“No!” I tried to fight it, though I knew she didn’t believe me for a second. “I’d love to gossip, drink, and search for boys.”
“Okay.” She giggled.
We did two jumps that day, both out of helicopters. I was actually getting pretty good at it. I still dealt with that initial fear of the sheer distance to the ground, but with a single breath, I was generally able to combat it. After the weekend, we had five more days of training, two in the classroom and three in the air, before the entire parachute training was complete. I was really excited for next week, because we were meant to work on jumping out of unstable aircraft. It was the type of training designed to prepare you for having to quickly jump from a plane or helicopter that had either some sort of mechanical malfunction, or was being shot down by an enemy.
It was another level of difficulty that was thoroughly thrilling in my mind, and I couldn’t wait to tackle it.
Amanda and I had made plans to meet for dinner and drinks at a local pub, and then we’d see where the night would take us. I planned on giving it a good go and then telling her I was exhausted, at which point, I would sneak over to Charlie’s and finish out the remainder of my Friday night exactly how I wanted to do so- in bed.
… Or up against the wall.
… Or in the shower.
… Or on the kitchen table.
I did a quick scan of Charlie’s normal destinations on base, but didn’t see him. Then, I checked my phone when I got to my car, figuring he would let me know if he had left early, but didn’t have any messages from him. It was a bit out of the ordinary, but I supposed there was no reason to be alarmed. So I texted him:
Hey, going out with Amanda tonight. Not sure how late we’ll be, but I can swing by your place after, if you’d like! ;-)
The winky face was a bit childish, but kind of fun, so I kept it.
My phone buzzed with a reply from Charlie even before I set it down in my console.
I have plans tonight. I’ll catch up with you another time.
Okay, that was a bit strange… and cryptic. But I decided not to take it personally. I was sure he was just dealing with something, and didn’t want to bother me with it. No problem.
Hey, I’d get to have a full night with Amanda. It actually seemed like fun.
Since progressing into the full Special Forces training program, I finally allowed her to be my friend without fear that she would face judgment in doing so. I had proved myself enough to the skeptics that they had stopped bothering me, and actually started respecting me. Hell, I knew the book material better than anyone, and was always willing to help out those who needed a little extra studying. They would be stupid not to befriend me.
And while I didn’t partake in their planned happy hours or weekend picnics, I did appreciate the few passing pleasantries and considerate nods. It was at least a better environment in which to work each and every day.
“Have you been waiting long?” Amanda snuck up behind me at the hostess stand of the pub.
“Hey.” I smiled and reached my arms out for a hug. “Not at all. I just got here. Didn’t even put in our name.”
“Good. Good.” She huffed, searching through her bag. “I had this entire curling iron mishap. Look at my neck.” She pushed her hair aside. “It looks like a hickey!”
“Are you sure that’s a burn?” I started to crack into laughter.
“Girl, I wish it was a hickey. Oh my God. Why did we think it was a good idea to voluntarily surround ourselves with women all day?” She finally found her phone in her bag and held out the camera in front of us. “Smile!”
She clicked it a few times to make sure we had a good picture to work with, and then went to putting it on social media.
“Why aren’t we Facebook friends?” I didn’t even have time to answer her. “Oh, it’s because you spent two weeks ignoring me.”
“I didn’t ignore you!” I fought. “I just… needed to…”
“I get it. I get it.” She tossed her hand in the air telling me she was over it. “Well, accept my friend request and I’ll tag you in the picture.”
“Yes ma’am.” I gave her a playful thumb’s up.
It was kind of nice to be normal for a few minutes. Outside of the Army, Amanda was exactly the person you’d expect her to be if you saw her walking down the street. She dressed well- not inappropriate and yet not like a nun- and she wore her bright red, curly hair down with a pair of sunglasses stuck right on top of her head. It wasn’t a particularly sunny day; it seemed like she did it more out of style or habit rather than practicality. And she was happy. At least, she made it seem to the outside world that she was, and I had no other information to make me believe otherwise. To any one else, we just seemed like two normal girls in our mid-twenties on any normal Friday night.
I didn’t realize how much I needed exactly that.
“Okay, spill.” Amanda grabbed my hand across our table after sucking down the last sip of her second margarita.
“Spill what?” I attempted to play dumb.
“Oh my goodness, don’t try to play that game with me!” She gave me an obnoxious giggle before she continued on. “You and Charlie… what’s going on there?”
“What?!” I yelled out, half because I didn’t expect her to bring up Charlie, and half because I wanted to make it seem like an absolutely preposterous idea. “Me and Charlie?”
“Blah blah blah.” She drunkenly put up her hand in a funny puppet mouth and began to speak from it. “I’m Hannah and I think I’m so good at hiding the fact that I’m totally gaga for my trainer, but actually I’m ridiculously transparent.”
There was no fighting her. She caught me and I was going to fail miserably if I tried to cover it up.
