She dug out a twenty and dropped the bill on the counter before sliding from the stool and walking for the door.
Jay followed on her heels. Outside, he gently took her arm, turning her to face him. “I’m not being an asshole. I’m telling you we have the potential to be so much more than what you had with Nate.”
“Jay, stop. I’m not an idiot. I hear what you’re saying. Right now, I can’t. There’s too much other stuff going on, and I can’t add to it.”
Searching her face, he offered a sad smile. “I want a chance, Savon. I’m not the fool who will let you go. I’ll fight for you. But I’m not pushing. I see the pain in your eyes. I want to take it away.”
She let out a strangled cry. “You can’t.” It physically hurt to walk away. He was right, there was a connection, but it didn’t compare to the ache building for Nate.
* * * *
He’d stalked her in dreams for years—why not real life?
Nate needed to talk to Savon, and if that meant camping out on her porch until she finally showed up, so be it.
He managed to stay away from her dreams one night—barely. And she wound up in one of his worst memories.
At ten she pulled into her driveway, parked her car, and climbed out.
He shot to his feet and their eyes locked as she stepped toward the house.
Her breath caught. “Nate?”
“Needed to see you, even if you slap me, push me out, whatever. I needed you—to see you.”
“We need to talk.” A yawn escaped her lips.
“Where were you?” he asked, emotion bleeding into his voice.
“I needed to think. Went to friends. I’m sorry.” Her shoulders dropped as she walked to the door and let them in. “You know why I was so mad?”
“Why?” he whispered.
Tears welled up in her eyes when she looked up at him. “You were gone. Your father wouldn’t tell me if you were alive. I left because I was going crazy sitting in my room, staring at your house every single day waiting for you. So, I left. Went to school, hoping you’d find your way to me. Then you didn’t. I thought you were dead. And I found out—shit.” She moved to the couch and dropped onto a cushion, staring out the window.
“Sav, I’m sorry, baby. I wanted to come to you. If I had, he would have destroyed you.”
She placed her fingers on his mouth and shook her head. “Shut up, Nate. Let me get this out.”
He nodded, his heart thumping in his chest. Her pain bit into him and she took a deep breath before releasing it slowly.
“I found out I was pregnant after I got to San Francisco. I was so happy with the news. I figured you were dead, gone, and I had a piece of you.” Tears leaked down her face.
Confusion set in, but the need to comfort her pushed that aside as he dried her face.
She continued, “You’d started coming to me in my dreams, and I didn’t understand. I thought your ghost was haunting me, or my cruel imagination was trying to twist the happiness out of me, but I hung on to the fact I had your little girl growing inside me and I fought to be happy with that.”
He cupped her cheek, pulling her closer. She moved into his arms, burying her head. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.
“You appeared in my shower that first time. Only a few seconds. I thought you were a ghost. You said you loved me. Then you disappeared, and I started screaming. Pain washed through me as everything in my apartment moved. I didn’t understand it at the time, but something inside me snapped. My magic broke loose. I lost her, Nate. I lost you, then her, and my world fell apart.”
“Oh, God, I’m sorry.” He rubbed his hands up and down her back.
“Then Bran said you were back but not coming for me, and I lost it. I couldn’t deal. You didn’t attempt to call me, to find me. Nothing. You were there in my dreams, taunting me, pushing me further into this spiraling depression. Shit, I didn’t get it. I pushed you away and I’m sorry. I was so terrified I’d lose myself in that dark pit and never climb out. When Bran finally tried to tell me what happened it hurt too much to hear your name because I already knew you weren’t coming. I’m sorry I shut down, but it was the only way to cope.”
He felt every ounce of her pain, cutting him deeper than anything he’d ever felt. “You wanted her?”
Her hazel eyes glowed with a million shades. “So much. I wanted to hold onto you even when I didn’t think you were coming back. Then you were there, and I thought you were a ghost.”
“I didn’t know,” he whispered. “I’m sorry.”
She shook her head. “It wasn’t you. I mean seeing you might have shattered what was holding back the power inside, but it was my father’s fault, and I still don’t understand a damned thing. He didn’t want me to access the other side of any veil. He wanted me locked firmly in this world.”
“What are you talking about?”
“He was supposed to be the most powerful sorcerer, and he was afraid of my power. There are answers here. It’s part of why I came back, but I haven’t found anything yet. I’m scared he thought I was a monster, and that maybe he was right.”
“You’re not a monster, Savon. You never were.”
“I’m not normal. When I lose my shit, every unseen being taps into my emotion, and things get ugly. I was a mess after I lost her. I couldn’t control my emotions. Little things would set me off, and I blamed you because I didn’t know what happened, and I was hurting so damned bad I refused to even hear your name.”
“Shh, Savon, I’m sorry.”
“Stop saying that. I’m sorry because I couldn’t understand this morning. I was looking at it all wrong. All I could see was you holding on when I was trying to let go. You were trying to protect me, and I couldn’t understand why you didn’t come, but you did—every single night. And the more you reached for me this morning the more I pushed you away. I was running scared because I was a ticking time bomb.”
