“This is not fucking happening right now.” The words escape my lips then something slams into the back of the head. Hard. The room spins as my body falls to the concrete patio.
Chapter Two
Ainsley
‡
Spots dance in my vision as the familiar face hovers over mine. “Are you okay?” His voice washes over me, making memories surface that my heart can’t handle. “Shit, don’t move. Let me have a look.”
“Promise me you’ll love me forever…”
“Forever is just where we begin, Ainsley.”
His forever was a damn joke…
“Adam?” I ask in disbelief, pushing back the memories and all those empty promises he spouted years ago. I can’t let them come crashing back, they’ll only continue to destroy me.
Just his name on my lips causes a shiver to run down my spine. Everything about him, even in high school, screamed bad boy. Forbidden, and yet, I was completely fascinated. Part of me envied how he took no shit from anyone, but even more, I wanted him.
You had him too, Ainsley.
I did and just one taste of him had me coming undone, and that’s the problem. He hooked me, then threw me back, yet the hook is still embedded. I want him with an ache that in four years, has never ceased. I just learned to live with it while living without the love I had grown to need. The pain of missing him, of losing him, is throbbing as if it were a freshly cut wound now with his hands cupping my face.
Nothing you can do about it, Ainsley. He got what he really wanted from you and walked away.
“Yeah, it’s me.” His fingers run along my forehead. My heart is beating so rapidly, I know that he has to feel it too. “You okay? That waiter didn’t see you when he swung the doors open.”
“I… I… I’m fine,” I stammer as he lifts me into a chair.
Remembering that I am in a dress, I scramble to right myself before I end up on social media news feeds across the world as the next ass flasher. Squatting down, Adam pushes up his sunglasses and I get the first glimpse, in over four years, of those blue eyes that used to render me speechless in high school. I study his features. The black hair that used to curl over his collar is shorter now, no longer hiding his face. A goatee now frames that intense jawline that I always preferred studying instead of my books.
My eyes drift downward to his hands as they settle on the chair on either side of me. The tribal ink on his arms is only visible from his elbows down to his wrists, though I know it runs all the way up to his shoulders and spans his back.
“You don’t look fine, you’re all flushed,” Adam whispers, slipping my glasses from my face. Reaching up, he tucks my hair behind my ear and I have to resist nuzzling into his palm. I look up into his eyes, unable to help being sucked into the vortex that is Adam James. That shy, sexy smile plays across his lips and all of a sudden, it’s like not a day has passed. I am seventeen again and Adam James only has eyes for me.
“Ainsley, what’s going on?” Elliot’s voice breaks the moment.
A growl rumbles up from Adam’s chest as he pushes to his feet. Turning to face Elliot, Adam’s eyes harden. “Becker.”
“James,” Elliot says, shoving past him. “Darling, are you alright? Should we call an ambulance?” His hands cup my face, but I feel nothing like I did moments ago when Adam was touching me. My body rejecting anything to do with Elliot, my heart forcing my eyes up to meet Adam’s. He almost looks pained, but the moment I think I see it, it’s gone.
He shoves down his sunglasses, denying me his eyes, as he smirks. “You gonna make it, princess?”
My blood boils at hearing him use the name I was taunted with growing up. Shoving to my feet, I glare at him. “Don’t call me that, Adam,” I bite out, angry with him for trying to hurt me.
Hasn’t he done that enough?
His smile only widens, “Why, I think you fit the bill perfect, baby.” His endearment is cold and causes Elliot to wrap an arm around me, pulling me into his side. “Look at you, livin’ the dream life. All that’s missing is the tiara; but hey, I’m sure Elliot won’t keep you waitin’ on that too long.”
Just as he intended, his snide comment is a direct hit. The words sting, tears threatening to fall any moment. I won’t let him see me cry again. Never again will I give Adam James one single tear. The man who I spent four years missing, loving, needing, has just lumped me in with everything that I refuse to become and it does more than hurt.
It pisses me off.