“Charlie is…” I cringed. “He’s going to be my step brother.” The alcohol was starting to get to me, and just saying that out loud made me want to crawl into a hole and die. But I couldn’t do that, so instead I covered my blushing face with my hands. It was the next best option.
“No!” She screamed so the entire restaurant could hear.
“Amanda… shhh!” I tried to remind her that we were in public.
“Since when? How did you find out? When did you find out? Oh my goodness, what are you going to do?” She rattled on and on with unhelpful questions until I finally stopped her.
“Two weeks?” I searched my memory for the exact moment. “Right, yes, it was the day we passed the pre-qualification assessment.”
“Rough. Oh, that’s rough.” She put her sunglasses on the table and threw her hair into a high, messy bun. “Did you know your parents were dating?”
“Not at all!” Now it was I being the loud one. “I didn’t even know that Reynolds was his dad!”
She tilted her head at me. “You didn’t know that? They even look alike.”
“Well, now I see it!” I began to laugh uncontrollably.
“Mmm.” She teased. “It’s those arms. They just don’t make arms like that on normal men.”
Amanda joined my laughing until both our heads were on the table. Those were some strong margaritas.
“Wait… did you guys…?”
I began to blush even before she finished the sentence.
“You did! You slept with your step brother!”
I think everyone in the entire restaurant had dropped their own conversations and were now looking directly at us.
“He’s not my step brother yet!” I tried to quiet her down, to no success.
“Are you still sleeping together?” She leaned in closer, but still kept her volume up.
My blushing face gave me away, yet again.
“Ahh!” She screamed as she grabbed my hands. “This is more amazing than any other story I have ever heard in my whole life.”
“It’s really not.” I tried to downplay the crazy.
“I can’t think of one better!” Amanda made eye contact with the server, asking for another round of drinks. “We have so much to discuss.”
About halfway through my third margarita, and a pinky swear that nothing would leave the table ever, I told her everything. I told her about the night we met at the Army bar, and the bathroom, and then the next day and the broom closet, and then on and on through our entire four week “relationship”, finally culminating in how we woke up this morning. It was nice to tell someone, not to bottle it up. It was refreshing that I could talk about him without fear of judgment or it getting back to someone who would not take the information so lightly, mainly either of our parents.
It was nice to finally say out loud that I had found someone special.
It was nice.
Too nice.
And then I felt my stomach drop.
“Charlie’s here!” Amanda pointed at the front door.
But I didn’t need her to do so; I had already seen him enter.
And he wasn’t alone. He wasn’t even close to being alone. He had his arm draped around some bimbo, and he was making out with her neck.
“Hannah… I’m…” Amanda started, obviously surprised at what was unfolding in front of us. “I’m so sorry.”
“I’ll be right back.”
I don’t know what came over me, and maybe I’ll blame it on the three margaritas, but I stood right up from my seat and headed straight to the door to confront the slimy bastard.
Chapter Nine
Charlie
I picked up this random floozy at my go-to bar for washed up prom queens dying to land themselves a man in uniform. I did it for myself. I needed to be with someone other than Hannah to remind myself that she wasn’t the only girl out there; that I could still enjoy the company of a woman who didn’t happen to be my future stepsister.
This particular floozy had blonde hair and blue eyes, which I did on purpose: exactly the opposite of Hannah. I didn’t want to be reminded of her.
We talked for two minutes and that was enough. She was as dumb as a door, and I didn’t need to waste my time or my words on someone who I just wanted to fuck and then ditch.
And that’s exactly what I should have done, exactly what I planned on doing, until the floozy excused herself to the bathroom and I started trolling through Facebook. Amanda had posted a picture of Hannah and her at a local pub, not too far from where I was currently hanging, and I made a quick decision.
I needed to rip off the Band-Aid. I needed Hannah to see me with someone else, think I was a backstabbing jerk, and then decide herself that it was truly over between the two of us. I didn’t want to do it; I needed to do it.
The floozy was hot, there was no denying that, but I didn’t care to touch her. I really had no interest, but as we walked through the pub door, I knew I had to make a scene. I grabbed her by the hip and pulled her into me, sticking my lips to her neck. She giggled like some sort of wild hyena, which was nothing but a complete turn off, but I continued on with my mission. I pretended to enjoy it, to enjoy her, until I saw Hannah approaching out of the corner of my eye.
I don’t know why, but in my quick planning, I had assumed Hannah would see us, slink down in her seat, and steal away, seemingly unnoticed. I didn’t plan on her approaching me. I didn’t plan on having to confront her face to face.
I honestly have no idea why I didn’t plan on that. The woman was headstrong, powerful, and brave. Of course she would challenge me. I had to come up with a brand new plan, and soon, because she wasn’t walking slowly.
Shit.
“What the fuck is going on here?” She grabbed my wrist, pulling me away from the blonde haired, blue eyed, hyena-laughing floozy.
