by Savage Rose
The second installment of Lara’s Personal Hell didn’t have the same edge to it, Lara noted quickly as Cheri got back to autographing her books, as well as the comic books only loosely based on her work. Just about everyone in line demanded a photo with both the author and the ‘crazy awesome werewolf.’ This time, whenever someone got that look that Lara had come to learn meant they intended to touch her, to marvel at her fur and gawk at how ‘realistic’ her cosplay was, Cheri seemed to pull them into conversation and hurry onto the next fan. It was as much of a relief as it was a bewilderment, but Lara wasn’t about to complain.
Time went by much quicker without worrying about people getting too close, and before she knew it, the hall was empty save for the other booth workers and ECCC staff. Reggie swung by their booth, his arms full of black t-shirts and a hopeful look on his young, naive face. Lara watched that face fall as he took in the way Cheri leaned in close to her and kissed her furry cheek. I know that feeling, Reg. It sucks. He took a quick breath, then held out his cotton jersey offerings.
“Cheri, I got you a shirt. I didn’t know what size you’d want, so I just got one of each.” He was adorable. Cheri gave him a genuine smile and a hug.
“That is so sweet of you, Reggie! I’ll take double XL if you’ve got it.” His smile returned as he rifled through the shirts, checking tags until he found the one he was searching for and handed it to the woman. Then he turned to Lara, and while she expected to see envy or bitterness, there was none.
“Would you like a shirt too, Lara?” he asked, his tone just as kind, though lacking the same enraptured warmth he had with Cheri. Understandably. She shook her head. It didn’t feel like enough, but she didn’t dare speak in front of him. “Alright then. You ladies need any help packing up?”
“I think we’ve got it covered, but thank you Reggie,” Cheri intoned, a hand on his arm… which did not cause the jolt of jealousy Lara anticipated. “See you next year?” she inquired with a brilliant grin. Reggie nodded, a soft blush lighting his pale face, and he adjusted his horn rim glasses.
“From the looks of it, I’ll be seeing both of you next year,” he said with a wistful half smile. With that, he left to speak to other booth workers and presumably unload all those other shirts. Lara couldn’t help but like the guy.
“I didn’t have the heart to tell him,” Cheri murmured to Lara, making her pulse race, “but I don’t really wear t-shirts. Do you want it? I know it’ll be big on you, but—”
“Yes!” Lara exclaimed, a little too loud. She clutched the t-shirt to her chest, realizing this thoughtful proposition actually gave her an out she desperately needed. “I’ll put it on right now!” she called over her shoulder, already jogging down to the restrooms. Oh, thank God, there’s no one in here! Lara thought with ecstatic relief, locking herself in the handicapped stall and setting to work shifting bones and sinew, smoothing her muzzle back into her skull, reclaiming her human shape that would keep her safe. She shivered as the air hit her bare breasts, no longer insulated by her thick, plush pelt. Tugging the t-shirt over her head, she let it settle over her lithe, tan body, its hem grazing her knees. On her way out of the restroom, she caught sight of her reflection, noticing the easy smile on her face. She couldn’t remember a time she ever felt so natural, so happy.
When she got back to the booth, there wasn’t much of a booth left to speak of. Cheri had made short work of boxing up the few copies of ‘Werever’ novels that hadn’t completely sold out, and the table and chairs they’d utilized were cleared away. The woman took her time in looking Lara up and down, a slight smirk tugging those glossy red lips. Lara worried for a moment what she was thinking, but as it slowly dawned on her that they were the only ones currently in the room, all the other booths having been broken down and moved out, she had a fairly decent idea. And she was more than okay with it.
“Much better,” Lara said, grinning and giving her body a little shake. As much as she enjoyed her werewolf form, after spending hours in it convinced she was going to give herself away and put them all in danger, it felt amazing to be back in this form.
