by Taylor Dean
Debra cuts to the chase. “Have you told her about Zane? She needs to know.”
“Zane?” I say. “His brother. Yes, of course.” I mean, I know he exists, but Ryker doesn’t talk about him. Like ever.
“For some reason, Ryker thought it was a good idea to let Zane stay with him the last few times he was in town. Don’t ask me why.” Debra’s face contorts into a mask of distaste.
Ryker speaks up. “Keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer. I liked knowing what he was up to.”
“Your brother’s your enemy?” I ask, surprised by his words. I hero-worship my older brother, Martin. He’s always been my biggest champion.
“He’s not trustworthy,” Debra spouts, her face turning red. “Tell her, Ryker. Mila needs to be warned that he might show up at your penthouse uninvited and that she should never trust him.”
“He will?” If I have to be warned, it doesn’t sound like a good situation.
“He pops in every now and again. No worries. He won’t show up. He’s overseas at the moment, traipsing the globe like the irresponsible person he is. He thinks he’s out saving the world, but really he’s just a nomad, never staying in one place for long, always restless and easily bored.”
Debra adds her two cents. “He can’t be trusted. He’s always been jealous of Ryker and tries to undermine him every chance he gets. If he shows up, let me or Ryker know right away, Mila. We will take care of it. Don’t try to deal with him yourself.”
“Yes, let one of us know right away,” Ryker confirms.
“He was at his father’s side for about a month after his stroke.” Debra sighs loudly. “Then he up and left him, going off to do whatever it is that he does.” She waves her hand in the air, physically dismissing Zane’s actions as insignificant. “He needs to come and see his father. It’s shameful the way he ignores his family.”
“Don’t worry about it.” Ryker squeezes my hand. “He won’t show up. But if by some odd twist of fate he did, Mom’s right, don’t trust him. Never trust Zane. He’s not a good person, but he makes a great first impression. That’s why he’s dangerous.”
I nod. I actually feel a bit of sympathy for Zane. His mother and brother talk about him as if they don’t like him. What did he do to make them feel this way? He must be bad news, the black sheep of the family. Honestly, he sounds suspiciously like his mother. This is a case of the pot calling the kettle black.
“Ryker tells me you don’t have any family drama, that your childhood was quite normal.”
Debra makes it sound like a crime. If so, I’m guilty. “Yeah, my parents are great.”
“Aren’t you lucky?” I detect anger, instead of praise. Debra downs her hot tea in a few gulps, reminding me of a drunk man drinking a shot in a bar. Her tongue and throat have to be scalded. Further proof that she’s not really human. Just as I suspected.
My secure home life has given me the confidence I need to face the world and go after my dreams. The thing is, it’s a myth that a career focused woman doesn’t need or want love, or home and hearth. I want both. I’ve always felt like I have a team of people cheering me on in the background. I recognize how fortunate I am, but at the same time, I won’t apologize for it.
“We’d better get going,” I tell Ryker. “I have an early morning tomorrow.” I cast Debra a sly glance, tempted to poke the beast. “My hobby keeps me busy.”
“I’m sure it does,” she returns, unfazed. “That’s what hobbies are for, dear.”
We stand, and Debra says, “You know, Mila, you really are a beautiful young woman. The combination of black hair and blue eyes is quite striking on you.”
Surprised, I thank her, feeling touched by the sentiment.
“No, really. There’s just something about you that screams beauty. I can’t get over it.”
I’m speechless. She’s not usually so effusive. Maybe I’m all wrong about her. “Thank you, I appreciate that.”
She puts her hands on her hips. “I mean, you’re just not the pale, lifeless thing you were when I first met you. It’s amazing how much Ryker has changed you.”
Oh.
Freddy is alive and well. And in full attack mode.
Ryker clears his throat. “Well, that’s what love will do for a person, right, Mila?”
