Her mother took her jacket and cocked her head to the side. Her hair was the same shade of red as Violet’s, but threaded with white. “I haven’t seen you in something this flattering in years.” She busied herself in hanging up the coat in the closet and added, “Your father may not approve, but I think you look lovely.”
Violet gaped at her, unable to process what her mother had said. Did she actually compliment her? She braced herself for the next part of her mother’s statement, the stinging insult that would surely follow. When her mother did nothing more than tuck a strand of hair behind her ear and smile, Violet blurted, “Have you been drinking?”
Her mother flushed and glanced toward the back of the house where her father no doubt sat in his den, busy with whatever corporate disaster required his expertise at the moment. She led Violet into the blue-and-white parlor off the foyer, decorated with her grandmother’s blue Wedgewood plates.
After sitting in an uncomfortable formal blue silk chair, her mother gestured to the matching couch. “Please have a seat, Violet. There is something I need to tell you.”
With her heart pounding in her ears, Violet slumped back into the couch and immediately sat up straight, her mother’s countless lectures about posture ringing in her ears. Anxiety brought the taste of bitter metal into her mouth as she waited for what was coming next. From the odd way her mother was acting, it had to be something horrible.
Her mother dithered with the pleat of her carefully creased slacks and the silence between them thickened to the point where Violet had to break it. “Did one of the aunts die?”
Her mother’s dark eyes flashed up to hers, wide with shock. “What?”
“The only time you brought me into this room when I was a kid was to give me some really bad news.” She clasped her hands together; the knowledge that Morgan would be here soon gave her strength. No matter what her mother said, he would be there for her.
Her mother’s lower lip trembled and she swallowed hard. “Violet, I’m sorry.” Her ears rang as she went through a list of worst-case scenarios in her head, so distracted by her thoughts of doom and gloom that she almost didn’t hear her mother add, “That I’ve been such a bitch to you.”
Now Violet did slump back into the uncomfortable sofa, the air leaving her body like a pricked balloon. “What?” she asked in a faint voice.
Her mother’s pink lipsticked lips, in a shade not too far from what she wore, Violet absently noted, thinned then relaxed again. “I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist at the urging of your father.” She glanced up at Violet and plucked at her pants again. “You see, I’ve been suffering from depression for a very, very long time.”
“What?” she asked again, sounding like a rather stupid broken record.
“My psychiatrist thinks that I’ve had depression for most of my life, and that I’ve learned to cope with it enough to get by.” She looked up and the pain that Violet saw in her mother’s eyes broke her heart. “I’ve always been sad, but I thought everyone felt that way. I tried to suck it up and go on with my life and pretend everything was all right, like my mother did, but sometimes it got to be too much and I’m afraid I took it out on you girls.”
“Grandma was depressed too?”
“She would never admit it, but I think she was.” Her mother stood and sat next to her on the couch. “I’ve been on an antidepressant for five months now, and I’ve never, ever felt so good for so long. Oh, I’ve been happy in the past, but those good times were small islands in an ocean of sadness.”
So much of her childhood was being rewritten as her mother spoke, things that had always puzzled and confused her falling into place. She could remember Penny making her breakfast at a very young age, and how her mother had screamed at them for spilling cereal on the counter. Afraid, she tried to tell her mother to stop yelling at Penny, that it was her fault because she was hungry, but her mother wouldn’t listen. More and more memories filled her mind, days when her mother wouldn’t even leave her bed, making Penny responsible for the household while their father was away on one of his many business trips.
“I managed to convince the world that everything was okay, and you and your sister paid the price.” Her mother took her hand. “I took out my irrational anger, my frustration on you. I tried not to scream at you like my mother screamed at me, but I’m afraid I was just as cruel. I put an impossible amount of pressure on both you and Penny to be perfect, to be the kind of person I was pretending to be. I’m so sorry.”
Violet stared at her, noticing for the first time how the lines around her mother’s eyes had deepened and multiplied. It wasn’t that her mother had aged overnight, but that she was seeing her clearly for the first time in a long time. “You said Dad made you go?”
