He nodded, grabbing a sharp knife and gathering up the salt and pepper as well several dry herbs on his way back to the island. Sliding onto the stool on the opposite side of the men, he waited as Bella placed a bowl and whisk next to him. He smiled and murmured a thank you.
“So are you going to spend your night in your room as you have the last few weekends?” Ethan continued to slice a block of cheddar cheese with the cheese slicer.
Arranging the dill, mixed herbs, salt, and pepper to his liking, he shook his head before reaching for the sour cream. “No. In fact, I wanted to talk to you about that before your guests arrive tonight.” Ripping off the plastic film off the tub, he used a spoon to dump into the silver bowl. “I’ve personally invited Nicky and Steph.”
Ethan nodded. “I’m not surprised, but tonight’s anniversary festivities are open to all members and guests.”
“When I mentioned it to Steph last week, she said she wasn’t sure they’d be coming because of the book tour, and the possibility of them not getting back until late. So I wouldn’t take it personally if they don’t show. Nicky’s been running himself ragged since his book came out.”
Zeb sighed. “I know he has. He sounded a bit tired earlier when I spoke with him on the phone.” Mincing the fresh dill, he used the side of the blade to pile it on before dumping it on top of the sour cream. “However, if he shows up, I’ve asked him to come a bit early because I wanted to talk to him and Steph privately. I want to serve them tonight.”
Ethan paused, his hand midair as he was slicing the cheese. “Do you think that’s wise?”
Zeb shrugged his shoulders. “Wise? I have no idea, but I can’t keep hiding behind you and Davis. I have to get back out there and try.” Adding a dash of salt and grinding some fresh pepper into the mixture, Zeb picked up the whisk. “Over the past few weeks, I’ve really got to know him and Steph. They’re good people. I don’t think they’ll push me past my limits.”
Davis continued slicing the summer sausage. “They are, and I suspected as much from the first time they approached me at the Kinkfest, but I don’t know if you’re ready to handle two Dominants at this point.”
Whisking the sour cream and spices together, Zeb frowned. “But how am I ever going to know if I don’t try, Davis?” He looked up from the bowl. “I’m not talking about a permanent collar here. I just want to take care of them for a couple of hours tonight.”
“Like a trial run,” Bella interjected as she joined them at the island with the freshly scrubbed veggies. “It makes perfect sense if you ask me, guys. And with a million guests being around for the party, there’s safety in numbers.”
Ethan, of course, had to play the devil’s advocate. “What makes you think they’ll take you up on your offer, and not demand more, Zeb?”
Biting his lip as his cheeks flushed, he tried to think of an appropriate response that wouldn’t embarrass him. Finally he just gave them the truth. “They told me they wouldn’t push the other night on the phone - that they wouldn’t take more than I wanted to offer.”
Davis sighed. “It’s one thing to be on the phone and hundreds of miles away. It’s all together another thing to be in the same room, where the sexual tension is bound to be high. This is something you should think about. How are you going to react when Steph gives you your first order?”
“I don’t know. That’s what I want to find out.” He paused to taste the dip. “Needs more dill.” Standing, he went and clipped some more. “I’m going into this with my eyes open. I know there might be times I’m uncomfortable, but that has to be better than feeling like I’m half alive.” He returned to the island. “When I’m around them, I feel almost like I used to feel before I fucked up, and almost destroyed myself in the situation with Allison.”
When the men opened their mouths to protest, he held up a hand. “Don’t. I know you’re going to say I was the victim and in a way I was, but I was the one who choose to submit to her, even knowing how bad she could be for me. Yes, she should’ve stopped when I safeworded, but I was the one who put myself in her hands. That’s all on me.” He gazed at Ethan. “And as much as I appreciate what you and Davis have done for me, I need to start standing on my own two feet, and test the waters again.”
Ethan studied him for a moment. “So this isn’t you asking for permission. You’re telling us what you’re going to do.”
