“Bullshit,” Madeleine said. He looked up because she sounded angry, and he’d never heard her sound angry before. “Even you’re not as bloody noble as that. You thought it would be an excuse to stay with her, because you won’t admit to yourself that you love her and don’t want to let her go.”
He gave a short laugh. “Really.”
“Yes, really. You’re in love with her, Eli Black, but you’re so screwed up about this promise you made to your brother that you can’t see you don’t need an excuse to be with her.”
He met her sharp eyes, almost wincing at the anger in them. “That’s enough, Maddy. It’s not as simple as that.”
She snorted. “Of course it is.”
“It’s not. We’ve both got our ambitions and our dreams—neither of us should have to give them up for the other.”
“Ever heard of sacrifice, Eli? Sometimes you have to give up what you want for someone you love.”
“Stop telling me how to live my life,” he yelled, getting up and walking past them. “I know what I’m doing.”
“Yeah,” Madeleine said to his back. “It looks like it.”
He shoved his feet in his shoes, grabbed his jacket, and walked out of the house. The moon was full, and the scene before him was like a black-and-white movie, all shadows and highlights. He crossed the road and walked down to the beach, seeing Tabby standing by the shoreline, a solitary figure with arms wrapped around herself.
He walked up to her and paused by her side, looking out to sea. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her wipe her face. Even crying, she was beautiful.
For a moment, they didn’t say anything. He thought of how he’d felt so disappointed when she’d turned the test over and it was negative. Was it because it would have been an excuse to stay with her, to talk her into coming to LA with him? Or was it more than that? The image came to him then, of the girl he’d envisioned with Tabby’s large eyes and black hair, demanding he show her how to fall safely down the stairs. Eli had never thought about having kids before—it was always something he’d thought he’d do in the future, like seeing the Pyramids, or skiing in the Pyrenees. But the thought of Tabby carrying his child had filled him with a warmth he’d never expected.
He didn’t just want to date her—he wanted her to be his. Completely. He wanted every other man in the country to see his ring on her finger and know she belonged to him. He wanted to buy her a house, give her children, watch her become successful in her profession, hold her all night, every night. He didn’t ever want to let her go. But to achieve that, he had to mend the damage he’d done back at the house.
He turned to her and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?” Her reply was sharp, and a sob escaped her lips as a kind of hiccup. Immediately, he knew a simple apology—however heartfelt—wasn’t going to work, and helplessness rolled over him.
“Tabbs…please don’t cry. I didn’t want this. I don’t want to lose you, of course I don’t. We can work something out, can’t we?”
She looked up at him, her face shining pale and wet in the moonlight. “Like what, Eli?”
“Come to LA with me,” he blurted.
Her face was expressionless. “So, when you said ‘we can work something out,’ you meant I should work something out?”
“Tabbs…” Despair was making him panicky. “I’ve got to go. I promised.”
She met his gaze. “But you expect me to give up my dream. I’ve been there, done that. It didn’t end well. I’m not going to do it again.”
“I…I can’t think of any other way.”
She bit her lip. “So what were you expecting me to do, if I’d gotten pregnant? When you said you’d do anything to make me happy, what did you mean? What magic did you expect that ring in your pocket to produce?”
He stared at her. He didn’t know the answer to her question. The puzzle had gone around and around in his head, but he’d never been able to solve it, and in the end he’d told himself he’d wait until the moment came, hoping the answer would become clear. Instead, he’d screwed it up, and now it was even worse because somehow she’d found out about the ring.
He dropped his gaze with shame and closed his eyes, thinking I’ll kill you, Mick Forstner.
“It wasn’t Mick,” she said, reading his mind. “I saw you show them the box on the boat. I didn’t mean to.”
“Shit. Tabbs…”
“What did you expect?” she asked sharply.
“I don’t know,” he snapped. She’d known he had the ring all weekend. That’s why she’d looked so odd in the bathroom after she’d found out she wasn’t pregnant. She’d waited to see if he was still going to propose.
