“Yes.” She didn’t see any need to lie.
“I can’t believe this.” Destiny began to pace like a wild animal in a confined space. “After everything you saw today, after everything we went through, after everything I had to do.”
“Everything you chose to do,” Sadie corrected, without much venom in her voice. “The press attention came from a choice you made. The mob outside the hotel wasn’t Jay’s doing, but you don’t have to worry, no one saw me with her tonight. You won’t have to worry about that making the headlines.”
Destiny stopped moving and stared at her. “Are you serious?”
“Do I look like I’m joking?”
“You think I’m upset about the press? I just put my whole career in jeopardy to protect you from that woman, and you went back to see her tonight. Do you really think the most upsetting part of that for me is that someone else might have seen you?”
Sadie stared up at her daughter, towering tall and furious over her. For the first time, she didn’t see her baby girl through the fierce warrior.
“I thought I made myself clear when I made an ass of myself on a show court of the biggest, most prestigious tennis tournament in the world. There is nothing I care about as much as you, and then you throw all of that away by going back to someone who doesn’t deserve you.”
Sadie blinked a few times, then tried to open her mouth, but all she could squeak out was, “What?”
“How could you do this?” Destiny raged. “You have been so perfect every day of my life. You think through everything, you have an answer to everything, you handled everything life threw at us.”
“I didn’t.”
“You did!” Destiny shouted. “You are a queen. You deserve someone who will put you on a pedestal, someone who will take care of you, and comfort you, and show you off like a jewel. How could the fiercest woman I’ve ever known fall for a coward?”
The last word made Sadie wince, not because it was too harsh, but because it was the one she herself had used. Why did it seem so much worse to hear it from someone else?
“Do you even know what she did to Katia?”
The question jolted her back into the moment. “That’s unfair.”
“Don’t feed me some line about Jay’s side of that story. I don’t care if they were lovers or who seduced who. I only care that Jay lied to the press about them for years, and then when the truth came out, she disappeared. She took no stand. She just moved on to another woman, and another, and another. And where is Katia now? Disgraced? Gone from the game. Gone from the public. Gone.” Destiny’s voice cracked on the last word, and all the fear behind her anger came pouring out. “You are all I have. I can’t do this without you. I can’t lose you.”
Sadie jumped to her feet and tried to pull Destiny into a hug, but she pushed her away.
“Don’t.”
“Des, honey, I’m so sorry. I should’ve told you everything sooner. I had no idea what you were so mad about, but you’ve got this all wrong. Jay isn’t who you think she is.”
“She’s not who you think she is. She’s not a good person, and I can’t believe you don’t see that after today. She’s doing the exact same thing she did last time.”
“She’s not.”
“She is!” Destiny shouted. “I gave her a chance to do things differently today. I practically dared her to be honest and upright. Instead she proved herself to be exactly who I feared she was. Can’t you see the pattern?”
Sadie shook her head, but she couldn’t even form a response before Destiny fired another round of volleys.
“She lied to me, she hid away someone she claims to care about, and she exposed both of us to a firestorm in the press. Even when backed into a corner and asked directly about her relationship status, she refused to acknowledge you publicly. She would rather let them think she seduced me than admit you even exist in her life. She took what she wanted from you for as long as she could, and the first time she had to answer for her actions, she ran.”
“She’s trying to protect me.”
Destiny snorted. “She’s protecting herself. People stand up for the things they care about, but she treated you like a dirty little secret. If she’d had good intentions, she wouldn’t have lied or snuck around.”
“You’re totally misreading the situation, and I can understand why now. I wish we’d had this conversation months ago.”
“Months,” Destiny groaned.
“Yes, months ago, before you stepped into something you didn’t understand to try to warn off someone who had the power to make me happier than I have ever been.”
“You’re sitting here crying after sneaking back to see her. She’s not making you happy. Even now, even with the press begging her for the story, she won’t do the right thing. Does that make you happy?”
“No,” Sadie said softly. “Today wasn’t her finest moment, but I love her, and she loves me.”
“Then where is she?” Destiny said flatly. “Why isn’t she holding you while you cry? Why hasn’t she told anyone else that she loves you? Because life got complicated? Because she wants the easy road out?”
“Because she wants to save us from a firestorm.”
“She had her chance to do that today. She had her chance to do so for months. At any time along the way, she could have told the whole world she really loved you and faced whatever came next with you by her side, but what did she say when push came to shove?”
“No comment.” Sadie repeated the phrase that had reverberated through her head all afternoon.
“People fight for what they love,” Destiny said resolutely. “Right or wrong, I did what I did today because I’m willing to lose everything I’ve worked for to protect you. I took a stand. What did Jay do?”
Sadie didn’t answer. She didn’t want to. Saying the words would make them too real. She couldn’t face the picture Destiny had painted so clearly. The months of hiding, Jay’s denials at the press conference, the way she’d pushed Sadie away tonight. She didn’t add them all up for fear she’d reach the same sum Destiny had. Mercifully, she didn’t have to, as they were interrupted by a knock at the door.
