by Dee Mann
"I need a change of subject for a bit. So tell me about him. You two seemed to be getting along nicely last night."
"Well, you know what he does, and that he's musically inclined, and that he's lousy at pickup lines."
"I don't know about that. He seemed to have accomplished his goal last night."
Priya laughed. "Perhaps you're right. I hadn't thought of it like that. You guys really do see things differently than we do." She paused for a few seconds. "I like him, Paul. He makes me laugh and he's very smart and he claims to enjoy losing to me at darts. Of course, you can't tell much from three hours in a bar, but he said he'd call me tonight. If he does, we'll see."
"Oh, he'll call, don't you worry. I saw how he looked at you. It was not unlike the way I was looking at Jillian last week when I first saw her. And everyone saw how you two were with each other when you were playing darts, and afterward at the table. And he does seem like a nice guy."
A wistful sigh slipped through Priya's perfectly shaded lips. "I hope so. It would really be nice to find someone…well…someone like you but who gets excited when I kiss him."
"Someone like me? I'm flattered. How so?"
Crap! Why don't you think before you speak? What am I going to do now?
She stood up and said, "Let's walk some more."
Paul joined her, but after only a few steps said, "Come on. You're not getting off the hook that easily. What is it about me you admire so much you hope to find it in Brian?"
"No way. I'm not playing that game. If you want an ego boost, go call Jillian." Her voice had taken on an edge.
Damn! That didn't help, you dope.
Paul caught her wrist and stopped her.
"Hey, what's the matter? Did I do something or say something wrong?"
Priya wouldn't meet his eyes. "No, nothing's wrong. You didn't do anything."
"Don't lie to me, Priya. I know something's upsetting you. Please. Tell me."
Priya's heart ached.
I can't. I can't tell you how I feel. But I can't lie to you either. Maybe a different truth will work.
"I've been feeling a little jealous lately."
"Jealous?"
She nodded.
"Of you and Jillian, of Rob and Lisa, of Tom and Patti. Of everyone who has someone, I guess. You all have someone to care about and I can't seem to find anyone."
Now that she started down this road, her emotions began to overwhelm her.
Oh lord, don't cry, girl. Suck it up.
"The last few days especially I've been really regretting my vow. I see everyone around me in relationships, in love, and I'm so miserable, sometimes I can't stand it."
Damn!
The tears broke through and began to roll silently down her cheeks.
"Tell me the truth, Paul, please. You're my best friend and I need you to tell me what's wrong with me. Why can't I find someone? Is it the way I look? The virginity thing? I thought men wanted to marry virgins. That's the great ideal, isn't it?" Her voice became bitter. "So why do they all keep leaving me? Why doesn't anyone ever want me except to try to fuck?"
She was crying openly now and Paul drew her into his arms to comfort her.
Holy shit! I never heard her use that word before. She doesn't even curse. And now she's crying. What do I do? What can I say?
She stood there, her face buried in his chest, his arms making her feel safe and cared for.
I can't believe I lost it like that. He must think I'm a total girl, sobbing like a baby.
She moved away and wiped at her face with her fingers. "I'm sorry," she said quietly.
"Sorry? Sorry for what?"
"For being such a girl. The crying and…"
"Oh stop. You are a girl. Girl's cry sometimes." His voice lowered to a conspiratorial level. "You can't ever let on that I told you this because it could get me kicked out of the Real Man club if other guys knew I let it slip, but…" He paused half a second for effect. "…guys really don't mind it when girls cry…unless we caused it, of course…because it lets us be strong and manly and hold you and comfort you. That's like hugely good karma, comforting a crying woman." He rested his hands on her shoulders. "But even if it wasn't, Priya, I'm your friend. Remember? That means you get to laugh, or scream, or complain, or whine, or anything, even cry, whenever you feel the need. No apologies necessary."
Priya's eyes began to tear again as she reached up and touched his cheek. "That right there. That's what it is."
Paul was confused. "That's what what is?"
"That's the thing about you I want to find in a guy. You get me, you understand me, you really care about me, and don't, you know, expect anything in return." She wiped at her face again, then stood up straight, her composure mostly recovered. "Please, tell me the truth, Paul. Am I being stupid with this vow? Am I really killing my chances with guys by not sleeping with them?"
Paul thought about the questions for a minute before answering.
"I guess the truth is…yes and no. Guys who dump you because you won't sleep with them aren't really interested in you anyway. They're only interested in your body and in making a trophy out of it.
"The problem with being as beautiful as you are is that guys you meet see the outside first and start drooling. Then they get so focused on getting into your pants, they don't pay attention to all the other things you have to offer.
"So with guys like that, and I admit at our age that may be most of them, your vow probably is hurting you in the sense that guys aren't sticking around long enough to find out who you really are. But that may be a blessing of sorts, too."
"A blessing?"
"A blessing.
"You've never actually said this, but I'm guessing you're ultimately looking for the home and family thing, the golden anniversary, and all that?"
"Well, of course."
"Then think about this. Do you really want to spend your life with a guy whose values are radically different from yours? Do you really want to marry a man who was more interested in your body than your mind and heart and soul? Who wasn't willing to put aside getting laid long enough to discover who the real Priya Kumar is?