I glance at Ryker’s handsome face and force a smile. “Right.” For an odd moment, I feel as though I’m standing with strangers, like I don’t belong here. Like I’m in the enemy camp. I shift uncomfortably, ready to make my exit.
Sweet Debra returns on a dime. “Have a good night, you two. Thanks for stopping by. It means so much to your father.”
“Have a good night, Debbie. Thanks for the tea.” My smile is saccharine sweet.
She immediately says, “It’s Debra.”
I know.
It’s taken me a while to understand her, but now that I do, I’m up for the challenge.
Freddy: 10
Mila: 1
It’s on.
chapter four
~
ONCE WE’RE OUTSIDE amidst the perfectly landscaped and well-lit exterior of Ryker’s childhood home, he takes me in his arms and holds me close. I love being held by him in this sweet and tender manner.
Soft classical music wafts down on us from his father’s open bedroom window. It calms James as he sleeps.
Ryker backs up a little, cupping my cheek. He lowers his lips to mine and kisses me gently.
I again find myself wishing he’d lose control a smidge, kiss me hard and fast, like he can’t get enough.
He’s all about soft and slow, respectful, and don’t get me wrong, I love it. But sometimes I want him to kiss me like he means it. Maybe delve into the throes of passion and not hang out in the lukewarm zone.
We have a quiet love. But it’s love, all the same.
When it’s over, he says, “C’mon, I’ll take you home.”
I grab his hand as he turns. “Wait, dance with me.” It’s the perfect setting to sneak in some romance. A moonlit night and unexpected music tinkling around us.
He shakes his head. “I don’t dance. You know that, Mila.”
I do, but it doesn’t stop me from trying. “It’s just us. No one’s watching.”
“I’m sorry, I don’t dance whether someone is watching or not.”
I place my hands on my hips. “Really? Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t dance around your penthouse in a button-up shirt, underwear, and socks while doing a perfect Risky Business slide across your glossy floors.”
No smile. No reaction whatsoever. “A what?”
Ryker’s not a movie watcher. He’s too busy. “Okay, so I haven’t seen the movie either, but haven’t you ever seen a video clip of the iconic Tom Cruise slide across the floor while lip syncing to Old Time Rock n’ Roll in his parents’ house when they aren’t home?”
“Can’t say that I have. Is it . . . entertaining?”
My mind is boggled by his question. “Never mind, it’s not important. But are you telling me you don’t dance when no one is watching? C’mon, Ryker. It’s the fun part of life. You don’t know what you’re missing,” I tease.
“No. No, absolutely not. I draw the line here,” he says with a raised voice. “I’m sorry, I don’t dance. Please don’t ask me to. As a matter of fact, don’t ever ask again. My answer will always be no.” His agitation reveals a crack in his polished exterior.
His reaction makes me take a step back. In all the time we’ve dated, he’s never directed his sharp business tone at me. I don’t like it.
“Excuse me?”
He rubs his temples in a circular motion. “Sorry, that came out wrong.”
I can tell dancing is practically a phobia for him. My eyes blink heavily as this new knowledge sinks in.
He was out at strike three. This is strike four. His tone accounts for strike five.
I put my hands up in the air, a sign of peace. “I don’t mean to pressure you. No big deal. Some people don’t dance
. I get it.”
“Thank you. It’s not something I’m comfortable doing. I would feel . . . silly,” he says, returning to his smooth voice.
“No worries.” Sometimes I wonder if he likes my playful side. I can’t curb it. It’s who I am. I often suspect he’s simply putting up with me, while waiting for my serious side to return. I have both inside me. Does he realize I’m a package deal?
He walks me to the car while I try to swallow more disappointment. It gets stuck in my throat this time, refusing to budge.
This has been a tough night all around.
But I’m not dating Ryker for his dancing skills, or lack thereof. He has many more traits that I love. Like the fact that he opened the car door for me and held my hand as I lowered myself into my seat. Even though I’m perfectly capable of doing those things, I appreciate his thoughtfulness. In the dating world, a gentleman is a dying breed.
