by Donna Grant
“Are you all right?” Mina asked. “You look flushed.”
“I’m still getting used to being here.” It wasn’t a lie, and Elle couldn’t exactly come out and tell Mina that she was in the middle of making love to Roderick.
“I just wanted to check on you. If you need anything, you can ask any of the maids.”
Elle gave her a genuine smile. “Thank you, Mina. I will be down for supper.”
When Elle closed the door and looked at the bed, Roderick was no longer in it.
She found him staring out one of the narrow windows that the history books called arrow slits.
He stood rigid with his feet apart and hands fisted at his sides. She wanted to go to him, but something in the way he stood told her to keep her distance. She swallowed hard and licked her swollen lips. Her body still cried out for his touch, but there was no denying that whatever had happened between them would not continue—at least this day.
Suddenly, he spun and faced her. No emotion registered on his face, and her heart crumbled. For the first time in her life she had felt that someone really wanted her. Had she read him so wrong?
Tears came again, but this time wasn’t for her loss of her time or Jennifer, it was because she knew Roderick hadn’t wanted her.
Roderick wanted to hurl himself from the nearest tower. How could he have been so controlled by his raging body that he had forgotten how vulnerable Elle was? He saw the regret on her face and had never felt so dirty before in his life.
A KIND OF MAGIC
Donna Grant
85
An instant ago, when her kisses had set his blood afire and her hands left burning trails of need on his body, was gone. The hate he felt for himself was nearly as ghastly as it had been when his brother died.
He tried to bring himself to apologize, but the tears swimming in her beautiful clear blue eyes choked him. He looked down, his hands fisted so tightly he shook. It was the first time he had ever shamed the Shields, something he had sworn to Aimery and himself he would never do.
As emotion clogged his throat and gut, he hurried past Elle and out the door. But he didn’t stop. He needed to release the rage boiling inside of him for his idiocy.
“Roderick,” Hugh called as Roderick crossed the large hall and rushed out the castle door.
He strode into the stables and found a solid white stallion. The horse looked as though he itched for exercise, and his wildness appealed to Roderick. He opened the door and grabbed the bridle on the hook. The stallion stood still, his tail swishing as Roderick finished fastening the bridle.
Roderick was leading the prancing stallion out of the stables when Hugh and Val approached.
“You know I don’t care if you ride my horses, but I would like to know what is bothering you,” Hugh said, his arms crossed over his thick chest.
For the first time since meeting them, Roderick couldn’t look them in the eye.
“I’ve done something I swore never to do.”
“There is nothing you could do that could be wrong,” Val said. “You are an honorable man, Roderick, one of the most honorable I’ve ever met.”
If it were possible for Roderick to feel worse, he did. He shook his head. “You don’t understand,” he began when Hugh interrupted him.
“Then make us understand.”
Roderick sighed and lifted his gaze to his leader. Hugh was the best man he knew. It was near impossible for Roderick to meet his eyes. Finally, he shifted his gaze to Val.
Val narrowed his gaze as he studied him. “Roderick, this isn’t like you. Does it have something to do with Elle?”
Roderick winced and turned his back to them. He swung up on the bare back of the stallion and threaded the reins through his fingers.
“All I can say is that I’m deeply sorry. I broke my word to the Fae, to myself, but more importantly to the Shields.”
“We are brothers,” Val said as he walked to the horse. “We will make right whatever is wrong.”
“How I wish it were so,” Roderick said. He looked once more to Hugh then nudged the horse into a gallop.
Roderick didn’t look back as he and the stallion raced through the gates and onto the rolling countryside. Everywhere he looked he saw Elle’s beautiful, delicate face and the anguish in her eyes. He caused her that anguish because he had taken advantage of her.
He wanted to ask her for forgiveness, but he didn’t deserve it, just as he didn’t A KIND OF MAGIC
Donna Grant
86
deserve to ever return to his realm.
* * * *
“What was that about?” Hugh asked Val as they watched Roderick race through the gates.
Val rubbed his chin. “I have an idea.”
“Well,” Hugh prompted. “Are you going to share it?”
Val looked away from Roderick’s retreating form to his leader. “There has been a bond between Elle and Roderick that I have never seen before. Between the two of us, she always chooses him, and he is very possessive of her.”
“Did something happen between them before they traveled through time?”
Val shook his head. “There wasn’t time. Once they arrived here though….” He didn’t finish, didn’t need to. Hugh knew exactly what he suggested.
“’Tis something to think on,” Hugh said after a moment. “I, too, have noticed that he is especially overprotective of her, but I thought nothing of it. Even when he was injured and Elle wouldn’t leave his side, I assumed she had grown close to both of you.”
