‘Don’t think I wasn’t tempted. However, I’ve never forced a woman and I won’t start with you.’
‘What do you want then?’
‘I told you: to finish what we started.’ His expression was implacable. ‘But, if that happens, it’ll be of your own free will.’ He drew her against him, looking down into her face. ‘Tell me you don’t want this, Claudia, and I’ll let you go.’
Her heart lurched dangerously, but not with fear. Rather it was in recognition of the desires she had tried to bury and which now refused to be denied.
‘I cannot tell you that,’ she replied.
He crushed her against him for a deep and lingering kiss that set every nerve alight. It was madness and she knew it, but now couldn’t help herself. Her arms slid up round his neck and she pressed closer, first yielding to the embrace and then returning it, every part of her wanting him, unable to deny the fierce and growing need for him.
Eventually he drew back a little, just long enough to lift her in his arms and then head for the stairs. What followed was a sense of disorientation, but when next she got her bearings she realised that they were in his room, not hers. He laid her on the bed and then, without taking his gaze off her, began to divest himself of clothing. Firelight played on the muscles of his arms and shoulders and lent a ruddy hue to his skin. She could see the lines of the scars and the gold brown hair on his chest, leading the eye to the narrow waist. The close-fitting breeches accentuated lean hard flanks and long muscular legs. His arousal was evident. With thumping heart she saw him cross to the bed. Taking her hands in his he drew her to her feet and proceeded to undress her, slowly removing each layer of clothing until every last stitch was gone.
Then drawing aside the coverlet he lifted her into bed. As she slid between the sheets he unfastened the breeches and removed them. Then he came to join her. Strong hands closed on her waist, drawing her body against his, warming her. She felt his breath feathering along her neck and then his tongue gently probing her ear. It sent a delicious shiver through her entire being. The tongue teased the lobe and moved on, the tip tracing a line along her neck to her throat to her breast. Then his mouth gently resumed where it had left off, triggering other exquisite sensations.
His hands slid from her waist to explore her back and the curve of her hips. Instinctively she followed his lead, caressing him in return, exploring him slowly, learning the planes of his muscles and the deep lines of the scars along his shoulder and arm; her fingertips stroking the hard nipples and the wiry hair on his breast and abdomen, nostrils breathing in the erotic musky scent of his skin. Her hand moved lower and closed around him, gently stroking the velvety shaft. The result was a sharp indrawn breath.
She felt him stroke the secret place between her legs, gently drawing a finger through the soft flesh, seeking the harder nub hidden there. Her breathing quickened. He heard it and continued. The throbbing tautness in her loins increased, building slowly. Claudia gasped as the first tremor shook her in a sudden rush of liquid heat. Her eyes widened as successive shock waves of pleasure flooded her body sweeping her inexorably towards the edge of a precipice.
Anthony looked down into her face. No trace remained of the snow queen now; only the fiery, sensual creature in his arms, her velvety eyes dark with passion, her lips swollen with his kisses, skin sheened with sweat and flushed with desire. He felt her writhe beneath him. She was more than ready now but he continued to make her wait, using every ounce of self-restraint he possessed not to follow the primal urging of his baser nature and satisfy his own desires. Hurting her had no place in his plans; nor did haste. He wanted her to enjoy this, wanted her to crave more. It wasn’t enough just to take her body. By the time he was done she was going to be his completely.
‘Anthony, please...’
He flung off the restricting bedclothes and rolled, pinning her beneath him, parting her thighs. She felt his erection push into her, push into her and then meet resistance. She saw him frown. Before he could fully assimilate the implications her hands clutched his back, pulling him closer, deeper.
‘Don’t stop. Whatever you do, don’t stop.’
She felt him thrust into her again and stifled a cry as the momentary burning pain took her by surprise. Then he was inside her, the whole length of him moving in a slow delicious rhythm that turned her blood to fire. The rhythm gradually increased, the thrusts growing deeper, stronger. Her body shuddered as he took her closer to the brink. And then she was over the edge and he followed her, crying out in the hot rush of release.
She closed her eyes, deliciously sated, steeped in dreamy inertia. While she had always known what happened between men and women, she had never imagined it might be like this. In spite of her inexperience she knew he had been considerate, that he had restrained his desire to increase hers. And it had. The recollection left a banked fire waiting to be rekindled.
He lowered his weight on to his elbows, breathing hard, his gaze on her face. The expression in the dark eyes was unreadable though he saw her smile. He smiled too and rolled aside, letting his body relax, waiting for the wild thumping of his heart to slow. He had expected to enjoy this but nothing had prepared him for the incredible soul-singing joy of the experience. His gaze returned to her naked body, tracing every line and curve. It was lovely and inherently sensual. He could have looked all night but, now that the heat of passion had temporarily died down, the cool air was making itself felt and he didn’t want her to get cold. He sat up, about to reach for the covers when he noticed the blood on the sheet. He frowned. Then, gradually, other details began to impinge on his consciousness and the implications put aside before returned with force.
For a moment his mind reeled. Then initial surprise gave way to deep and fierce satisfaction. Claudia had never taken any lovers before tonight. Now she truly belonged to him and, while he lived, he would be the only man she ever knew. With an effort he found his voice.
