by P. Dotson
I sighed. The only reason I invited him over in the first place is because I was in my feelings about seeing Brandon with another chick. I shook my head wishing I would have stuck my foot in my mouth. I really wasn’t in the mood for company. I let it roll over to voice mail, but he called right back.
“Damn,” I said annoyed with myself. I started to ignore it, but then I heard my door bell ring. I could feel the creases in my forehead as I frowned. This shit is annoying as hell. I couldn’t blame nobody, but myself because I invited him over. My phone began to sing again, this time I answered. “Hello.”
“I’m downstairs,” Brian said out of breath.
No shit Sherlock, I thought to myself.
“Aight, here I come.”
I took my good ole time grabbing my robe, and wrapping it around my body. I put my hair in a bun and slowly, and I do mean slowly proceeded downstairs. I guess I was taking too long because he called me again and rang the doorbell twice.
“Damn, what the hell took you so long?” He asked aggravated. He stood there long enough for me to catch the scowl on his face. Then he brushed passed me and entered the living room. He got comfortable and sat down on the couch. He unbuttoned the first three buttons on his Ralph Lauren shirt and kicked off his shoes.
Reluctantly I sat down beside him and crossed my legs. I wrapped my robe tighter around my body. I knew what he was expecting at two thirty in the morning, but I wasn’t so sure I was ready to give it to him. He grabbed me without warning and wrapped his arms around my waist. My body grew tense and I think he sensed it.
“Yo’ what is up with you?” He asked releasing me from his grip.
“Nothing,” I lied.
He shook his head and grew silent. He ran his tongue over his teeth and looked at nothing in particular as if he were in deep thought. I was being childish. I knew I couldn’t lead this man on forever, but I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do. A part of me wanted to move on and a part of me didn’t. I was still holding onto Brandon and it wasn’t fair to Brian.
“Look, I need to know if this is what you really want. One minute you hot the next you cold. I’m tired of the games with you Savannah. I’m feeling the hell out of you, but if the feelings aren’t mutual just let me know,” he said looking me dead in my eyes.
As I looked at him, I couldn’t help, but to feel like shit. I could tell the words he spoke were genuine. If only my heart did what my mind told it to do, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation. I took a deep breath and without saying another word I grabbed his hand and led him upstairs to my bedroom.
No words remained to be spoken as I pushed him down on my bed and allowed my robe to drop to the floor. I pushed him back and climbed on top of him. He placed his hand on my back and brought me closer to him. He looked into my eyes before smothering his mouth over mine. As we played tongue war, the pearl between my legs suddenly came to life. He raked his fingers through my hair causing the bun I had earlier to unravel. He allowed his other hand to grab a handful of my ass.
“Hmmm,” I moaned as he sucked on my neck. I rotated my hips, creating more heat between my thighs.
“Savannah, dayum baby,” he whispered in my ear before flipping me over on my back.
He towered over me as he practically ripped off his shirt. Before I could blink, he was in between my legs. As soon as his tongue touched my clit, it was lights out.
“Brian,” I moaned and wrapped my legs around his head.
He reached up and begin to play with my nipples. The combination caused me to reach my breaking point. It didn’t take long before my juices came gushing out. My eyes rolled in the back of my head and I grabbed the sheets.
“Shit,” I moaned into the pillow to keep the scream that lingered in my throat from escaping. I needed a minute to catch my breath, but Brian wasn’t having that.
He climbed on top of me and once again he smothered his mouth over top of mine. I wrapped my legs around his waist without hesitation. I could feel him fumbling with his pants. I pulled away.
“What’s wrong?” He asked a frown invading his forehead.
“Condom.” I could tell he was a little put off by the mention of a condom, but I wasn’t about to take any chances. Too much shit still roamed around out here and despite his good boy façade I’m sure Brian ain’t no saint.
“Hold on,” he said.
I patiently waited for him to handle his business. I guess he didn’t want me to change my mind because he was back in between my legs before I could blink. He lifted both of my thighs and I closed my eyes trying to put any doubts that lingered in my mind to the side. This is what I needed to finally put Brandon behind me. I closed my eyes and waited.
“Got damn, Savannah,” Brian moaned.
My eyes shot open. I looked up and frowned. This nigga was clearly fucking, but I had the slightest idea what. He buried his face in my neck all the while moaning and groaning about how good my pussy felt.
“Awe this shit feels good. Got damn this shit feels good,” he moaned in my ear.
I couldn’t even begin to fake the funk. I laid there and let him have his moment. To be honest, I don’t even think he noticed. This shit is clearly for the birds. I can’t believe this nigga came with the full package. He was fine and loaded with money only to fuck it up with whack sex.
“Whose is it?” He moaned, picking up his pace.
I couldn’t bring myself to answer because it damn sure wasn’t his. I was ready for this to be over. After a few boring minutes flew by he was finally done. He had the nerve to look at me with love in his eyes and kiss me passionately like what we just did was beautiful.
“I love you Savannah,” he said as he lay down beside me.
I didn’t respond. I simply rolled on my side. He wrapped his arms around me and within seconds he was sleeping.
“I could have had a V8.”