“Yes.” Her laugh had a brittle edge as she patted her carefully styled hair. “Now that he’s semi-retired and mostly working from home, and you girls are out of the house, it became impossible to hide my ‘blue’ times from him. That’s what I used to call them, the blue days. Weeks when the world lost its color and became a cold, cruel place.”
Her heart ached for her mother and she wanted to give her a hug, but Violet also needed to hear the rest of what her mother had to say. “That’s horrible.”
“It was.” She sighed and actually slumped on the couch next to Violet. “Your Aunt Penny and Violet tried to help, I would often spend summers as a child at their cabin in the Upper Peninsula, outside of the critical eye of my own mother. Back in those days a lady’s reputation was everything, and your grandmother did everything she could to make sure mine was intact. I was a virtual prisoner in my own home. Forbidden to speak to boys, forbidden to go to dances, forbidden to wear anything but a proper skirt.” She plucked at her pants again. “My mother would be appalled at the sight of me wearing slacks.”
The grandfather clock in the hallway chimed the hour and her mother glanced out the bay window to the slush-caked street out front. “Your young man will be here soon. I just wanted to let you know that I will try very hard to make up for the past. I can’t promise miracles, as my psychiatrist likes to remind me, but I can promise to try my hardest.”
“Oh, Mom…” Violet’s throat closed up.
Her mother stood from the couch. “No crying, you’ll make your mascara run. You know we look like scared rabbits without our mascara.” She actually winked and Violet felt unreality wash over her again. Like she was having a really vivid dream and any second Hulk Hogan would leap out of the closet in an elf costume and ask her if she wanted some brie.
“Right, no tears.” She spied Morgan’s SUV pulling into the driveway. “My date’s here.”
Her mother leaned over so she could see out the window and made a low hum of approval as Morgan got out. His faded blue jeans clung to his powerful legs and the dark-brown leather jacket brought out the caramel undertones in his blond curls. Before shutting the door he pulled out two bouquets of flowers, one of pale-russet roses and one of tulips, her favorite flower.
“Well, he is certainly a better looker than that young man you used to date, Kenny. What a pompous little man he was.”
She tore her eyes away from Morgan’s approaching figure. “I thought you liked him.”
“No, honey, I thought you liked him so I tried to like him for you.” The doorbell rang and her mother said in a low whisper, “Does Morgan make you happy?”
“Very.”
“Then that’s good enough for me.” She moved to answer the door and added, “Now your father will probably hate him out of principal, but I’m afraid there is no medication for making a father happy that his baby girl is growing up.”
* * * * *
An hour later Morgan and her father were deep in conversation about the Lions’ chances of making the Super Bowl next year while she and her mother made a salad for dinner. The open kitchen looked down into the den, and Violet couldn’t make out what they were saying over the blare of ESPN, but so far her father hadn’t kicked him out.
I
t helped that Morgan was also a diehard Lions fan and knew almost as much about the team as her father. When her father heard that, he had hustled Morgan off to his den to show off his prized collection of sports memorabilia. Violet had trailed along, amused by the gleam in Morgan’s eye as he took in her father’s collection with something close to awe. She had excused herself on the excuse of helping her mother in the kitchen, but in reality sports bored her to tears and the only thing that would have entertained her was ogling Morgan’s ass, and that was something you just didn’t do in front of your dad.
“Morgan,” her mother called out over the din of the TV, “do you like black olives on your salad?”
“Whatever you make is fine with me.” He looked at Violet and a spark of heat seemed to leap from his gaze to hers. Desire suffused her body and her chopping of the tomatoes slowed to a standstill.
Her mother chuckled and said in a low voice, “He better not let your father see him looking at you like that. Lions fan or not, he may end up at the bottom of Lake Michigan.”
