Sangwoo releases the urgency of my agreement to his initiation contract. He does not mention or attempt to coerce me into thinking about it any further.
“I can get a taxi,” I offer. I don’t want to take up his time anymore. I feel as though I have intruded on his world enough.
A look comes across Sangwoo’s face as though I have offended him. “I’m not going to let you take a taxi home, May.”
I want to tell him I have been walking, taking taxis, riding buses, and sometimes biking home my entire life. Why does it all have to change now that he is in my life? I look down at the chain hanging from Sangwoo’s neck.
A deep wave of familiarity rolls over me again.
I feel it in my bones that I have met Choi Sangwoo before. I have seen those eyes and heard that voice before. There was a reason why he disappeared from my life. Now, I am afraid of the reason why he is back.
Memories are very hard to find, especially if they don’t wish to be found.
I look back up and catch the smoldering, intense, and slightly dangerous look in those brown eyes.
“Let’s head out,” Sangwoo says in a quiet tone.
I find my feet following his orders, even though my heart shakes.
CHAPTER SEVEN
The 320i turns out to be a 2013 BMW coupe in the color of a dreamy midnight blue. The entire interior is a contrast of black, white, and blue lights outlining the daunting texture of the car. The entire coupe is blackout; the darkness encases its occupants in a manner that is borderline suffocating. Even the leather seats reflect the madness of what an obscene amount of money can buy.
Aside from wondering what kind of superhuman power Choi Sangwoo has, I marvel at the fact this is car number three since his appearance in my life.
He insists on taking me home. I want to argue, but when Sangwoo unleashes his street gaze on me, I relent. The only argument I can come up with–regarding the power Sangwoo has over me–is it’s all imaginary. I am giving into him because I am curious, but the reserved apprehension I have is real.
During the car ride to my apartment, Sangwoo keeps the conversation light. He wants to know how I ended up working two jobs, what I want to do with a psychology degree, and why I choose to be a loner. Sangwoo appears to be especially interested in my answers as if he’s filling in the gaps that a background report missed. We end up discussing superficial things among trivial matters, never mentioning the initiation contract he previously proposed. I find myself thankful for Sangwoo’s natural ability to cause a mental diversion. I don’t think my head can handle the amount of information I am now responsible for.
He’s giving you time and space to let it sink in; it’s all part of his master plan! My intuition takes off her glasses and boxing gloves.
“Do you always drive different cars in a day?”
We are walking through East Point to my apartment. The cool summer breeze distracts the heat boiling inside me. Just like last night, Sangwoo is walking a step behind me, always letting me lead the way around my territory. He has a contemplative look on his face.
“Yes,” Sangwoo answers shortly. “Mainly for safety reasons.”
“Safety reasons,” I echo with contemplation.
“From those who are hunting me.” Sangwoo’s facial expression is set, almost expectant that I should already be aware of this aspect.
All I can muster up is a weak, “Oh.” That explains a lot. Or a little. I frown at my inability to garner a clear response from him. It’s always so vague and cryptic. I suppose all gang leaders suffer from this silence-is-golden syndrome.
As we near my apartment door, thoughts of Sangwoo hugging me last night creep into my mind. I do my best to strike down the alarming memory. I gather the courage and glance at Sangwoo, wondering with slight indifference if he’s thinking the same.
Apparently, his thoughts attend to facts that are more important. Sangwoo is not looking at me at all. Instead, his gaze is straight ahead. His eyebrows furrow together. Abruptly, Sangwoo extends a hand and stops me in my tracks. I follow his fixated gaze toward my apartment door and see what has Sangwoo wary.
A lone figure leans against the side of my apartment door.
I blink deliberately to focus in the darkness.
“Don’t move.” Sangwoo’s voice is barely above a whisper. His right hand moves towards the left side of his blazer. Long, extended fingers disappear into his blazer.
I realize with a start that Sangwoo carries a weapon. Of course he carries a weapon. He’s a gang leader. What do you expect? My intuition rolls her eyes; she’s not impressed.