“Elle might be concerned if I injured myself, but it would be nothing compared to what she exhibited with Roderick.”
“What to do then.”
“Nothing,” Val said as he glanced out the gates. “Whatever happened will have to be mended between the two of them. Our interference will only hinder things.”
Hugh nodded. “Truth to tell, I hope never to see Roderick so flustered again.
Whatever troubles him, I hope he finds absolution soon.”
* * * *
Elle watched Roderick race across the land. He rode as if the Hounds of Hell were on his trail. Never once did he look back, and she couldn’t shake the feeling that, if it were up to him, he wouldn’t return. She closed her eyes and recalled the feel of his strong, hard body against hers, the tenderness of his hands as he learned what pleased her, the moan wringing way his lips sent chills across her body.
Briefly, she thought about finding Val and asking him about Roderick’s past, but she knew unless Roderick volunteered the information first, Val wouldn’t utter a word.
She tried to tell herself she had been alone most of her life, that she didn’t need anyone. But there was no denying she did indeed need someone—Roderick.
A KIND OF MAGIC
Donna Grant
87
Chapter Nineteen
The sun had nearly set when Roderick returned to Stone Crest. Many times he had turned the stallion around to return, but the thought of having to face Elle made him stay away.
“Coward,” he mumbled under his breath.
The bailey was virtually deserted as most were at their tables enjoying their suppers. He wondered how Elle had found her first full meal in Medieval England, but he suspected she conquered it just as she did everything else.
“Milord,” the stable lad said in greeting as Roderick rode to the entrance of the stables.
“Give him extra oats and a good rubdown. He worked hard this day.”
The boy accepted the reins and gave the mighty horse a pat on his shoulder.
“Enjoyed yerself, did ye?” the lad spoke to the horse as they entered the stables.
Roderick turned to find Val waiting for him.
“Have a nice ride?” Val asked.
Roderick wasn’t fooled by the cool tone. He knew Val too well. “I did, though it wasn’t long enough.”
“You aren’t the kind of man that runs from things, Roderick.”
He snorted. “You don�
�t know me well at all.”
“Actually, I know you better than you think,” Val responded. “I meant it before.
We are brothers, all the Shields.”
Roderick sighed and ran a hand down his face, feeling more tired than if he had just battled a hundred men. “I know, and I thank you for that. I just need … to do this on my own.”
“You aren’t alone. Don’t forget that,” Val warned.
“I won’t fail the Shields.”
“We never doubted you would.”
They stood silently for a moment as stars began to twinkle overhead. Roderick’s mind wasn’t on the coming of the harpies but instead was on Elle.
“We had better go inside before Mina sends Hugh out to find us. She was greatly upset at us for allowing you to ride out on your own.”
That had Roderick’s lips nearly turning into a grin. “I can take care of myself.”
“That’s what Hugh told her. She in turn gave him a look that would have withered an oak.” They turned and started for the castle entrance. “I tell you that woman isn’t one I want angry at me.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
He let Val enter ahead of him to give himself another moment before having to face Elle. When he stepped into the great hall, he scanned the rows of tables and nodded to a few men. His gaze then found the dais, but Elle was nowhere to be found.
A KIND OF MAGIC
Donna Grant
88
Instantly,
Roderick
looked around the hall again. Elle wasn’t there. With is blood pounding, he strode to the dais and stood in front of Hugh.
“Where is she?”
Hugh raised a brow as he finished chewing his food. “If you mean Elle, she is in her chamber.”
Was she ill? Was she dreading looking at him again? “Why?”
Hugh shrugged and took another bite.
It was everything Roderick could do not to reach across the table and jerk Hugh up by his shirt. In all the time they had spent together, Roderick had never felt such anger against any of the Shields. Instead of attacking Hugh, he clenched the edge of the table.
Then a small hand touched his arm. He turned to find Mina. “My lady.”
“Roderick, do not be concerned about Elle. She is fine, just adjusting to her life here.”
He wanted desperately to believe her, but he knew it wasn’t the truth.
“She told me she was a little afraid of eating in front of such a large crowd.”
Roderick closed his eyes and clenched his jaw. Nay. What Elle was afraid of doing was facing him, not that he could blame her after he had acted so callously.
Mina’s voice reached him again. “You look exhausted. Why don’t you sit and eat.”
He opened his eyes and looked to Mina. “I think I’ll ….”
“Elle,” Mina suddenly called.
Roderick jerked and slowly turned toward the stairs. Standing at the base was Elle. She didn’t look at anyone as she slowly walked to the dais. It wasn’t until she reached her chair that she looked up.