* * *
It took some persuading, but I finally convinced Brian to carry his ass home. He tried to throw in a quickie before he left, but I wasn’t about to put myself through that torture again. After a quick shower, I decided to stop by my parent’s house.
“Hey baby,” my mom said as she opened the door. She hugged me then stepped back and allowed me to enter. “How you been?”
“So, so,” I said following her into the kitchen. “What you got smelling good this early in the morning?”
“Nothing just cooked your father some bacon and eggs for breakfast. You want some?”
“You know I do,” I laughed. I washed my hands, sat down at the kitchen table and got comfortable while my mother fixed my plate. I’m often told I look a lot like my mother, but I don’t see it.
“Here you go baby?”
“Thanks, mom,” I grinned. I said my grace and dug in. “Where’s dad at anyway?”
“Outside. I think he just got finished cutting the grass.”
“This early?” I said glancing at the clock on the wall. It was a little after nine in the morning.
“You know your father.”
“I would be mad at him. He knows better making all that noise early in the morning.”
My mother waved her hand in the air. “You can’t tell that bull nothing. Anyway, what brings you here so early in the morning and where’s your sidekick?”
“Who? Roxie?”
“Yes, Roxie.”
“She’s home I guess. I do have a life outside of Roxie.”
“Thank God for that,” she mumbled as she placed my father’s plate in the warmer underneath the stove. She ran some water in the sink and added some dish liquid.
“What is that supposed to mean?” I questioned.
“Just what it means. Y’all were too close. At times, it made me wonder.”
“Wonder what?” I asked with a frown as I finished the last of my sandwich.
“You know what!” She said as she turned off the water and walked to the refrigerator. She pulled out a bottle of orange juice and handed it to me.
�
�Mom, I can’t believe you would even think that.”
“It’s hard not to think like that. Today’s generation is something else. What about Zaheeda how is she doing?”
I opened the bottle of orange juice and took a long swig. I can’t believe my mother just came at me like that. I was with Brandon for years and for her to say something out of the way like that put me on edge. I wondered if she thought the same about Zaheeda.
“She’s fine. Still wild as ever. You think me and Zaheeda got something going on?” I asked looking at her sideways.
“No, that girl is boy crazy,” she laughed. “Tell her I said hi the next time you see her. Now, back to my previous question, what brings you over this way so early in the morning?”
I placed my orange juice on the table and placed my hands in my lap. “Man problems.”
“Man problems. I thought you and Brandon broke up.”
“We did.”
“You know you still never told me the full story behind that. Have you even told him what’s going on? He seems to be in the dark about everything.”
I rolled my eyes. “Mom, I am not about to sit up here and tell a grown man what he did wrong when he was the one that did it.”
“I’m just saying Savannah. He was really broken up about you leaving him the way you did.”
“Can we just change the subject, please?” I asked not in the mood to talk about Brandon any longer.
“Okay,” she said lifting her hands up in the air as a sign of surrender. She gathered up her dirty dishes and placed them in the water.
“You want me to wash them?” I offered.
“No,” she said shaking her head.
“Mom, why do you insist on washing them when you have a dishwasher?”
“Because, I don’t trust it. I know it’s clean if I wash it. See, we didn’t have all this fancy stuff back when I was growing up. We didn’t know anything about a dishwasher or washing machine. We had to do everything by hand.”
“Okay mom, I get it,” I sighed.
“I’m just schooling you.”
“Alright mom,” I said shaking my head. I swear we have this conversation every time I come over.
“So what about these men problems?” She asked with her back to me.
“Well, I’ve been seeing someone.”
She stopped, turned around and looked at me. “Oh really.” I nodded my head yes. “How long has this been going on?”
“About five months.”
“What’s his name?”
“Brian.”
“Can’t stay away from those B’s can you?”
“Mom,” I laughed.
“How old is he?”
“Twenty-nine.”
“Does he have any children?”
“Not that I’m aware of.”
“What does he do?”
“He owns that popular club, Envious.”
She shook her head. “That club is bad news. Too much going on in there.”
“Mom, he’s clean,” I said ready to defend Brian. “You probably talking about his dad, Big Brian. His father doesn’t own the club anymore.”
“I know what I’m talking about. Matter of fact, he was in the news about something about a year or two ago,” she said looking towards the ceiling in deep thought.
“Once again you are probably thinking about his dad.”
“And once again I know what I’m talking about,” she said with the roll of her head.
“Okay mom,” I said shaking my head. I wasn’t about to argue.
“You like him?”
I sighed and placed a hand on my chin. I sat there for a minute trying to answer the question. Brian is cool and we have fun together, but as far as something serious, I couldn’t see him in my future. I didn’t want to begin to think about putting myself through another episode like last night.
“Does he know that?”
“Mom I didn’t even answer the question.”
“You don’t have to,” she said as she turned around, getting back to washing dishes. “Just know that men deal with their emotions differently than women do. I think you should tell him how you really feel Savannah, before someone gets seriously hurt.”
“Okay mom,” I said half listening.
“How’s my baby girl?”