“Hannah, I didn’t know…” I tried to act aloof.
“Don’t pull that shit with me, Charlie. You knew I was here, and you knew exactly what you were doing. I just didn’t realize you were such a coward that you thought you needed to drag this slut in here to prove a point.”
Floozy tried to defend herself, ever so briefly, but we both shushed her. It was kind of funny, and I’m sure if Hannah weren’t so furious with me, we would have laughed about it.
Instead, she continued on. “I’m a big girl, Charlie. You could have talked to me.”
My eyes opened quite desperately, and it was painfully obvious I was putting on a show. “We never said we were exclusive.” And then I rolled my open eyes ever so dramatically. “God girl, we’ve been fucking for four weeks. What did you think this was?” It was harsh, hurtful, and not at all how I really felt. I just needed her to hate me.
From the look in her eyes, I could tell I was doing a good job.
“You know what? You’re right.” A calm settled over her. I didn’t quite know how to take it. “You’re absolutely right. I don’t know what came over me. Have fun on your date, and as you said earlier: we’ll catch up later.” And then she turned to the floozy. “I’m sure you’re a very nice girl and not at all a slut. That was uncalled for, and I apologize.”
Without waiting for the floozy or me to respond, she turned around and walked straight back to Amanda. Hannah was there for another hour. She never turned back to look at me. Not even once.
And I know that to be true, because I was staring at her the entire time, even when she walked out without saying goodbye or waving or even glancing back.
Maybe I had done a good job of making her hate me, but by God, I had done a terrible job of making myself stop falling in love with her.
I fucked the floozy in my truck in the parking lot of the pub. I’m not going to pretend I didn’t. It was easier than having to go all the way back to her place, and I sure as hell wasn’t about to take her back to mine. I didn’t even drive her home. Instead, I put her in a cab, and didn’t even thoughtfully take her number when she tried to give it to me.
“I’m not going to call you.” I shook my head and shut the cab door before she could say another word.
I half expected Hannah to be waiting on my doorstep when I got home. I half expected it, and fully wanted it.
But she wasn’t. No calls, no texts, no Hannah. It was exactly what I had asked for, and yet it killed me. What the fuck kind of jerk was I? She didn’t deserve any of it, even if I was doing it all for her own good.
Sooner or later, I was sure to prove to myself that I did not deserve such a girl in my life. Sooner or later it would be enough.
Sooner or later, I’d refer to this night as the greatest mistake of my entire life.
Chapter Ten
Hannah
I woke up with a hangover: an absolutely terrible hangover. And I had absolutely asked for it, because after those three margaritas, Amanda and I had three shots of tequila. And then we went… somewhere else… and we had shots of… something else.
Dear Lord in Heaven, my head was pounding.
“How’s the head?” I looked up too fast, startled by her voice. Amanda stood in my bedroom doorway, cradling a cup of coffee in her hands.
“Ugh.” It was all I could say.
“Yeah, I feel about that bad too. I only slightly remember us coming back here last night.” She chuckled, but I could tell from her grimace that it hurt to do so.
“Speaking of which…?” I half asked before she cut me off.
“We took a cab. You were pretty set on me coming back here. You wanted to show me something cool.” She downed another gulp of coffee.
I had no recollection of what she was claiming. “Did I show you something cool?”
“Your hand soap?” She raised an eyebrow at me.
“The tingling soap? I mean, it’s a cool feeling, but not enough to drag someone home for!” I wanted to laugh, but I knew it would hurt. “Sorry about that.”
“Eh, I don’t know if I would have made it home myself in that condition, so this worked out for the best.” She winked at me before asking, “Coffee?”
I wasn’t about to say ‘no’ to coffee. We pieced together the events of the previous night, or at least tried to, over the course of two hours and three cups of coffee each. We laughed, mostly, though we did touch on Charlie
for a brief moment. I wasn’t quite ready to deal with it. I couldn’t believe how much had changed in the course of the last twenty-four hours, and I had no idea how or why it had happened.
“It’s for the best, anyway.” I shrugged, finishing off my last sip of sweet caffeine.
“How do you mean?” I could tell she didn’t want to pry, but was concerned I might need to talk more about it before coming to any real conclusions.
“Well, it was bound to be a failed relationship. Our parents are getting married for Christ’s sake. And,” I shook my head out of utter shock, “let’s be honest, he’s obviously capable of pulling a stunt like that. I don’t need that kind of craziness in my life.”
“Well, you are right about that.” She resigned to agree. “But damn, that boy is hot.”
“Ugh, you have no idea.” I buried my face in my hands, embarrassed and saddened all at the same time.
Amanda and I left the house at the same time later that afternoon. After taking a cab to our cars, she went back to her place, while I went to my mother’s. I figured she was high on life now that her fiancée was safe at home, and I wanted to stop by tell her I was happy for her.
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