“What do you mean?”
“The more you pushed, the more it hurt. I needed to process and you kept going. The spirits wanted you away from me, they were trying to protect me. I needed you to go before I lost it.”
“What would have happened?” he asked softly.
“Looked like a hurricane blew through my apartment when I miscarried. Everything was thrown around. And I had no clue what had happened. Had someone been in the apartment, they would have hurled everything at the person. Some friends helped me learn some form of control, but because neither of them is what I am, they could only offer guidance. Unfortunately, the only other sorcerers I knew wouldn’t come near me because they were afraid.”
“Hey, we’ll figure it out, Savon. Together. If you’ll let me.”
“I’m broken, Nate. I’m sorry I couldn’t let you in. I didn’t know what you were, that you were there for me. I thought—shit, I thought I was torturing myself, which only made it all worse.”
“I tried to reach you. God knows I tried.”
“What if I’m just a monster, Nate? What if what I am is so horrible that my father wanted it locked away so I wouldn’t suffer?”
“You’re not a monster. You’re special, that’s all. You see the world through a different filter. So what if the spirits interact with you?”
“They aren’t all good. I don’t let them in. I try to limit what happens around them. It’s not always easy.”
He scooped her into his arms and carried her up to her room. “Can I hold you? If nothing else, I need to be here with you. You scared me so damned bad when you threw me out and ran.”
“I didn’t throw you out. The spirits were protecting me. I couldn’t stop them, didn’t want to. I needed time to make sense of everything you said.”
He nodded. “I needed you to understand.”
“I do now. And I want you to stay, if you don’t hate me for pushing you away so long. I want to burrow into your arms and not feel broken.”
Nate pulled her closer. “Could nev
er hate you, Savon. We can figure this out tomorrow. Okay?”
She nodded against his chest. A yawn escaped, muffled by her hand.
“Why so tired?”
“Drove all day to come back to you. Needed to tell you I’m sorry.”
“No more apologies. I’m here and I’m not letting you go again.” He kissed her head and lay down with her in his arms. If he had his way, he was never letting go again.
Chapter 14
Bran happened to be on his porch, glaring at his phone when Clay crept by on foot. Bran froze, silencing his phone as the bastard continued down the sidewalk, toward Savon’s home.
The asshole had already been chased off her property once. And the dumbass couldn’t hear for shit, unlike most werewolves, but he’d lost a good portion of his hearing in World War II.
Killian often recruited battle hardened werewolves.
Bran moved silently as Clay ventured onto a path leading into the woods near Savon’s house. The fool never realized Bran was closing in.
Clay moved past the tree line and prowled across Savon’s yard. He reached the porch and took a step but was flung to the ground. She’d mentioned wards, but he’d never heard of anything so powerful.
Bran ran forward with a snarl. “What the fuck are you doing?”
Rolling to his feet, Clay shifted to half beast, tearing at his clothes as he crouched low.
Bran shifted too, prepared for battle.
Clay shot forward, whipping his claws out. Bran caught his arm and shoved him forward, face first to the ground. He rolled as Bran straddled his waist and gripped his throat in a furry clawed hand. “What do you want with Savon?”
“Going to kill you, then fuck Savon so hard she’s in pieces,” he snarled.
Bran punched his claws into Clay’s chest and ripped down his belly with a snarl. “Touch my sister and I’ll feed you to Canagan’s wolves.”
Clay rolled him to his back and raked his claws across his chest. Bran flung his arm away and rolled again, climbing on top to swing one fist after another at Clay’s face until bones broke and blood leaked from cuts.
Long after Clay stopped fighting and slipped out of consciousness, Bran sat back on his heels. He took in the damage and groaned.
Clay was a mess. One that needed to be put back together. And Nate was in Savon’s house. Bran could always identify the wolves in the pack. Even before he’d become a werewolf, thanks to his mother’s gifts.
Bran climbed to his feet, plotting out how to get the asshole into the secret cell in the precinct before he woke. The way things stood in the pack, he didn’t want to alarm the rest of the wolves.
* * * *
Savon lay in the circle of Nate’s arms under the willow tree. A smile graced her lips as she rolled over to find him still dressed, watching her with such patience. “You’re here.”
“Never left you for any longer than I had to. You call to me.”
“Can’t help it. Never got over you.” She snuggled closer, letting his warmth seep in. “We’re still in bed, huh?”
“Yeah, but this was our place. Yours and mine. Maybe why I bring you out here so often in our dreams. Hoping you’ll understand and give me a chance to talk.”
“Sorry. After everything I’ve learned, you’d think I could have figured out you were really there.” She snorted. “Never heard of a Dreamwalker, though.”
“There aren’t a lot of us. Apparently, my mother was.” He pressed his forehead to hers. “She told me to never let my father know I had the gift. I never understood why.”
“Maybe we can find that answer too.”
“Not sure I care.”
“I know you don’t want to hear this, but he may still be alive.”
He shook his head.