He had to come clean now, or he was going to lose her completely. “Tabby, look, I was going to propose whatever the outcome of the test, I swear. I waited until then because…I don’t know why—I was so convinced you were pregnant, and I thought that if I proposed when you discovered you were, it would be somehow…”
“Noble?” She gave a harsh laugh. “Eli, didn’t it cross your mind that I’d think you were only asking me because you felt you had to?”
He blinked. “No.”
She rolled her eyes as if to say “unbelievable.” “So why didn’t you ask me anyway?”
“You looked so relieved—I thought you were glad to be free. And…to be honest…I was worried you’d say no.”
If he’d thought that would endear him to her, he was mistaken. She sent him a look that made him curl up inside with shame. “You really think that’s a good enough excuse? I’d never have thought of you as a coward, Eli.”
Her words stung, but he bit back the sharp retort that jumped to his lips. She was hurting, and he wanted to make it right. “Maybe not, but it is the truth. Come on, Tabbs, I’ve been tied in knots since the day I met you.” For the first time, the mists were lifting and the future was becoming clear to him, and he didn’t like what he was seeing. He touched her arm.
She pulled away. “Don’t.”
How could he make her understand? “Even now, I still don’t know the answer. I don’t expect you to give up your dream, but equally I can’t either, I just can’t.” He stepped toward her, exhaling with frustration as she stepped back. Helplessness made his last reservations dissipate. “I want you so badly—I love you, I’m crazy about you. I’ve never met anyone like you—you’re so open and honest, and you haven’t tried to change me—you’ve accepted me for what I am. I can’t tell you what that means to me.”
Her face remained impassive, and he felt as if someone had slid a knife between his ribs.
“I love you,” he repeated softly. “Do you love me?”
The hard look in her eyes softened. “Of course I do.” Their gazes met, and he could see the longing in her eyes. For a brief moment, he glimpsed how great it could have been. But then she looked across the sea, and her shoulders fell. “I’d like a fairy-tale ending, too, Eli. But it’s immaterial. There is no answer that will make everything right.”
They both fell silent. The blade in his chest continued to slice through him, tearing him in two. He couldn’t believe it was coming to an end and gave it one last try, reaching out to her physically and emotionally. “Tabbs, I love you…”
She shrugged off his hand. “But not enough to come to the UK with me.”
The statement was incredibly unfair, especially as she was so insistent on going to London, but he didn’t say anything, knowing she was hurting as much as he was. Any possibility of a future with her was slipping away, and he didn’t want to end the moment with harsh words.
“It’s got to end, Eli. Let’s just finish it now, eh? I’m going back to the beach house. I’ll take the third bedroom, and we’ll sort out travel arrangements in the morning.” She met his gaze briefly. “It’s been good, though, hasn’t it?”
“Yes.” No more words would come. Something was squeezing his lungs.
She walked away.
Eli took the box out o
f his jeans pocket. He flipped it open and looked at the ring. Taking it out, he drew back his arm to throw it into the ocean, rage burning like acid in his stomach.
But he couldn’t do it. The ring wasn’t at fault. Something made him slip it back into the box and into his pocket. He was going to keep it as a reminder of what he’d nearly had. And maybe the next time, he wouldn’t be so fucking stupid.
…
An hour later, he was knocking back a whisky when Mick came through the door to the bar. The relief on Mick’s face was obvious as his gaze fell on Eli, and he came over. “Geez, I’ve been looking all over town for you.”
Eli shrugged and knocked back the rest of the scotch. “Want a drink?”
“I’ll get them,” Mick said. He went up to the bar, ordered two whiskies, and brought them back to the table. “Now, are you going to tell me what happened?”
“No.” Eli took a large mouthful of the drink and felt it burn all the way down to his already acid-ridden stomach. He leaned his head on the back of the seat and looked up at the ceiling.
“Did she say no, then?” Mick asked.
“No to what?”
There was an uncomfortable silence. Then Mick said, “Oh Christ, you didn’t ask her, did you?”
