by Dani Wade
Her throat was too constricted to speak, to excuse herself. She lurched for the back door, stumbled through a closed-in porch, then burst into the weak sunshine. Not sure why, she kept moving forward, as if the motion would somehow jump-start her body into behaving again. But suddenly she was halted by a set of heavy hands on her shoulders.
Her body was pulled upright, then back against a solid, muscular chest. The warmth soothed her, making her aware that she was out in the cool January air with no coat over her dress. Just an apron. The thought made her want to laugh, but her lungs were strained.
Zach leaned in close, burying his face against her neck. His heat surrounded her. “Just breathe, baby,” he murmured against her ear.
* * *
Zach felt Sadie’s body unlock as if he’d turned the key. Breathing deep, she rose up on her toes. Then she collapsed back against him.
Leaving him feeling like he’d won the lottery.
He sensed her beginning to relax. The feel of her ribs expanding beneath his palms. The loosening of her muscles against his chest. The sigh that finally graced his ears.
He waited for her to sag as the tension drained from her, but Sadie was too strong for that. Instead her knees locked. She didn’t pull away, but she wasn’t relying solely on him for her stability, either.
That was the essence of the woman he’d come to know.
And she was kind, compassionate, hardworking. Today, he was determined to learn something new.
Stepping back was a hardship, but he substituted holding her hand for the embrace. A poor substitute, his body said. He led her to a bench near this end of the sloping back lawn. During the summer, irises bloomed plentifully here, but the now-barren leaves didn’t detract from the richness of the view.
He took a quick inventory of her. Breath steady. Eyes closed. Pulse slowing beneath his palm. He waited a few minutes more before pushing.
“Tell me what that was about.”
“A panic attack,” she said simply. “I’ve had a few over the years, but they’re so rare that I never feel quite prepared for them.”
Her deep breath drew his gaze down to the fullness of her chest, even though he knew that’s not where his focus should be right now.
“Marie’s words...they just brought up some bad memories for me.”
“Did you lose someone you love?”
She shook her head, but it wasn’t really an answer—more the movement of someone trying to deny reality. “Not yet...but I will.”
He waited, trying to wrap his mind around her words. Was it her mother? That was the only relative she’d ever mentioned.
“I have a sister...a baby sister.”
Zach felt his world tilt slightly, then right itself.
“She was diagnosed when she was a teenager. The cancer is terminal at this point.” A sad smile tilted the corners of her lips. “She’s a trouper—it’s been six years since her diagnosis. They said she would only live two.”
Zach could read between the lines. “But she won’t be able to fight it forever?”
Sadie shook her head, her lips pressed tight for control. Fortunately, he could read all her emotions in those expressive eyes.
“No,” she finally conceded. “She’s fought long and hard, but her resolve is weakening. As is ours—mine and my mother’s. We take the best care of her we can, but there’s only so much we can do.”
“And that’s heartbreaking.”
“My poor mother—she’s handled the majority of Amber’s care, but it’s too much. We had to place her in a type of halfway house. Not hospice...yet.” Sadie looked away, but Zach could still see her neck working as she swallowed.
As he’d done with Marie, he reached out to comfort her. Only this wasn’t Marie. He reacted in a completely different manner that shook him deep inside. But he didn’t let go.
“I was still young myself, but about a year into her treatment I took over my mother’s position as housekeeper for our former employer so she could stay home with Amber full-time. This trip is the longest I’ve been away from them, ever.”
In her voice, Zach heard an echo of his own struggles with responsibility. The burden of doing whatever you had to in order to care for someone you love, regardless of where you wanted your own life to go. It was a heavy weight, one he hated to think of on Sadie’s slim shoulders. But it came with its own rewards.
He was sure she knew that by now also.
“Why did you leave now, Sadie?”
She went still beneath his touch, and for a moment he worried that his question had seemed judgmental. But Zach was the last one to judge. He’d left his entire family behind for the military because that’s what he’d needed to do to provide a better life for them.
“The trip—it was a legacy, of sorts, from our former employer,” she said. “The chance to travel outside our little world. My mom wouldn’t hear of me giving it up—neither of them would.”
He knew he shouldn’t ask, but he couldn’t stop himself. “So you could go anywhere, and you chose to come here.”
She quickly glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, which told him she realized the significance of the question. “Zach, this is the only place I wanted to be.” She wiped shaky fingers over her cheeks. “I’m sorry. This is just a little too close,” she whispered.
For a moment, he thought she meant him. But now she clutched his arms, her body leaning into his. Then he understood. Marie had been talking about life, the life Lily should have had.
The life Amber should have had.
“I know it is,” he said. “And that’s okay.”
With a jerk her gaze swung up to meet his. He could read the conflict in her eyes. The woman she’d shown him was strong, independent, but soft with others. Now she needed to take care of herself.
“It’s okay, Sadie. Feeling that way doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human.”