“Where’s your cosplay?” Cheri asked, noting Lara’s empty hands. OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE—
“Uh… I must have left it in the restroom. It’s okay, I’ll get it later,” Lara managed. Yeah, later, when she’s not around to see that I DON’T HAVE A GODDAMN COSPLAY!
“Oh sugar,” Cheri said simply. Lara’s mind was racing, searching like mad for any excuse, any way to deflect or defuse the situation she had unknowingly put them in. Why didn’t I just wait until we got back to the suite?! I’m so screwed!
“I… Well, I…” She had nothing. Cheri sighed heavily and took Lara’s hand, leading her without a word back to the room they’d had their lunch in, which was now closed down. She flicked on the lights and shut the door, turning to Lara, her face serious.
“I don’t blame you for not being honest with me, sugar. I can’t imagine how terrifying this must be for you. I’m sure you didn’t have any better options.” Oh no no no no… Lara’s heart broke at the resigned, understanding, completely undeserved compassion in the woman’s voice. “It wasn’t cosplay, wasn’t it,” she added, sounding as devastated as those words made Lara. Her breath caught in her throat. Why doesn’t that sound like a question? “It wasn’t a costume. It was you.” SHE KNOWS!
She couldn’t speak. There was literally not a damned thing she could say— no damnable lies, no damning truths. She stood in petrified silence and self-loathing, unable to even look at the woman she had never before been able to tear her eyes from.
“You’re not my first, sugar.” She couldn’t tell if the reminder was intended to hurt or not, but she felt its sting regardless.
“Well, you were mine.” Tears stung her eyes, tightened her throat, made her want to run away and never come back to a world where she had to lie to someone she loved this much.
“Oh no, Lara… I mean you’re not my first wolf.” WHAT?!? Lara stared in slack-jawed horror at the words that had come from those luscious lips. Cheri sighed and leaned against the wall, her dark eyes fixed on her hands as they fidgeted together, a sad smile flashing across her beautiful face. “My best friend growing up… He was the dearest person I ever met, and he was… well, he was gay. Back then, back there, that was no easy thing to be. That’s why I had been firmly in the closet myself, but it was easier for a feminine girl like me to pass as straight than it was for a little guy like him. So, I pretended to be his girlfriend, kept him safe from the accusations… kept me safe too. Being together, it got us both through most of school.” Lara frowned. Sweet as this story sounded, where were the wolves?
“What does that have to do with—”
“We were very close, and after a while, he brought me home to meet his parents. They knew he was gay, supported it— very unusual back then. And that wasn’t all that was unusual about them. They were very kind, very warm and thoughtful, and very appreciative of my role in their son’s life… but there was definitely something different about them that I couldn’t place. Well, when he and I were hanging out after school one day, he told me. He said he’d already trusted me with his second biggest secret, and it was time he trusted me with the first.”
All of a sudden it hit like a tsunami. Cheri’s best friend had been a werewolf.
“You mean—”
“Yup. The whole family. All of them, wolves.”
“Were you scared?” It was hard to even ask, but she had to know. It would help her understand what in hell was happening between them now.
“Oh sugar, I was the fat goth kid. I thought it was cool. He was an amazing thing in an amazing new world, and now he and I could share that world. We would read through werewolf fiction and laugh ourselves silly over how melodramatic and inaccurate it all was. He taught me so much, and I was so ready to learn. I never saw him or his family, you know, wolfed out, but they treated me kind of like part of their pack. He called me his sister. It was the closest thin
g to family I’d felt in a long time, after my daddy died. It felt so good to have that again, even for a short while.” She could tell Cheri was building up to something. The woman’s smooth chocolate brow had furrowed as if in pain. Whatever was coming, it wasn’t good.
“What happened?” Lara prompted, her voice hollow.