Violet tore her gaze from Morgan’s and blushed hot enough that she probably matched the tomato. “That would be unfortunate.” She peeled the shell off a hardboiled egg and came to a decision about something she had been thinking about since her talk with her mother in the parlor. “Mom, Morgan isn’t my only boyfriend.”
Her mother stared at her, then blinked rapidly and took a deep breath. “Does he know that?”
She tried not to squirm as she crumbled the egg into a small bowl. “Yeah. Uh—they want to meet each other next week. And I’d like to introduce you and Dad to Carlos.”
Leaning against the counter, her mother examined her and finally nodded. “I know things aren’t like they were back when I was growing up, but I still think it should be one man and one woman.”
Shame heated Violet’s cheeks as she cleared the eggshell into the wastebasket. “I used to think the same thing, until I met them.”
Her mother turned her gaze on the living room. “I used to think I knew what love was until I met your father and found out I had no idea.” She briskly brushed her hands together and stood up straight. “Well, I can’t promise that your father won’t lose his mind, but I’d like to meet this Carlos.”
A lump formed in her throat and she swallowed past it. The thought of upsetting her father made her feel slightly ill, but she knew if her mother was on her side she stood a fighting chance. “Thanks, Mom.”
“What will you do if things get serious? You can only date for so long before your heart will want to take the natural next step and settle down.”
“I-I don’t know. I guess we’ll just have to take it one day at a time like everyone else.”
Her mother shook her head and laughed. “You definitely take after your father’s side of the family. Calm, logical, and you can see to the heart of a matter without getting hysterical.”
Violet gave her mom an innocent look. “Who in our family gets hysterical?”
Her mother gave her a mock swat on the bottom with a dishtowel before heading across the kitchen to the sink. The doorbell rang and her mother gestured toward the front of the house with a hand full of carrots that she was about to wash. “That must be Penny and Brad. Can you please let them in?”
“Sure.” Violet grabbed a towel and dried her hands as she hurried down the hall to the front door. The doorbell rang again as soon as she opened it and Penny gave her a nasty look. “It’s freezing out here. What took you so long and why was the door locked?” Penny’s eyes were puffy and Violet noticed that she wasn’t wearing any mascara. Her light, strawberry-blonde hair was pulled back into a ponytail and her nails looked as if she’d been biting them. That was as weird as the sun turning green. Penny always looked as if she’d stepped straight out of the pages of a fashion magazine and she couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen Penny with anything but an elegant manicure.
“You okay?” Violet asked as Brad and Penny walked into the house.
Brad also looked as if he’d been crying, and Violet wondered what the hell happened. After her mother’s revelations she found herself looking at Penny in a different light. She was still a bitch, but Violet felt sorry for her. Penny had taken the brunt of her mother’s anger, trying to do everything she could to make her happy. It wasn’t good enough for their mother that Penny made the cheer squad, no, she had to be captain. She couldn’t just sell enough Girl Scout cookies to afford to go to camp, she had to sell the most of anyone in her troop or she was a failure.
Penny tossed her jacket into the closet and gave Violet a narrow-eyed look. “Are you wearing makeup?”
She flushed and took Brad’s coat. “Yeah.”
“And Daddy didn’t make you wash it off yet?”
“Penny,” Brad said in a low voice. She went quiet and stared at the hallway leading to the kitchen. Brad sighed softly and gave Violet a tired smile. “You look nice. Is your boyfriend here yet?”
Her heart lifted at the mention of Morgan. She had no idea how she was going to introduce her family to Carlos, but that was a worry for another day. Right now she just had to get through the meal without pulling Penny’s hair or kicking her in the shins. “Yeah, he’s in the living room talking with my dad about the Lions’ defensive lineup.”
Brad’s red-rimmed blue eyes lit up. “Really?”
Penny looked at her husband out of the corner of her eye and made a visible effort to compose herself. “Let’s go meet this mystery man of yours.”
Violet followed them down the hallway, eager to break the weird tension that surrounded Brad and Penny. As they walked, Penny slid her hand into Brad’s and he held it so tight his knuckles turned white. Whatever was going on between them obviously wasn’t about their relationship.
