by P. Dotson
“How long have you two been dating?” My mother asked.
“About six months now,” Brian answered.
“That’s a long time. Funny Savannah hasn’t mentioned you until about a month ago I believe.”
I snapped my neck and looked at my mother like she was crazy. That was a low blow and completely out of character for her. I couldn’t believe she said that. She shrugged her shoulders and took a sip of her tea.
“Savannah and I wanted to wait until the time was right,” Brian answered. He recovered quickly, but I knew his ego was bruised.
“Hmmm,” was her only response.
“Savannah is our only daughter. Well, our only living daughter. I’m sure she told you about what happened to her little sister Gabby?” My father asked.
Brian looked at me and I quickly looked away. There are a few details of my life I haven’t gotten around to telling Brian about yet. My sister Gabby just happens to be one of them. I just wasn’t ready to open up about a few things in my life.
“Yeah, she told me,” Brian lied and with a straight face.
“With that being said me and my wife are very protective when it comes to her.”
“I understand Mr. Lee. I would never hurt Savannah. She knows that,” he said grabbing my hand. He looked deep into my eyes. “I love your daughter.”
Why did he have to go there with that love shit? It got so quiet you could hear a pin drop. I could only look at Brian and smile. I cared for him a lot, but it was a far shot from love. He kissed the back of my hand before looking back at my parents. All I could think about was Brandon. If he would have kept his dick in his pants, I wouldn’t be sitting through this second round of meet the parents right now.
* * *
“Savannah, can I ask you a question?” My mother asked me as I cleared the table. I decided to help my mother clean up the kitchen while Brian and my dad played a game of pool.
“Go ahead,” I said shaking my head. I could tell by the tone of her voice it wasn’t good.
“How well do you know Brian?”
“Well enough,” I said shrugging my shoulders.
“I don’t like him Savannah. I don’t know, it’s just something about him,” my mother said taking a break from washing the dishes so she could turn around and face me.
“I kind of figured that,” I said shaking my head.
“It’s not because of Brandon either. I just know when somebody isn’t right and that boy ain’t right.”
“Mom,” I sighed.
“Just like Roxie, Savannah. You have got to be careful about who you let in your circle. You are just too nice and you can’t be nice to everybody.”
I remained quiet because I had no idea where this conversation was coming from or where it was going. She went way left field when she brought Roxie into the mix.
“You are my only daughter. I know what it’s like to lose one child, I don’t want to lose another one.”
“Mom, don’t talk like that,” I said shaking my head. She was riding on one of her emotional roller coasters again. I hated when she got like this. I walked up to her and wrapped my arms around her shoulders. She grabbed me and damn near squeezed the life out of me.
“He ain’t right, Savannah. Listen to your mother. He just ain’t right.”
Chapter 20
Brian
“You good?” Ace asked me. “You been quiet the ride up and we almost home and you barely said two words. What’s going on with you?”
We were on our way back from New York. We just met up with Detrick our main supplier. It’s no secret. I do dibble dabble in the drug business. The news wasn’t good anyway because they were trying to up the prices, almost a thousand dollars more per kilo. He was being greedy. I know ain’t nobody out there putting in work like me and my team. It’s time for me to make some business moves and fast.
“Yo,” Ace said again.
“Man, I just ain’t in the mood,” I said shrugging my shoulders.
“Is it Savannah?” he asked.
My silent mood is contributed to her. I never loved a woman as much as I love Savannah, not even Macy. Call me a pussy or whatever you want, but all I ever wanted was a family. I never had that growing up and I thought Savannah was someone I could do that with. When I think about my future, there’s no doubt I want her to be a part of it.
Now that I’ve meant her parents I don’t see that happening. I overheard her mother talking about me. I came in to get a drink of water after playing a game of pool with Savannah’s father. It hurt that Savannah didn’t even try to defend me. I’m not going to front, I have my issues, but I think Savannah has made me a better man.
“You in love ain’t you?” Ace asked interrupting my thoughts.
“Yeah, I am man,” I answered shaking my head.
“What’s the problem?”
“I don’t know Ace. I just don’t think she is feeling me like I’m feeling her. You know when I love, I love hard.”
“I know and that’s your problem. You are too clingy and controlling. Besides you can’t make somebody love you. I tried to tell you that when you were with Macy.”
“Don’t start with that Macy bullshit,” I said looking out of the window. Macy was a young lady from my past. I loved her too, but nowhere near as much as I love Savannah. That was a memory I wanted to leave buried, but Ace wanted to dig up old dirt.
“I just don’t want you to get caught up. You barely escaped the mess you created last time. I hate to see you get in another bind you can’t get ya ass out of,” Ace said shaking his head. “You ever think about talking to somebody?”
“What?”
“No, seriously B. You got some shit going on with you and as your brother I only want the best for you. You got a good thing going. I would hate for you to throw it away behind some girl. Besides Savannah is a good girl I would hate-,”
“I’m warning you Ace,” I said through gritted teeth.