Zeb drew an unsteady breath before finally nodding. “Yes. It is. But I’m not being stupid this time. After I talked with them Thursday night, I did a lot of thinking. Will I ever fully be over what happened with Allison?” He shrugged his shoulders again. “I don’t honestly know if that’s something one can just get over, but am I going to let it keep me from finding happiness? Not a chance in hell. I won’t give her that much control over me ever again. Will Nicky and Steph be the ones to help me heal the rest of the way? Maybe? But I have to put myself out there to find out - even if it’s just baby steps like fetching drinks and waiting on them tonight as they enjoy the festivities.” His face softened. “That’s probably one of the things I miss the most, taking care of my Dom. Making their life a little easier because I’m here.”
Bella placed a hand over Zeb’s. “I totally understand, sweetie.” She brushed a kiss over his cheek. “And if these big lugs have an issue with it, I’ll beat them when they aren’t looking.”
Davis chuckled softly. “You know I think you need to get a leash on your sub, Ethan. If she comes after me with a sock and a bar of soap, I’m not going to be responsible for my actions.”
Ethan studied Zeb for a moment before continuing to slice the cheese. “Are you sure this is what you want?”
He nodded wordlessly.
Looking up, Ethan set the slicer aside and artfully arranged the cheese on the tray. “Then I say you go for it, Zebadiah.”
Chapter Eleven
Smoothing a hand over his hair, Zeb paced back and forth between the desk and window. After their conversation in the kitchen, Ethan and Davis had both decided Ethan’s office would be the perfect place for him to have a quiet discussion without other arriving guests interrupting. With the smoker grill on the deck off the back of the house, and the tables set up in the backyard, it was a real possibility as the guests began to arrive. In fact, Davis’s cousin, Toby, and Bella’s boss, Kaleb, had already arrived. Both men were Doms who’d donated some of their time tonight to help out with the party at the club.
He was halfway between the desk and window when there was a tap on the door. He froze mid-step, his heart racing. The facade he’d presented, when he’d told Davis and Ethan he was ready to move on, cracked. Was he honestly ready for this? Wiping his damp palms on his jeans, he finally found his voice and bid the person to enter.
When Bella stuck her head in the room, his body slumped in relief. Shouldering her own way into the room, carrying a tray filled with refreshments, she smiled at him hesitantly. “Ethan suggested you might want refreshments for your talk.” She placed her offering down on the desk. “How are you holding up, Tiger?”
Shoving his hands into his pockets, he shrugged. “I don’t know.”
Moving over to him, she placed her hand on his shoulder. “Kaleb just radioed up from the entrance to tell us Steph and Nicholaus arrived a few minutes ago. I’d say in less than five minutes they’ll be up here. It’s not that long of a walk from the west field where we’re having the guests park.”
“Yeah, that’s what Ethan said. Makes sense though, after the demonstrations at the club, they’ll be close to their cars.” He walked back to the window and stared out. Ethan’s office faced the north, and had a beautiful view of neighboring vineyard’s hills. It was rows of grapes as far as the eye could see. The longer he stood there, the more he wondered if he was doing the right thing. “Do you think I’m doing…”
“The right thing?” She joined him at the window. “I’d have to say that’s something only time will tell. Whether it’s right or not, the important thing is you’re honest wi
th yourself and them.” She sighed. “Tell me something, Zeb, is this something you want to do because logically it makes sense, you should be moving on? Or is it something you want to do to satisfy yourself?”
He rubbed his hand over the back of his neck. “What if I said it was a bit of both? It’s been over six months since the attack. I should be able to move on by now.” He dropped his hand. “Before Allison, serving was my life. I only felt complete when I was taking care of my Mistress or Master. I miss the connection.” He glanced over at her. “You know what I mean, right?”
She nodded. “Yep, I sure do. The bond between a submissive and their Dom…or Doms in your case, is heady. Like addicts, we crave it until the need to serve can land an unsuspecting sub in the screwiest of situations.”
Zeb chuckled. “Like me with Allison.”
She rubbed his shoulder. “Or me with that asshat, Louis. I hope he’s rotting in hell for what he did.”