“Wait.” I make a feeble attempt to stop Sangwoo from jumping the gun, literally. Placing my hand softly on his arm, I feel Sangwoo stiffen.
In the middle of my panicked state–believing that the stranger standing in front of my apartment door is an assassin sent by Mayhem to kill me, and disbelief that Choi Sangwoo has a weapon to kill the supposed assassin–it takes me a few more seconds to recognize the familiar outline of the figure.
She is petite and my height; a thick black hood covers her hair and face. The heavy sweatshirt she’s wearing engulfs her black leggings.
“Lina?” Her name catches wind in my throat.
“May?” My cousin responds. She stands up from her folded position by the door.
A deep sigh of relief escapes me.
Sangwoo’s hand immediately retracts from his blazer. It’s eerie how quickly he is able to resume his casual stance. However, I don’t miss the fact that his eyes are guarded as ever. Sangwoo stands back at an arm’s length when I move towards Lina.
Why is she here in the middle of the night dressed like the Death Angel?
“What’s wrong?” I grab my cousin’s hands and almost yell out in surprise from how cold they are. Lina was fine this morning when I left her. Now, one look into her eyes and I know that something is terribly wrong. The tears on Lina’s cheeks make the matter even worse. Memories of her missed calls and cryptic text message run quickly through me.
Now that she is in front of me, Lina doesn’t answer my question right away. She is staring at the statuesque figure of Choi Sangwoo. “Hi,” she mumbles with embarrassment in her voice. Lina quickly wipes her cheeks.
“Hello,” Sangwoo replies with such softness it is hard to believe that only seconds ago he was about to withdraw a weapon on her. What did he have? A gun? A knife? What kind of concealed weapon does a gang leader carry with him anyway?
“Are you okay?” I am in Lina’s face again.
Her brooding eyes switch back to make eye contact. She shakes her head slightly, wary and conscious of Sangwoo watching our exchange.
Before I fight through the contemplation of how to say goodbye, with his smooth mannerism, Sangwoo saves me with his usual proficiency.
“I’m glad you were able to join me for dinner tonight.” The sparkle returns to those brown eyes. “I enjoyed talking to you very much. And I really do hope you consider everything that we discussed. I will be waiting for your answer.”
“Thank you for inviting me,” is as formal as I can answer. “I’ll call you. That is your number, right? From when you called me at The Trax?”
“Yes. I will be waiting,” Sangwoo states. He gives Lina a small smile. “Good night.”
“Good night.” For a few seconds, Lina forgets every inch of her problems.
Sangwoo stalls slightly as he looks at me again. I give him a small smile and realize that Sangwoo is thinking of the last time he left me on my doorstep. The heat rises to my face again and it takes everything in my power not to react.
“Good night May.” My name hangs in the air as Sangwoo turns and strides down the apartment complex. He disappears into the night.
“He’s too good to be true,” Lina mumbles. “What is he talking about hoping that you consider everything and let him know your answer?”
“Nothing really.” Immediately my defenses go up. I do not want to discuss the possibility of the contract with Lina yet.
“It doesn’t sound like nothing.” Assumptions run rampant in Lina’s tone of voice, but there is distraction and emotional turmoil in her pitch.
“Come in.” I reach for my cousin’s arm and usher her inside the dark apartment. The only source of light comes from the lonely fish tank in the corner.
Eunhye is still at the hospital carrying out her graveyard shift. I close the apartment door behind Lina and make sure to lock all three notches. Next, I unravel my tote bag and set it near the door. In one convenient swipe, I turn on the light switch by the coat rack. The warm lights flood the dark apartment.
Meanwhile, Lina makes her way to the couch and collapses on it. Her facial expression is somber and she doesn’t pursue the matter of Sangwoo and me anymore. Silent tears roll down Lina’s already tear-stained cheeks. My cousin places her face into her hands.
“Gee, Lina. What’s wrong?” It’s been a while since I’d seen my cousin in such an emotional uproar.
I fold down next to Lina and study her strained facial expression.