That’s when the tears appeared, just like the night she’d told him she missed her mother. They pooled like shiny puddles in her eyes, reflecting that incredible green color. He knew then, no matter what he really wanted, he would never be able to get over Sadie.
Whether she stayed or not.
Eleven
When her phone rang, Sadie was surprised to see Zach’s name lighting up the small screen. But her hesitation lasted only a second before she answered.
“Pack a weekend bag and meet me downstairs.”
She opened her mouth to reply, but the line went dead. Was he already downstairs? Should she go question him? Why was she even thinking about this?
Letting go of her worrisome thoughts, she packed her travel toiletries and enough clothes for two days into an oversize purse in record time. The sound of her feet on the stairs as she descended ramped up her heartbeat.
It had only been a day and a half since she’d seen him, but it seemed like forever. She’d chosen not to attend Lily Blackstone’s funeral today, figuring she’d simply be lost in the throng of people who would be there. But Zach had surely braved the crowds for the family who had done so much for him.
When he’d last said goodbye at Blackstone Manor, he’d told her he would be in touch, but not when. That made sense, considering his position as head of security for the family. She definitely hadn’t expected to speak with him tonight after what had undoubtedly been a long day.
Shouldn’t he be home relaxing? Sleeping?
Yet there he stood in the foyer of the B and B, looking a little tired around the edges, but fresh in a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. She wished she could run her fingers through his hair or savor the sexiness of his gaze as he did a little inspecting of his own.
But he didn’t linger. He quickly took her bag and led her out to a low, dark sports car. Still without an explanation, he seated her in the fron
t, then stowed her bag in the trunk. Her first clue as to his intentions was his quick lean across the seat after he climbed behind the steering wheel. His lips on hers were hot and hard, telling her without words of the need he barely held in check.
Her anticipation exploded into full-blown excitement.
Good thing he wasn’t dangerous, because she had no recollection of where they drove. Her entire focus was on the smallest of things: his hands on the steering wheel, the barest hint of music on the radio—too low for her to tell what it was—the shaking in her core that had nothing to do with fear and everything to do with Zach.
It wasn’t until he pulled the car into an almost empty lot and parked that reality hit. She realized she needed to know. “Zach,” she stalled, before he could open his door.
“Yes?”
His low voice only sent further shivers up her spine. “I’m guessing we’re not going out to dinner?” She tried to keep her tone light, but Zach plunged straight into the deep end.
He leaned closer, invading her comfort zone. “We both know what’s happening, Sadie. I think it’s time to stop beating around the bush, don’t you?”
“Um...”
“Don’t pretend this isn’t what you want.” If his words didn’t convince her, the way his lips traced her jaw definitely did.
But for once, she needed honesty between them. “I won’t.” Heaven knew she couldn’t. “But how can it be what you want?” She swallowed hard but forced herself to finish. “After I left?”
“You were trying to do the right thing, weren’t you?”
He would never know it, but she had. Her attempt to protect him from the callous, self-centered man who had been his father might not be the right thing in his mind, but it had been in hers. “Yes.”
“That’s the most important thing to me, Sadie.”
She instantly cooled as he got out of the car and walked around to her side. If she hadn’t known she would ultimately lose Zach, those words had spelled it out loud and clear. But she didn’t have time to contemplate. Zach opened her door. His hand folded over hers, and he eased her out onto her feet. “I want you,” he said, no longer holding back. “You have responsibilities away from here. I totally understand that.”
He lifted her chin with his other hand, positioning her lips exactly right for his kiss. “If I only have you for this weekend, so be it.”
Her defenses and resistance fell with his words, and she had a feeling she’d never be able to rebuild either again. Instead she took a deep breath and nodded. “Okay.” Her voice wasn’t too shaky, at least.
As he locked up the car, she glanced around. Parts of Black Hills had become fairly familiar to her by now, but she had absolutely no idea where she was at the moment. Zach grabbed their bags, then her hand and led her across the asphalt to a large metal building.
They were spending the weekend in a manufacturing plant? It certainly didn’t have the romantic feel she would expect, but then, Zach was a guy. The dark night kept her from reading the sign farther down the wall. It wasn’t until they passed through the double doors that Sadie got a clue.
They’d arrived at the small municipal airport. The too bright, fluorescent-lit space wasn’t big enough for commercial traffic—mostly crop dusters and shuttle planes. Which also explained why it was mostly deserted at this time of the evening.
Zach dumped their bags near a grouping of chairs and waved her into a seat. “I’ll just get everything set up.”
Sure he would. She remembered him talking about loving every minute of learning to fly in the military, and he’d done some crop dusting in town until the notorious cotton killings last year.
“Zach, would you mind telling me what we’re doing?”
He paused a few feet away, his expression filled with an almost childlike excitement. “Do you like surprises?”
A frown started between her brows. “I haven’t had any good ones in my life.”
“Well, let’s try this one and see.”