Destiny opened it to Hank, who stood in the hallway, suitcase in hand. “I spoke to the tour officials. They are sending a car over right now. We’re going to take a private charter to Amsterdam, and then from there we’ll fly back to the U.S., but we have to leave now.”
Destiny nodded curtly and slipped into her shoes, but Sadie remained frozen in her spot as the tearing sensation inside her reached a painful pitch. Pressing the heel of her palm squarely in the center of her chest, she tried to summon any remaining reserves of fight left in her.
“Mom,” Destiny said softly, “we have to go.”
She shook her head. She didn’t have to do anything. She made her own choices. She wouldn’t be pushed around, not even by Destiny.
“Mom.” Destiny tried again. “She knows where you are, and she hasn’t come after you.”
“No,” Sadie said sadly. “She won’t. She told me to go.”
Destiny stood silently for a moment, her eyes shimmering with a mix of anger and sadness that Sadie suspected reflected her own, though maybe in different measure. Then she finally asked gently, “Shouldn’t that be all the answer you need?”
Sadie nodded slowly. It wasn’t what she needed. Not really, but it should have been, and more importantly, it was all she was going to get, so she picked up her suitcase and did what she had done a million times throughout her life. She chose her daughter over herself.
★ ★ ★
“Sev-en-teen. Sev-en-teen. Sev-en-teen.” The taunts had started midway through the first set. She tried to tell herself that at least this one was rhythmic as opposed to the general boos that had rained down on her from the moment she’d walked onto the court, but the hatred behind this sentiment didn’t feel any better simply because it had a beat to it.
She arched up for a serve, but a hiss from someone behind her made her wi
nce, and she sent the ball careening into the net. The spectators roared with approval. In the absence of lions in this modern-day Colosseum, the crowd would have to satisfy its bloodlust via the scoreboard.
Sadly, the score wasn’t as lopsided as it should have been. She hadn’t expected to win a single game, but as she served to stay in the first match, she’d actually won three of them.
Jay collected a ball from one of the ball girls without even a mumbled thanks, not wanting to be seen conversing with a minor, then glanced across the court to see Peggy Hamilton in place opposite her.
Peggy had the lead, but she hadn’t dominated the way Jay’d expected her to, even wanted her to. She’d made more than a reasonable amount of unforced errors, leading Jay to suspect the atmosphere was bothering her, too.
“Well, too damn bad,” Jay said under her breath, and tossed the ball high again before sending this attempt long by a solid foot. She wouldn’t feel sorry for Peggy. She was about to be a quarterfinalist at Wimbledon via the easiest defeat of her life. She would be cheered and adored today, no matter how badly she played. She would go home in peace and quiet. She wouldn’t face a single angry fan or sit through a press conference with a salivating press corps. Most importantly, she would spend her evening with whoever she wanted. Friends, family, a lover, all options would be open to her without even a twinge of fear or guilt.
The crowd was raucous now that Jay’s double fault had put her within one point of losing the first set. Her fingers twitched in their eagerness to drop the racket and run, but she tossed the ball high once more and lobbed an easy arcing serve over the net. Peggy sent it back with some speed, but before the ball had even cleared the net, she dropped her racket and grabbed her elbow.
Jay didn’t even attempt to make a return as she sprinted toward the net, and the crowd sent up a chaotic mix of cheers and gasps.
“Game and set, Ms. Hamilton,” the chair umpire called over the noise in the stands, and Jay waited at the net for Peggy, who walked over more slowly, her racket arm hanging limp by her side.
“What happened?”
Peggy ignored her for a moment, and instead directed her reply to the official sitting above them. “I need a trainer. My elbow, it’s a sharp pain.”
Jay’s stomach roiled. “What are you doing?”
Peggy shook her head as she sat down on the bench.
The crowd picked up their chants of “sev-en-teen” again, and someone very near Jay’s back added the name “Destiny” as some sort of twisted harmony.
Or then again, maybe they weren’t only using Destiny as a name. Maybe this was her destiny. Hated, despised, distrusted, it all felt so familiar. Maybe she’d been stupid to think there’d ever be anything else for her.
Sadness battled with panic in her core, making it hard to draw a full breath for the two processes both attempting to exert their pressure at once. She clenched her jaw and fought to keep her eyes open, knowing that if she let the darkness close in even for a second, she might not be able to banish it again. All she had to do was stay on the court long enough to lose, and then she’d collect her check and get the hell out of London.
She stood up. They’d rested long enough, and yet she suspected nothing would ever feel restful again. She might as well plow on.
She looked over to Peggy, who met her eyes for one short second, but it was enough to see her own sadness and embarrassment reflected there. More disturbing, though, was a sort of resolve Jay hadn’t expected, a subtle glint of madness and mischief.
“What?” Jay mouthed the word more than said it.
Peggy turned her head to the trainer jogging toward her.
“It’s my elbow,” she said to him, clearly loud enough to be heard by the chair umpire’s mic. “I don’t think I can keep playing.”
The words rattled around in Jay’s head as she tried to make sense of them, but as they slowly sank in, she felt as though she might be sinking, too. Dread washed over her, swirling around her like a rush of cold water until it settled right at her throat.