‘Why didn’t you tell me, darling?’
Her throat tightened. ‘I did tell you. Don’t you remember?’
‘I can’t quite...’
‘It was just after we’d left Paris and you suggested I might take a lover. I said I had no intention of doing so. I knew then that you did not believe me, that perhaps...perhaps you were thinking of yourself in that role.’ She took a deep breath. ‘I suppose, after what occurred in Paris, it was hardly surprising.’
He paled as the details of that conversation returned with sickening clarity. ‘I should not have said that.’
‘You were speaking as Antoine Duval. I thought that, since our association would be of short duration, his opinion didn’t matter. I certainly wasn’t about to argue the point.’
‘Neither should you. He...I...had no right to make such an assumption.’
‘When I discovered that you and Duval were one it suddenly mattered very much. I didn’t want you to think of me in that way. Yet what man would not, in the light of what had occurred?’
‘When I finally realised who you were, it seemed quite unrealistic to think that you had not taken a lover—especially after the way I’d behaved.’ He paused. ‘There cannot have been any shortage of candidates.’
‘There wasn’t, only I never wanted to play the whore.’
‘It’s more than I deserve.’ He sighed. ‘I’ve been a damned fool, Claudia, allowing my personal devils to come between us.’
She turned to look at him. ‘Personal devils?’
‘My appearance, I mean.’
‘I don’t follow.’
In anyone else he would have suspected duplicity but her expression made it evident that she really meant it. The realisation both gladdened him and enhanced the sense of his former folly.
‘After Vittoria it took a while to come to terms with what had happened. Even now there are times when I over-react; like that night at Oakley Court. I wa
nted to explain, but I left it too late. The blame rests with me.’
Claudia made no reply, being temporarily stunned by the revelation. It offered her the first real insight into his mind; to understanding just how deeply the aftermath of Vittoria had affected him. For the first time too she glimpsed his vulnerability and his need, and they touched her in ways she could never have anticipated.
‘I do mean to make it up to you,’ he said then.
She smiled. ‘You already have.’
He gathered her in his arms. She felt his body curve around hers, warm, strong protective. Yet, now, in the languid aftermath of passion, other disquieting thoughts returned. Involuntarily her hand went to her belly. Had his seed already taken root in her? Even if it had not, on this occasion, it could only be a matter of time before it did. She knew beyond doubt that Anthony would expect this scenario to be oft repeated; now that hunger had been awakened it would be fed. He had been tender and considerate and no doubt would be again, but he had not said he loved her. Quite apart from desire, there was the more practical aspect of the whole matter—he needed an heir. Now that she was truly a wife, the next logical step was motherhood. Yet the thought persisted that a child should be conceived in an act of love. How much easier to accept it then. Deep inside, part of her wanted that. How was it possible to want and to fear at the same time?
Then there was the other matter, the real reason for her coming to Brussels. Anthony would have to know the truth eventually, but goodness alone knew what would happen when he found out.
Chapter Fourteen
When Anthony woke later the sun was high. For a moment or two he wondered if he had dreamed the events of the previous night, until he turned his head and saw the woman lying beside him. Carefully, so as not to disturb her, he propped himself on one elbow and watched her sleeping, his gaze exploring all the delicate lines and curves of her body. It was made for a man’s caresses; his caresses. Possession had not satisfied desire, rather it had increased it. Allied to that was aching need. Both had been there since Paris although, initially, he had failed to recognise that. It had required longer proximity to reveal what his deeper feelings were. He smiled and traced a finger lightly down her side.
Claudia stirred and turned on to her back. Then she opened her eyes. He bent to kiss her naked shoulder.
‘Good morning.’
She smiled. ‘Good morning yourself.’ Then, squinting at the clock on the mantel, she added, ‘Although there’s not much of the morning left.’
‘There’s time enough. What would you like to do today?’
‘I should like to see something of the city.’
‘In that case we might go for a drive.’
‘I’d like that.’
‘Very well.’
His hand caressed her lightly from shoulder to breast, letting his thumb brush the delicate skin. The response was immediate and electric. At the same time the need to talk to him and to tell him the truth was ever more pressing.
‘Anthony?’
His lips nuzzled her neck. ‘Mmm?’
It was suddenly much harder to concentrate. ‘Anthony, I...’
‘What is it, darling?’
She hesitated, dreading his anger, knowing that if she told him now the present mood would be destroyed. After all that had happened between them she was reluctant to do that. Besides, his touch was re-awakening all manner of delightful sensations. Love making was a risk, but, after last night, this could surely make no difference.
‘No matter.’
‘Something, surely?’ His hand slid between her thighs and stroked gently.
Claudia drew a sharp breath and resolution faded. ‘It’ll keep for a while.’
‘This won’t,’ he replied.
She felt his weight shift, pressing her down into the bed and then all other thoughts disappeared for some time.
