by S. E. Babin
Or possibly the X-Files.
16
Chapter Sixteen
Thank the heavens for small favors. The house was still standing. I stood in my front yard admiring the bribe Zeus had given me. It was beautiful. Yet it was also an albatross wrapped so tightly around my neck I was having trouble breathing. Something stopped me from blinking into the kitchen. I wanted a couple more moments of peace. Going in there right now would mean I’d be accosted with all kinds of new information I didn’t feel like hearing.
I sighed, wishing I felt a little more refreshed after my quick break away. Instead Hera’s words kept reverberating throughout my skull. Dionysus could be innocent. The thought was almost laughable, and yet something about it rang true. With barely a thought I changed from my sarong into a pair of jeans and a sweater. The glamour fell into place again as my hair shortened by several inches and knotted itself into a messy bun.
On the outside I looked ready for anything. Mentally, I didn’t think I’d ever be ready to keep getting involved in these things. I closed my eyes and blinked into my kitchen.
The sound of breaking glass greeted me. I didn’t want to open my eyes. For gods’ sakes. I’d been home less than a minute. I cracked one eye open and saw Ares, Hermes, Keto, and Artie staring at me with their mouths wide open. At my befuddled look, Keto motioned for me to turn around.
Gaia was standing in my living room. And she was breaking all of my shit.
My right eye began to twitch.
“Well, hello errant goddess!” The voice was beautiful. I hated that the goddess the voice was attached to was gorgeous as well.
“Gaia,” I inclined my head in respect. What I really wanted to do was gather her by the throat, shake her a few times, and ask her if she was raised in a barn. Bright red hair curled down to her nipped in waist. She wore green. I wanted to laugh at her for being cliché, but damned if she didn’t look amazing. Her eyes swirled with the colors of the sea, the clouds, and the oceans, never choosing a color. She glided easily across my floor, stopping about six inches in front of my face. She’d never been one to respect personal space. After all, this house was resting on her land and we were all standing in it.
“Such lovely things. Pity you had to use up natural resources to use them.” She left me and walked over to the cabinet where I kept my rock displays. Gaia chose one of my favorite amethyst specimens. Her long hands curled around the rock as she tilted it toward the light. “Beautiful,” she murmured. “Did you know this came from Brazil?”
I shook my head and watched as she raised an eyebrow.
“I’m sure you didn’t care either, did you?”
I was stuck no matter how I answered. Gaia and her PETA-loving hippie ways. Made sense…we were talking about Mother Earth after all. But I swear to the gods if she asked me to start wearing Birkenstocks I was going to revolt and start wearing fur. She set the amethyst down with something akin to reverence and walked over to one of the vases I’d taken from my temple. With one dainty fingertip, she touched the vase. It wobbled precariously on its base. I sucked in a breath. I’d kill her.
Gaia grinned at me as the vase wobbled for the last time, tilted, and shattered on my floor. Zeus was going to have to give me a pay raise after this. I took a deep breath to keep myself from unhinging my jaw and swallowing her whole and managed to give her a bright smile.
“Well,” I said, “welcome to my humble home. Since you’re breaking things, it seems like you’re already fitting in. To what do we owe the pleasure?”
No one behind me moved or even made a peep. Chickens. Gaia laughed gaily. “You know why I’m here. My son walks free again. Someone on your side set him free.”
I opened my mouth to protest but closed it just as quickly. She was right. “We suspect it might be Dionysus.” Better to tell the truth. She might be diminutive, but she’d kick all of our asses with little exertion of her magic.
One of her eyebrows lifted. “The Wine God?” Her chuckle sent chills down my spine. “Hardly. If you’ve been setting your sights on him, you’ve wasted Zeus’ and my time. Try again.”
I felt Hermes’ presence at my elbow. “Gaia, Dionysus is involved in this. Somehow.”
She lifted up her arm, sending my entire china cabinet onto its side. The sounds of shattered glass made me flinch. “I am more powerful than Zeus, Messenger. Raising my son tired even my magic. Dionysus is a bug. An ant, really. He does not wield the power to wake my son up.” She stared at us, her eyes a maelstrom.