“Spyder and I got into a fight. He left me and went back home.” Lina sniffles and wipes her nose with the back of her hand. The orange and yellow light in the living room outlines every line on her face, showering my cousin with an older appearance.
I grab a tissue from the Kleenex box and hand it to Lina. Another fight. Stress can cause a couple to argue, fight, and even break up sometimes. This is not the first time Lina and Spyder have argued to the point of walking away from each other.
“Is it about the money and Mayhem?” I guess with a here-we-go-again attitude. Suddenly, I am reminded of the reasons why I don’t like Spyder. He is all wrong for my cousin, but her bad boy complex just keeps increasing over time.
Lina shakes her head, stunning me with surprise. “You’re going to hate me,” she whispers.
All traces of wit leave me. “What is it Lina?”
She blinks at me and another set of tears splatter on her cheeks. Lina begins to bite her nails–an alarming habit that only occurs when she’s in distress.
“Lina,” I say again. My eyes narrow and I am suddenly warm all over. “What’s going on?” First Lina borrows money from loan sharks–and a dangerous and perhaps murderous gang lord–and now she is going to drop another piece of information that I am not sure I can handle.
“I hate him,” Lina whispers again with large watery eyes. She is biting her index finger to the point where I can see blood seeping from the skin.
I grab Lina’s finger. “What’s going on?”
Lina swallows hard and the confession slips from her lips, “He hit me.”
Oh hell no! my conscience barks. “That son-of-a-bitch.” Immediately I know it’s not the reaction Lina expects out of me. She starts her hopeless silent bawling again, and I reel with anger. In my heart, I knew this day would come. Spyder, by nature, is only violent with people he’s familiar with. He would never pull the same stunt on someone his own size.
Lina sniffles, shaking her head fervently. “I fought back, but he was too strong,” Lina grumbles. She narrows her eye at the unpleasant memory.
My lips press into a hard, fine line. How can one person cause the other such pain? “That bastard. I’ll take care of him.” The hostility I have for Spyder unleashes.
“No.” Lina shakes her head. “I don’t ever want to see him again. First, he drives me into debt with Mayhem and now he abandons me when I need him the most. I don’t want to see him ever again. I’m done with him May. I’m completely done with him!”
“Oh Lina–” I begin. “He hit you!”
“I hit him too.”
“Lina, you know what I mean!”
“This is all my fault.” The tears continue to free fall from Lina’s face. “Please don’t tell anyone about this yet. Especially my parents. Not yet. My mom will just tell me she was right all along. I’m wrong. I’m wrong May. I messed up. I messed everything up. Everyone was right from the beginning about Spyder, but I refused to listen. Now, I have to pay the price for it.”
I wrap my arms around Lina as the sobs spiral out of control. “Shh. It’ll be ok.”
“I messed up May. I messed it all up.” Lina clings onto me. She buries her head into my shoulder and cries soaring tears.
“It’s ok, Lina.”
“I should have listened to you. I thought I could change him. I’m so wrong. I hate him so much May!”
I don’t know what to say to my cousin. It’s been a couple of years since I became emotionally stunted. Part of me wants to console Lina by letting her cry it all out, but the other part wishes for her strength and proclivity in letting go of Spyder. It is bad enough that Lina is having money problems, but to engage in a physical altercation with Spyder is the final nail in the coffin. I can only imagine the amount of hurt and pain Lina has for him. The weight of Lina’s situation crashes around the two of us.
“I don’t know what to do May. I just don’t.” Lina has my neck in a tight hold as she continues to weep.
Find Spyder and kill him. I wrap both arms around my crushed cousin and curl closer to her. My thoughts freeze in hard fragments. I don’t know how long I sit with Lina and listen to her muffled sobs.
Thirty minutes. One hour. Two hours.
Aside from Eunhye, Lina is the one person in my life who has cared for me unconditionally. Together, Eunhye and Lina have been my pillars of strength. But for the first time since we were young, Lina is showing her vulnerable side. I have never seen this part of her–the damaged, broken, and pained side. She’s always been the strong one. Now, the tables are turning and I find this role to be quite challenging.
