by Ford, Linda;
Buck lifted him up and held him so they were face to face. From his first glimpse of the baby he’d known he was Maximillian’s son. The same dark hair, the same dark eyes, the same full lips. But the look of determination was all Sophia. He shifted Maxie to one arm. The little boy pressed his face to Buck’s shoulder in a loving gesture.
Buck’s heart filled with an unfamiliar feeling that he couldn’t identify, but if he had to, he would say it was affection so strong it pushed aside every other feeling.
Sophia kept her head turned down, as if focusing on the garment on her lap, but her hands were idle.
He lowered himself to the ground beside her. “What are you making?”
She cleared her throat. “A shirt for Maxie.” She held up the pieces she had started to stitch together. “Niteesh gave me the doeskin. Isn’t it lovely?” She looked across at the other woman. “Thank you.”
Niteesh smiled and nodded as she prepared tea for Buck and Tarek. Tarek hung the quail they’d shot beside the tent then sat across from Buck.
Niteesh handed the cups of tea around and gave the two children hard biscuits to chew on.
Tarek studied Sophia and then shifted his gaze to Buck.
Buck met his friend’s look with what he hoped would appear as indifference.
Tarek’s expression never changed, but Buck saw his smile in his eyes. “She is strong woman. Good woman for Buck.”
Buck managed to keep from reacting. Beside him, Sophia’s head jerked up and she looked at Tarek.
Buck stared straight ahead as Sophia’s gaze came to him and burned a trail along his jaw. He would not move. He would not let anyone guess how the words had startled him, revealing a truth he tried so hard to ignore.
He liked Sophia’s determination and strength. She was the kind of woman who would face whatever life threw at her and come out fighting. He liked that in a woman.
Had liked it in Edie, he reminded himself, and look what had happened to her. The last thing he needed in his life was the complication of a headstrong woman.
Sophia turned back to the couple across from them. “I am not his woman.”
Niteesh smiled. Tarek nodded. They did not take her words seriously.
“She is not my woman,” Buck echoed, even though he knew they would choose to believe whatever they wanted.
He set Maxie beside Sophia, ignoring the child’s protests. He pushed to his feet. “I have wagons to take care of.” He strode away as if he needed to take care of urgent business and didn’t slow down until he reached his circle of wagons. Of course they weren’t his wagons. They belonged to those he’d guided from Independence. Luke, Warren, and Judith were involved in an animated discussion. Mary Mae and Donna Grace added their comments.
His guide, Gil, saw him and joined him. “The ladies are planning a traditional Christmas dinner. Judith and her brothers have different customs than Mary Mae and Donna Grace. I’m not sure how they are going to resolve the matter.” He leaned against the back of the wagon, next to Buck. “I’ve decided to stay out of the discussion and let them figure it out themselves.”
Buck observed the others. “I remember roast goose and dressing. I’d think the best they could do would be roast venison.”
Gil didn’t look at Buck but Buck felt his study.
“Are you getting restless to be on your way somewhere?”
He understood Gil’s question. Buck didn’t care to hang about in one place long. If he wasn’t guiding a wagon train, he would often be out hunting or even just exploring. It surprised him to realize he hadn’t felt the urge to leave. “I’ll stick around and see how the Christmas celebrations go.” He hadn’t been part of Christmas since the last one he shared with Edie before they left their home to prepare for the trip to Oregon. He didn’t recall Christmas being much of an event any time he’d been at Bent’s Fort that time of year. The difference this year was Polly’s excitement and determination to have a Christmas to remember.
“It is kind of exciting to think of celebrating the season in a special way,” Gil said. “Especially with children to share it with.” Gil’s adopted daughter, Anna, played at Donna Grace’s feet.
Buck wished he could deny the pang of longing that swept through him. Luke, Warren, and Gil had been back and forth on the Santa Fe Trail with Buck many times. They were all married now, with children. He, alone, remained single.
