by Dee Mann
She could feel her spirit collapsing inward. Her whole body drooped with the weight of her disappointment. All the while, Mike stood there, transfixed, unable to tear his eyes from her.
"You don't have to gloat," she said to him. "You were here first, it's your job."
"No…I'm not…I mean…I was just…look, have we met before? Because I feel like I know you."
Oh great. Could this get any worse? Not only does he take my job, he's hitting on me, too.
"I don't think so." She turned to leave.
"Wait!" He sounded frantic. "It's obvious this job is important to you. Why don't you take the interview. I'm really not all that interested in publishing anyway."
Cathy was surprised, but shook her head. "No, I can't take your job." Again she started to leave.
"Please, I want you to." He turned to the headhunter. "I don't want the job. I already found one. I just came to see if there was anything better. Please give her the interview."
He turned back to find Cathy had stopped halfway out the door.
"Why would you do this?"
"I'll make you a deal. This guy is on commission. Time is money to him. Take the interview. Get the job if you can. I'll wait out in the reception area. When you're done, I'll tell you. Deal?"
He could see the uncertainty in her eyes.
"Please?"
There was something about the way he was looking at her, something about the way he said ‘please.' "Okay. But don't you dare leave."
"I promise. I'll go flirt with the receptionist while I'm waiting."
She wasn't sure if he was kidding, but, curiously, didn't like that idea. She watched him leave, then turned back to Mr. Henriquez, her hand extended..
"Hi, I'm Cathy O'Hara."
Twenty-five minutes later, she was walking on air as she entered the lobby. The interview had gone well, helped along, she thought, by what had happened earlier. She wanted to find Mike and thank him for what he'd done for her.
She saw him on the other side of the lobby, gazing out the window as he talked on his cell phone. She walked quietly up behind him and sat on a chair so as not to disturb his conversation.
"It doesn't matter," he said, then listened for a bit. "I know I needed the job, but she needed it more, I could tell. And, dad, she was so, so…I don't know. There was something about her. Something special."
What? He lied! He doesn't have a job at all. And he gave this one to me? Why would he do that?
"I know, dad, I know. Look, I promised I'd wait for her. Heck, I'd have waited even if she…"
He'd evidently been interrupted by his father.
"I told you, she's special, dad. I know it. I don't know how I know it but I felt it the first time I saw her."
"Geez, dad, no, not that way."
"Yes, she's pretty, but it's not that. I don't know what it is but I have to find out."
"Okay, I will, I promise. But I have to go. She'll be coming out soon. Say hi to mom. Bye"
Mike closed the phone and continued to stare out the window.
Cathy rose, walked up behind him, touched him on the shoulder and said, "Hi."
Startled, he spun around to face her. She could see on his face he was concerned she may have overheard his conversation.
"I saw you talking on the phone as I came over. Were you talking about me?"
"I, ah…"
"I'm kidding. Why would you be talking about me. It's none of my business. But, as I recall, you owe me an explanation."
They stood, inches apart, each intent on the expressions of the other. Her eyes took in every curve, every facet of his face, the way his nose seemed to be slightly off-center, the way his chin dimpled when he smiled.
"Do you think there are people who are fated to meet?"
"I'm not sure," she replied. "Maybe."
"I know this sounds crazy, but when I walked into that office and you turned toward at me, something happened inside me, like a switch being thrown or, hell, I don't know, but something. It was like my whole life had conspired to lead me to that moment, when I'd meet you for the first time.
"Suddenly, the job wasn't important anymore. The only thing that felt important was that you not go away. What I did, it was all I could think of at the moment to keep you from leaving. Or maybe ‘think of' is the wrong phrase. I don't know."
He grinned and she blushed.
"But it worked. You're still here"
"Yes, I guess I am. And I really want to thank you. I needed a job so badly and you…you…"
She smiled at him, and when he smiled back, the warm feeling engulfed her again.
"I don't know how I can ever repay you for…"
"Have coffee with me."
"Coffee?"
"Have coffee with me and give me the chance to convince you to have dinner. After that…"
He let the sentence dangle, but his eyebrows arched to accentuate what he'd left unspoken. Her eyes searched his and what she saw both frightened and excited her. She smiled.
Yes. After that…
* * *
Cathy drained the last of her coffee.
"And the rest, as they say, is history. We've been together for almost ten years now, and not a day goes by that I don't love him more than I did the day before. And to think I might have simply walked out that day."
Jillian could see the shiver course through her.
"Jilli, I know Mike and I were meant to be. I don't know if Paul is your Mike, but the signs are certainly there."
She reached over and touched her hand.
"It's okay to be cautious and it's okay to be a little scared. I certainly was. For the whole first year I kept expecting it all to fall apart. But I was being silly, really, because I knew, the night of our first date, when I looked into his eyes after we kissed goodnight that we really were meant to be together. And I think he knew it, too."
She rose to leave. "If he's the one, you'll know soon enough."
"And if he's not?"
Cathy shrugged. "I wouldn't worry too much about that. As I said before, I have a good feeling about you two."