* * *
Later they went out together for the promised drive. On so fine a day it was delightful to ride in an open carriage. The sunshine was warm, lifting the spirits, like the sight of new green on every bush and tree, and pink and white blossom in gardens. Everywhere the earth had thrown off the icy shroud of winter and was returning to life with renewed vigour. Claudia saw it all with quiet approbation. Moreover, Brussels was a fine city. It would be exciting to explore more of it. She glanced at her companion. It would be exciting to explore it with him. His presence added a different and exciting dimension to the entire situation. Moreover, the tension so evident earlier in their relationship was lacking now. Of course, he still didn’t know about her visit to Genet. The thought of having to tell him, of spoiling this new-found harmony, was unappealing. She would have to eventually, but just then she wanted only to enjoy the moment.
The Earl too seemed relaxed, keeping up a light flow of conversation, pointing out places of interest, answering her questions about the military uniforms everywhere in evidence. It was hard not be dazzled by the sight of so many handsome officers, laughing and talking in groups or swaggering along the streets and smiling at the pretty Bruxelloises as they passed. Scarlet jackets intermingled with Riflemen’s green and Dutch blue, adorned with cross belts and epaulettes and gorgets and profusions of gold or silver lace. Everywhere she could see elegant shoulder capes and polished and tasselled Hessian boots and myriad military caps and shakoes and kepis. The very air seemed charged by the dynamic and vibrant presence of these men.
‘Wellington seems to have gathered a large force already,’ she observed.
‘Yes, but there are precious few Peninsular veterans among them and those he has are mainly infantrymen. Most of the cavalry have come out from England and they’re untried in battle. No-one knows how they’ll behave under fire.’
‘Not like parades and drills then?’
‘Decidedly not,’ he replied. ‘A few minutes under heavy bombardment will demonstrate the truth of the matter; that and a cavalry charge.’
She shot him a swift sideways glance. ‘Was that what happened at Vittoria?’
He hesitated, and for a moment she thought he was going to brush the question off, but then he seemed to change
his mind.
‘We’d come under heavy fire from the French but, as their force advanced, some of their cavalry broke through on our flank before we had time to form square. Men on open ground have little chance against a mounted attack otherwise. They were upon us in moments, sabres drawn. We accounted for a few of them though, before we were cut down.’
‘Good Lord. You were lucky to survive.’
‘Yes. Most of my companions did not.’
‘What happened then?’
‘I was left for dead. When I woke up I was in a field hospital. The surgeons couldn’t save my eye, but they patched up the rest of me as best they could. For a while they thought I had lost the use of my arm as well, but it healed eventually and with regular exercise the use of the muscles returned.’
Beneath that matter-of-fact account she heard all the things he didn’t say about pain and horror, and for the first time she glimpsed his loneliness. Forced to resign his commission, cast out from his friends and the life he loved and dreading the thought of home, he must have felt utterly lost—for a while at least. It must have been tempting to give up, to sink into self-pity or drink or both. Instead he had worked doggedly to get his strength back. She guessed it had taken months of determination and painful effort to do that. Having achieved it, he then let go of the past and Anthony Brudenell with it, to plunge into the strange shadow world of espionage; a world where one had contacts instead of friends and home was a series of rented rooms in different cities. Claudia shuddered inwardly. No wonder he wanted to reclaim his life.
‘You could never have imagined then that Napoleon would one day be instrumental in restoring what he took from you,’ she said.
‘No, I could not.’
‘It seems that both of you have returned from exile, doesn’t it?’ He regarded her in surprise, but there wasn’t the least shade of mockery in her face, only quiet understanding.
‘In truth it does feel a bit like that.’
‘Then I’m glad of it.’
He saw a look in her eyes that he had never seen there before; a look that made his heartbeat quicken. Before he could reply he became aware of a voice calling his name. He looked round, saw a group of four officers on the pavement and then stared, his face lit by an incredulous smile.
‘Good Lord! I don’t believe it!’
Bidding Matthew to stop the carriage, he waited for the little group to catch up. The one who had hailed him was the first to arrive. Curiosity thoroughly roused now, Claudia surveyed the newcomer closely. He was dressed in scarlet regimentals; an officer’s uniform, carrying the insignia of a Colonel. He was tall and he seemed to be of an age with Anthony. However, there the likeness stopped. The stranger had dark hair and grey eyes, his face remarkable for rugged good looks rather than classical beauty. He leaned over the carriage door and clasped the Earl’s outstretched hand in a hearty grip.
‘Brudenell! I knew I was right. By heaven, it’s good to see you.’
The Earl grinned, an expression of open-hearted, almost boyish delight that wrung Claudia’s heart.
‘It’s good to see you too, Falconbridge,’ he replied.
‘It’s been a long time.’
‘Too damned long.’
Just then the other three officers arrived. Falconbridge grinned. ‘You’ve met Fitzroy, I believe.’
The two shook hands. Fitzroy smiled. ‘Falconbridge said it was you but I could scarce believe it. I’m so glad he was right.’ He turned to his companions. ‘May I introduce Major Channing and Colonel Maynard?’
The Earl inclined his head. ‘My pleasure, gentlemen.’
They professed themselves delighted. However, he became aware that their attention had shifted past him and was riveted elsewhere. He smiled wryly, aware of conflicting emotions, not least of which was pride. He’d have been less than human if he hadn’t enjoyed seeing their expressions just then.
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