“You’re such a bastard, Adam.” Pushing out of Elliot’s grasp, I shove by Adam and storm into the building.
Tables and faces are a blur as I shuffle by, hurrying to the bathroom. The moment I am inside, I slide down the back of the door until my ass hits the tile floor. My manners forgotten entirely as I let the tears flow freely now that no one can see me fall apart.
I gave that man a piece of my heart and soul and he threw it back in my face. I shared my hopes and dreams with Adam. He knew everything I wanted in life, and so much more, none of which had anything to do with Elliot Becker or the standards my family expected me to live up to. He knows me better than anyone and he is using it to hurt me.
Swiping the tears angrily, I stand and right myself. Stepping up to the sink I splash some water on my face and erase the remains of my breakdown. Staring at my reflection, I mentally prepare myself to explain the incident to my mother since I know Elliot has gone straight back to tell her everything.
Blowing out a breath, I yank open the door and come slam into a hard chest. “Lose somethin’?”
Shuffling back, I look up and see Adam watching me carefully. Extending his hand, he holds out my glasses. “Yes, I did,” I reply, reaching out to take them.
“No ‘thank you’ for your knight in ripped Wranglers?” Adam asks, in mock horror. “Why, Ainsley Carter, your mother must be so proud!”
“You don’t know anything about me, Adam,” I ground out, reaching for my glasses but miss when he yanks them back.
“Oh, I don’t, huh?” Stepping closer to me, Adam closes me in between him and the wall. Leaning down, his lips nearly touch my ear as he chuckles. “That’s where you’re wrong. I’m the only one who will ever know the real you. It’s a shame you let her die, she was beautiful.”
“You’re a bastard,” I breathe, as the tears threaten again. Why is he tormenting me?
Leaning back, Adam winks at me and hands me my glasses. “Enjoy your lunch, princess. I better get back to the office,” he says before shoving down the hall and out the rear exit of the restaurant.
After taking a moment to catch my breath, I head back out to the table where my mother sits impatiently tapping her fingernails on her wine glass. “Ainsley, what on earth has taken you so long?” she asks the moment I sit back down at the table. “Elliot says you had some sort of accident.”
My eyes fly to Elliot, who nods as he sips his lemonade. Looking back to my mother, I nod. “Yes, I wasn’t paying attention. I’m fine, really.” My hand runs through my hair, making me wince when I brush over the bump starting to form already.
She studies me for a moment, but eventually nods. “Well, leave it to you, Ainsley, to make lunch at the Grille suspenseful and entertaining.”
*
By the time we’ve eaten, my head is throbbing, but not from the bump. My mother hasn’t stopped talking about all the plans for the next few weeks. “Now that you’re home, dear, we have to get the ball rolling. You and Elliot can begin dating properly so you’ll be officially engaged by summer’s end. We can have a beautiful wedding planned by next spring,” she offers, making my stomach knot painfully. “Elliot’s mother found the most wonderful photographer to do the announcement photos. I’ll let her bring you up to speed on Friday, but we’ve already set up an appointment for September so that we can announce your engagement in all the papers. Your wedding will be the biggest event this town has seen in years.”
Standing to leave, I have to lock my knees after all the ‘wedd
ing’ talk. Elliot’s hand finds the small of my back as we walk out to the parking lot. I attempt to walk faster, but he keeps up with my pace. “This will work so much better, if you stop fighting it, Ainsley,” Elliot says when we reach my mother’s car.
“Why are you going along with it?” I ask, unable to believe that he actually loves me.
Blowing out a breath, he shoves his hands in the front pockets of his dress pants. “Who knows you better than I do, Darling? I mean, we’ve known each other all our lives,” he shrugs. “Besides, I don’t get access to my trust fund until I’m married and I know you won’t bleed me dry.”
Shouts and banging draw my attention to the roof and I spot Adam watching us, a hammer in his right hand. His face is emotionless as he stares at me, nothing like it used to be.
Elliot’s eyes follow mine and he nods. “That explains running into him here,” he grumbles, and I bristle.
