There was a general murmur of ‘ahh’ and a chorus of good wishes as they left hand in hand.
Jo came over, smiled at the two of them. ‘Tim and Alice are old friends,’ she said. ‘This is the best news they’ve had in years. And I can’t think of a better doctor and midwife to look after them than you two. I must go and tell Sam.’
Connor saw Zoe wipe her eyes. She fumbled for a tissue and looked up at him. ‘Don’t you dare ever tell me that being a GP isn’t every bit as worthwhile as being a surgeon,’ she said.
She moved across the room to chivvy the remaining Baby Clinic stragglers home. Connor remained where he was, feeling more than a bit emotional himself. Zoe was right—this was one of the reasons why he’d wanted to go into general practice all those years ago. And, just at this moment, there was nowhere else he wanted to be.
Chapter Seven
JAMIE hopped up and down by the door, impatient to be off.
‘Picnic, swimming things, change of clothes,’ said Zoe, checking the bags. ‘Come on, then.’
Jamie ran straight across Connor’s lawn and in through the French windows, shouting, ‘Uncle Connor! We’re here!’
Zoe thought it might have been better to knock first but a voice called out, ‘Come in. I’m almost ready.’ And he appeared, looking truly wonderful in a pair of khaki shorts. ‘Just one last email I need to send.’
While Connor’s fingers danced across the keyboard, Zoe picked up a mangled magazine from the floor. A climbing magazine. ‘Did this have an argument with the letter box?’ she asked, smoothing it out. She just had time to read the words Team secure funding for new route underneath a photo of a jubilant group of climbers before Connor took it out of her hands and threw it into the waste paper basket.
‘I’ve finished with it, anyway,’ he said. ‘Let’s go.’
Zoe thought that his tone was unnecessarily short, but then he smiled and said, ‘Looks like the weather man is being good to us,’ and she felt happy again.
She followed him and Jamie out to the car. She was looking forward to the day as much as her son. So, she thought, was Connor. They had steered clear of personal conversations over the last two or three weeks, but she’d seen a definite change in him. He seemed more relaxed, still reserved but easier in his manner. He’d even started making jokes at work. Was it her influence? she wondered. She couldn’t fail to notice his appreciative looks when—as now—she was wearing shorts and a fairly minimal T-shirt. She also couldn’t disguise the fact that the little thrill every time she saw him never seemed to diminish, no matter how often they met.
Or maybe it was Jamie softening him. The boy adored him and had none of her reserve when asking for Connor’s company. They were getting very close. Zoe didn’t know how she felt about this. If Connor grew bored, didn’t want to see so much of her son, then Jamie was going to be horribly hurt. She sighed, the butterflies in her stomach telling her that there might be a decision to be made some time in the near future. But what decision? And how to make it? For the moment she and Connor appeared to be in a semi-relationship partly based on her son. It was safe…but strangely unsatisfying.
For now, however, she was simply going to enjoy the day. Connor was going to teach her and Jamie how to canoe and neither of them was stupid enough to bring up emotional issues and spoil it.
Then her mobile rang.
Both Connor and Jamie stopped what they were doing and looked at her.
‘It’s all right,’ she said, quite enjoying the twin expressions of wary alarm. ‘It’s my day off. Sheffield Maternity is just stuffed with midwives waiting for something to do.’
‘Zoe? It’s Paula Beskin. I think the baby is coming.’
Zoe blinked, thought back over her calendar. ‘Paula? But you’re not due for another three weeks. Are you sure? How often are the contractions?’
‘Every ten minutes now; I’ve timed them. They’ve suddenly sped up. And the pain is getting worse, though it’s not too bad yet. I’m doing the relaxation exercises.’ There was a moment’s silence and then Paula said in a small voice, ‘I’m sorry, but can I still have the baby at home?’
Zoe thought rapidly. Sheffield Maternity was not stuffed with midwives ready to come out to a home delivery. But Paula was a sensible girl, there hadn’t been any contra-indications at any of her appointments and a thirty-seven week baby was certainly viable. ‘I’ll be there as soon as I can,’ she said, bidding a silent farewell to her lovely day. ‘If there’s an emergency before I arrive, head straight for the hospital and ring me on the way.’ She shut off her phone with a sigh.