He thought of Sophia and Maxie. Something deep inside laid a silent claim to them. Utter nonsense. He pushed away from the wagon. “I’ve got things to do.” He strode away, realized he headed into the open plain, shifted direction and aimed for the fort.
He checked all the animals in the corral then returned to the courtyard.
Sophia entered the gate, Maxie in her arms.
Now that he could see them, his restlessness ended.
She noticed him watching her and drew to a stop. Her gaze held his, drew him like a thirsty horse to water. Slowly, he crossed the yard.
“How is the shirt coming along?”
“Good.”
He took Maxie. “He will be one handsome lad in it.”
She smiled. “He’s handsome without it.”
“That he is.” They laughed together.
He didn’t remember moving but somehow they reached the portico and sat side by side on one of the benches, Maxie contentedly in his arms.
They didn’t speak. He felt no need for words. Her presence at his side was all he needed. People moved about in the open square. Some traders went into the trade room. One of the Mexican children chased a ball along one side of the square. All peaceful activities that echoed the feelings inside him: life was pretty good at the moment.
The women who had been by the wagon train earlier entered with their children, still in deep discussion.
“They’re planning a Christmas dinner,” Buck murmured.
“Polly will be pleased.” Sophia chuckled softly. “It seems the child can’t get enough of Christmas.”
“Let’s hope it makes up for all the hard things she’s had to deal with.”
“Can anything make up for losses?”
He shifted to look into her face. “It must have been hard to lose Maximillian.”
She lifted one shoulder in a half dismissive gesture. “I shouldn’t have expected it to last forever. Or even to be good.”
“Why not? Don’t you deserve good things?” He thought she deserved the best.
She considered him for a moment, her eyes filled with the green of a pine tree. Then she blinked. “I think if my own father didn’t care enough to hang around, I shouldn’t be surprised if no other man does.”
Denial rose within him. He couldn’t imagine leaving her if they were married, which, of course, they weren’t, nor would they be. “Maximillian died. That’s not the same as purposely leaving you.”
“He left me in most ways long before he died.”
She might have thought she hid her hurt, but he saw it in her eyes. Felt it inside his chest like someone had slashed his heart with a knife. Not that he was surprised. He knew what Maximillian was like. It had been his reason for warning him not to marry Sophia. But now that he was growing to see the kind of woman she was, it amazed him that Maximillian hadn’t gladly changed to become the sort of husband she deserved.
“I’m sorry.” Words were so inadequate. If they’d been in private he would have pulled her to his chest and held her until all her pain disappeared. He had to settle for squeezing her hand, pleasantly surprised when she turned her palm to his and gripped hard. He gladly offered her his strength.
The tense lines framing her eyes faded and a smile touched her lips. “Is this part of your promise to protect me?”
His mouth widened into a smile. “I suppose so.” He would gladly shield her from harm and hurt, from pain and disappointment. But a portion of his brain protested.
If he let himself care too much, who would keep him from pain and disappointment?
5
Sophia forced herself to release Buck’s hand. She shouldn’t have said what she did about her father. It made her sound weak and needy. But when Buck offered his hand, she couldn’t resist hanging on.
“I need to see to the wagons and stock.” He shifted Maxie to the bench beside her and hurried away.
She could finally breathe without a hitch in her chest. Without her heart tumbling over and over as if rolling down a steep hill.
Mary Mae, Donna Grace, and Judith angled her direction, all of them talking at once.
“We’re having a special Christmas dinner.”
“Just for us. You know, those of us who came in on Buck’s wagon train.”
“We’ve all become family, as much from traveling together as by our marriages.”
Sophia knew that excluded her and tried not to mind. They made their way to the dining room for the noon meal. Buck did not join those eating there. Again, she tried not to mind. She ate without saying more than a word or two as the others chattered about their plans, and once the meal was over, she hurried to her room for Maxie to have a nap.