They reached the kitchen and the blaring noise of the living room TV echoed off the vaulted ceiling. Penny and Brad froze in front of her and Brad said, “Son of a bitch!” in a loud voice and dropped Penny’s hand to sprint into the living room.
Penny whirled around and glared at Violet. “What kind of game are you playing?”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
Penny grabbed her wrist and hauled her down the hall to the parlor where Violet’s mother had changed her view of the world an hour ago. She felt a weird sense of déjà vu as Penny took the chair her mother had sat in, adopting the same stick-up-the-ass pose. Her voice was frosty as she said, “Why is Morgan Kane in our parents’ living room pretending to be your boyfriend?”
Violet stared at her and said through clenched teeth, “He is my boyfriend. How do you know him?”
Penny gave a bitter laugh and rubbed her forehead. “He was on the football team the same time I was a cheerleader. I was going to ask him out on a date before I met Brad, but then I found out he’s gay.”
Now it was Violet’s turn to laugh. “He’s not gay!”
An angry red flush crept up from Penny’s neck all the way to her hairline. “Yes, he is. I don’t understand why you’re lying to me. I mean yeah, I know why you’re lying to Mom and Dad, they’ve been leaning on you pretty hard to find a guy, but don’t lie to me, please.” Her voice broke on the last word and Penny actually looked hurt.
Violet shook her head. This wasn’t adding up. Penny trying to be a hurtful bitch was one thing, but this was an outrageous claim, even for her. “Penny, why do you think he’s gay?”
“Because I saw him with his boyfriend, Carlos. They were holding hands outside of the locker room when they thought no one was looking.”
The room began a slow, sickening spin. She felt as if she were at the top of a rollercoaster, about to drop into a pit where the track disappeared into a broken chasm of jagged rocks. “Carlos?”
“Yeah. Carlos Romano. Hot guy that was in a photography class with Brad. Dark hair, real good-looking. He and Morgan were,” she held up her hands, making quotation marks, “best friends. I never told anyone what I saw ’cause that could have screwed up his bond with the ot
her football players and Morgan was a decent guy and a friend of Brad’s.”
Violet tasted the salt of her tears before she was even aware they were falling down her cheeks. “He knows Carlos Romano?”
Penny’s posture softened and she dug a tissue out of her pocket. “I know things have been rough between us, but really, you don’t have to lie to me. I won’t tell Mom and Dad as long as you don’t string this out for too long. Brad will play along too, he always liked Morgan.”
She said in a voice filled with the pain of her heart breaking, “He lied to me…they lied to me.”
“That bastard,” Penny said in a venomous voice. “I’ll castrate him if he hurt you.”
Violet barely heard her, instead stumbling from the couch and fumbling with the door to the closet in an effort to jerk it open. Male voices came closer as Brad and Morgan walked down the hall, laughing together. They froze when they saw her jamming her jacket on and dropping her purse.
“Violet?” Morgan asked in a soft voice.
Penny stalked over to the men and said in a low hissing whisper, “What the fuck did you do to my sister, you asshole?”
“Penny!” Brad said in a shocked voice as Violet wrenched open the front door and stumbled down the steps into the now dark night.
She made it to her car before Morgan caught up to her. “Violet?”
Turning her back to him, she tried to jam her key into the lock. “Fuck off, you lying piece of shit.”
He spun her around to face him, stepping back as she swung at him and missed. “What the hell is wrong with you, Violet?”
Rage spilled out of her, turning the world red with her anger. “You and Carlos know each other, in fact, you two are lovers!”
He turned pale beneath his tan and his hands fell limp to his sides. “I—that is we—I’m not gay.”
“You two have been playing me this whole time! Oh, I don’t mind sharing you with a stranger,” she said in a nasty voice. “Don’t worry, we won’t make you choose.”
He held his hands out in a pleading gesture, but wisely didn’t move toward her. “It’s not—”
Blushing Violet Page 14