‘Oh, Mummy.’ Jamie’s eyes had filled with tears.
Zoe crouched down. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘That’s the trouble with babies. They come when they feel like it. And I promised Paula a home delivery. It’s at that farm where you saw the pigs and the hens, remember?’ She kissed his forehead. ‘I’ll take you to play with Auntie Jo for the day. We’ll go canoeing another time.’
Connor cleared his throat. ‘Or Jamie and I can go on our own,’ he said quietly. ‘If you trust me with him. But I’ll miss you.’
He’d miss her? She had a quiet shiver of pleasure at that. It meant he hadn’t just been thinking of giving Jamie a nice day out today. But what he was suggesting was really big. Jamie playing football on the lawn or in the play dell with Connor was one thing; the pair of them going off alone to a large body of water was something else entirely.
Connor was regarding her steadily, not hassling, not pushing. ‘I promise I’ll take as much care of him as if he was my own s—that is, as if he was one of my nephews and nieces.’
‘Please, Mummy? I’ll be really good,’ said a breathless voice.
Thoughts chased each other through Zoe’s head. Connor had told her he’d taken his sisters’ children canoeing several times. Jamie could swim like a fish. But…but…She took a deep breath. ‘That would be wonderful,’ she said, struggling not to sound completely paranoid.
She was a little peeved at the glee Jamie showed as he scrambled into the car without her, but then thought of the contrast between this excited little lad and the withdrawn child he had been in London. And, of course, she and Connor both had mobile phones and could keep in touch.
Connor squeezed her hand. ‘Join us if you’ve got time,’ he said.
She phoned Jo as she hurried back to the house to change.
‘It’s your call,’ Jo said. ‘Any problem, phone an ambulance and let me know. Or I’ll get a doctor out there if need be. Not that I know one as competent as you.’
Within a very few minutes Zoe was getting her midwife bag out of the locked cupboard under the stairs. And, just in case, she put her shorts and T-shirt in the car too.
All the way to High Peak Farm, one question ran through Zoe’s head. They could easily go to the reservoir another day. It wasn’t going to dry up; the club wasn’t going to scuttle all its canoes overnight. So why was she so disappointed? And the answer was there, just waiting for her to acknowledge it. It scared her rigid.
Because she would have been spending the whole day with Connor. And now she wasn’t.
If all births were like this one, then Zoe would have wanted them all to take place at home. Paula’s bedroom was on the ground floor, all the unnecessary clutter removed, next door to a bathroom. There should be no trouble, although she reminded herself that whenever she’d relied on there being no trouble there usually was. She remembered the old nursing mantra: Hope for the best and expect the worst.
Paula’s mother greeted her. Zoe liked her at once, a very sensible lady. ‘I’m going to stay here for the next few nights,’ she said. ‘Ask if you need anything, but I won’t interfere. Luke’s in with Paula; I’ve just been cleaning up a bit.’
Zoe looked round the living room. Cleaning up a bit? She wished most hospital wards were as clean as this. She decided that this was going to be a good birth.
And it was—a textbook birth, one that went right all the way throug
h. There was a supportive, loving father-to-be; a mum-to-be who had been to all the classes, had done everything asked of her; Paula’s mother as the perfect backup, tea and sandwiches or soup on demand. The soap, towels, extra bedding, all carefully ready. When Zoe walked into the bathroom she felt she needed dark glasses, the place sparkled so much.
A lot of the time in a birth was spent waiting. Zoe had time to read two texts from Connor. One said they’d arrived and the water was warm. The next said Jamie had paddled all by himself in a straightish line without a disaster.
Then there was the birth, and Paula had her little girl. It was an easy delivery—the father looked much more wrung-out than the mother—and, after the usual checks, Zoe felt quite happy to leave them. ‘She’s a lovely little girl and you’re very lucky. You’ve got my mobile number. Any problems, any time, night or day, phone me. I’ll be back tomorrow to have a look at you. I imagine you’ll all spend most of the time before then asleep!’