Hermes stilled beside me. “Of course,” he said. He inclined his head. I whipped my eyes to him.
“That’s it?” I hissed. “She says jump off the cliff and you say yes ma’am?” I pinched the skin in between my eyebrows.
Hermes gave me a warning glare. “Shut. Up,” he whispered between clenched teeth.
“I most certainly will not!” My voice rose.
Gaia laughed again. “Let the rose speak, Messenger.”
Hermes put his hand around my arm and squeezed painfully. He leaned in and hissed, “Anger her at your own peril.”
I pulled away and rubbed my arm. “Speak for yourself, chicken.”
I heard Artie’s groan and Keto’s choked huff of laughter. I turned to face Gaia. She looked amused. I’m sure I looked terrified.
“I know you believe Dionysus doesn’t have the power, but I’ve witnessed firsthand what he can do. He is power hungry and greedy and – ”
Gaia made a disgusted noise and waved her hand. “We are all that way, Aphrodite.” She gave me a long look. “You were in awe of his power because you are afraid of using your power. Or should I say your new power.”
I flushed under the probing of her gaze and opened my mouth to deny it, but she wasn’t finished. “You really have no idea how powerful you’ve become. Zeus suspects, my dear.” She waved a hand and the outside noise stopped abruptly. I looked around in panic, but saw I was still in my kitchen. My friends still stood there, but Artie knew what had happened right away. Her gaze grew panicked. She stepped toward us with her hand outstretched, and Gaia threw her back into the kitchen with barely a gesture of her finger.
Her cry sounded muffled through the barrier. Keto stepped forward, but Gaia quelled him with a glance. He nodded once and turned his attention to Artie. Hermes’ mouth thinned, but he made no move toward us, perhaps believing I was safe. For now.
Gaia leaned into my personal space, her words urgent. “If Typhon has risen and is being controlled, he will destroy us all. Think not he will show mercy to me, his mother. He is a monster. And only you have the power to destroy him.” My shoulders slumped. Here we went again. She gripped my chin and pulled it up so my eyes met hers. “This is not the time to doubt. Be wary of who you trust. Be wary of me. My sanity wanes, but I will leave you with a gift.” I felt captivated by her swirling eyes, the soft scent of the mossy earth that clung to her. She pressed her hand to my chest and my world exploded.
I was tired of getting knocked unconscious. Frantic whispers crowded my head as I struggled to come to. I opened my eyes blinking at the bright artificial light of the kitchen. Hermes loomed over me, stricken concern on his face.
“We need to take you to see Asclepius right now.” His tone left no room for argument, but he obviously had forgotten who he was speaking to.
“I’m fine,” I lied. My head felt like it was going to explode, and I was pretty sure Gaia had in some way fundamentally altered my DNA. It was disconcerting. And terrifying. I was already an anomaly Zeus was keeping a wary eye on. Now I was like a walking target with a shoot me signing waving around on my back.
I sat up slowly to ensure I didn’t pass out again. I felt the familiar tingle of my merged magic swimming through my veins, but something alien was there as well. Something of the earth, of Gaia. My eyes met Artie’s. She narrowed her eyes, and I averted mine. I hated her knowing me so well. It left me vulnerable and my secrets exposed.
“Where’s Ares?” His absence was telling, esp
ecially with Gaia’s unexpected visit.
“He – erm, left,” Hermes said and looked away.
Keto snorted. “Ares and Gaia had a recent…rendezvous.”
I sighed. “And let me guess, it didn’t end well?”
A wide grin spread over Keto’s face. “Gaia said if she ever saw him again, she’d rip his face off and feed it to the worms.”
I laughed freely for what felt like the first time in weeks. So Ares had made himself scarce once she had gotten here. It almost made me want to call Gaia back and have her move in with us. My brow wrinkled as a thought occurred to me. “She didn’t seem all that crazy, did she?”
Hermes stood and helped me up. “She has moments of lucidity. No one knows how long they’ll last. We were lucky this time.” He gave me a sideways glance. “Maybe not you. Do you feel any different?”