“When does it hurt?” the trainer asked.
“When I bend it,” Peggy replied. Flexing the joint a few times, she grimaced to illustrate her point. “It’s also starting to swell.”
“No,” Jay managed to squeak. This couldn’t be happening. She had only one set left. She could net every ball if she had to, but she was almost free. She couldn’t do this again. Not another match, not another press conference, not another scandal.
“I can give you an ice pack or a topical cream for the swelling. It might get you through the match.”
“I think I may need to see a specialist,” Peggy said calmly.
“No,” Jay managed in a panic-stricken voice, but Peggy and the trainer both studiously ignored her. “God, Peggy, don’t do this.”
She didn’t hear her response, if Peggy even made one. All she could hear over the din of the angry crowd was the rushing of her own pulse. She’d barely had enough strength to face today. How could she face tomorrow, or the next day, or the next? She couldn’t do it. Not alone. Another realization struck her as the word alone spun through her mind. She wasn’t really alone. What she really meant was that she couldn’t do it without Sadie.
The stadium spun in a whirl of colors. Green blended with white, and her entire field of vision faded to pale light, but suddenly the chair umpire’s voice rang out above all the other noise to declare, “Ms. Hamilton withdraws. Ms. Pierce wins by virtue of a forfeit.”
The rage of the crowd couldn’t match the storm raging in Jay as she snapped back into the moment. The match was over, and yet nothing was over. She didn’t know where she’d find the resolve to step back onto this court, but right now she had to focus on finding the strength to leave it.
She collected her rackets without even seeing them. Bracing herself to walk closer to the screaming spectators, she strode toward the tunnel.
As she approached the corner exit where fans could nearly reach out and touch the players, she felt a body brush against her shoulder and heard Peggy softly say, “Stay beside me.”
Jay didn’t respond. She couldn’t, for the lump of emotion in her throat. She simply walked into the tunnel with Peggy wordlessly by her side.
They silently strode that way down the hall and into the locker room until the door shut behind them. Then, dropping her rackets to the floor with a clatter, Jay swayed.
Peggy caught her and pulled her into a hug.
Judging by the sounds of chairs scraping against the floor and other doors swinging open, several people had quickly left the room, but Jay hardly had the wherewithal to care. Anything they’d think of her weakness didn’t compare to what most of them already believed about her, and honestly, she didn’t even care about that very much. She didn’t have the energy to care about anything other than keeping her head above water, a task that Peggy had just made considerably harder.
She pushed Peggy away and stared at her most recent betrayer.
“What?” Peggy asked, her face turning pink.
“You forfeited.”
“My elbow hurts.”
Jay snorted.
“I’m serious.”
“You could have beat me left-handed today.”
“And then what? Get killed in the quarterfinals and risk making things worse?”
“Worse?” Jay exploded. “Do you really think anything could be worse than what I was getting out there today? And now I have to face it again.”
“But you have a better chance of moving forward.”
“I am never going to move forward from this,” Jay shouted. “I barely survived the first time. I can’t relive everything. I can’t. I can’t.”
“Hey,” Peggy said softly, “this is not last time. I know it feels that way, but you are not the same person. Sadie is not Katia.”
“You don’t know what this feels like. You don’t understand what I have to do.”
“You have to fight, Jay. If you run now, you’ll never co
me back.”
“I don’t want to come back anymore. I was stupid to come back the first time. I made the same mistakes all over again, and now I’m going to face the same punishments.”
“Stop.” Peggy grabbed her by both arms and shook her. “You have to snap out of that line of thinking. You have to change the story. You can’t give in to your old demons. I won’t let you.”
“You don’t have a choice.”
“I do,” Peggy said forcefully. “I made the wrong one last time. I wasn’t a good enough friend to you. I was young and scared about my own reputation, and my mom was controlling so much, whatever, but I’m not the same person I was ten years ago, and neither are you. You are not giving up. Not on tennis, and not on Sadie.”
“Sadie’s gone. She’s on a plane back to America.”
“Then call her. Go after her. Convince her you’re not who they say you are. She already knows you’re not after Des. She can’t believe all the other stuff too.”
“I made her leave,” Jay said flatly. “I told her I didn’t want her around anymore.”
“You idiot. You two were perfect for each other. You could have fought this. She wanted to stay with you. She could have saved you.”
Jay groaned. That’s the last thing she wanted to hear. “I don’t want her to sacrifice herself or her daughter for me. I’m not worth it.”
“You are. God, if I ever see Katia again, I will choke the life out of her with my bare hands for making you think that. You are good and kind and noble. Everyone can see that but you.”
“No. The fans, the press, they are always going to see me as a predator, and the only thing keeping me from believing them is that I’m willing to sacrifice everything to protect the people I love. I have to do this, and I have to do it alone.”
“You don’t. You can push back, tell the truth,” Peggy pleaded. “Scream it until you’re heard. You don’t have to accept someone else’s story.”
“The story is better than the truth. It’s the only way I can live with myself. It’s the only way I can salvage any sense of self-respect or make any meaning out of this.”
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