‘Everything will be okay,’ said Paula’s mother. Zoe had learned earlier that she had five children—all born at home.
Connor had told her where they would be canoeing. Near the car park and boat centre there was a beach across which a stream ran into the reservoir. The perfect place for a beginner. She drove to the car park, changed out of her uniform and walked to where she knew they would be.
She’d had a good day so far—not the day she had anticipated but still pretty good. Every time she delivered a baby, she felt emotional and happy. She’d enjoyed it even before she’d been a mother herself but, since having Jamie, births had been extra special. Now she just wanted to be with her son. And perhaps with Connor. She didn’t really mind if there wasn’t time for her to try canoeing herself.
She walked down the steep path towards the beach, smiling as she saw Connor and Jamie below her. They were both in hired canoes. Jamie in a tiny red plastic canoe, a red life jacket strapped round him, paddling furiously. And Connor behind him in a larger blue canoe. They were shouting at each other, obviously having a great time. Zoe felt a great welling up of happiness.
She couldn’t believe what she saw next. Connor dug his paddle deep into the water, surged forward and drove the bows of his canoe into the side of Jamie’s. There was a squeal from Jamie, his canoe capsized and suddenly he was under water.
All the air rushed out of Zoe’s lungs in terror. She hadn’t even realised she was running until she dodged to avoid someone coming towards the car park. How long had it been? What if he…? He might…But then his little head surfaced; he was all right! He splashed his way to the beach and crawled out of the water.
Zoe dashed down the last few feet of the path and ran across the beach. She grabbed the wet little figure, hugged him to her. He was never going in the water again. Never, never, never. ‘Jamie, are you all right? I saw what happened and I just couldn’t…’
‘Did you see, Mummy? Did you see?’ He pushed her away, looked past her and shouted, ‘Uncle Connor, I did it! Did I do it right?’
She turned to see Connor behind her. Panic turned uncontrollably to anger. ‘Are you mad? What were you thinking of? He could have drowned. Is this the way you behave with him when I’m not here? This is the last time I leave him alone with you.’
She knew her voice was shrill, her body trembling, but there was nothing she could do about it. The moment her son had disappeared under the water, it felt as if her heart had stopped.
Connor had been smiling to see her, but her words acted like a slap in the face. The light died out of his eyes. His voice was cold as he said, ‘For goodness’ sake, calm down, Zoe. You’re upsetting him. Stop having hysterics and try thinking before you shout any more. Jamie was perfectly safe. One of the first things you have to learn when you start canoeing is how to free yourself if you capsize. We’ve been practising for the past hour. This was just a test and Jamie passed it perfectly—as I knew he would.’
‘He didn’t know he was going to capsize! You came up behind him.’
‘You don’t usually get a warning if you capsize by accident.’
‘Didn’t I do it right, Mummy?’ Jamie’s voice was tearful.
He was upset! For a moment, Zoe hated Connor fiercely for being right, but she hated herself more for overreacting so monumentally. She pulled her ragged emotions together before answering more calmly. ‘You did it perfectly, darling. You did very well indeed. I’m so proud of you.’ It took a tremendous effort, but she went on. ‘You’ll…you’ll have to show me how to do that when I learn.’
‘Show you now.’
‘No!’ She took a deep breath. ‘Just show me how you paddle.’
She saw Connor looking at her; he nodded and held his hand out to Jamie. The two of them pulled the little canoe ashore, turned it over to drain the water from it. She heard Jamie say, ‘That was good, wasn’t it, Uncle Connor?’
She watched as Connor held the canoe steady for Jamie, watched as they paddled together a little way out and then back again. She kept an encouraging smile on her face, but she just couldn’t reconcile the two emotions warring inside her. First, her heart was still pounding at the thought that Jamie had been in danger. But, second, she was pleased to see how happy he was to be with Connor. What was she to feel?
Connor brought Jamie back and said neutrally, ‘I think that’s probably enough for today. Why don’t you dry Jamie and get him dressed—our stuff is over there on the table. And I’ll take the canoes back to the boat centre.’