"Let's face it, unless you date a blind man, any straight guy you're with will definitely respond to your looks. But there are guys to whom sex is not the be-all and end-all of a relationship. Look at me. Last Friday I wanted Jillian so bad it took every last smidgen of willpower to keep from tearing her dress off on the beach during our first kiss. And frankly, I'm not sure where I found the will not to sleep with her when she invited me in. But I did it. And I did it because…" He stopped and took a breath. "I did it because from the moment I first saw her I had the feeling she was the woman I'm meant to spend my life with."
Geez…did I really just say that out loud?
He looked sheepish. "I know it sounds crazy. Maybe it's hormones, maybe I'm really nuts, but the feeling keeps getting stronger and stronger every day. When I'm talking to her, I have to stay conscious of what I'm saying so I don't slip and say something that might make her think I'm some kind of love-sick psycho."
He paused to order his thoughts.
"I know you see it in movies all the time, but I never really believed this love-at-first-sight thing was real. Maybe it is."
He shrugged and shook his head as they started walking again.
"Or maybe it is just hormones. I don't know. But the point of telling you all this is to show you that the kind of guy you want is out there. And if keeping your virginity until marriage is really important to you, and I think it is or you wouldn't have made it this far, then I really believe you'll always regret giving it up to some guy just to find out if he'll stick around.
"So no, I don't think you're making a mistake. Even though it may be making things harder for you, in the end I think you'll be better off. You'll have found someone who you know wants you for who you are and not for how nature sculpted you."
It was Priya's turn to grab Paul's wrist and stop him. When he did, she moved right in and hugg
ed him.
"Thank you. I really needed to hear that. I don't know what happened before to make me lose it like that, but I'm glad it happened when you were around to help."
She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.
"This friend thing works pretty well, I think."
Priya let them walk in silence for a few minutes before she asked, "So, what will you do about Jessie?"
Paul groaned.
"I don't know. I'm supposed to call Jilli tonight and let her know. I've been trying to reason this out, but I'm not having much luck. I can make good arguments for not kissing her, and good arguments for doing it. And neither side is more compelling than the other."
"Well, forget about reason for a minute. How do you feel?"
"Confused. I told you, one part of me thinks we could really get to Ethan if we kissed, but the other part is really uncomfortable with all the things that could go wrong."
He shook his head quickly from side to side, trying to shed his troubles as a dog sheds water.
"What do you think I should do?"
"I can't tell you what to do, Paul. All I can say is, if I were you, I'd listen to my gut rather than my head on something like this."
After a minute of silence, she glanced over and could tell from the set of his brow he was thinking. A few seconds later, when his lips curled into a half-smile, she knew he'd reached a decision.
8:25 PM
"Hmmm."
I think I'm in the mood for lavender and bubbles tonight.
Priya sprinkled scented salts into the inch deep water, then added the bubble bath. Immediately, a white pillow formed and began to grow in the deep, old, claw-foot tub.
The tub was one of the reasons she'd rented this apartment when she moved to Boston. Another was its convenience to public transportation — one block off Commonwealth Avenue in Brighton. The one bedroom apartment was not the most modern she'd seen, but it was one of the least expensive.
She was about to remove her robe and step into the tub when the phone rang. She dashed out to the living room and grabbed it on the fourth ring.
"Hello?"
"Hi, Priya. This is Brian Jankowski. From last night."
"Hi, Brian. How are you?"
‘Well, not so good, actually. I think I may get fired from my job."
"Brian! I'm sorry! What happened?"
"Well, I spent so much time thinking about you today I didn't get much work done. My boss wasn't very happy."
Priya grinned. "Me? Why would you be thinking about me?"
"I don't know. Maybe it was your smile, or the way you laugh, or your deadly aim with a dart, or how easy you are to talk to."
"Flatterer."
"Not at all. It's not flattery if it's the truth, and you mean it. It was, and I meant every word."
Priya smiled again. She enjoyed the time she spent with Brian last night and was happy he called, but experience had taught her not to get too hopeful about any guy who seemed interested. Chances were he'd be gone as soon as he found out he wouldn't be getting laid.
"Well thank you, then. So what are you doing, or what were you doing before you called?"
"What I usually end up having to do when I want to get out early. I was working late. We had a network glitch that had to be fixed and it took us forever to track down the problem.
"Say, I haven't eaten yet. If you haven't either, can I interest you in some pizza and beer, or anything else for that matter?"
"If I hadn't already eaten dinner and wasn't in the middle of…"
Of what? I can't tell him I'm taking a bath.
"…something I have to finish tonight, I would have loved some pizza. But thank you for asking. I…oh shoot, hold on a minute please."
Priya forgot the bath water was running until she turned and saw a mountain of bubbles threatening to spill over the rim. She pressed the hold button on the phone and ran to turn off the water. When she returned to the living room, she stretched out on the sofa.
"I'm back. Sorry about that."
"Everything okay?"
"Sure, I just had to avert a minor disaster."
She giggled a bit, hoping he'd believe she was joking. He did.
