by Dee Mann
"Don't cry, sweetie," Jillian said, "there's lots of guys way better than him."
Priya smiled through her tears. "I'm not crying because of Brian. Who cares about Brian. I only went out with him once, and believe me, I'm used to guys like him trying…well, you know."
"Then why…?"
"I'm crying because you two were concerned enough for me that you came here in the middle of the day. I've never had friends like that before. Never had friends who worried about me getting hurt. Friends who cared enough to do this kind of thing for me. I'm not crying because I'm sad." She jumped up to hug them. "I'm crying because I'm happy!"
7:15 PM
When she arrived home after work, Priya dropped her jacket and purse on a chair, stood in the middle of her living room, and hugged herself for almost a full minute. Then she threw her arms into the air and let out a long, loud whoop of joy.
I have girlfriends! Real girlfriends who aren't threatened by me, who don't want something from me, who like me as much as I like them!
Another happy shout filled the air as she started to dance around the room.
It's coming together. My life is finally starting to come together. I worried so much about moving here and it was for nothing! It's the best decision I ever made. I have a great job, a really special friend in Paul, and two real girlfriends. All I need now is someone to share it all with. But that'll come. I know it. The fates have smiled on me and all I have to do…
The shrill ring of her telephone interrupted her reverie. A second later, her cell began to play the Oompa Loompa song from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, her favorite childhood movie.
That might be Brian on the regular phone. No way I'm talking to that jerk. But he doesn't have my cell number.
She turned down the volume on the answering machine and fished the cell out of her purse. She didn't recognize the number and hesitantly said, "Hello?"
"Hi Priya, it's Jillian. I hope you don't mind but I kind of coerced Paul into giving me your cell number."
"Hi. No, that's okay. I'd have given it to you next time I saw you anyway. When I saw a number I didn't know, I was afraid it might be Brian and I didn't want to talk to him."
"And that's why I called. I, uh…well, Paul said to leave you alone, but he's just a guy and I wanted to make sure you were okay. I know you said you were okay this afternoon, but I was kind of worrying that you'd get home and start feeling bad about what happened."
"Well thank you." She smiled as she flopped onto her sofa. "But Brian is already a distant memory. I suppose if we'd gone out for a while and I started having feelings for him it might be different, but I've learned not to let myself get hopeful about any guy. It cuts down on the pain when they stop calling."
Jillian didn't respond for a few seconds as the implications sunk in.
"Oh, Priya, I'm sorry. I know how hard it is to shelter your feelings…to, umm, not let yourself hope too much too fast. I was hurt really bad once. And it left scars. And I kind of get the feeling you've had more than your share of hurt, too."
If you only knew how much I'd like to share my past, to tell you about the loneliness, about the guys I let myself care for, about the girls who never let me get close, but it's much too soon to dump all that on a new friend. The last thing I want is to make you think I'm some pathetic, needy drama queen.
"Well, sure, we've all been hurt. That's part of life, I guess. But I like to think about positive things. Like making new friends!"
She hesitated a few seconds before continuing.
"There is one thing, though, that we really need to talk about, but I'd rather do it in person."
"Tonight?"
"Whenever you're free."
"Tonight then. Mind if I come over, or would you rather meet someplace?"
"Oh, you don't have to come all the way out here. I can come to your place. Besides, don't you and Paul have plans for the night?"
"Paul's having drinks with a few of his friends as we speak. He said he'd call me later, but…" She giggled. "…I think it will do him good to miss me a little. There's no reason I have to sit around waiting for him to call. If I'm not home, I can't answer the phone and can't answer the door. And it's perfectly reasonable to put my cell on vibrate and then forget to take it out of my purse. Don't you think?"
Priya laughed. "Jillian! All this time I thought you were so sweet and demure! Well I think you're right. Let him wonder and worry a little."
She arrived about twenty-five minutes later bearing a shopping bag full of gifts.
"What's all this?"
Priya watched Jillian unpack two bottles of wine, a pinot noir and a chardonnay, some cheese and crackers, a bag of carrot sticks, a bag of chips, and two small containers of dip.
"I wasn't sure what you like, so I bought a bunch of stuff and hoped for the best."
"Well thank you! But you didn't have to do that."
"Oh yes I did. If my mother ever found out I went to someone's house for the first time without bringing something, I would never hear the end of it. Years from now, she'd be like, ‘Remember the time Jillian went to visit her friend Priya for the first time…empty handed? I was so embarrassed when I found out. Priya must have thought the girl was brought up by wolves. Can you imagine! A daughter of mine couldn't even bring a bottle of wine. Lord knows what else she does that I haven't heard about. Her sisters probably know, but they won't tell me. They don't want to upset me. Oh, the years I spent teaching her manners and that's the thanks I get. To find out she couldn't even be bothered to buy a bag of chips. I bet her friend never showed up someplace empty handed like that."
Jillian's performance had Priya doubled over with laughter.
"You think I'm exaggerating, don't you?"
Unable to stop laughing, Priya could only nod.
"Well, maybe I am. A little. But only a little. Manners are everything to my mom."
