Her hands trembled, and she clasped them together. Maybe she’d just been mistaken. The ax could still be on the table. Shadows played tricks with the mind all the time. And a Shadowman wouldn’t need an ax.
Oh God, she hoped a Shadowman hadn’t gotten into the house. Would Grandfather—the domovoi—be able to protect against that? Yet it would explain why she couldn’t hear or smell anything.
Turning back, she pressed against the wall and made her way back to the dining room. She yelped, seeing a figure standing silhouetted against the French doors. She banged her knee on the corner of the entryway as she twisted to run.
Do not fear.
Standing to look closer, Kinley hissed out with the ache of her knee. It was Lucky, but not Lucky. The domovoi. Mett had told her they looked alike.
Heart still racing, she stepped into the dining room. He held onto the handle of the ax with it resting over his right shoulder. Sedge would be pleased to know the domovoi had accepted the gift. What exactly he’d do with it, she didn’t know.
But the bigger issue here was what prompted Grandfather to show himself to her. Fear coiled in her gut. It wasn’t as if he visited Lucky and Ametta a lot. He only materialized when there was trouble.
“Is something wrong? Should I wake the others?” Her quiet questions seemed unnaturally loud.
He shook his head and pointed a finger to the backyard. Come and see.
Grandfather did sound a lot like Lucky. More rumbly though and a hint of an accent or a regional drawl.
Kinley circled the table and came to stand next to him. Was it weird the strangest thing she felt was that there was no warmth exuding from his body? No cold, but no sign of warm-blooded life. Not that he was alive in the same way people were, but he had some sort of life energy as a spirit.
She turned her attention to the yard. A new layer of snow covered the ground. Small icicles decorated the fence, shed, and trees. No shimmer with the clouds hiding the moon.
The moon. She shuddered. Would she ever enjoy a clear night sky again?
In a bare tree off to the left of the yard, black shapes fluffed and fluttered. Birds. About a dozen of them. A conspiracy of ravens.
If she hadn’t known that Azarius received the raven token, she would have thought it possible that it was the totem. Would he come this close to the house to spy on them? Wouldn’t Ransom and her sisters know it?
She listened for something about the black-eyed visitors. But there was nothing. It appeared as if they were just roosting for the night.
“I think they’re just birds.” She informed the domovoi.
Birds and not birds. Grandfather huffed.
Okay. Something wasn’t right. She didn’t want to think he might go crazy as his wife, the kikimora, did when the elk totem had been at the house. With his scowl, he looked like he might yell at the birds to get off his lawn.
“I can go shoo them away. One roar and they won’t be back any time soon,” Kinley suggested, hoping Grandfather understood she was a polar bear shifter like her sister.
They ignored me. Grandfather puffed up his chest. Perhaps they will listen to you.
Could the ravens see the domovoi? She wanted to say that they could, but it wouldn’t make sense they ignored him. Unless they knew he couldn’t do anything. Yet he could do something. It was his nature, right?
Kinley ran her knuckles over her lips and chin. He said birds and not birds. Maybe they weren’t ravens. One of Azarius’ tricks? It wasn’t logical, though. Why would he sit outside in a tree and stare at the house? It would be a waste of time.
You think too much. Grandfather opened the door, and a gust of cold air raked over her body. Go get rid of them.
She wrapped her arms around herself. “Perhaps I should wake the others first.”
He shrugged. They won’t hurt you. Can’t. Birds and not birds.
If they couldn’t hurt her… Keeping her back to Grandfather, Kinley shed her pajamas. He wouldn’t send her out if it wasn’t safe. She trusted in that. Not because Sedge had given a gift to him from all of them, but because he had helped her sister and kept Lucky safe all these years.
With one step out into the night, her human form glided off her as smoothly as a kayak across a calm lake. Warmth enveloped her as she padded forward on all fours with the crisp snow crunching under her paws.
She trotted over to the tree and lifted her head. Definitely smelled like birds. A few of them cawed, but they didn’t vacate their perch.