"So tell me. Are you a professional darter? I've never met anyone who could throw like you do."
Priya shared her brief history with darts and could tell he wasn't sure whether or not to believe her. But they moved on to other subjects and as the minutes passed, the bubbles popped, and her bathwater grew cold.
"You see? I was right," he said after pointing out that it was almost eleven o'clock.
"Right about what?"
"About you being easy to talk to. I called over two hours ago and it seems like only ten minutes."
She heard him clear his throat.
"I know this is a bit presumptuous of me, but would you consider canceling whatever plans you might have made for tomorrow and have dinner with me? I'd really like to see you and I'm not sure I can stand to wait longer than that."
Despite her head reminding her about the past, she felt fluttery as she agreed to the date. And when they said goodbye a few minutes later, she realized she was happier than she'd been in many weeks.
She walked back into the bathroom, pulled the drain plug, and perched on the side of the tub.
He was as easy to talk to as he claims I am….and as funny and charming as last night. What did we talk about for two hours? I can't remember half of it…but it was a nice two hours. I can still hear his voice in my head, the way it cracks a little when he laughs, and the way it seemed to soften when he was taking about me.
She started filling the tub with hot water again, adding new salts and bubbles. She swirled the water with her hand as the bubble cloud grew for the second time that night
I really do like him. But are the feelings genuine or fallout from what happened earlier with Paul? Or maybe the gods have sent me someone to help me forget Paul.
She sighed as she stepped into the bubbly, scented water.
Maybe I'll get lucky like Paul and this will be the one for me.
She shrugged and smiled.
I don't know. All I know is my fantasy lover has a new face tonight.
FRIDAY, MAY 14
4:30 PM
Gary rolled down his window, snatched the ticket he'd need later at the toll booth, and started down the ramp to the Massachusetts Turnpike. Sitting next to him in the front seat, resplendent in his tuxedo, Paul had entertained him with how he'd met Jillian and about much of what had happened since then.
"And now you're taking her sister to a prom? That's wild!" Gary glanced over at Paul with an appraising and envious eye. "Does she look anything like Jillian?"
"She's a little shorter and a little thinner, but I think she's just as pretty. You'll see for yourself soon enough."
"Man, you have to be the luckiest guy alive. Were you a saint or something in a previous life?"
Paul grinned. "I don't think so. Why?"
"Come on. Last week you stumble onto what sounds to me like the love of your life, and this week you get to take her sister out, too. And she tells you its okay to make out with the sister to make some guy jealous. And the sister's a fox!" He grunted. "And you wonder why I think you have a golden horseshoe nailed to your butt?"
"Hey, what can I say?" Laughing, Paul pulled out his cell phone and dialed Jillian's.
"Hi, hon. I thought I'd check in. Is it total pandemonium over there?"
"No. Actually, everything's going smoothly and almost calmly. Where are you?"
"Sitting next to Gary. We're on the Pike."
"Already? You'll be way too early. You aren't supposed to leave here until quarter past six. How far away are you?"
"Hold on." He turned to Gary. "ETA?"
"If the traffic stays like this, twenty, twenty-five minutes."
Paul relayed the time estimate.
"That means you'll be waiting around for an hour!"
"I know, I know. But it's Friday and I thou
ght the traffic would be heavy, and I wanted a little time to rehearse with Jessie."
"Well you'll have plenty of time now."
"Don't worry. This way I can take some time to meet your parents and fill them in on all the details of our little plan."
"Don't you dare!"
Paul could hear her sisters in the background asking what was wrong. Laughing he said, "I'm kidding, I'm kidding. You think I want your father coming after me with a meat cleaver or something?"
After saying goodbye, he dropped the phone into the breast pocket of his tux. "So what do you do when you're not driving me around? And why do you look as good as I do tonight?"
"Davie makes us wear a tux when we drive this and the other Bentley. For the regular limos we wear the outfit you saw last Friday. I guess he thinks it makes the ride more elegant or something. As for what I do, I mostly go to school and study. I'm a sophomore at Tufts University."
"No kidding. I grew up in Medford near Tufts. On Adams Street. My parents still live there."
"I live on Boston Ave across the street from that little convenience store on the corner of Hillside Ave."
"Hey, you're only two blocks from my parents. Talk about a small world. But wait a second. You look too old to be a sophomore. Were you in the military or something?"
Gary grinned. "No. I look old for my age. I bet you thought I was as old as you, twenty-four or twenty-five, right?"
It was Paul's turn to grin. "Well, you're right about what I thought, but I'm twenty-eight."
"Really? Well, I just turned twenty-one last month."
"Hey, congrats! Did you go out bar-hopping to celebrate?"
"Actually, no. I have a hypersensitivity to alcohol. My brain doesn't react normally to it, so one drink and I'm flying. Two drinks and I'm falling down drunk."
"I never heard of that."
"Neither did my parents when I was sixteen and they let me have a glass of wine with the meal at a wedding. They actually grounded me for a week because they thought I'd snuck at least two or three more glassfuls. After the next time it happened, they took me to the doctor.
"At first I was bummed, you know, but now it's kind of fun being the sober one watching all his friends make fools of themselves."