“We were good kids, but we were bored, and bored kids do stupid things.” The way the woman’s voice trembled made the hair stand on the back of Lara’s neck. “We went to this party, and I had a bit too much. I didn’t notice how much he’d been drinking. Then there was this crash, and a lot of screaming, and the party just stopped. I saw him in the corner, blood all over what I could see of his face under his hands. He was shaking like a leaf. He had apparently let his inhibitions slip, and had flirted with the big jock he’d had a crush on for the last year… which had predictable results. Bless his heart, he was so damned scared, and nobody was doing anything. But it was my fault. I was supposed to keep him safe. I knew I had to do something. So I marched right up to that big, stupid jock and I slugged him in the gut as hard as I could. Doubled him over too. I told him, ‘There’s only one person here you have any right to hit now, and that’d be me.’”
Lara’s eyebrows shot up, amber eyes going wide at the woman’s loyalty and bravery. She could picture it so clearly, and her heart broke for Cheri and the poor gay boy she’d befriended.
“Did he hit you?” Lara asked, fighting the urge to let out the claws, wishing she could have been there to protect them. Cheri gave a joyless laugh and shook her head.
“No. I think he gave it serious consideration, but then he just announced to the crowd, ‘I’m done here. But your boyfriend’s a faggot, just so you know.’” Lara inhaled sharply at the slur, hackles she didn’t have wanting to rise. A low growl rumbled in her throat before she could stop herself, and Cheri simply nodded. “It was pretty bad, sugar. But it got worse.”
“How?” The potential answer terrified her.
“Most of the other kids had gone off, leaving me to deal with the blood and all, but there were still a few around when he started to… well, turn.” OH NO… “He didn’t turn fully, just a little, just enough to terrify the kids who saw.”
“Even you?”
“Oh sugar, I was already beyond terrified. My best friend had just been assaulted and outed in a very hostile situation. The fact that he was making these horrendous noises and looked like he might be growing fur was really not separate from the immediate disaster in my way of thinking. But the other kids, well, they were beside themselves. Screamed at us to leave. So we did. I took him to his house and told his parents what had happened. About the fight. And the drinking. It was not an easy conversation.”
“No, I would think not,” Lara agreed, in awe. But the way she spoke of him… things had ended, and likely not well. “What did they do?”
“They thanked me and his father drove me home. Said the pack was so grateful for what I’d done for their son.” The woman took in a ragged breath, and Lara waited silently. “He wasn’t at school the next day. I was scared of what might have happened to him. Thought maybe he was lying beaten to death in a ditch somewhere. I ran to his house after school, but he was gone. They all were. None of the neighbors knew where they’d gone, they’d just up and moved in a single night. It wasn’t long after that my mama got her orders to move to Atlanta, and off we went. I cried so hard at the thought that I might never see him again.” Even now, the woman was blinking back tears, her mascara beginning to run. Lara wanted to brush away those tears.
“Oh God, Cheri… That’s awful.” Cheri nodded in agreement. “Did you ever see him again?” Cheri paused, the pain on her lovely round face deepening, then she shook her head softly.
“That’s why I started writing ‘Werever,’” she said. Wait, what? Lara suppressed a shiver as ice filled her belly. “I thought, if I could just get a story out there that represented real werewolves, maybe it would catch his attention and he would remember me… and come find me.”
“Well, it brought me here,” Lara said softly, hoping it would give the woman hope for her friend. Maybe when I get home I can ask my pack if they know of— OH GOD. MY FLIGHT! Panic seized Lara at the sharp realization that she was already running out of time.
“I… I have to go,” Lara blurted, backing away. Cheri let out a cry that broke her frantic heart.
“Did I say something wrong, sugar? Please, just… I swear I didn’t know you what you were… I just… I like you. It wasn’t—” I HAVE TO GO!
“I hope you find your friend,” she choked out, realizing this had just become an even bigger heartbreak than she’d braced herself for. Cheri did want her. Wolf and all. And it didn’t matter. She couldn’t stay. Cheri gave a muffled sob, a hand pressing to her mouth, her face sadder than Lara had ever seen it.
“You’re my friend, Lara,” Cheri cried piteously.
“It doesn’t matter. We can’t— I can’t—” Lara grabbed the handle of the door, but Cheri threw her arms around her.