“I realize how unkind I sounded earlier,” she said to Mina.
“Not at all,” Mina assured her. “If the situations were reversed, I don’t think I would come down from my chamber either.”
Roderick couldn’t take his eyes from Elle. He silently begged her to look at him, at the same time he prayed she wouldn’t. He couldn’t stand to see the scorn in her clear blue eyes anymore than he could look at himself in a mirror.
“Roderick, sit,” Hugh ordered.
The only seat left was the one next to Elle. He wasn’t sure she wanted him near her, but unless someone moved, he didn’t have anywhere else to sit. He walked around the dais and took his seat. As he scooted his chair in, his arm accidentally bumped Elle.
She jerked away, and it nearly brought him to his knees.
His parents had raised him to respect everyone, including women, and the thought of having hurt one, especially one he was in charge of keeping alive, left him sick to his stomach.
He knew the food placed in front of him would be delicious, but he couldn’t manage to place a bite in his mouth. Instead, he moved the food around on his charger and watched Elle out of the corner of his eye.
She and Val discussed something. She was pale and her eyes red, but she did laugh at something Val said, which should have made him feel better, but didn’t. This A KIND OF MAGIC
Donna Grant
89
uncontrollable jealousy was something he had never experienced before, and he didn’t like it. Val was his friend, his brother, to be jealous of him or any of the Shields was ridiculous, but absurd as it was, when it came to Elle, he was anything but normal.
He had known she was different from the first, but he had no idea she would turn his world upside down.
“The rope is finished,” Hugh leaned over and said.
“Good.”
“You heard me? I’ve only said it three times.”
Roderick mentally winced. “I apologize.”
“No need,” Hugh said. “I just wish you would talk to me and let me help you.”
“As I said earlier, no one can help me.”
Hugh turned to face him, one elbow on the table. “You know that’s a lie. You choose not to tell us because you think we won’t understand. How do you think I felt when I knew I had fallen in love with Mina and that meant I would have to leave the Shields?”
Roderick shook his head. “I know not.”
“’Twas the most painful decision I had to make, and I pray none of you will ever be in that situation. The truth is, I couldn’t, and cannot, live without Mina. Leaving wasn’t an option.”
“Did you tell Cole and Gabriel?”
“Not until after I had spoken with Aimery. I knew then that I had been foolish.
They would have understood.”
“Of course they would have.”
“As will Val and I when you tell us.”
Roderick stared at the man he had followed for many years. “There are some things too painful, too …,” he searched for the right word, “shameful to speak to anyone about.”
Hugh sighed deeply. “Roderick, whatever you may think of yourself, whatever you think you might have done, we will still stand by your side.”
His words went a long way in helping Roderick, but it wasn’t enough to face Elle.
Since the conversation was taking a turn that would eventually lead to her, Roderick turned it. “Is the rope already in place?”
“Aye,” Hugh answered, though his eyes let Roderick know he wasn’t fooled.
“Val and I had it put up as soon as we tested it for its strength.”
“Good.”
“’Tis, but we still need to come up with another plan.”
“We’ve no time to waste,” Roderick agreed.
Hugh nodded his agreement. “Shall we discuss it more once the meal is finished?”
Roderick readily agreed. The sooner he was away from Elle the better. He could think easier without wondering what she was doing or if she needed anything.
“Elle, could you stay as well?” Hugh asked.
Roderick felt as if he had just been punched in his stomach. He looked down at the table and struggled to appear calm.
A KIND OF MAGIC
Donna Grant
90
“Of course,” Elle said, her silken voice doing strange things to his mind.
He chanced a glance at her and briefly met her gaze. In that instant, he saw what he had dreaded—indifference. Whereas she used to smile at him and eagerly offer her suggestions, now he knew he would never receive one of those wonderful smiles again.
It was his fault. He had done that to her, turned her inside herself. His hatred grew by leaps and bounds.
All too soon, the meal ended and the tables cleared. Roderick listened as Mina and Hugh told stories of Stone Crest, and Val and Elle continued to talk. He barely heard a word Hugh
and Mina said as he strained to hear anything that came from Elle’s lips.
Instead, he heard nothing.
The hall cleared, leaving only them. Roderick could stand it no more and rose to stretch his legs. He heard Hugh talking behind him to Elle, but he no longer cared. The hall had grown smaller the longer he sat beside her.
He grasped a jug of ale just before a servant reached for it. Roderick wasn’t one to imbibe too often, but he could have cheerfully drained the entire jug in one gulp. On his way to the jug, he had spotted a clean goblet that he wanted. Afterall, he couldn’t exactly drink from the jug and not embarrass Hugh or Val.