my hands and I went back down to the car. I shook the bottle vigorously and pulled the cork. My face felt as if it was going to split wide open from grinning so hard. I couldn’t believe I had won. At only twenty-four and driving for less than five years, I had won the London Grand Prix.
“Connor! Connor King! The winner of the London Grand Prix! How does it feel to be the winner and with a record-breaking time at that?” the loudspeakers crackled as I gave my victory interview. I saw my face come up on the big screen as the reporter pushed the microphone into my face.