He didn’t want to relate the conversation they’d had. Instead, he just shrugged. “She’s going to the UK. I’m going to LA. She’s not pregnant. It’s over, Mick.” He took another slug of the whisky. “Finito. Kaput.”
“Right.” Mick heaved a sigh and took a swallow of his own drink. “All done.”
“Yeah.”
“You’re never going to see her again.”
“Nope.”
“The girl who’s made you smile more than all your other girlfriends put together.”
“Nope.”
“The girl who’s not said a single word about you being a stuntman, who’s never asked you to stop trying to cripple yourself, who’s never said anything about Charlie except that she understands the promise you made.”
“Are you trying to make me cry?”
“I’m just saying.”
“Well, don’t.”
So they said nothing for about half an hour, just watched the rugby on the large TV at the other end of the bar.
Eli started to feel as if someone had filed off his rough edges with sandpaper, but the alcohol wasn’t doing anything to help the heaviness in his heart. He knew in the morning he was going to have to face the too-loud music, but for now, he just wanted to forget.
Forget Tabby sitting in front of him, running her soft hands over his upper body as she “surveyed” him. Forget the feel of her breasts in his hands when he undressed her in the makeup storage room. Forget the sight of her lying in the forest glade, dappled with sunlight, sighing as he pleasured her with his mouth.
And forget the look of hurt in her eyes when she realized he wasn’t going to ask her to marry him.
Shit. He got up and ordered another round, sat back down, and tried to concentrate on the game. But he kept thinking about her, and the disappointment he’d felt when she’d turned the stick over and he’d realized she wasn’t pregnant.
He leaned forward and banged his head on the table.
“What?”
“She won’t leave me alone.” He picked up his glass, finished it off, and stood.
“Hey, mate, slow down a bit.” Mick wasn’t even halfway through that current round. “I’m not carrying you all the way back to the beach house.”
Eli ignored him and walked toward the bar. The hour was growing late, and the place was beginning to get noisy. The Australian national team, the Wallabies, were beating the New Zealand All Blacks, and tempers were rising among the viewing men, especially as there were some Australians in the room.
The Wallabies scored again as he neared the bar. The watching crowd of young men jostled and yelled, and a small fight broke out close to him. Eli tried to step around them, but his shoulder connected with one of the men, knocking him off balance.
“Hey.” The young man turned.
“Sorry,” Eli said without enthusiasm. The guy was about six inches shorter than him, with red hair, and wearing a Wallabies shirt. In times past, he would have enjoyed taking out his frustration in a pub brawl. Now, however, the last thing he wanted was an infantile scrap. He turned and walked back to Mick, hoping the bouncers would throw the idiots out. “Come on. Let’s go somewhere else.”
Mick nodded and finished off his drink, stepping back as someone fell near their table. It was a young lad in an All Blacks shirt, and his face filled with fear as the redhead who’d challenged Eli approached him with raised fists.
Eli glanced over his shoulder, but the bouncers were busy trying to break up a couple of men farther down the bar. Unable to completely throw off old habits, he moved forward and placed his hand on the redhead’s shoulder. “Come on, mate. Enough’s enough.”
The redhead shook him off and kicked the young guy on the floor hard enough to make him double up and yell.
“Hey.” Eli held his arm and turned him. “He’s only a kid. Take it out on someone your own size.”
Mick sighed. “Eli…”
The redhead squared his shoulders. “You looking for trouble?”
“Actually, I wasn’t, but I’m not going to stand here while you beat this kid to death.”
“And what the fuck are you going to do about it?”
In answer, Eli grabbed two fistfuls of the guy’s shirt and propelled him through the bar and out the door, throwing him onto the ground.
The Aussie scrambled to his feet, and five of his mates came tumbling out of the bar, clearly looking for trouble.
Mick appeared at his side. “Now you’ve done it.”
“He started it.” Eli held up his hands. “Come on, fellas, why don’t you just move on? The cops’ll be here any second.”