“That he’s working?” I ask. “He’s lived here all his life too, Elliot. I’m sure he’s eaten here before.”
His eyes widen, “That’s not what I meant, Ainsley.”
“No, I know it isn’t what you meant, Elliot. That’s the problem.”
“You would think you’d be a little less sympathetic to his lot in life after what happened between you two.”
My fists ball at my side the second the comment leaves his lips and I see fucking red. Few people really know what happened between Adam and me, other than the Beckers, but the fact that Elliot is throwing it in my face has me ready to erupt like a volcano right here on the sidewalk. Damn the passersby, damn the whole fucking world, because everywhere I turn someone is judging me today.
That’s not fucking okay with me.
“You know, Elliot—”
“I am so thankful we got out of there before that started back up.” My mother’s voice interrupts our conversation. “Unbelievable racket. Just the thought of having to listen to that makes my head hurt.”
“I’ll see you later, Ainsley,” Elliot croons, placing a light kiss on my cheek before opening the door for me.
“Lovely to see you, Elliot,” my mother says opening her car door.
Climbing into the car, I don’t look at Elliot. Manners are the furthest thing from my mind right now. All I can see is Adam pulling his shirt over his head and dropping it behind him before grabbing a piece of plywood. My mouth suddenly goes dry, all my rage is forgotten while my eyes lock on his jean clad thighs and how his tool belt hangs loosely around his hips. I can’t help watching every move he makes, shamelessly. His wide shoulders and back, tanned from working in the sun, the muscles flexing with every move he makes. Memories of how that body once felt against mine, skin on skin, floods back making me shudder.
“You could, at least, keep your tongue in your mouth, Ainsley Michelle.” My mother’s scolding tone makes me roll my eyes. “For God’s sake, and right in front of Elliot, too.”
“Let it go, mother,” I reply, turning myself toward the window.
“He gave you up, remember?” she continues as if I never spoke. “Those thoughts you’re having right now lead to actions and those have repercussions for all of us. Tread carefully.”
“Adam and I are over, mother,” I snap, the words burning my lips as I speak them. “I may not have been the one who called it off, but I sure remember it all too well.”
Chapter Three
Adam
‡
“Pass me that box of nails would ya, Sebastio?” I shout above the sound of the sound of nail guns and power saws as we put the roof of the Garden Grille together. The sun beats down on me and I welcome the burning of the sun. It sure as fuck feels better than having a hole punched in my chest again at the sight of seeing Ainsley.
“Fuck roofing, man,” Sebastio complains, tossing me the box. “It’s hotter than hell up here. At least on my boat, I can dive in the water to cool off.”
“That’s why you never catch anything you lazy fuck. You’re too busy jerkin’ off,” I reply.
Wiping his forehead with the back of his hand, he shakes his head. “I never jerk off when I’m out on the water, man. If I pull out the Ol’ Salty, the only thing I’ll catch is every woman from here to Boston.”
“There is nothing okay with anything that just came out of your mouth,” I deadpan. “Seriously, why do I take you in public?”
“Shit, I just want to know what you did before me.” Grabbing the nail gun at his feet, he grins. “I can’t wait until Friday, you know what rhymes with Friday, Adam?” When I don’t answer, Sebastio steps closer, his boots now right in front of me. “Rum.”
I laugh, hammering the first three nails to secure the shingles now that the new boards are in place. “I don’t think it does, bro.”
“It’s your crushing of my dreams that is seriously tearing this friendship apart. What about my dream of becoming a pirate?” he asks, glaring down at me. “Are you going to ruin that too?”
Holding up my right hand, hammer and all, I shake my head in mock horror. “I fully support your quest, Captain Cock Swallow. There’s a power saw with your name on it any time you decide to get fitted for that peg leg.”
“That’s all I ask.” Satisfied with my answer, Sebastio walks over to Donnie, our crew manager, leaving me to my work.