“Please, Lara! Just tell me what’s wrong!” Those plump arms felt just as amazing around her as she had always dreamed they would, those huge, warm breasts pressed to hers just as exciting as she’d always believed, those dark, beautiful eyes looking at her with such love as they pleaded with her… that was a feeling she never expected. And she nearly gave in to it.
I’m ruining everything for this… My life, my pack, Alexander… And she has no idea what the pack expects of me. And if THEY knew about HER… That was the realization that broke her from Cheri’s sweet embrace.
“I’m engaged!” she snarled, knowing it would hurt.
“What?” Cheri sounded as dumbfounded as she’d expected. “Engaged?”
“I’m getting married tomorrow,” Lara growled, hating herself with a vehemence she’d never yet experienced. Cheri inhaled sharply.
“H… How long have you been engaged?” Cheri asked, her voice trembling, pitched a little too high.
“Since Thursday.” The woman held her breath for a moment, then let out a hard sigh.
“The day before you flew down here to see me?” Cheri asked. Lara nodded, trying to brace herself for the anger that was coming but finding herself out of any such emotional resources. She deserved to feel it all anyway. Cheri’s next breath shook with unshed tears. “Do you love her?” Oh God…
“It’s not a her,” was all she could say. Cheri was speechless. That was probably for the best. Lara turned and walked out the door, running back to the Sheraton so she could grab her things and fly the hell out of Seattle. Yes, she was a damned coward, but better that than drag Cheri down with her. The pack could never know…
* * *
Lara would have broken the door down. She could have, if she’d just allowed herself to shift, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Not after she’d already so recklessly risked being caught for the majority of the day. But she had nearly broken down and done it anyway, once she realized the frustrating, devastating reality that there was no way she could keep ahold of herself on another flight. She’d only barely managed the first time, and that hadn’t been the day before the full moon after a huge, traumatic emotional upheaval. She’d have to find another way home, or wait until the moon had passed and her heart had done at least nominal repairs. She was still wrestling with the door of Cheri’s suite futilely when a familiar, sweet scent reached her. Dark vanilla.
“I’m sorry, Cheri,” she said, her amber eyes fixed on the doorknob.
“I am too, sugar,” the woman said, sounding defeated. She crossed in front of Lara and swiped her key card through, opening the door. She gestured Lara in with a graceful sweep of her arm. Even heartbroken, she was still just as warm and kind as ever. Lara walked in, guilt clawing her with every step, slowly ripping her apart. Cheri entered the room, but simply stood by the door, watching the woman she had just outed as a wolf.
Lara threw her duffle bag over her shoulder, gracelessly pullin
g her discarded yoga pants on, shoving her feet into her Converse shoes and lacing them with hasty bows. She grabbed her tank top which had landed on the lampshade of the nightstand table, contemplating changing out of the shirt Cheri had given her… it didn’t feel right to keep it anymore. But as her eyes drifted to the bed, its covers still rumpled, the scent of sex still lingering and making her breath come faster, she knew if she took off the shirt, if she bared her body, she would stay. She shoved her tank top into her duffle bag and tore herself away, heading for the door.
“I’ll miss you,” Cheri whispered, barely more than a breath. If Lara’s hearing was what a human’s was, she never would have caught it. But she had. And it froze her to the spot. How DARE she? NOW? When everything is falling apart because of the stupid mistake I made in coming here? The tears caught her off-guard, doubling her over, dropping her to her knees.
“I hate—” she choked on her tears, coughing. “I hate my life!” she sobbed. Cheri ran to her, throwing an arm around her and hugging her close. She knew she should shake her off, but she couldn’t.
“Oh, Lara…”
“I hate my life! Or… my life hates me!” She couldn’t stop the sobs wracking her body, hot tears pouring down her face. Cheri rubbed a hand across her shaking back comfortingly, rocking with her. She could feel how desperately her heart wanted to take in that comfort. But she couldn’t. She didn’t dare.