Chapter Twelve
Hannah
Of course I was uncomfortable. I was sitting alone in the office of an extremely powerful man, and he was about to ask me about Charlie’s behavior. What was I supposed to say? How could I blatantly lie to someone of such stance?
“Please, sit.” He offered his hand out, gesturing to the chair in front of his desk.
“Thank you, sir.” I smiled as I did as he had asked.
And then all of a sudden, the room got very comfortable, open, welcoming… oddly comfortable, open, and welcoming. He flipped over his Command Sergeant Major Reynolds nameplate, and leaned back in his chair.
“Let’s just say for the next few minutes that there are no Command Sergeants and no Privates. You’re just Hannah and I’m just Max.”
“Sir?” I questioned, unsure where he was taking this little meeting.
“You know, I worked with your father many years ago, I met your mother at a couple military charity functions over the last few years, but I don’t know you. I want you to tell me about Hannah.”
It seemed unconventional, and slightly peculiar. I wasn’t quite sure how to respond.
So I did what I did best: I just started awkwardly talking. I eased into it by telling him of the foods I like and the music I listen to, and how I love to go on long bike rides but I’ve never been much of a swimmer. I told him my dream was to be a doctor, hopefully pediatric medicine, and I would find any way to get there. And then he reciprocated, telling me that he had been a bit of a wild child and decided to join the Army right after high school because he really had no other options. College wasn’t in his future. But, he found a home in the military, and soon met his wife, a local schoolteacher.
A smile came over his face. “She made me want to grow up. For the first time, I realized that I had a reason to be a man.”
“That’s very sweet.” I couldn’t help but turn into a girl, the way he talked about the love he had for her. “She’s a lucky woman, sir.”
“I’m the lucky one.” He leaned on his desk. “Well at least, I was. She was taken from us when our youngest was only seven. Cancer.”
“I am so sorry.” My hand moved to my mouth.
“Thank you, Hannah. But it was a long time ago. Hell, almost twenty years.”
“You have children? How many?” I hoped to change the subject slightly, as I didn’t want to dwell on his misfortunes.
“Three.” He perked up. “Mary, Maggie, and Max Jr.”
“All M’s. I like it.” I giggled.
He almost giggled along with me. “Thank you for indulging me, Hannah. I’m very happy we had this time to connect.” He took another second to smile at me before he continued. “Now onto the necessary conversation. How’s First Sergeant Madison treating you?”
“Charlie?” It had come to my attention that I hadn’t actually known his last name, or at least heard it out loud. Everyone called him Charlie. “He’s… He’s…” I stuttered, having no idea what to say about him that wouldn’t absolutely give away the fact that I had slept with him… multiple times.
“He can be a lot to handle.” The Command Sergeant helped me out.
“Ha.” I almost laughed, hoping it was okay to do so.
“But he’s the best trainer I have, and I thought it would be… beneficial for you two to work together.”
He tilted his head and scratched at his chin, and I feared he could read me like an open book.
But I tried my hardest to keep it together. “He’s very good at his job, sir. He’s definitely determined to make me go above and beyond the necessary requirements for the program.”
He let out a boisterous laugh. “He threw you in the pool, didn’t he?”
After a second of hesitation, I joined in. “He did.”
“Well, you’re not the first to get that kind of surprise, but I just want to make sure he’s treating you with the respect you deserve. I know some of these guys are a bit,” he bit the inside of his cheek, “shall we say, unhappy—with the new direction the Army is taking here. But I’m here to ensure that you’re getting the training necessary to make sure you have every advantage to see this program to its completion.”
Surprisingly, I really liked this guy. He was different than I assumed he would be. I expected someone of such a high rank to not be… intolerant, but more so just not have time to care about what little people like me needed to succeed.
I guess I was wrong.
With a few more necessary exchanges and a quick handshake, we said our goodbyes, and I left the office to find Charlie. I didn’t have to look far; he was anxiously pacing outside of the door.
“What happened in there?” His face dropped as soon as he saw me.
I put a hand up, hoping he would take it as a hint and calm down. “Cool your jets, man. I didn’t rat you out to Daddy. You’re fine.”
“Daddy? What?” He seemed flustered.
“Daddy, boss man, the big cheese…” He wasn’t following me. “Your superior: Reynolds.”
“Oh. Oh, right.” He cracked his knuckles, still not settling down.
“Wow, what’s your problem?” I was kind of enjoying how much this affected him.
“You were in there for awhile. Wha—what did you talk about?” He shoved his hands in his pockets.
“He knows my parents… well,” I corrected myself, “he knew my dad and knows my mom. We were just talking.”
“And you didn’t…”
“Of course I didn’t.” I cut him off. “Do you think I’m stupid?”