He looked at her out of the corner of his eye. When he caught a glimpse of sadness in her expression, he wanted to kick himself for reminding her of her former Master, who’d not only tried to take her from Ethan, but in the end killed a submissive in order to hurt Ethan. The fact Louis had committed suicide after shooting the unsuspecting sub in the back was of little consequence. “Me too. But enough of that. This is supposed to be a celebration of Ethan and Davis’s hard work. Why don’t you go help them before I tell a certain Dom you just swore.”
She giggled before lightly punching his shoulder. “Don’t you dare! Ethan will warm my bottom for sure if he finds out, and a red butt is the last thing I want when we have our demonstration tonight.” A sassy smile tugged at her lips. “Besides if you do, I’ll tell Nicky about your hidden stash of his books. Won’t he be interested to find out not only do you read his work, but that you’ve highlighted parts of them that you want to try….especially the scene where hero of the book gets a blow job from some strange man, while his wife sucks off the stranger?”
His face flushed. He never should’ve showed her what he was reading during the long days of recovery after his second surgery. “You wouldn’t dare…”
Before he could finish his reply, a knock on the door cut him off. Bella gave him a one- armed hug of reassurance as the door opened. When Steph, dressed in a light summer weight dress, and Nicky, in khaki shorts and a polo came in, she leaned up and pressed a kiss to his cheek and whispered low enough only he could hear. “You can do it, I have faith in you. Now just pretend you’re thanking me for the refreshments.”
“Yeah…thanks for the refreshments.” He stumbled over the words, before she slipped away with nothing more than a quick greeting to Nicky and Steph. The door slowly closed behind her with a soft snick.
* * * *
Steph’s heart skipped a beat as she watched Zeb struggle. It didn’t take a degree in rocket science to realize he was nervous. She was tempted to go open the door, but forced herself to remember he’d asked for this meeting. It was his job to see it through. She’d just have to have patience. Next to her, the tension seemed to roll off Nicky. Taking her master’s hand in hers, she gave it a squeeze, hoping he’d realize how tense he was and would relax. When he did, she sighed. Now to put this meeting on equal footing. To remind Zebadiah we’re still his friends, despite the totally awesome phone sex we had.
Taking the lead, she joined him at the window. “Hey, Sexy. It’s great to see you upright and moving under your own power.” She placed her hand on the crook of his arm. “What do you say we skip this shindig and go down and feed the ducks?”
Zebadiah seemed to relax as a chuckle escaped him. He drew his hands out of his pockets and moved out from under her hand. “Yeah that’d be fun, except for the fact Ethan and Davis set up the tables on the back lawn. Those greedy little bastard ducks won’t be content with our bread crumbs when there’s a smorgasbord of goodies less than ten feet from the water.” Stopping next to the tray, he poured himself a lemonade. “Would either of you like a drink while we talk?”
“Sure. Lemonade is fine,” Nicky replied, before joining him at the desk. Steph watched as her master accepted the drink. Lifting the glass to his mouth, he seemed to study Zebadiah before taking a sip of the pale yellow colored drink. Then he moved over to stand in front of the window.
“And you, Steph?” Zeb looked over his shoulder at her. “Tea, lemonade or…me?” He winked at her.
Stunned, she stared at him before placing her hand on one hip. “You really shouldn’t tempt me. I might just take you up on it.” She joined them at the desk and poured her own glass of tea, then joined Nicky at the window. Taking a sip of sweet tea, she gazed outside, unsure how to take Zeb’s new attitude. “You know, Nicky, I don’t think I’ve ever been on this side of the house before. Ethan has a spectacular view.”
“Yeah he does, it almost rivals the one at home.”
There was a rustling behind them, and out of curiosity, she turned to see what Zeb was doing. She nearly swallowed her tongue as Zeb, now bare-chested, was awkwardly lowering himself to his knees. The sheer physical beauty of his torso, slender but tightly muscled, had her wishing he already wore their collar, that she would be able to touch and tease at her discretion. His dark little nipples just begged for clamps or the lash of a crop against them, as she’d imagined so many times since he had caught her eye nearly two months ago. So his submissive posture, as he knelt before them, took her breath away. It was like the fulfillment of one of her fantasies. One which she hadn’t expected to see it this soon.