Lina’s emotions sweep me off the ground too.
“I believed in fairy tales. I fell so hard and fast for him and his promises. I didn’t know that promises can become lies and that his ‘I love you’ really stood for however long he wanted to love me,” Lina continues with anguish. “When we first met, he was such the gentleman. Now, he can’t even show me an ounce of mercy.”
I listen as Lina relives the memories. Through her tears and wails, Lina tells me of how she met Spyder, what he did to make her fall in love with him, where they made plans to be together forever, and why it is all coming apart only a year later.
Now, it is just her in constant pain.
Sometimes, just listening is the best way to comfort someone. I learned this a long time ago. I keep my arms around Lina and let my cousin grapple with the darkness that is taking over her. She is consistent and then incoherent. I suggest we go out for drinks, and then we can burn everything that is Spyder-related. Lina entertains the idea, but decides against it. She’s too exhausted. So we spend the rest of the night in.
When the warm, late night weather gives into a chilly morning air, Lina finally falls asleep.
In exhaustion, I fall asleep too. My thoughts tangle with concern. I sleep dreaming about leaving The Trax, giving Choi Sangwoo an answer to his contract proposal, and helping Lina with her situation. Slowly, my molehill of problems is turning into mountains.
BY THE TIME I WAKE up, it is already early afternoon and I am restless with a slight headache. My body aches from sleeping on the couch with little leg space. I leave Lina resting on the couch for my tote bag by the door. As quietly as I can, I head for my bedroom to call Eunhye. I have errands to run before work at The Trax, but I need to take care of an issue first.
Eunhye is still not home. I call my mother and she answers with haste. “Hi honey. Is everything okay?”
“Hi mom. Everything’s fine. Just calling to see how you’re doing. Are you doing double shifts at the hospital?” I wander to my closet for a pair of jeans and a gray sweatshirt.
“Yes. We are backed up here. A lot of traumatic injuries related to summer sports activities.” The fatigue is easy to decipher in her voice. I can imagine my mother tapping her left hand against a solid s
urface on the other side of the phone line.
“Oh. I take it you slept at the hospital?”
“I did. Six hours of sleep. I’ll be home later on tonight though. Maybe we can have dinner before you go to work? I’ve been meaning to invite aunt Yuna, uncle Dom, and Lina out for the last week.”
“That sounds good mom.”
“Great. I’ll see you later honey. I love you.”
“I love you too mom.”
I hang up the phone wondering if Lina will be up for dinner tonight with the family. She probably wants nothing to do with the adults as of the moment. I will have to deal with that issue later. I have matters that are more pressing at the moment.
I scroll back to the home screen on my phone and scan for my contacts book. Bryan, filed under Spyder’s Brother, is located at the bottom of my lackluster contact list.
I mentally prepare myself before I press the call button.
“Baby.” He picks up on the second ring. Bryan’s voice is smooth and desperate as usual.
“Hi Bryan,” I stress his name. “Question. Where would I find your brother on a Monday afternoon?”
“May, baby, if you want to talk to me you don’t have to use my brother as an excuse. I’ll be back in Seoul in an hour. We can go for ice cream and a movie?” Bryan is deadpan even in his tone of voice.
“Bryan, I’m not calling you for a date. You know better than that. I need to talk to your brother. It’s important. I need to know where he is.” I hold my ground. Come on, I can overpower an eighteen-year-old.
Bryan hesitates with that quick tongue of his. Perhaps hearing the dire tone of my voice changes the impending wisecrack he has lined up.
“He’s probably at the pool place he always goes to,” Bryan divulges with nonchalance. “Why do you need to talk to him for? Isn’t Lina with him?”
“Thanks Bryan,” is all I say. I have to cut him off before he withdraws further detail.
“Alright. Well, if you’re up for a date afterwards, call me back,” is his goodbye. “It’s nice to hear your voice May. I miss–”
April Loves Black Coffee: First Impressions Page 20