5:45 PM
Paul, Rob, and Priya stepped off the elevator, still arguing about the fonts for their next project. Ultimately, Tom would decide, but he preferred to let the other team members narrow down the choices. Not only did it make his job easier, it forestalled any chance of them starting to feel as if they were not really contributing.
Halfway across the lobby, Rob was making his case when he saw Paul's mouth fall open and felt him grab at his arm but miss. He turned his head and froze so suddenly the other two were two paces past him before they, too, could stop.
Lisa was standing by the front doors. Next to her, looking very uncomfortable, was the guy they had seen her with at lunch this afternoon.
A tentative half-smile curled the corners of her lips. She touched the man's arm and they started toward them.
Paul half turned to Rob, then turned back as Lisa approached. Priya had never met Lisa but watched with great curiosity, deducing from everyone's actions what was happening.
"Hi, Lisa," Paul said as she neared him.
"Hi, Paul," she replied, her gaze never shifting from Rob.
For his part, Rob stood there, numb, his feet glued to the floor, his eyes flicking back and forth between Lisa and the guy.
Oh shit. Oh shit. What am I going to say? What am I going to do? What if this is it…the big goodbye?
Lisa stopped in front of him, the guy on her right, standing close. "Hello, Rob," she said softly.
Rob stared for a few seconds before croaking out a greeting in reply.
"I received your flowers, the CD, and the letter this morning." Her voice remained low and steady. "We need to talk."
Rob continued to stare, his mouth half-open, his expression reflecting his feeling of impending doom.
"I would have come alone," she continued, "but I thought it would be a good idea if Hector came along, since you saw us together at lunch."
Rob's heart sank deeper into his chest with every word, his face mirroring every twist of his emotional nosedive.
Please…don't introduce us. How cruel are you going to be about this?
"Hector, this is Rob Tello, the guy I've told you about."
"Rob, this is my friend Hector Fernández. He and his partner Frank have been on a break similar to ours."
Rob blinked rapidly, not sure if he really understood what she just said.
Hector and Frank? Hector and Frank? That means…
Lisa saw the understanding come into his eyes and smiled. She reached up and touched his cheek with the palm of her hand.
"Hector and I have been helping each other through our recent relationship problems and I needed to talk to him about what you'd done. That's why we were eating lunch together. Then you showed up and when you didn't answer your cell I knew what you were thinking. I felt terrible, especially since you just sent those sweet gifts. I wanted to come after you, but we took an early lunch because we had an important meeting and couldn't be late. We had to run back to make it on time and didn't get out until after five. On the way back to work I made Hector promise to come with me tonight because, well, I didn't know how you'd react. From the look on your face when you saw us, I wasn't sure if you'd believe me if I told you he and I were just friends."
Thank you, Lord, thank you. She's not seeing another guy.
His face clouded.
But just because she isn't seeing some other guy doesn't mean she still wants to see me.
He managed to mumble, "So, you wanted to talk?"
"Yes," she said, looking around. "But maybe we could go somewhere a little less busy?"
She thanked Hector, gave him a short hug, and told him she'd see him tomorrow at work. Rob, remembering that Paul and Priya were standing six feet away, glanced over to them.
"Priya and I are going over to DHL for a beer," Paul said with a wicked grin. "You and Lisa want to join us?"
Rob's glare made it unnecessary for him to respond. Nevertheless he said, "No thanks. We're going to…"
"I know. I was kidding."
He gave Rob a nod and a thumbs up as he and Priya turned to leave.
Rob turned back to Lisa and asked, "How about a walk?"
Outside, the evening air was still unseasonably warm. The sidewalk was packed with people hurrying; going home, to late meetings, to bars or restaurants, or simply because that's how they lived their lives.
They worked their way through the throng, crossed the street, dodged the crowds on the opposite sidewalk and strolled into the Common.
Silently treading the same paths they'd followed so many times before, they soon found themselves crossing Charles Street and entering the Public Gardens.
They walked straight now, heading to the place where they'd shared their first lunch together. As they crossed the bridge over the Duck Pond, Lisa reached over and took his hand.
Startled, Rob turned his head toward her.
If she wants to hold hands…
Lisa sensed his gaze and smiled. "Did you think I'd come tonight to say goodbye?"
Lisa liked to get straight to the point, something that had made Rob uncomfortable early in their relationship. She generally knew what she wanted and had never been shy about telling him, whether it was which movie to watch or in which position she wanted to make love. She was so unlike any other woman Rob had ever known. Perhaps that was why he'd fallen for her and why it had hurt so much when she announced the break.
Rob nodded. They were approaching the statue at the main entrance to the Gardens.
"I had been thinking about it," she said. "No, that's not quite true. I'd pretty much made up my mind, but couldn't find the nerve to tell you."
Rob was dumbfounded.
Made up her mind? Wait. Had been? She said had been!
Out loud, he said, "What, I mean, why? Why did you want to end it?"
"Because I didn't think we were going anywhere, Rob. I'm not a kid anymore but it seemed as if you still were. Well, not a kid, but it was like you still had the frat house mentality. It was fun…lord knows we always had a good time…but it was time to move beyond parties and sex and fun all the time, you know? Time to grow up. I never felt like you understood that. And when I'd try to talk to you about it, you'd always find a way to change the subject."