I predict he’ll be a doting husband.
But . . . will he direct his sharp “business” tone at me when he’s upset? Hmmm, something to consider.
As we drive through the dark streets, I begin to wonder about Ryker’s mystery brother.
“Should I be worried about Zane?”
“I wish my mom hadn’t mentioned him. I don’t want you to stress over it. He rarely returns home anymore.”
“Why don’t you like him?” I ask.
“We’ve never had a good relationship. I guess you could say there’s some serious sibling rivalry between us. Growing up, he was always trying to outshine me. If I mentioned that I love to swim, the next day Zane would be on the swim team. If I went outside to shoot some hoops, Zane would sign up for basketball camp. He’s competitive, jealous, and plain unpleasant to be around. It’s a long, dreary story and you don’t need to worry about it.”
Wow. I’ve never heard Ryker talk like that about someone. It’s sad that he feels that way about his brother. Family members should love and accept each other, support each other, treat each other with tenderness. I don’t know what I’d do without my family. They’re extremely important to me. That’s why I refuse to interfere with Ryker’s relationship with his mother. I won’t break up a mother and son.
Still, I hate feeling like he’s blowing me off. Is he going to pat me on the head next? There’s more to the story and I sense he doesn’t want to talk about it.
“Is he your younger brother?”
“No, he’s my older brother. By about two years.”
Ryker’s thirty. So that means Zane is thirty-two. That makes me the baby of the group at twenty-nine.
Brothers that close should be best friends. It makes me hurt for Ryker. “Someday when we have six or seven kids, I hope they’ll be the best of friends.” Like me and my brother. To this day, we talk on the phone often.
Ryker’s quiet a heartbeat too long. “Six or seven?”
Is that his take away? We haven’t discussed future family plans. I would love to have several children, not necessarily six or seven, but several. I hope that’s not a problem. Now is not the time to whip out a heavy discussion, we’ve done enough of that already this evening. I blow off my remark as humor.
“That was a joke, Ryker. You know, something said to cause amusement or laughter.”
“Oh, of course.”
He was raised by Debra. Say no more. That explains everything. I doubt laughter was a thing in their house.
The car is silent as my thoughts review everything he just revealed. “Does Zane work for Martel Investments?”
“He did for a while, then he up and left. Abandoned his job at a moment’s notice. Mom was relieved. She fears he’ll try to usurp my place in the company. It’s what he’s always done all my life. Everything’s a competition with him. Then my father had the stroke and life hasn’t been the same since. Like my mom said, Zane stayed at my father’s side for a while, before he took off again like he always does. I can’t trust him.”
“That’s really sad.”
Ryker pulls up next to my studio apartment. “Let’s not talk about it anymore.”
“All right.”
He picks up the folder of paperwork off the seat between us, places it in his lap, and scoots over so we can be closer. He kisses me, whisper soft.
There’s something niggling at me and I decide to be upfront. “Ryker, sometimes I feel like I don’t really know you, the real you. I’m not sure why, I can’t explain it. It’s just a feeling. Please open up to me. I want to know everything about you.”
His brow wrinkles. “What do you mean?”
“We’ve been dating for ten months and I just now learned about your brother.” I feel like I should know him better than I do after that length of time.
“He’s not part of my life. I don’t like talking about him.”
“I get that, but I wish you would’ve told me anyway.”
“Sorry. I know I’ve been distracted by work lately. After my trip to Japan, things should calm down.”
I think his life will always be about business. That’s okay, I have a career that keeps me busy and it’s extremely important to me as well.
He gets out of the car and comes around to my side to open my door, ever the gentleman.
After a few more soft hugs and kisses, he gets back in his car and drives away. I watch him leave from my doorway.
The longest night ever is finally over. I think I need a t-shirt announcing I survived it.
I’m not an engaged woman like I thought I’d be by night’s end. Instead, I’m a promised woman. To quote Ryker, the future looks bright.