She opened the chardonnay while Priya, still chuckling over the floor show, arranged the carrot sticks and cheese on a tray and brought them into the living room. Then she flipped on the radio, turned down the volume to conversation level, and settled in on the sofa next to her new friend.
They chatted aimlessly for a few minutes until Jillian said, "If you don't tell me soon what you wanted to talk about I'll burst from curiosity."
Priya smiled, put her glass on the table, kicked off her shoes, and pulled her legs up so she could turn and sit cross-legged on the sofa facing Jillian, who followed suit.
"A few weeks ago, I didn't have any real friends here in Boston. The guys at work were sort of friends, work friends, but not real friends. Know what I mean?"
"Yes, of course." She thought of Shandra and Marie, her closest work friends and how different their friendship was from what she had with Liz and Jenna.
"But now I have Paul, and you, and I hope Lisa. It's great. I mean, I really like you all and I don't want anything to mess that up. I don't want to ever get in the middle of things because then I'd end up losing one of you and I don't want that to happen."
"I'm not sure I understand what you mean."
"Well, if you confided something to me, would you want me to tell Paul about it?"
"No, of course not."
"And I feel the same way. If I told you something, I wouldn't want you to tell Paul. But what if Paul confides something to me? Would you expect me to tell you about it?"
"Oh, I see now what you mean about being in the middle. But in a way, you'll always be in the middle."
"I know. But I really do like you. And I really like Paul. He's become, I don't know, sort of a brother but…more than a brother. I don't know if I can explain it better than that. But he and I have an agreement that anything said between us stays between us. And I'd like you and I to have the same agreement."
As she finished speaking, Priya noticed Jillian's expression change. A commercial had ended and Could I Have This Dance started playing.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing, r
eally. It's just that when Paul took me dancing on our first date, this was the first song we danced to. And since then, it seems like every time I'm with someone and we're talking about him, this song comes on. It's starting to get a little weird."
"Maybe it's an omen."
"That's what I've been thinking." Worry lines creased her forehead. "But which kind, good or bad?"
"Oh sweetie, it has to be good. That first date was so amazing the fates want to keep reminding you of it."
"I guess so. I hope so."
The memory of yesterday's ghost flashed across her mind, but she pushed it out, determined to enjoy her time with Priya.
"I… But I'm sorry, my little drama interrupted you. Please, go on."
Priya grinned. "Don't apologize. I love little dramas like that. Anyway, I was saying that I want us to be able to trust each other when it comes to keeping confidences.
"In many ways, I'm a very private person. As time goes on, there might be things I'd want to talk to you about that I might not want Paul to know. And I'd want you to be comfortable talking with me without having to worry I'd be blabbing it to your boyfriend. I know you have Liz and Jenna, of course, but there might be times where I could provide some insight into Paul. I don't know. I just…I just want us to be friends and don't want a guy, even Paul, to mess it up."
Jillian was touched at how much this woman seemed to care about her and their budding friendship. She remembered the first time they'd met and how Priya told her she'd do almost anything for a friend. Jillian realized this was part of the same thing. She understood now how important friends really were to her and could see her one day becoming as close as Jenna and Liz.
Of course she consented to the agreement, but before she could say anything else, the phone rang again. Priya reached over and turned the volume back up on the answering machine. Hi, this isn't really Priya. Please leave a message after the beep.
"Hi Priya. It's Brian again. I was really hoping to see you tonight. There's something kind of important I need to talk to you about. The seminar was pretty much a waste of time today, but it did give me the opportunity to daydream about you. I'll be home all night so please call me when you get in and maybe we can set something up for tomorrow. Bye."
"Boy, what a jerk," Jillian said. "He sounds so nice and sincere, so worried about whatever it is he has to tell you. And it's all a stupid game to him. What makes guys do that? What makes them so twisted they can't see how they hurt people?"
"I don't know, but there are way too many of them out there. You're very lucky to have found Paul. And Lisa's lucky, too. Did you know Rob used to be a huge player? I mean, I don't think he was as cold and calculating as Brian, but from what I've heard around the office, until Lisa came along, he had a new girl every few weeks."
"Paul told me. I thought he was kidding at first because Rob seems so devoted to Lisa."
"He is. Just as Paul's devoted to you."
Priya noted Jillian's contented smile and let out a short sigh. "You two really are lucky. Now, if only I could get lucky, too."
TUESDAY, MAY 18
6:05 PM
Liz rummaged through the bin in the grocery store, squeezing oranges as she tried to figure out if they were juicy enough.
One of her guilty pleasures was peeling one with the orange plastic citrus peeler her mother had given her when she moved into her first apartment, then standing over the sink and biting into it as if it were an apple. The juice would explode into her mouth and run freely over her lips and out the corners of her mouth, dripping down her grinning cheeks and chin into the sink. As she dropped the third orange into a plastic bag, her cell phone rang.
"Could this really be Jillian? I thought she forgot about me. Why, I can remember a time when I talked to her almost every day, when we hung out all the time. But now I only see her at Yoga class. It's sad, really."
"Oh, Lizzie. Stop exaggerating. I'd never forget about you. I've just been a little busy."