True, ravens were one of the most intelligent animals, but even they had to have the good sense to flee when a polar bear approached them. So were they actually birds?
Not wanting to roar just yet and wake everyone in the house, she chuffed at them and pushed on the trunk to shake the tree. Snow and ice sprinkled onto her, and the ravens voiced their displeasure. But they didn’t fly away.
Of course this couldn’t be easy. She sat back on her haunches and snarled at them before reaching up to whack a branch where two sat.
“Please don’t take your frustration out on my companions.”
Kinley’s head whipped to the left and peered farther up the tree. A man sat crouched there, all in black, holding the trunk. And not just any man.
Azarius.
Kinley dug her claws into the tree, ready to tear it down and rip Azarius from limb to limb. Fury like none other surged through her as she bared her teeth and roared.
The birds leapt from their branches and flew up, circling around the treetop. Azarius didn’t flinch. His expression calm. Too calm.
“You killed my father!” She scared herself with the darkness behind her scream. She slapped her hands over her mouth. Her human mouth. What the hell?
“I did, and I can’t tell you how sorry I am about it. But he would have killed me before I had a chance to explain myself.”
How could he be so immensely placid, so sincere? Her world was imploding. She wept; she growled; she howled. All at once. And how was she human? She didn’t shift. The weight and warmth of her bear was still upon her.
“I’m not going to harm you.” Azarius remained on his branch. At least he was smart enough not to come near her.
“You killed my father.” Not a screech this time but a heart-wrenching exhale.
Run. She should rush back into the house where it was safe, but her legs refused to budge.
“I realize no amount of apologies will make it right, and I carry the guilt like a smothering cloak.” He sighed. “I need to speak with you, though. To explain what’s truly going on. I told Ametta a few things, but I do not think she would talk to me again.”
And Kinley shouldn’t either. He murdered her dad. He betrayed every single person in that house.
Why weren’t they waking up, hurrying out? They had to hear her scream. She glanced over her shoulder. The domovoi stood with his ax on his shoulder at the door, but he was alone.
Something wasn’t right. Her bear. She was there and not there. Like she was in her bear shape, but clearly she was human.
Azarius slipped to the branch below him, standing with the upper branch for support. “Don’t be afraid. I saved your life, remember? Why would I do that if I wanted you dead?”
It was hard to catch a breath with her chest so tight. He did save her life. Sacrificed his for hers in the battle against the giant. But that didn’t mean anything. He could have done that so she would have gotten the owl token and… Well, getting smashed by a giant wouldn’t be in anyone’s plan.
“You’re the logical one, Kinley. The thinker. Hear me out.”
She shook her head, but she didn’t walk away. That niggling seed of doubt that he was a bad guy gnawed at her. He killed her father. Did she need to know anything more than that?
“You can go at any time. I’m not forcing you to listen to me. But I’m here to also show you.” He hopped down another branch so much like a raven would. “You must be wondering how no one else knows I’m here. It’s because I’m not. Not in body, any
way.”
He wasn’t here? Was she dreaming? It was similar to that night at the lodge on Lake Iliama when she heard her mother speak from the photo. A ghost. Azarius wasn’t dead, though. And she wasn’t. At least she was pretty certain she wasn’t.
She peeked back again to make sure her body wasn’t lying in the snow.
“The house spirit there, he can see us.” Azarius gestured to Grandfather. “We’re on the astral plane.”
Kinley shook her head. “What?”
“The astral plane. You did not know you could project yourself there.” A statement, not a question. “There is much you don’t know. Much that has been kept from you. But you are in your human form because you identify with your human self more than your bear. So this is what you appear as here.”
Astral projection. Once upon a time, she might have filed that away as a myth of New Age mysticism, even with her own psychic powers. But things were different now. So many layers peeled back on the supernatural world. Surely astral projection couldn’t be so out there compared to, say, giants and lake monsters.