Aside from the progress meeting, the day was much the same as the day before. In the morning we did the push-ups, sit-ups, and six-mile run, and then we sat down for lunch and looked through my textbook. Although I had all but memorized the thing over the past few weeks, I oddly enjoyed being quizzed by him and watching his face light up as I answered each question correctly. So, I didn’t argue when he suggested we do it again.
“So what’s on the docket for this afternoon, sir? A nap?” I hoped out loud.
He walked me out of the dining hall. “You’re going to get over a two fifty on your physical fitness test.”
“Wait.” I laughed, praying to God he was joking. “I swam for an hour, ran six miles, did fifty-one push ups and a hundred and fifty sit-ups, not to mention doing all of that on less than four hours of sleep. How in the hell do you expect me to do it all again this afternoon?”
Charlie continued on without a word, ignoring my question.
“Hello. Earth to Charlie. Did you hear me?” I ran in front of him, waving my hands in his face.
In an instant, I was hoisted over his shoulder, and even though I struggled, he kept a steady pace.
“Put me down, you big lug.” I tried to twist from his grip to no avail.
And still, he said nothing.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him swing open a thick door open and then look around before stepping inside. With a thud, he tossed me to the ground.
“You can’t just go and throw me over your shoulder every time I say something you don’t like.” I yelled as I scurried to me feet.
As soon as I found my stance, though, I was lifted again off my feet. Charlie had my shoulders trapped in his big hands as he pushed me up against the wall.
His face, inches from me, burned with rage. “In combat, you don’t get rest days. You don’t get to shower and stretch before having to run for your life through a strange, unfamiliar forest. You’re thrilled if you get four hours of uninterrupted sleep. And for the love of God, you do what your superior tells you to do without a single argument because he is the one who will keep you alive. Does that register, Private?”
His hands squeezed my shoulders, waiting for my reply. I wanted so desperately to fight him. I wanted to accuse him of only being hard on me because he was ashamed of his feelings for me, and that had I been anyone else, he would have seen to it that their test was given under the best conditions.
But I knew I
was wrong. I so hated being told what to do that I was creating reasons in my head for his actions. But his actions were clear. He was training me to be able to protect myself. That was it. He was able to keep his personal feelings for me at bay while he did his job. After all, Reynolds had called him the best trainer on his staff.
I had to stop taking it so personally, even if he was being an absolute ass.
“Yes, sir.” I choked.
“What did you say, Private?” He pushed closer to me.
“Yes, sir.” I spoke over the lump in my throat.
“Well, now that we have that settled…” The edge of his lips rose into a sly smile and the passion he exuded for his cause changed into a very different sort of desire.
And so I closed my eyes and waited for him to kiss me.
His mouth crashed into mine and I opened up, accepting his taste. Our fingers clawed at one another, as if we had been fighting the tension between us for weeks, months… even years. He pulled at my sweat pants, his fingers finding my wetness, and I called out in pure pleasure.
Between kisses, he warned me, “This isn’t going… to bode well… for your test score… you know.”
“I’m up for the challenge.” I teased, knowing there was no way I planned on stopping the act that was about to unravel.
“Okay… but I don’t want to hear it… when you get a two forty-nine and I… make you take the test again tomorrow after… I spend all tonight… fucking you as well.” He pulled my hair out of its tight bun, letting it fall on my shoulders, so he could twirl his free hand through it as he began to nibble down my neck. I cried out as his fingers curled inside of me, making my insides squirm at the thought of his thickness filling me. My body needed his; there was no denying that fact. And so, together, we fell to the floor and wrapped ourselves in one another for the next twenty-two minutes.
I scored a two sixty-five on my test. I blamed it on the adrenaline.
Chapter Thirteen
Charlie
Over the course of the next few days, the routine never changed. Hannah would jump in the pool at five in the morning, I would sneak in to watch her wet body move through the cool water for ten or so minutes, and then we’d meet in the green room for the day’s physical tests. We worked through a number of obstacle courses over and over again until I was satisfied with her performance. She would glare at me with pure hatred, and I would punish her with push-ups for even thinking of talking back to me. But she didn’t fight me, outwardly at least, and I allowed her to take out her anger on me each night.
We spent almost every waking minute together, and I hated exactly zero of those minutes. It was strange, and scary, and I knew myself well enough to know that sadly we were coming to a point when I would most likely screw it all up.
“You’re dismissed for the day.” I excused her to the showers after making her traipse through the mud for the better part of the afternoon.
“Thank you, sir.” She gave a quick nod before turning into the locker room.
“Hannah.” I whispered, calling her back.
She reappeared in the doorway, her adorable cheeks still covered in dirt.
“What’s up?” She smiled, dropping the Army act and putting on the face of the woman I had become enamored with.
“What do you want for dinner? I’ll pick something up on my way home.” I wanted so badly to kiss her muddy face, but I knew there were too many eyes around the base.
She bit her bottom lip with disappointment. “I actually can’t come over tonight. I have plans.”