"I'll bet. And you're not even getting any. That's even more sad."
"Tell me about it. So what are you doing?"
"Shopping. Buying fruit. What about you?"
"Standing on the corner watching all the guys go by."
Liz laughed. "Really?"
"Actually, yes. I'm leaning against the light pole at the corner of West and Tremont. You-know-who had to work late so I stopped in the coffee shop and now I'm waiting outside for him. He said he'd be out around six-fifteen so it shouldn't be too long. We're going to walk home."
"Aren't you two ambitious?"
"Well, like you said, we're not getting any so we have to work off all this pent up energy some way."
"Jillian!"
"I know. Will you listen to me? I never used to say such things and now it's like, I don't know, I'm a whole new me. Paul thinks this is the real me and that I've been hiding it because of all the stuff in the past."
"You told him about Aiden? Already?"
"Sort of…well, no, not really. But…"
There was silence for a few seconds, then Liz thought she heard Jillian whisper, "No, no…no, no, no, not again."
"Jillian, what's wrong?" When she didn't get an immediate answer she almost yelled into the phone, "Jillian! Answer me! What's wrong!"
Shoppers around her turned to stare but she didn't care.
"It's him again, Lizzie. I see him again. I must be going crazy."
"Who?"
"He's standing near the T station on the corner of Park and Tremont. He's watching me."
"Jilli, who? Who do you see?"
"Aiden."
Liz couldn't have been more shocked. "Oh my g…are you sure?"
"Yes, Lizzy. It has to be him. Or his twin. He's looking right at me, but I don't think he knows I've seen him. That's what I was about to tell you. I thought I saw him Sunday. And now again. What am I going to do, Lizzy? Paul will be here any minute."
"Jillian! Calm down. Wait until Paul arrives and tell him you changed your mind and want to take the subway home. Then the two of you start walking toward the station."
"I can't, Lizzy. I don't want to drag Paul into this."
"Then when he shows up, turn around and walk the other way. If you can't confront him, Jilli, then forget about him. But maybe it's someone who just resembles him from a distance. The Aiden I remember would walk over and say hello. He wouldn't be watching you from a block away."
"Maybe. But he looks so much like him. Why now? Why is this happening now? I'm…" She noticed Paul coming toward her. "I have to go, Liz. I see Paul. I'm going to meet him halfway."
"Call me later," Liz said, not sure if her friend even heard her.
The moment Jillian stepped off the curb to cross West Street, the man who'd been watching her turned and hurried into the subway station.
That clinches it. He's run away twice when he realized I saw him. It has to be Aiden. The odds of a look-alike stalker are just too huge.
"What am I going to do?" she muttered as Paul noticed her and waved. "Please God, help me. Tell me what to do."
WEDNESDAY, MAY 19
10:00 PM
Brian sat back in the recliner and stared at the blank TV screen. An hour of reality television had done nothing to take his mind off Priya. She'd haunted his thoughts almost continuously since last Friday.
I have to talk with her. But she won't return my calls. Damn! This is making me crazy. I should…okay, stop. You're an engineer. Calm down and think this through.
Okay, now. You did your best to reach her. You called Monday as you said you would. No answer, left message, no return call. You called yesterday morning and twice last night. Same result. And three times today. So, what are the possibilities?
One, she's not interested and is avoiding me. Under different circumstances, maybe. But I don't think so. There's too many holes in that theory. First, we had a great time Friday. Second, she kissed me. Third, she agreed to see me Monday. Man, she was nothing like what I expected. That idiot Mike
had no idea who she is or what she's about. How could he miss how sharp and funny she is? And how smart and sweet and sassy and sexy and forthright, and…stop, calm down. You're getting carried away again. Okay, so we had a great time Friday and unless Priya had been acting, she liked me. I'm sure of it. And unless I completely misread her, if she wasn't attracted to me, she would have just told me when I dropped her off. She wouldn't be playing some avoidance game. So much for that one.
Two, something happened to her father or brother when they were here. But wouldn't she at least have called just to let me know?
Three, she's sick. But why wouldn't she answer the phone? Unless she's in the hospital. But how do I find out?
Four…what else would keep her from returning my calls? Am I kidding myself here? Was Mike right after all about her being a psycho? No, I can't believe that. I won't believe that. But something isn't right.
His eyes lost focus as he pondered what to do. He toyed with the idea of going to her apartment and ringing the bell, but what if she didn't answer? Maybe he should just wait outside her building, but that seemed a little creepy. He sighed, and smiled as an image of her smiling popped into his head.
His hands massaged the armrests as his mind's eye focused on her face. You'll reach her soon, he told himself, and returned to remembering her smile.
10:22 PM
Jillian glanced at the clock when her cell phone rang.
It has to be Paul. He just went home a little while ago, but who else would call at this hour? Is he missing me already? Or did he think of another goofy pun? Or maybe…
She knew her funk of the past few days was worrying him. He hadn't said anything, but she noticed the way he studied her sometimes. A surge of guilt coursed through her.
Why can't I tell him?
She flipped open the phone and saw it wasn't him at all.
"Hi!"