Images of Macy’s smile walked through my mind. The sound of her laughter penetrated my ears. I covered my ears and breathed deep before exhaling. The voices in my head started talking to me again. I shook my head slightly, doing all I could to ignore them.
“Yo’ B. You good?”
“Shut the fuck up,” I snapped. I already had two voices speaking to me at once I didn’t need another one.
This is all his fault anyway. I was doing good for a while without my medication. Nobody knew about my condition except my mother. I kept this secret from both my father and Ace. I was too embarrassed to talk about it. At the age of twelve, I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. I’m supposed to take medication for it, but I hate taking those pills. They make me feel weird and incompetent.
Now here, I am having an episode in front of my brother. He knew something was wrong with me. Even as kids he would look at me sideways. I had this fetish for torturing animals. It’s sick to some, but I enjoyed it. He was the only person besides myself that knew about my first kill. I was just ten years old. A little girl named Jade.
Me and Ace were spending the weekend with my father. His next door neighbor’s daughter Jade who was only eight at the time asked me and Ace to play house with her. Ace wasn’t for that shit, but I made him play anyway. I was the husband, she was the wife and Ace was our son.
Would you believe I got caught up in that fantasy? I actually believed she was my wife and I was her husband. We were a family. Even at the age of ten that’s something I always wanted. I just had this empty feeling inside and I felt a real family would make that feeling go away.
That little fun we had with Jade quickly came to an end when my father found out. He beat the hell out of me. Ace didn’t get in trouble though, just me. Shit like that made me question if my father really loved me. Ace and I would get caught doing shit together yet I was the only one that ever got reprimanded. I think my father is part of the reason I’m so fucked up anyway. I have so many stories bottled up inside of me.
Anyway back to
Jade. Well, when our fun together ended she found a new friend to play house with. When I saw that shit, this feeling took over me. I think it was rage, and it was so powerful. I actually began to shake. It may sound funny, but that was my wife and she just up and found another husband when shit got a little rough between us. Just like Macy, she tried to leave when shit got a little sticky, but I couldn’t let that happen.
I never make it easy for anyone to leave me, plain and simple. Jade was the first to meet my darker side when she tried to move on with someone else. You know how some people feel nervous when they are about to do something wrong. Not me. I guess because, in my sick, demented mind, I had every right to do what I did. The voice in my head walked me through everything.
It was mid-August. We had one more week left before school started. I convinced Jade to sneak out with me. It wasn’t too late, around ten or eleven o’clock at night. We took a short walk into the woods behind her house where I planted my baseball bat. She never saw it coming.
“Hey,” Ace said nudging me again.
“Just drive man,” I told him, not in the mood for a lot of conversation. I laid my head back on the headrest and attempted to close my eyes and go to sleep. But sleep came and went as it pleased. Jade’s beautiful face taunted me the entire ride back home.
* * *
I stood outside and knocked on Savannah’s door for ten minutes straight. No lie. I called her cell phone three times in a row. That was my limit. I ain’t want to come off as too pushy. The bees didn’t help my situation either. I’m allergic to them muthafuckas and on top of Savannah being missing in action they had me even more paranoid.
“Savannah,” I said banging on the front door.
My heart raced in my chest. Maybe I’m jumping to conclusions, but I didn’t want to take any chances. I ran and circled the house, peeking through windows, checking for unlocked doors. I know from the outside looking in that shit didn’t look right, but Savannah is wifey and I wanted to make sure she’s okay.
The only thing I could do was stare at my cell phone. I couldn’t call anybody. I didn’t have her mother’s number or Roxie’s number. My next move would have been to break one of her damn windows open, but my cell phone began to vibrate. I smiled when her face flashed across my screen.
“Hello.”
“Hey, you called.”
“Where you at? I’m standing outside of your house right now,” I told Savannah as I made my way back towards the front of the house.
“I’m with Zee.”
“Who?”
“Zee,” she repeated.
“Who the hell is Zee?”
“My co-worker,” she responded like I should know who the hell Zee is. I’ve never heard her mention anything about this co-worker before so I immediately became suspicious. “Hello.”
“When you coming home?”
“Probably not for another hour or so.”
“Aight,” I mumbled.
“See ya later,” she said and hung up.
I wasn’t feeling that. My insides were on fire and I bit the inside of my jaw. The voices in my head decided they wanted to have a conversation with me. I did the best to tune them out because they never had anything positive to say. They were getting out of control. As much as I hated to take my medication I knew I needed it.
The summer heat was making its appearance. I could feel the sweat smothering my armpits. I took a light whiff of my underarms to make sure I didn’t have an odor. It was a bit musty. Body odor is a turn off for me. I didn’t want to wait a whole hour in this condition. I couldn’t blame anybody but myself. I shouldn’t have been running around Savannah’s house like a mad man.
If I had a key to her place, this would be one less problem I had to worry about. She had a key to my place, but she rarely ever used it. I looked around contemplating my next move. I really didn’t feel like going home. After waiting for an hour and a half, Savannah still hadn’t found her way home. I called and my phone call went unanswered.
“There’s someone else.”