Kinley did relate more to her human self than her bear too. She never spent a lot of time in her animal form. Not like Sedge or Saskia had.
Would they think she betrayed them if she talked to Azarius? Part of her hung heavy, knowing that they’d most certainly think that. And Ametta who was there when Azarius killed their father, she’d go ballistic.
Yet would Azarius go through all this effort to talk to her if it wasn’t important? Not that she knew how she was in the astral plane, but it surely was no easy feat.
And maybe, just maybe, she could find out what he was up to and stop him before he did anything else.
“You’re not running. Thank you.” If he was a villain, he was the most damned polite one. Bad guys didn’t have to worry about manners, right?
It could all be trickery. If she fell on the side of caution, she’d leave now. Yet nothing since the totem quest started had been about being careful. Azarius came to speak to her. She needed to take that risk.
“How?” Kinley chided herself as she stumbled over her words. She needed to be specific. “How am I here? How are we here? I didn’t purposely project myself anywhere.”
Azarius clasped his hands in front of him with his elbows resting on the branch. “You are a natural. You’ve always had the ability. I’ve had decades to practice, but you’ve always been doing it. You hear the whispers and see things from different planes. All you have to do is follow them and step over. A simple thing you’ve never realized you were doing.”
She shook her head. “It can’t be that simple.”
“For you, it is.” He gave a slight shrug of his shoulders. “You spoke with the house spirit who has a foot in two planes. Then you saw my companions and me here in the tree. None of us are truly here in the physical world. You didn’t doubt what you saw and needn’t even think when you stepped into the astral realm.”
What if it was that easy? No one else in the house had run out to see what was going on. They hadn’t even stirred from sleep. “So my physical self, my bear, is still there? This is my spirit or soul?”
“Your iñuusiq.” Azarius pressed his fingers together and then clasped them again. “Traditional Inuit beliefs state humans have three souls. The one that can travel without your body and will carry on to the afterlife is your free soul, your iñuusiq. You also have a breath soul. If it dies, you die. And your name soul. Saskia or Sedge never spoke of these things with you?”
Sedge never said anything that he didn’t need to say at the moment, and her sister, Kinley doubted she had any interest in such things. She shook her head.
“They know you hear whispers?” His brows furrowed.
“Yes. We never really talk about it, though.” Kinley nipped the side of her lip and gripped her bear charm on her necklace. If her mother were still alive, of course she’d talk to her about these things. And strange how she had her mom’s necklace on while in the astral plane. Kinley had taken it off before she and Ransom had sex. It warmed her to think her mom was with her no matter which plane she was on. “Sedge had me help find the Shadowmen’s portals. I think he understands what I can do.”
Azarius let out a long breath. “Of course he does. He knows much that he does not share, and he could teach you to do much with your abilities, or at least, bring you to a teacher that could.”
Kinley opened her mouth to say she didn’t want to be a Black Shaman, and she didn’t, but what if she could explore the extent of her abilities and help with finding the totem tokens? What if she could find lost people and save lives? Even if she didn’t use the lessons for anything in the end, just to know what she could do would be amazing.
But there wasn’t time. The focus was getting back the totems and reuniting them.
“I can teach you.”
The offer hung in the air. Kinley’s eyes widened. There were so many reasons she could not take that offer. He had been Saskia’s mentor for years, and her sister’s broken heart raged. If Saskia thought Azarius was teaching Kinley, there’d be war.
And not to forget the fact this man was the one who murdered her father.
Her vision blurred, and she rapidly blinked away the tears. No matter what his reasons, he killed her dad. Nothing in the world could ever make that right. If Azarius were any sort of hero, he would have let her father strike him down.
No. That was stupid. He’d be dead and her father the bad guy.
There was no way to look at the situation and make it right. Neither that one nor Azarius being her teacher. She glanced back at the house. “I… I can’t.”
He didn’t protest or argue with her. He dipped his head once and let it be. He was immensely reasonable.
He was a murderer. A murderer.