Savon sat up and faced him, so he did too. She took his hands. “Think about it. When someone challenges the Alpha and wins, they become Alpha. Jay won, your father supposedly died, yet Jay isn’t the Alpha. There can only be one explanation that makes any damned sense. He’s alive. Somewhere. And I have some friends who are trying to get me some answers. Which means, we may be closer to figuring out that part of our problem.”
“I want him to be dead. I’m not sure I can win against him, and I’m not willing to walk away again.”
“Shit, Nate, slow down, babe. I’m not ready for a mate bond. There are things we need to discuss first. You may not want what comes with it.”
“I’d have you, forever. What’s there to think about?”
She couldn’t help smiling. “I’m half Sylvan Fae. I have an affinity to nature and animals. When I concentrate, I can control them. And there are stories that if we become a wereanimal, or mate one, we can control the one we’re mated to. That if it’s an Alpha, I could control the pack. So, think about this.”
“You wouldn’t.” He shrugged. “I don’t see the problem.”
“There’s a lot about my life away from Silvertail Ridge you don’t know yet. You need to know it all before we go there. So, relax. I’m not saying never. I’m asking you to wait until you understand more about what I am.”
“If it’s that important to you, I’ll wait as long as you need. But you can’t change my mind. There has only ever been one thing I wanted. You, in my life.”
“You can’t tell me I’m the only woman you’ve ever been with. And if I am, well, I have to warn you, you were my first, but there have been others since.”
“Don’t care about them. And yes, I was with other women, trying to find a way to let you go because you told me a million times to. I couldn’t. I tried, but I couldn’t.”
“I don’t need to know who, or the circumstances, Nate. I haven’t imagined a future with you since I lost our baby.” She closed her eyes and breathed deep. “I’m sorry. If I had known you were really there, chasing after me, things would have been different.”
He pulled her closer, and she went. His breath fanned her ear. “Doesn’t matter. I should have come for you.”
“And I could have stopped running. Neither of us was right. We could have done things differently.”
“Then let’s make a promise to each other.”
“What’s that?” she whispered, leaning back to meet his gaze.
“Whatever comes up, we talk to each other. Here, there, wherever. Just don’t shut me out again.”
A short laugh escaped. “I’m not sure I could. The more I told them what happened between us, and what you said, the more I realized how fucking stupid I’ve been.”
He caressed her cheek with his thumb. “Hey, you didn’t know.”
“Don’t you dare blame yourself.”
A grin broke across his face and he pulled her closer for a tender kiss.
She pulled away, placing one hand on his chest. “Wait. I meant what I said. We need a long talk about everything before we go there. I want you to be sure that’s what you want after you understand everything I’ve learned.”
“Then wake up, and we can do this face to face.”
* * * *
The cell phone buzzed early that morning. Nate woke and quietly slipped from the bed and hurried downstairs where he answered. “Hey, what’s up, Bran?”
“You stayed the night at Sav’s.” Not a question.
“Yes, I held her. God, it felt good to have her in my arms again.”
“Mated to her or not, you hurt my sister, and I’ll beat your ass.”
“We’re not.” Nate rubbed at his face.
“Why not?” The words were drawn out.
“She’s worried her being a Sylvan Fae will somehow impact my decision. That and some of her history. We didn’t have sex. I told her I’d wait until she was ready.”
“So, she forgave you? Shit, I thought that might take longer unless you got her in the sack.”
“You’re an asshole, Bran. Look, can we discuss this later? She’s still asleep.”
“Sorry. We have a problem. Any chance
you want to make breakfast? We can discuss it then.”
“Um…let me check her kitchen, make sure there’s food to cook.” Nate stepped into the kitchen and looked in the fridge.
Stocked, surprisingly. He’d assumed she wouldn’t have taken the time to go into town and shop.
“Give us an hour. I’ll have breakfast ready. Anyone coming?”
“Just me.”
“See you then.”
He moved back upstairs and found Savon sitting up, stretching her long body. His dick stood at attention, and he had to close his eyes and suck in air. Her scent hit him and he growled low in his throat.
Her light laugh snapped his eyes open. “Sorry, maybe you should run home for a shower. There’s no way I’m letting you in my bathroom with that while I’m naked.” She eyed his straining hard-on with a smirk. “As tempting as that is, I need time.”
“I’ll be back shortly.” He ducked out of the room and headed home.
Chapter 15
Watching him leave hurt. That was her doing, though. Savon wanted Nate badly, but she needed to be sure that love was still there. Too terrified to analyze what she felt, she pushed emotions aside and got ready for the day.
By the time she was showered and downstairs, Nate came back in jeans and a T-shirt. Since being back, she’d only seen him once in casual clothes. Usually he dressed as if he was coming or going to work. Slacks, dress shirt, all of which he filled out well, but she liked the more casual look.
“No knocking?” she asked, her brow arched.
“Didn’t think you’d mind me making you breakfast, especially since Bran invited himself over.”
Her arms crossed over her chest. “You two are planning my day without me?”
Nate moved to her and took her face in his hands. “No, but maybe this morning. You want answers, and well, Bran can help with that. Besides, he could have told you at any time you two didn’t share a father.”
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