Minus dancing. And humor. And passion. And any other form of spontaneity.
Whoa. Where’d that come from?
My eyebrows knit. Disillusionment is a sneaky little fellow. If I let him in, he’ll take over my mind.
I notice something strange on my driveway and go to investigate. It’s Ryker’s folder of important business papers, the one his mother gave him. It must’ve fallen off his lap when he exited the car.
I’ll get it to him tomorrow. I go back inside and toss the folder on my desk, my thoughts filled with Ryker and what our future will hold.
My phone rings and I grab it from my purse. I know who it will be.
“Hey, Mom.”
“Mila! How‘d it go? Should I start planning a wedding?”
My shoulders slump. “Not yet.”
I hear my mother release her breath over the airwaves. “What? But you were so sure.”
I hate dashing her hope. “He gave me a promise ring. He wants to wait to make it official until after his trip to Japan.”
“Oh . . . well, perhaps that’s a good idea. Maybe you both need some time apart to test the strength of your relationship.”
“Maybe.”
“Oh, Mila Are you terribly disappointed?”
“A little. I mean, he made it clear a proposal is still in the works. I guess I just . . . feel unsure of him now. The truth is, after tonight, it’s like my eyes have been opened and I’m having a few doubts.” There. I said it out loud. It’s real now.
“Listen, no one is perfect. If you’re looking for perfection, you’ll never find it. The trick is to find the person who is perfect for you, the person you love so much, you can overlook their faults—the person who will do the same for you. That’s love, true love, a love that will last. Always concentrate on the good, the reasons why you fell in love in the first place. Because the fact is, once you’re married, faults have a way of becoming huge, blinking neon signs outside your bedroom window that won’t let you sleep at night. You gotta close the curtains and ignore them.”
Now there’s a visual. “You’re right. If he can overlook my faults, I can do the same.”
“Yes, but at the same time, listen to your inner voice. If it’s telling you he’s not right for you, then you need to stand up and pay attention. There’s no reason to settle for something less than what you want simply because perfection doesn’t exist. Now is the time to question your de
cision. Once you’re married, it’s a little too late.”
I sigh. “I have three months to think it over, three months to be sure.”
“Yes, you do. Time has a way of helping you see things clearly. If it’s right, you’ll know it, Mila. Don’t force it. Just take it a day at a time.”
“Thanks, Mom. Love you. You still make everything right in my life. I don’t know how you do it.”
It’s like she kissed my scraped knee and all is right with the world now. I have a path forward and I shouldn’t spend my time worrying about it. I don’t have to decide right now.
I hate my misgivings. I was so sure and now that feeling is fading. “Sorry about upsetting your wedding plans.”
“The only time I want to plan a wedding is when my baby girl is doing her happy dance that I love so much, jumping up and down because her man makes her so giddy she can’t contain herself. That’s when I’ll plan a wedding to be proud of. Until that time, my subscription to Bridal Guide will be cancelled.”
Giddy? Am I giddy around Ryker?
Not really. He’s never made me feel like doing my happy dance. I can’t think of a time a man has ever made me feel that way. Is that really how love should feel? Fluttery and crazy, wild and dizzy, light-headed and unsteady?
It sounds so impulsive, so thoughtless, like you’re so wrapped up in emotion you can’t see straight.
Is that what I want? I’m not so sure. When it comes to a life partner, maybe I don’t know what I want.
I do know some things for sure, though. I want a man who loves me so much, he won’t hesitate over asking me to marry him. It won’t be an inner debate, it’ll be a sure thing.
And if he loves me, he’ll say it with so much confidence, I won’t question it.
And when he kisses me, I’ll feel his love in his passionate embrace.
On second thought, maybe I do know what I want.
chapter five
~
I SIT AT my baby grand, prepared to start my warm-ups, but I’m distracted by the amazing view from Ryker’s floor-to-ceiling windows.