* * *
Zach felt like he’d spent the entire two-hour flight grinning—and he wasn’t a grin type of guy. He preferred a smirk or a glare. But the reaction to Sadie’s every gasp and sigh was unstoppable.
Despite her initial shock, it was clear she’d enjoyed the view, no matter their altitude. Zach’s new private plane, no matter that it was small, made the trip pure pleasure. It was the first thing he’d bought for himself since he’d hit the big time. Add on the anticipation of being with Sadie, and yeah, he grinned.
He was giving himself a gift, and hopefully giving her one, too. He’d told her the truth: the past was the past. He didn’t need a crystal ball to guess the future was uncertain. But for this weekend, they would have all they wanted of each other.
No more interruptions.
He took the plane down and handled the technicalities at the airport with ease but not nearly enough speed for his liking. It took way too long to get everything loaded into the Jeep he kept at the airport and get started on the road.
“We’ll be at our destination in about twenty minutes,” he said.
At least, he hoped so. He hadn’t checked the weather forecast the way he normally did before his trips, and a light snow had started to fall as they ascended the mountain.
“Where are we going?” she asked.
“My favorite place in the world.”
She didn’t question him further but grinned herself. Then she turned her gaze back out the window to the darkened landscape. “Well, I already know it’s beautiful,” she said in a hushed voice.
As did he. The real estate agent was the most trusted in Black Hills, a woman Zach had known most of his adult life. He’d laid out his specifications, and in a week she had an even dozen options from a trusted network of agents all over the South. This one had stood out from the rest at first glance. He’d made the purchase without hesitation—and without familial consent. Heck, his family didn’t even know the specifics about this place. And they’d never actually been here.
He came to the cabin regularly. Always alone. It was the one place he could let down his guard, let go of the ever-present responsibility and truly relax. He’d never wanted anyone else’s personality to imprint on the place...until now.
Maybe he should have planned this a little more, but Zach knew all about trusting his instincts. The impulse was true. At least when Sadie was gone, he’d be able to come here and remember her.
Even he had to admit that the cabin looked charming as they arrived. The light, fluffy snow had started to accumulate on the nooks and crannies of the log house and roof. He parked out in front instead of pulling in close. The cabin wasn’t large, though it did have two bedrooms and two baths. The second story held only the master bedroom, bath and sitting area.
Not big, but it had all the amenities he’d wanted. A wide wraparound porch perfect for relaxing. A balcony with a hot tub, accessible from the master suite. An environmentally friendly exterior finish. And the whole thing was surrounded on three sides by a forest dense with cedar and pine.
“Wow, Zach. This is gorgeous.”
He helped Sadie out of the Jeep and grabbed both of their bags before leading her up the stairs to the porch. Her red hair glinted with snowflakes, tempting him to keep her outside to admire her beauty. But his body protested any further delay.
The security system and locks were a minute’s work for him. Then they were stepping through the door into the slightly cool interior. Dropping the bags, he made a beeline for the opposite wall and adjusted the thermostat.
“I keep it cooler in here when I’m away—just high enough to keep everything from freezing—but it will warm up soon.”
She nodded, her eyes twinkling with excitement as she surveyed the interior. “I’m serious, Zach. This has to be your best-kept secret. I love it.”
Arms tucked around her to combat the chill, she wandered through the downstairs area. But her words held him still. Because the cabin was a secret of sorts. He never talked about it with anyone; he’d never even described it or shown his family any pictures, even though they knew of its existence.
Because deep down, he felt guilty for taking this time, this space for himself.
The admission stunned him. Guilt was a weakness he couldn’t afford and didn’t have the time to wallow in.
Suddenly Sadie stood before him, her appearance shaking him from his daze. “You’re right,” he told her, “it is my secret. You’re the only person I’ve ever brought here.”
Her green eyes widened. He could almost see the impact as his confession hit her. Then she narrowed her gaze on him. “Why, Zach?” she asked, soft-spoken but demanding in her own way. “Why wouldn’t you want people to know about this part of your life?”
“They wouldn’t understand why I want to be here...need to be here.” The explanation burned in his throat.
Sadie reached out to him, offering comfort instead of the passion he’d planned on when he’d first walked through the door. “I understand. Sometimes life is overwhelming, and you need to recharge—somewhere away from all the things you feel like you have to take care of.”
She stepped in close, the arm around his waist making him wish there was nothing between his skin and hers. “You’ve worked incredibly hard, Zach. You deserve this sanctuary for yourself.”
“Sometimes it doesn’t feel like it.”
“Why?”
He shook his head. “If it wasn’t for the Blackstone brothers, I’d probably be rotting in jail from that crop dusting incident. To have everyone patting my back...it just feels false.”
Sadie wasn’t buying it. “You’ve worked at the mill a long time, right? Long before you were head of security for the Blackstones.”
Zach nodded.
“You’ve known most of those people all of your life, right?”