“Daddy,” I jumped up and wrapped my arms around his neck. I loved my mother with all my heart, but there’s no doubt I was a daddy’s girl. He wrapped his arms around my waist and lifted me off the ground. My daddy is handsome with his smooth caramel skin, light brown eyes, and waves for days.
“Gerald, you better stop all that foolishness. You know you’ve been having problems with your back,” my mother said over her shoulder as she tried to watch us and wash the dishes at the same time.
He put me down and kissed me on the cheek before walking over to my mother and patting her on the backside. She frowned and shook her head.
“Stay out of my business woman,” he joked.
“You are my business, especially when it keeps me up at night.”
“Just get me my breakfast. I’m out here slaving, doing what a man’s supposed to do and you want to give me a hard time,” he said winking at me as he sat down at the table.
I couldn’t help, but smile as my parents went at it. They went at it like this all the time. There was never a dull moment in our lives. As I listened to them, I couldn’t help but think this could have been me and Brandon. I’m a hopeless romantic and as a little girl I always wanted a happily ever after with a handsome prince. I thought that the handsome prince would have been Brandon.
A sense of sadness washed over me as I thought about what could have been between us. We could have had a good life, but he just had to go and fuck it up. I could feel the tears starting to surface. I shook my head and tried to think about something else.
“Since you’re here baby girl I thought it would be nice if we all went down to visit your sister Gabby.”
I looked from my mother to my father. They remained silent waiting for me to respond. I haven’t been to visit my sister in a long time. I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
“Come on Savannah. I think it would do us all some good. We haven’t been down to see her in a while.”
I really didn’t want to, but I could see it in my father’s eyes that this is something he really wanted us all to do. Reluctantly, I nodded my head yes.
* * *
The sun was out and the summer air of July was a bit musty. As we all walked towards our destination, I found myself constantly swatting and ducking honey bees. It could have been my Burberry perfume, whatever it was they were attracted to me and wouldn’t leave me the hell alone. I hate bugs with a passion and these sons of guns were extra aggressive today.
My mom shook her head at me. She kept trying to tell me if I left the bees alone they would leave me alone. That’s bullshit because I wasn’t bothering them. Those little suckers kept coming for me.
“Girl, if you don’t stop. If I didn’t know any better I would have sworn you were a city girl,” my mother chastised.
I didn’t respond back because we’d finally reached our destination. I could feel my heart starting to pound against my chest. I could feel my emotions about to take over. My father must have sensed this because he wrapped his arms around me. I gladly laid my head on his shoulder.
We both stood back and watched as my mother placed a fresh bouquet of flowers on my sister’s grave. My beautiful baby sister died over ten years ago. She was just eight and I was twelve. As I stood there staring at her tombstone the memories came flooding back.
I remember the sirens, because they were so loud. They scared the shit out of me. It was around eight o’clock in the morning when the police banged on our front door. I jumped at the sound of my mother’s screams. Out of instinct, I jumped up and looked over towards my sister Gabby’s bed.
At the time. I thought nothing of it when it was empty. I put on my robe, slipped my feet in a pair of slip
pers and walked out into the living room. My mother was hysterical and my father did all he could do to console her. He tried to get me to go back to bed, but I wouldn’t. I wanted to know what was wrong with mommy and where was Gabby.
Later on that morning after the police had finally left and my father tucked my mother into bed, he told both me and Roxie the devastating news. Gabby’s lifeless body was found in the pond we use to play in just a few blocks away from our house.
Her death was ruled as an accidental drowning. The cops claimed she snuck out of bed and walked to the pond, went in too deep and drowned. I didn’t believe that bullshit and my parents didn’t either, but our opinion really didn’t matter, they made the decision and there wasn’t much we could do about it.
“Let us pray,” my father said removing his arm from around my shoulder.
He held out his hands. My mother took one hand and I took the other. As my father began to pray, I couldn’t hold back my tears any longer. They came gushing out like a broken faucet. I lived with the guilt of my sister’s death every day of my life.
“Shhh,” my father said as he did his best to console me. “Come on Karen,” he said to my mother.
I watched her blow a kiss towards Gabby’s headstone before helping him walk me to the car. The entire drive back my mother and father did their best to console me. They told me over and over again that what happened to Gabby wasn’t my fault, but that did little to erase the guilt weighing down my heart.
I know were not supposed to question God, but I often wondered why. Why did he take her instead of me? Why didn’t I hear anything? Why didn’t I just wake up? Did she suffer? Did she call for me and I didn’t hear her? So many questions tortured my mind. At times, I found it hard to escape from them.
After the visit to the grave, I wasn’t any more good. I needed to get away and clear my head. My mother didn’t want me driving in such an emotional state of mind, but I assured her I was okay. I decided to go to Starbucks and drown out my sorrows with calories. I had a craving for a strawberry Frappuccino and a lemon loaf.
As soon as I walked in the door I immediately regretted it. This world is just too damn small. There he stood before me again in the flesh with the same bitch he was at the club with. Tomorrow I was definitely taking my ass to church. This was a sign I needed Jesus in my life. We made brief eye contact. I rolled my eyes and attempted to walk around him, but he blocked my path.