The noise around me fades into the background as I try to focus on the task at hand, but she invades my thoughts. The only woman I ever loved, or would ever love. I was no more than a toy in her game. I thought what we had was love, a chance at forever with someone who understood me. Every time she said she loved me, I fucking believed it, all while it was nothing but her chance to slum it in middle class before she became who she is really supposed to be.
The days at my father’s cabin were the best of my life. While lying beneath the stars on the dock, I listened to Ainsley tell me all about how she hated everything they wanted her to be. Nothing about that life appealed to her and more than anything she wanted to just disappear, with me.
“We could just leave, Adam.” Leaning up on her forearms, she watches me carefully. “After graduation, we can just pack up and go. Start our lives somewhere else, anywhere that my family isn’t.”
Pulling her down against my chest, I crush her lips to mine. Softly and slowly I take her mouth, my hands sliding into her brown waves. The sweet taste of her only makes me sure of one thing: I’d do anything for this woman. “That’s what we’ll do then, Ainsley. Where you go, I’ll go. Always.”
Except she didn’t want me to. She made decisions about our future, life altering choices, all without giving me a second thought. I hate that, in all this time, she still haunts me. I hate how just seeing her brings up all this shit that I buried. Most of all, I hate that I still love her so much.
Ainsley
Early Friday afternoon, I walk through the foyer of the enormous house that should be comforting to me, but the deafening silence damn near making me stir crazy. I’ve been home for days, but haven’t left the house. I don’t know what I was thinking even coming back here in the first place. Everything in Kittery reminds me of Adam.
Elliot calls and has sent flowers, all in the effort to win me over, but it isn’t working. Even though my mother scolds me for my lack of manners, I cut the calls short and every gift sent is left untouched. I have eaten in my room, though even if I had gone downstairs, my parents don’t eat there either. I’ve said a handful of words to my father, mostly by phone. Busy man running an empire, apparently. My mother pushes and nags, only to dive for the safety of her suite where I am just as happy as she is for her to remain.
“Lunch was lovely, Martha” my mother says to our housekeeper, her heels clicking across the floor as she heads for the marble staircase that leads to her suite. “Oh, Ainsley, there you are. Be ready at six if you want to greet your father before Elliot arrives. After days of ignoring the sweet gifts he has sent, the least you can do is be ready on time when he comes to pick you up.” Her tone leaving no room for doubt. I am ex
pected to be downstairs and ready at six and that’s that.
Rolling my eyes, I bite my lip in an effort to mind my manners. It would be considered rude if I told her what I really want to do. I have no business speaking out of turn. I don’t get a vote in my own life.
Without a word, I head down the hallway toward my room, sure that she won’t follow. Sitting at my desk, I kick off my shoes and exhale roughly as I stare at the ceiling.
“Don’t allow yourself to hide away in here,” Martha says, shoving into the room with a handful of dresses on hangers. “You really should open the drapes, let the light of life filter in. The sun is nature’s very own mood booster,” she scolds, lying them onto the bed, she walks over to the window and she jerks open the drapes, letting the sun fill the room. Kneeling on the padded window seat, she flings them open wide and I can’t help turning my chair to stare out at the water. The only thing I loved about living in this house was the view from my bedroom window.
The ocean.
The horizon as far as you can see and endless limitations beyond it. A world of opportunity laid at my feet, ripe for the taking. I used to sit there on the window seat and dream of all I would do once I escaped here. I felt like a prisoner, locked away in this life, with no one to rescue me.
Until Adam.
He was my knight, even if I know now he didn’t want to be. He gave me the hope that I could leave this life and have something for myself that meant more than money and possessions.
So much for hopes and dreams, huh?
“I won’t let you sit in this room and hide away. Cabin fever will turn you into a homicidal maniac, I’ve seen it in the magazines at the grocery store. I have no idea why in the hell you ever came back in the first place.” The years have been good to her, even as hard as she works around here. Her black hair is peppered with white and she has laugh lines that show her age now, but being able to laugh at all around here is a damn miracle.
“It’s good to be home,” I lie.
Blue Colla Make Ya Holla Page 48