I’m not quite sure what happened in the spur of that moment. I could have asked her about those plans. I could have given her the benefit of the doubt and accepted that she had a life before me, and it didn’t mean she could drop everything once I stormed into her existence.
But of course, I didn’t do that. Instead, I got angry, jealous, and crazed. My blood boiled inside my chest. I was able to keep it together for a short time, turning away so she couldn’t see my reddening face as I told her I’d see her promptly at oh six hundred hours the following morning.
But, when I got home, I was teeming. I paced around my house, absolutely certain she was fucking someone else as I stood there like a complete idiot. Did she think I was a fool? Did she not think I knew what was going on? Did she think I was some stupid stump who was just going to sit around and wait for her to come back home to me when she was finished kicking her heels up for some other fucker?
Well, she had another thing coming to her. I wasn’t going to play second fiddle to anyone, and I was to be sure she knew that. I hopped in my truck and made my way down the road, toward her apartment.
I didn’t think; I just thundered through the front door, my face burning with anger.
“Hannah? Hannah?” I almost yelled as I careened through the house. “Hannah, where the F--?”
“Charlie!” She swung around the doorway. “I mean…”
From behind her shoulder peeked a middle-aged woman with the same color hair, same big eyes, and same petite stature. I could only assume that middle-aged woman was her mother.
Of all the times to make an assumption…
“First Sergeant Madison…” Hannah’s eyes glared as she pretended to put on a smile. “Whatever are you doing in my apartment?”
And then her lips pursed, telling me I was in for quite a scolding later.
“This is… your surprise home inspection.” I thought quickly on my feet.
“A surprise home inspection, huh?” Her glare grew darker. “I didn’t realize that would be happening this week… and at such an inopportune time, no doubt.”
“Well,” I smiled, hoping dearly her glare would lighten, “that’s why they call it a surprise.” I took a step forward, reaching out my hand. “I’m Charlie, ma’am. It is a pleasure to meet you.”
“Laura.” The woman grabbed my open, outstretched hand with hers. “I’m Hannah’s mother.”
Hannah asked if we could speak in the other room about changing the day of the inspection due to her family visit, and we excused ourselves for a second or two. She walked me down the hall, and into her bedroom, where she closed the door behind her.
“You have to be kidding me, right?” She raised her eyebrows and shook her head at me, not allowing a single ounce of anger to explode from her. Instead, she rather seemed to be enjoying it.
“What?” I played the fool, not ready to admit that I had made a giant mistake.
“You have to know you suck at this.” She plopped down on her bed and crossed her legs.
“I still don’t know what you’re talking about.” I only half lied. I really didn’t know what I ‘sucked’ at.
She looked down at her bare feet before peeking her eyes back up to me. Then, in the sweetest voice I had ever heard, she cooed, “I’m going to have a really hard time not falling in love with you if you keep letting on how much you care about me.”
It was a bold move, being so honest, but surprisingly, it didn’t scare me. I wanted to hug her close to me and tell her to let go of her inhibitions. I wanted to scoop her up and promise her that we could make it work.
But I stopped myself from doing just that. I was a realist, and I knew I was no good for her. I was selfish and conniving and sometimes downright mean. And it was more important for me to keep her from that, than to accept happiness myself.
So what was I doing? Why was I barging into her home, trying to blame her for cheating on me, when I not only didn’t have a right to do that, but I didn’t want the right to do that?
“You’re wrong. I don’t care.” I tried to argue.
“Okay.” Her smile was soft, and she knew I was lying. But she didn’t push it. She let me hear exactly what I needed to hear from her.
“I’m serious, Hannah. This is fun and convenient, but you better not start dreaming that I’m anything close to boyfriend material. I don’t even know what that means. That’s not me. You get that, right?”
Her face remai
ned emotionless. “I got it, Charlie.”
Ugh, I just wanted her to feel. I wanted her to lash out and tell me I was being stupid and that we were meant to be together. I wanted her to grab my hand and tell me everything would be all right, and these feelings I was feeling were healthy and wonderful, and that in the end, I wouldn’t get burned.
None of it seemed like me, one bit.
Maybe I just hadn’t been getting enough sleep lately.
Chapter Fourteen
Hannah
He was a child: an absolute child. He barged into my home because he couldn’t fathom why I had chosen not to spend the evening with him, and then stood there, pretending that none of it meant anything.
And I couldn’t even be mad; he was oblivious to his emotions. He had absolutely no idea why he was doing any of it.
“Invite him to stay for dinner. He seems like a sweet boy.” My mother’s cheeks blushed. I’m sure she was just overwhelmed by his boyish good looks, his massive arms, and his raw scent of pheromones. I still hadn’t gotten over it, no matter how many minutes, hours, or days I spent with him.
“He’s not a sweet boy, mom. He’s a jerk. And he’s my superior officer. The less time I have to spend with him, the better.”
Embrace The Suck (A Stepbrother Special Forces Novel) Page 5