“No, Savannah wouldn’t do that to me,” I answered myself.
“Yes, she would.”
“No, she wouldn’t,” I yelled.
I breathed deep and remained in place for a few minutes. Silence at this point was like my friend. I smiled thinking I had control of the voices inside of my head.
“Yes, she would,” a voice said to me followed my laughter.
That shit scared me and the fucked up part about it is I fed into what they said. I started up my car and headed home all the while entertaining the voices in my head. Maybe they are right. There is somebody else.
Chapter 21
Savannah
I looked at my cell phone as Brian’s face flashed across the screen. I rolled my eyes towards the ceiling and kindly placed it back inside of my Marc Jacobs bag. This shit was getting ridiculous. He was like Roxie only in male form. I shook my head. Am I a magnet for drama or what?
“What’s wrong?” Zee asked me.
“Brian,” I sighed.
“Savannah you need to go ahead and break that shit off before it gets way out of hand.”
“I know, I just don’t want to hurt him.” Zee looked at me sideways like she didn’t believe me. “What?” I asked curling up my lips.
“Is that really the case?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay,” she said as she pulled into my driveway.
“What is that supposed to mean?” I asked.
“Be real Savannah. You are only keeping that man around because he is a temporary distraction.”
“From?”
She cocked her head to the side and smacked her lips. “Really Savannah?”
“Really,” I said faking the funk like I didn’t know what she was talking about.
“Okay, since you want to play dumb. You are only using that man. He was supposed to be the Novocain to ease your pain. Now that he has served his purpose I think you are getting tired of him.”
When Zee put it like that, I felt like shit because she was right. In the beginning, things were good between me and Brian. I even thought he could possibly be the one, but now I’m not so sure. I’m trying my best to make this work, but you can’t force your heart to love someone.
“You need to be up front with him Savannah.”
“I know,” I sighed. “Why you all up in my business anyway?” I joked.
“Because you allow me into your drama,” she said with a laugh.
“Whatever. Aight chick let me get in here. My feet hurt from all that walking we did. I like to shop, but dayum. I ain’t think we were ever going to leave.”
“Girl, I told you. When I shop, honey I shop.”
“I know now.”
She opened the back and allowed me to get my bags. I could only shake my head because of how much money Zee spent in the store. I mean don’t get me wrong I like to indulge, but not like that. She still has clothes hanging in her closet with tags on them. That’s just a waste of money to me.
I waved over my shoulder as I made my way up the steps. She honked her horn at me as she backed out of the driveway. My feet really did hurt. As soon as I hit my living room I plopped down on the couch and took off my Michael Kors wedged tennis shoes. I wiggled my toes and tried to give them some life.
My phone began to ring again. I didn’t even bother to look at it. I had a feeling it was Brian anyway. I looked up at the ceiling in distress. I was starting to feel a little overwhelmed in this relationship. He wanted things that I wasn’t ready to give him. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready.
After lounging on the sofa for a few minutes with my thoughts, I decided to take a shower. I grabbed my bags and headed upstairs towards my bedroom. A sense of loneliness came over me and my mind drifted to Brandon. I rubbed my belly and daydreamed about what could have been.
“Why did you have to go and fuck it up?” I said out loud to myself.
* * *
Loud banging jarred me o
ut of my sleep. I sat up and blinked hard to adjust them to the darkness that surrounded my room. The banging started up again and I jumped. Between the banging on the door and my cell phone sounding off, I didn’t know which way to turn.
I grabbed my phone off the stand. As I looked at the picture displayed across the screen I shook my head. The banging got louder and I could hear the faint sounds of my name being called. I recognized the voice.
I grabbed my robe hanging off the door and wrapped it around my body. This is getting ridiculous.
“Savannah,” Brian yelled as he pounded on my door like it was Dawn of the Dead and Zombies were after his ass.
“Brian, what the hell is wrong with you?” I asked as I swung the door open.
He walked in and wrapped his arms around me. He was out of breath. I would be too. He got his workout for the day. I know his hand had to be sore.
“Brian, what is going on?” I asked as I maneuvered my way out of his death grip.
“I had a bad dream,” he said shutting the door behind him. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
I looked him up and down. All sorts of thoughts ran through my mind as I thought about my mother’s words to me. The crazed look in his eyes put me on edge. Goosebumps ran across my arms and I rubbed them to keep warm.
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
“Good,” he said looking over his shoulder.
“Have you been drinking?” I asked picking up the all too familiar scent of alcohol.
“A little,” he confessed.
“Brian,” I said shaking my head. I looked at him and wondered how someone could be put together one minute and out of sorts the next.
As much as I wanted to send him on his way, I couldn’t. I didn’t have the heart to send him back home in that condition. I wasn’t about to give him any pussy either. I couldn’t stomach that right now.
“I’m sorry Savannah. It’s just that the dream seemed so real. I had to come over and make sure you were okay. I’m sorry about this.”
His eyes had softened and his breathing was back to normal. I felt bad for how I questioned him earlier. He only wants what’s best for me. I couldn’t get mad at him for that.