It was a laughable statement. So I lied again. “No. I feel fine.” I smiled weakly. “I’d like to lie down for a bit, though.”
Artie coughed. “I’ll walk you up.” She grabbed me by the elbow and half walked, half dragged me to the stairs. Once we were out of earshot, she murmured, “You are a terrible liar. If I were your mom, I’d put you over my knee and spank you.”
“Ha,” I said, devoid of humor. “Good thing I don’t have a mom.”
Artie snorted. “Maybe that isn’t a good thing, you spoiled brat.”
“Hey!” I pulled my arm away and walked up on my own. “What’s with you, crabby pants?”
I opened the door to my bedroom, steeling myself against the smell of Marshall floating in the room, and tossed myself facedown on the bed in a huff.
“You left us here to deal with all of this crap!”
I heard her shuffle around the room and collapse in my reading chair. “I was gone for a few hours, Artie. The world is still here.”
She didn’t say anything for a long moment. “Zeus is going to kill me, you know.”
I sat up abruptly. Her voice trembled. Artie never cried. A sick feeling started in my stomach because I suspected she truly believed what she was saying. Maybe even I did a little. So I did what I always did. Tried to use sarcasm and deflection as a way to make her feel better. “Stop being so overdramatic. I swear. You think someone who has run around in the woods almost her entire life wouldn’t be so prone to hysterics.”
She threw the seat pillow at me, but I saw her lips twitch. “I sometimes kind of hate you.”
I sniggered. “Ditto. Now tell Auntie Aphrodite why you think Zeus is going to chop you up and feed you to his monsters.”
Artie paled. “I didn’t say anything about chopping me up!”
I gave her a quelling look. “Please. Hoping for a quick death from Zeus is like saying Narcissus doesn’t have a vanity problem.”
“True,” she sighed. “Can you imagine staring at yourself for hours like that? You’d think his eyes would cross or he’d get hungry or something, but no…he just sits there with this dopey smile on his face.”
I lay back against my pillows. “I don’t know. I am pretty fabulous. I bet I could give Narcissus a run for his money.” A boot sailed past my head.
“Artie!” I screamed as I ducked. “You need to check into violence therapy or something. Geez.”
She smirked. “Just checking your reflexes. And bringing you back to earth for a minute.”
I turned and looked at the dent in the wall. “The next person who breaks something in this house is going to get a good ol’ taste of an Abby fist sandwich.”
“Sorry.” Artie winced and released a tendril of power. The wall knitted up, but the mud streak from the boot still stained the wall. “That’s staying,” she said. “Insurance for you not to get too attached to your mirror. You’re already bad enough.”
I waved my hand. “Quit changing the subject. Tell me about Zeus.”
I heard Artie’s deep, indrawn breath. “You’re going to think I’m crazy,” she started.
“Probably,” I said and chuckled.
“You’re an ass. This week hasn’t been the best for me. I find out Keto’s some freaky kind of angel creature. Then I lose my shit on Hestia. I feel – ” She stopped and I sat up again.
“I’m your best friend, Artie. If you can’t tell me, you probably can’t tell anyone.”
She smiled and ran her hand through her tangled chestnut hair. “I feel violent. Like a simmering rage I can’t control inside. And yes, I was jealous of Hestia. And yes, I felt like she needed an ass-kicking. But I never should have enjoyed it. The sense of satisfaction in hearing that crunch was –” She shuddered.
I shuddered, too, because Artie was majorly creeping me out. I knew what was wrong with her. “When’s the last time you really let loose?” I asked her. “Let your freak flag fly and blew some shit up?”
She took off her glasses and rubbed her eyes. “I don’t know,” she shrugged. “Ages, I guess.”
I threw my hands up in the air. “Well, there’s your problem. Are you really that dense?”
Her eyebrows shot up to her hairline. “Don’t make me kick your ass!”
I pursed my lips. “Maybe that’s exactly what you should do!” I shouted at her.
“I – what?” Her eyes clouded with confusion.