The redhead approached him with no sign of having heard him. He stank of beer, and his eyes had the bloodlust that Eli knew meant he wasn’t going to back down. The other man drew back his arm, but Eli was an old hand at this. He’d already widened his stance, and his fist met the redhead’s chin with a satisfying crack.
His mates moved forward with a roar.
“Madeleine’s going to kill me,” Mick said before joining in with a punch to the nearest contender.
Fists flew, and with every punch that connected with his body, Eli welcomed the pain, feeling it overtake his emotional grief bit by bit. Only when someone broke a bottle did he realize it had gone too far. A brawl was one thing—disfiguration was something else, especially for two men who made their living on film.
Mick went down, and Eli grabbed his assailant by the jacket and heaved him off, standing protectively over his friend’s body.
“Not so fucking smart now, are you, asshole?” said the redhead.
Eli glanced over at the bar door, but there was still no sign of the bouncers.
The redhead held the broken bottle before him like a weapon. There was blood all over his face, but he was obviously made of sterner stuff than he looked. He waved the bottle, and three of his friends closed in around him.
Eli kept his weight on his toes. His head felt clear. In the background, he heard the first wail of sirens, but he knew they wouldn’t get there in time.
Sorry, Tabbs.
“Come on, sunshine,” he said. “Do your best. But I swear, there’s no way a fucking lightweight like you is going to beat me in a fight.”
The redhead let out a strangled yelp and plunged forward, and Eli braced himself.
Chapter Nineteen
Tabby awoke with a start and looked at the clock. It read two in the morning, and darkness shrouded the bedroom. She sat up and ran a hand over her face. Her eyes were swollen and sore from all the crying, and she felt bone-weary.
Part of her weariness was due to the phone call she’d had that evening. She’d been upset from the argument with Eli, distraught about the fact that they’d brought things
to an end. And then her mother had called.
“What’s up, Mom?” Tabby wished she’d had the forethought to turn the phone off.
“I can’t get hold of Lisa. Your dad keeps getting up and going out the front door. I was in the bathroom just now, and when I came out he was halfway down the road.” She started to cry.
Tabby pressed the heel of her hand to her forehead and took several deep breaths. This was the last thing she needed, but her mother hadn’t known what a terrible day she’d had. “I’m so sorry, I wish there was something I could do. But I’m over eight thousand miles away.”
“Family responsibilities don’t end when we go on vacation,” Delia snapped. “I need you, Tabby. I know you think I’m being pathetic and manipulative, but can’t you see I really need you? Lisa’s got her own family—she doesn’t have the time to help.”
“I have my own life, too.”
“Oh, come on. You’re single and jobless. You need to find yourself a man, get a couple of kids under your belt, buy a house, and settle down.”
Tabby bit her lip. She wasn’t going to argue about this now. She had to find a solution to the current problem before her poor father left the stove gas on and blew them both up or something similar. “Look, why don’t you call that number I gave you and see if they have a health nurse who can help temporarily?”
“I don’t want a nurse, I want my daughter!”
Tabby burst into tears.
For a moment, Delia was silent. Tabby continued to sob, her heart sinking into her shoes. Why was everything going wrong?
Eventually, Delia spoke. “What’s up, sweetie?”
The sympathy in her mother’s voice brought new tears, and another half a minute passed before Tabby could say a word. “I got into a fight with Eli.” She’d told her mother a little about him a few days before, although she hadn’t gone into detail.
“What happened?”
Tabby gave her a brief explanation, including the bit about how they’d thought she might be pregnant. “I’m not, by the way,” she added at the end.
“Did you want to be?”
“I…” Tabby’s voice trailed off. “I don’t know. At the moment I took the test, he hadn’t said he loved me. I knew he’d bought a ring, but he hadn’t proposed. I do want a family. I’d like to get my studies done first, but one day…” Tears filled her eyes again. It was too late—her relationship with Eli was over. She’d made sure of that after their conversation on the beach. Sadness made her sag where she sat on the bed.
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