“Zebadiah?” Concern flowed through her when he hissed in pain. She went to go to him, when her Master caught her arm. She glanced up at Nicky, not understanding why he’d stopped her.
“Wait.” Nicky’s face was tight. “Just wait.”
There was a short bout of low cursing as Zeb fought with his bad knee, but he finally managed to get into the low leasha position, his thighs spread shoulder width and his palms resting face up. The beads of sweat dotting his brow showed how much the move had cost him. She wanted to jerk him to his feet, and make him swear he’d never try this again until his knee was completely healed, but Nicky’s restraining hand kept her still.
“Is there something you’d like to ask us, il mio colibrì?”
“I….” Zeb stumbled over his words, before clearing his throat and trying again. “If it would please both of you, I’d like to serve you as my Master and Mistress, while you’re at tonight’s festivities.” He kept his head level, but with his eyes averted respectfully.
Nicky set his glass of lemonade on the desk. “Why the sudden change, Zebadiah? If this is because of what happened the night we had phone sex, let me assure you, we weren’t pushing for anything. It was hot as hell but it’s not a reason you should feel obligated to offer yourself to us.”
“I know that, Master.” Zeb’s voice trembled, even as his face paled from the effort to hold the position.
Sighing, Nicky rounded the desk, leaving Steph to follow him. “Stop, Zeb. I don’t want you to do this if it hurts.”
“I…you don’t want me?” Zeb’s lips thinned. “But I thought…”
Coming to stand next to him, Steph took one side while Nicky took the other. Finally she spoke. “It’s not that we don’t want you. We do - but you don’t have to wait on us, Zeb. We’re more than capable of getting our own drinks tonight. We came over to see you, and enjoy your company.”
“She’s right. What happened on the phone was pleasurable but we’re not going to demand you offer yourself like this - especially when we can see it hurts you.”
Zeb paused and seemed to gather himself before he finally looked up at them, his need to serve in his eyes. “I know you don’t expect it, and my knee is going to give me fits until I get used to kneeling again. But I’m not going to let a little bit of pain deter me.” He shoved a hand through his hair. “It’s no secret I’ve given my submission recklessly in the past, and I’ve paid for that error. However I don’t think I’m bei
ng impulsive this time.”
Nicky sighed before urging Zeb to his feet. “If you want to talk about this, please come over to the couch. The last thing I want you to do is re-injure your knee. We might as well all be comfortable.”
Watching Zeb rise was even more awkward than when she watched him lower himself. His knee just wasn’t up to prolonged bouts in such positions, but if he wanted to practice, she’d make sure he didn’t overexert himself in future. As Nicky guided him over to the loveseat in the corner of the room, she trailed after them.
Once both men settled on either end of it, she sat down on the thickly padded arm, draping her arm over Nicky’s shoulder. He placed a hand on her knee before focusing on Zeb. “So explain what brought this on. It hasn’t even been a full month since we were told by Ethan and Davis you weren’t ready for what we had to offer.”
Shifting against the cushions, Zeb moved until he was sitting in the corner of the loveseat facing both of them. He absently rubbed his knee. “How do I explain it to you?”
“How about why you wish to serve us? That’d be a good place to start,” Steph said dryly. “After your last experience with submission, I’d think you’d be leery.”
Zeb met her eyes. “I am, but I’m tired of being scared.”
Nicky’s jaw clenched. “Are you scared of us?”
Even sitting where she was, she was able to feel the tension rising off her Master. Squeezing his shoulder, she sighed.
“I highly doubt we’ve given him a reason to be scared, Master.”
Zeb shook his head. “No you haven’t. Which is exactly why, with your permissions, I’d like to test the waters - to see if I can serve you on limited basis for the night.” He looked from Nicky to Steph. “I’m not talking about a full scene here. I’m not quite ready for that yet, but I want to take care of you.” He sighed. “How do I explain it in a way you’ll understand?” His fingers flexed against the cushion under him. “It satisfies something inside of me - when I make my Dom’s life easier.”
Essential Master (Doms of Napa Valley) Page 10