Hardly able to speak, overcome by emotion, she nodded. Connor slipped into his own canoe, tied Jamie’s canoe to it and paddled off. He was a physical man, she thought. His every action was graceful, economical. It was difficult not to admire the way his canoe forged through the water, overtaking a couple of shrieking, splashing teenagers, who tried to race him—and didn’t succeed.
She dried Jamie, dressed him, held him in her arms. And, not surprisingly, he fell asleep. There was comfort in holding the little body. But she had to think what to say when Connor returned.
Twenty minutes later he was back, his face the careful mask it had been when she’d first met him. In a low voice she said, ‘Connor, I owe you an apology. I was wrong and I’m sorry. I should have known you better. But when I think Jamie might be in danger, reason just goes out the window. I remember…and…’ She didn’t want to say any more; she was afraid that the tears might flow.
He sat by her side, briefly stroked Jamie’s hair. ‘Shh. I was wrong to jump down your throat. I was hurt that you’d misjudged me. You love him; you were being a mother, that was all.’ Then he smiled, and she smiled tremulously back, and suddenly things were several degrees better. He went on, ‘It excuses most things.’
‘It doesn’t excuse me hurting you when you’ve curtailed half the things you would normally have done today just to keep him safe. Sometimes I say things before I consider whether it’s a good idea or not.’
‘Perhaps that makes you a more honest person.’ He reached for the picnic bag, peered inside and said, ‘Coffee and sandwiches left. Are you hungry?’
Yes, she was. She hadn’t realised. She shifted Jamie against her shoulder and took the cheese roll he handed her.
‘Zoe, I do understand your reaction whenever you think Jamie is in danger. Even though you’re a sensible, unflappable midwife, able to assess situations calmly—as soon as Jamie is at the slightest risk, you immediately remember the car crash and him only escaping by a miracle. That’s it, isn’t it?’
She nodded, feeling miserable.
He gave her arm a brief squeeze. ‘It’s natural,’ he said. ‘The more you let him do—the more you trust him to do safely—the easier it will get.’
‘You mean I’ve got years of scary pastimes ahead of me? Oh, goody.’
Connor laughed. ‘I’m afraid he does seem to be an active sort of child. But surely that’s better than keeping him in cotton wool at home all the time?’
‘True. I saw plenty of older brothers and sisters in London
who only ever went out of doors to go shopping or to school. The parents didn’t see anything wrong with keeping them occupied with the telly or the computer. Jamie and I used to go to the park or the swimming pool or the soft-play gym as often as we could.’
‘It’s a pity more people don’t do that. I promise that he’ll be as safe as it’s possible to be within reasonable limits when he’s with me. I’m the last person in the world to endanger a child.’
Zoe looked up, alerted by the note of deep feeling in his voice.
‘Why?’ she asked.
‘Because children are a gift. And so many people don’t appreciate them.’ His voice had gone remote. He nodded across to the small beach where families were dotted about, dogs and children scampering in and out of the water. ‘A lot of people get a pet dog from Animal Rescue. People abandon dogs; Animal Rescue tries to find them a good home. But you don’t just go and get a dog by asking. They send an inspector round; he checks your home, your background, your suitability. He does his job conscientiously and quite a few people are turned down.’
‘What are you saying, Connor?’
‘That people can have babies without ever having the checks that a stray dog gets. It doesn’t seem fair, does it? That couple the other week—Alice and Tim Reynolds. They would have passed the children checklist with ease—yet it took until it was nearly too late for Alice to become pregnant. Barbara and Roy Reagan, on the other hand, have had two kids in quick succession and are finding it difficult to cope.’
‘Life isn’t fair, Connor. Would you really want to live in the sort of state-controlled environment where you had to pass an exam before you were allowed to have babies? No, of course you wouldn’t. That’s why people like us exist—to give help and advice along the way.’
He smiled at her and she felt she could forgive him anything. ‘You’re right. Sorry for sounding off. Sometimes I get frustrated about situations that I can do nothing about.’
‘I’m flattered that with me you can say what you feel.’
Village Midwife, Blushing Bride Page 11