"I thought it was your friends. I thought they'd finally convinced you to find someone who, well, who wasn't me."
"My friends! You mean, like, Kiki and Rachel?"
Suddenly, she didn't sound happy. She stopped walking, her hand sliding out of his as she turned to face him.
"Do you mean to tell me you think I'm so shallow that I'd listen to those two airheads? After five months together, you think that deep down, all I care about is pretty wrapping? Is that really what you think of me?"
"No, not really. No!"
"Then why would you say that?"
"It's just…I've been so miserable, Lisa, and a part of me knew it was my fault you left, or took a break, or whatever. But I couldn't face it. I couldn't admit to myself I'd been such a screw-up that I'd lost the best person I'd ever known. In my head, it was easier to blame them."
He seemed to be on the verge of tears, afraid that, once again, he'd messed up badly. But his eyes never wavered from hers. She could see he was telling the truth and he could tell she wanted to hear it.
Lisa opened her purse. She removed an envelope, unfolded the paper inside it, and began to read aloud.
Dearest Lisa,
If you look in a dictionary for the definitions of the words blockhead, bonehead, dolt, donkey, dope, dunce, fool, halfwit, idiot, imbecile, jackass, jerk, nincompoop, nitwit, numskull, simpleton, twerp, and twit, you'll find the first definition for each is Roberto Tello.
I have been all of those things these past five months and because of it, I am on the verge of losing the most amazing woman I am ever likely to know, the only woman I have ever loved with all my heart and all my soul.
I am so sorry that it took you leaving me to make me understand what I was losing. And I'm sorry it's taken almost two weeks for me to realize you might be waiting for me to wake up. But I am awake now, and I see how I held you at arms length, how I never told you how I really feel about you and about us, how I let my insecurities and fears keep me mired in a mindset I should have outgrown long ago.
If I live to be a hundred, I'll always regret the pain and frustration I've caused you. I can't change the past, Lisa, but I can try to make the future be whatever we want it to be. All I need is a chance.
I can only pray that it is not too late, that you still hold a part of me in your heart, and that you'll give me a second chance to show you how much you mean to me, how much I need you in my life, and how much I love you.
And I do love you, Lisa, more than I can find words to express. And I miss you. I miss the way you look in the morning and the way you wrinkle your nose when you smell fish. I miss seeing you in that long red dress. I miss your hand in mine when I'm walking, and the way your icy toes always find me in the middle of the night. I miss your pantyhose on the shower rod, the notes you leave around my apartment, and the way you whisper dirty jokes in my ear. I miss you so much I ache when I think of you.
Without you there's a huge hole in me and in my life, a void only your smile, your laughter, and your love can fill.
Please call me. Please give us one more chance.
Love always,
Rob
"Did you mean all that?" she asked.
"Every word. Every single word."
He reached for her hand and she let him take it as they resumed walking.
"Lisa, I've never really understood what you see in me. I mean, I'm grateful as all hell, but the fact is, the airheads were right that day. Someone as smart, and funny, and kind, and talented, and decent as you are could have anyone. And I knew that.
"It's always been in the back of my mind haunting me, telling me that one day you'd wake up
and realize what you were settling for and that would be the end. So I guess I tried to keep it all fun and games. I figured if you were having a great time, you might not notice who you were having it with, at least for a while longer. And when you'd try to talk about us, about the future and stuff, I panicked. I never really believed someone like you could want someone like me for the long term. I never let myself believe I was good enough for you because I knew how much better a person you are than me.
"There were times I ached to tell you how I felt, how much I love you, but I didn't. I couldn't. Despite everything, I was scared to death you'd leave me if I ever really tried to tie you down."
He grunted, disgusted with himself.
"What a fool I was. If you only knew how tired I am of all the clubs and the partying, of all the late nights, of having to drag myself to work the next day, of the whole scene. But it made you happy, or seemed to. So I kept going. It was all I knew to do to keep you near me. I didn't want to take a chance and rock the boat."
Rob squeezed her hand a bit tighter. "I could have told you six times a day how much I love you and it wouldn't have been enough for me, but I…well, now you know it all. And if you'll give me one more chance, if you let us start over, I promise,…"
They had reached the main entrance to the Gardens and he nodded toward the statue.
‘…as George Washington is my witness, you will never, ever regret it."
Lisa's eyes were glistening. Tears rolled down her cheeks. This was the first time he'd ever really opened up to her, the first time he'd ever let her see behind the armor he wore, the first time he'd ever made himself really vulnerable to her.
She threw her arms around him and hugged him, her head resting on his shoulder, her tears wetting his jacket. She felt his arms move around her.
"I love you, Lisa," she heard him say softly, his lips near her ear. "Lord how I love you."
They stood there, bodies pressed close, hearts beating as one for long, loving minutes. Then she broke the embrace and used her fingers to wipe the tears from her cheeks.
Then she smacked him hard on the chest with the palm of her hand.
"That was for being such an ass for so long."