“You should totally kick my ass. Well, try,” I amended. “We’ve been cooped up in this house, all of us living here trying not to step on each other. Even though we had some time off, we never fully decompressed from Eris. Don’t worry about Zeus. He likes his children bloodthirsty and violent. If he’s planning to kill you, it won’t be today, okay?”
She nodded, staring at me as if I’d lost my mind. “And,” I continued, “Typhon and Dionysus, and Hestia, and all those other people can wait. If our heads aren’t in the game, we’re useless.” I stood up, grabbed her by the hand and hauled her downstairs.
“I know just the way to get your aggression out.”
She didn’t argue and allowed me to lead her into the living room. I yelled for everyone else and when everyone was gathered, I closed my eyes and summoned Hestia.
Artie was going to be pissed.
17
Chapter Seventeen
Hestia appeared in my living room covered in flour and pissed off.
“Hiya,” I said sweetly.
I ignored Artie’s squawk of outrage and the gasps of the other peons inside of my house. “Hermes, do me a favor and contact Ares.”
He gave me a long look, his eyes twinkling, and bowed. “I hope you know what you’re doing.”
“Never,” I said.
“Ah. Even better,” Hermes said. Within a few seconds, Ares stood in the room with his sword drawn and a perplexed look on his face.
“Gods teeth, Abby. You truly have no couth.”
I held up a hand. “Shut it. Now, boys and girls, gather around and let me tell you a story.” Groans all around, suspicious glances between Hestia and Artie, but everyone gathered in a little closer.
“Now, I might not be the sharpest sword in the armory but you know what I’m good at?”
Everyone shrugged, their faces blank. I snorted. “People, you morons! I am good at people.”
“Obviously your interpersonal skills are phenomenal. I personally love being called a moron. It sends warm, fuzzy tingles down to the tips of my toes.” Hermes raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms.
“I amend my statement. I haven’t always been good at people, but I’ve learned a bit. And I’m good at the science of love. There’s so much lust and mixed emotions rolling around here right now it’s unbelievable we haven’t killed each other yet. Now, I know we’re all frustrated. We all want a solution to what’s going on, but we can’t keep biting each other’s heads off or tiptoeing around trying to avoid our problems. With that being said,” I spread my arms wide and grinned, “we are going to play a game.”
Everyone groaned. I stomped my foot. “Shut. Up,” I said through gritted teeth. “Everyone can see Hestia and Artie are itching to get their hands o
n each other. Ares looks like he wants to flay me and wear my skin. Hermes and I have…unresolved issues.” I pretended not to hear the choked laughter. “And Keto still has to make up for the secret he’s been keeping from all of us. So,” I let out a burst of magic and everyone scrambled to hold onto the weapons I had produced for them. “We are going to play Nature Tag.”
“Nature Tag?” Keto said dryly. “Are we naked?”
Hermes raised his hand. “I vote yes!”
I rolled my eyes. “I don’t even care. Play naked if you want to, but we’re going to be in the woods. Now let’s go over the rules.” I spent the next few minutes laying out the do’s and don’ts of the game I had made up. Basically we were playing paintball in the woods, but one shot didn’t mean you were down. That would be too easy with immortals. We had to run each other to ground, exhaust the quarry until that person surrendered. It would keep us busy for hours and with any hope get some aggression out of our systems.
“No one is allowed to behead, eviscerate, skin, flay, or mutilate anyone else,” I told them and received a few sheepish looks. “You can bruise and cut to your heart’s content, but everyone walks out of the game alive. Do you all understand and give your oath?”
Begrudging looks were passed among each other, but all nodded and I breathed a sigh of relief. “Good,” I said and clapped my hands together. “You have five minutes to prepare.” I swept out of the room winking at a bewildered Artie.
I rushed up the stairs happy with myself but praying this didn’t backfire. Daddy Dearest would be quite angry if someone became permanently maimed. I opened the door to my room, happy for the first time in weeks, only to notice a pair of Marshall’s boots discarded carelessly by the foot of the bed. I growled and used a shot of magic to make them disappear.