As soon as he fell asleep, she began work on the little shirt. Again, tears clouded her eyes and she was forced to set her sewing aside. Why did her heart yearn for things she couldn’t have?
She had never known her father and that left an ache inside. Maximillian had not loved her as she needed, and another bleeding wound had been dealt to her heart. His parents’ rejection and then threat to Maxie hollowed out more of her heart.
And she missed her mama.
Mama had given her a small Bible upon her marriage to Maximillian… only the New Testament which meant it was small enough she’d been able to carry it with her. She’d read parts of it in the past and now she pulled it from her travel bag and opened it. She caressed the cover.
“Oh, Mama, what would you advise me to do?”
Words said often filled her mind. Trust God. Turn to Him and ask His help. Never let the actions of others dictate how you act or even how you feel.
Sophia hadn’t done any of those things. “I’m sorry, Mama.” She wiped her eyes and opened the Bible. Mama had told Sophia how she had found her faith through reading the Gospel of John so Sophia turned to that passage and began to read. She read and read, drinking in the Word like a parched land drinks in refreshing rain. Finally, her heart bursting with assurance, she looked up. She knew a God who loved, who saw all needs, who provided. She could trust Him to take care of her.
Why had she not sought this comfort before?
She couldn’t wait to share this precious knowledge with Buck and she didn’t even try to analyze why she should be so eager to do so.
Maxie wakened and she took him down the steps. Judith and Donna Grace also left their rooms, their babies likewise refreshed from a nap.
Sophia let Maxie play with the other children and sat working on his new shirt as the other ladies discussed their plans for the special Christmas dinner.
At least she would have this garment to give to Maxie.
She lifted the garment. Something wasn’t quite right with the sleeve. She wondered if she had made a mistake cutting it or if there was a special way to make it fit. But rather than ask her friends and distract them from their conversation, she folded the soft skin, tucked into her skirt pocket, and picked up Maxie.
Mary Mae looked up. “Are you going somewhere?”
“To see Niteesh.” She had told her friend about the Indian woman. “I need her to show me how to make the doeskin shape into the sleeve.”
Mary Mae nodded and Sophia made her way to the gate. Outside, she stopped to look about, making sure no more strangers had joined those outside the gate and wondering if she would see Buck. Perhaps he had gone hunting again.
She turned to the right. It wasn’t as if she needed him guarding her. Unless newcomers arrived, everyone in and around the fort was known to Buck.
Niteesh saw her approach and hurried out to greet her. “You have tea?”
“I’d love to.” She set Maxie on his feet to play with Lola.
“Your man with my man,” Niteesh said.
“He’s not my man.” Sophia knew there was little point in arguing with Niteesh. She would believe what she wanted to believe. Still, she had to make it as clear as she could.
They drank tea and laughed at their children.
After a bit, Sophia withdrew the shirt from her pocket and held it up. “Why does this sleeve not fit properly?”
Niteesh took the garment, nodding as she examined it. She pulled out a few stitches and pulled the top of the sleeve over her fingers, stretching the soft leather into a curve. She handed it back to Sophia.
“Now it fit.”
“Perfect. Thank you.”
Niteesh got to her feet. “You and Maxie come with me.” She picked up Lola.
Curious, Sophia picked up Maxie and went with Niteesh toward the river. Some horses grazed on the dry grass. They reached scraggly, thick bushes and Niteesh lead along a little path until they reached the river. The water curved away in a wide arc and Niteesh continued that direction.
They rounded the curve and Sophia stopped. Ahead, Buck sat by the edge of the river, fishing.
Why was Niteesh taking her here? They stopped a few feet from Buck. Maxie begged to get down. Sophia released him and he ran to Buck who laughed and took him in his arms.
Niteesh put Lola on the ground and she sidled up to Buck, shy but wanting the attention of this big man.
Buck propped his fishing rod against a rock and pulled the little girl to his knee, smiling from one child to the other.
Sophia blinked hard. What was wrong with her that tears were so close to the surface the last day?