“I came here to ask you to help me.” Azarius crouched down. His knees not that far from her face. “Don’t let Sedge get a totem. He doesn’t want to help anyone but himself. I will restore things to how they were meant to be.”
Wasn’t that what Sedge meant to do too? They were all shifters. None of them wanted to lose their power to transform. As for Sedge, his bear was far more of his essence than hers, than any of them. He was Bear, after all.
“Think on it. I’ll come to you again.”
And before she could tell him no, he was gone. All the ravens were gone. She sat in her bear form under the tree staring at empty branches.
There was no way Kinley could help the man who killed her father. No way. But what if he was telling the truth and Sedge had another agenda? What if there was so much more to this whole totem quest than she ever imagined?
Damn those what ifs.
“What do you think of Sedge?” Kinley worked her hands down Ransom’s bare back, kneading his muscles as he lay on his stomach on the bed. His body thrummed with pleasure as if he might be purring.
His eyes remained closed as he cocked a brow. “Well, he’s got one helluva body, and those near black eyes are dreamy.” He smirked and let loose a small groan. “Feels good. Didn’t know he was your type. Fantasizing about a threesome?”
“No!” Kinley tickled his sides before crossing her arms. “I didn’t mean it that way.”
Ransom wiggled under her. “Good thing. I never want to have to fight Saskia to protect you. That woman would have my balls first before she took off my head.”
Kinley snorted and didn’t disagree. “Seriously, what do you think of him? Do you think he’s trustworthy?”
His smile faded as he opened his eyes and turned underneath her so that she was straddling him. He rested his hands on the sides of her thighs while he regarded her. “Of course he is. What are you asking? Did you hear something?”
She worried her bottom lip between her teeth. All night, she’d lain there thinking of what she was going to tell everyone about her meeting with Azarius. Should she tell anyone? Did she make it out to be a dream?
Her sisters wouldn’t listen. They’d freak out at the men
tion of Azarius near the house, even if he wasn’t truly there. They wouldn’t want to hear what he said. And she understood why. She wanted to forget it happened. The man who killed her father couldn’t be trusted.
But she couldn’t forget.
Ransom wanted no secrets between them, and she wholeheartedly agreed. Yet she hesitated. Would he think less of her? Everyone else always underestimated her, but not he. If he believed she had been gullible or tricked, she would crumble.
He frowned, sat up a little against the pillows, and kept her on his lap so they were face to face. “Babe? Tell me.”
“I talked to the domovoi last night.” Okay, that was a good start.
“Yeah?”
“And then I went outside.” Just say it! “I stepped onto the astral plane and talked to Azarius.”
There. It was out. She felt better for it and worse. Her stomach churned, and she swallowed hard.
Ransom’s hands gripped her thighs as he sat straight. “Are you okay? Did he hurt you?”
She shook her head. “No. No, I’m fine. He just talked. He apologized.”
He locked his gaze with hers, intensity shining bright. “Did you accept his apology?”
Kinley brought her hands up, ready to lie on his arms, but they hovered, unsure of what to do. “No. I couldn’t. I can’t. I wanted to rip him to pieces. But in the astral plane, I’m in my human form.”
Ransom exhaled and bobbed his head a few times. “Okay, good. Why were you in your human form?”
She shrugged. “Because I relate to my human self more than my bear. At least that’s what Azarius told me.”
He reached and took her hands into his own. “So what else did he say? Is this about Sedge?”
Her boyfriend was still there, and there was no look of pity or disgust in his expression. She squeezed his hands and leaned into him so their foreheads touched. “He told me about the astral plane, how I was a natural projector. That I had abilities I hadn’t even begun to explore yet, and then he offered to be my teacher.” She thinned her lips, pressing them hard together before she urged herself to continue. “And yes, he did say some things about Sedge. How he’s not what we think he is, about secrets he’s hiding. And how I should help Azarius get the totems so Sedge doesn’t get them.”
Descending Moon (Totem Book 8) Page 4