Niteesh found two fishing rods among the bushes. “I bring earlier,” she said, as she handed one to Sophia.
“I’ve never fished.”
“Just hang hook in water.” Niteesh did that, looking as relaxed as if she was having a nap. She looked at Sophia. “Sit. Fish.”
Sophia laughed and sat down, just inches from Buck. Because, she excused herself, she must keep an eye on Maxie. She let her line dangle in the water. If this was fishing, it wasn’t half bad.
Niteesh flicked her line and brought up a fish.
Sophia squinted at her line, jiggled it up and down, and then raised it out of the water to stare at the hook. “How’d she do that?” she grumbled.
Buck laughed. “Could be practice?” He waited a moment and added, “And patience?”
She narrowed her eyes at him.
He did his best to look innocent but his eyes twinkled and gave away his amusement.
She laughed. “And I have neither.” She lowered her line into the water and sat back. After a moment, she sighed loud and long.
“It sounds like you’ve used up all your patience.”
She nodded, grinning. “I seem to have a very short supply.”
Lola crawled from Buck’s lap and went to her mother. Maxie shifted, claiming more of Buck for himself.
Sophia smiled but it, too, lived a short life. Why was she letting Maxie get used to Buck’s attention? Far too soon she would leave, perhaps go with the others to California, and Buck would continue to go back and forth on the Santa Fe Trail. Remembering the comfort and strength she had experienced reading the Bible, she asked, “Do you have a Bible?”
He looked at the water, adjusted his fishing rod before he answered. “I did have. I suppose it is with the things I left behind after Edie died. I can’t rightly say where any of those things are now. Why?”
“My mama gave me a little New Testament and I read some of it today. It was good.”
“In what way?” He shifted Maxie to the side so he could look at her more closely.
“I felt so encouraged—maybe that isn’t the right word.” She shrugged. “I don’t know if I can describe it. But reading about how God made all things, about there being life and light in Him, about His grace and the way He showed Himself to mankind… so
mehow it just made me feel like I could trust Him.” It sounded feeble as she tried to put her thoughts into words and yet it had meant so much. She kept her eyes on the fishing line, not wanting to see a reaction from Buck that would minimize her feelings.
He began to speak, his words so soft she strained to hear him. “I haven’t thought much about trusting God since Edie died. I worried more about obeying Him in the hopes He would then keep bad things from happening.” He gave a mirthless laugh. “Guess I hoped if a person obeyed all the rules—both man’s and God’s—that no ill would befall them.” He drew in a breath and paused.
She waited, letting him take all the time he needed to sort his thoughts.
“I’ve seen over and over that bad things happen to good and bad people alike. I’ve seen those same things drive some people to bitterness and others to worship. Can’t say as it makes sense and I’ve come to the conclusion that God is the same always and it’s us that chooses which way to go—to be bitter or better.”
His words warmed her heart. And amused her too. “Bitter or better. I like that.”
They grinned at each other.
“I think I’ll try and be better, with God’s help,” she said.
“Me, too. Maybe I’ll see if I can find a Bible to read.”
“I could bring mine and we could read it together.” Her cheeks warmed at her offer. It sounded far too intimate to think of them sitting together to read the pages of her Bible. And yet, at the same time, it sounded sweet and comforting.
“I’d like that.”
She leaned forward. “Where’s Niteesh?”
Buck stared at the emptiness beside him. “She must have left. I didn’t even notice.”
“Nor did I.” Had Niteesh purposely left them? She probably had, seeing as she considered Buck Sophia’s man. Her cheeks burned. By rights she should return to the fort. But she hadn’t caught a fish yet.
They sat side by side, Maxie contentedly playing on Buck’s lap. They talked about their families. She learned his parents lived at Big Creek, Ohio where they had a farm and that he had an older brother, Hank, who farmed with them.
“There wasn’t enough land for all of us and Edie was eager to head west.”