‘A patio bench is all right for kissing,’ he murmured, ‘but it can get a bit restrictive.’
There was no need for a reply. She took his hand, led him indoors and up the stairs.
When she had taken off her dress she had lit four large candles and set them on her dressing table. Now the white walls of her bedroom were illuminated by a soft, flickering yellow light. The double bed had fresh pale blue cotton sheets. The wooden furniture glimmered. The effect was warm and inviting.
He smiled with appreciation, then turned to look at her with a passion that stirred her soul. She realised that the feelings she aroused in this man were the same as those he aroused in her. But he did something that surprised her and heightened those feelings even more. He lifted her hands to his lips and kissed each one in turn. It was an unspoken statement. He would be gentle with her. She could trust him.
She stood motionless as he undid the tie of her shift, slipped it from her shoulders and let it fall in a shimmering heap round her ankles. She had on a white lacy bra and matching briefs, both bought earlier in the week because a gorgeous new dress deserved gorgeous new lingerie. She felt him drag in a breath of excitement and wonderment. ‘You are so lovely,’ he breathed, ‘so very, very lovely.’
His kiss was deeper now and, as he pulled her closer to him, she could sense his pleasure in the contact, feel the hardness of his body. And her own body was responding. It seemed as if her bones were liquid, warmth was growing and spreading from the very centre of her. There was the strongest urge to join with him that she had ever experienced. Her body wanted both to give and to take.
He lifted his mouth from hers; for a moment she could look in his eyes. The eyes, the guardian of the soul—they told her so much. She’d seen something in them all evening and hadn’t dared give it a name. But there it was. Connor cared for her; she could tell it by the way he was looking at her. That knowledge filled her with a joy that was like nothing she had felt for any man before.
He released her slowly, cupped her face in his hands and stroked his fingertips down her cheeks, across her shoulders, the swell of her breasts. Then he reached behind her, undid the clasp of her bra and slid it from her arms. She caught her breath at first, but then smiled. It was her body; she could do what she wished with it. Or let him do what he wished!
He bent his head, in turn took the pinkness of each nipple in his mouth, and she shuddered with delight as he held them, so tenderly, with his teeth. Then there was the roughness of his tongue and she pulled his body closer to hers.
Something wasn’t quite right. ‘You’ve still got your clothes on,’ she said huskily. ‘I want you like me.’
One more time he kissed her before lowering her onto her bed. She watched as he swiftly divested himself of his clothing. His body was as magnificent as she’d expected. Another time she’d take off his clothes for him, slowly and teasingly…Then a thought struck her. ‘Connor! We have to…’
‘All taken care of, sweetheart. Not that I was presuming, but…’
But he’d slipped a packet of condoms into his suit pocket for much the same reason that she’d polished her bedroom furniture. Just because. Just in case. Because, if something wonderful was to happen tonight, neither of them had wanted to spoil it. The thought melted her, made her feel wanton. She lay back again, eyes half-closed, her hands clasped behind her head in a pose of suggestion, of offering.
She felt the bed dip as he knelt astride her. Their bodies weren’t touching—yet—but it seemed to Zoe as if the warmth of him seeped down to cover her. He kissed her. She reached up to hold him, to pull him to her, but gently he took her arms and placed them back behind her head. ‘Let me love you,’ he whispered.
He kissed her face, trailed kisses down her neck, kissed her breasts again so that her nipples stood almost painfully erect. And then his head moved further down her body—what was he going to do? Surely he wasn’t going to? So soon? Or was it soon? She’d lost all track of time. His fingers slid under the elastic of her briefs; instinctively she raised her hips so he could ease them down.
Now she was completely naked. Vulnerable, yet trusting. She felt her heart thudding, her breath sobbing in her throat. She was on fire with anticipation, she felt that this was what she had been born for, this was her destiny and she…‘Connor, oh, Connor!’ She cried his name aloud as his head dipped between her legs, as he kissed her in that most intimate of caresses.
It was wonderful. She arched towards him, her body one great pleasure centre, waves of delight pulsing through her body. But then she realised that there were two of them and that she wanted them to be completely joined.
She reached down, felt for his shoulders. ‘Connor, that’s enough…you’ll take me too far…I want you to…I want us to…’
He knew what she wanted, what she needed. ‘I like giving you pleasure,’ he said.
‘I want a different pleasure now. Love me, Connor. Please?’
And then he was above her again. She knew what was to happen, but for a moment there was just glorious anticipation. She knew, after this, things would never be the same between them again. So it should be.
He was still poised, either having those same thoughts himself or simply giving her a moment to breathe normally again, letting her move back from tumbling down the edge of that wonderful precipice. She reached down between their bodies and grasped his hardness. Her hand trembled as she heard and felt his gasp of excitement.
‘Now, Connor. I’m ready now!’ She couldn’t wait any longer. She wanted things to be brought to their natural climax. He lowered himself onto her, into her, and she sighed with delight.
He started slowly, gently, but both of them were too aroused to linger. Zoe responded to his rhythm, moved with him through pulse after pulse of delirious excitement until her cry joined with his as they reached the peak of joint ecstasy.
‘That was so good. So, so good,’ he said, holding her closely as their heart rates subsided and their breathing returned to normal. He kissed her hair, moved on to her face, stopped in surprise. ‘Tears? Are you crying? Did I hurt you?’
‘I’m crying because I’m happy,’ she said. ‘Now I want to go to sleep in your arms.’
But he was the one who slept first. She lay next to him, his arms round her, listening to his breathing, feeling the warmth of his breath on her face.
She was happy, drowsy and utterly relaxed—but also confused. What she had just shared with Connor was far more earth-shaking than anything she had experienced with Neil. Did that mean life with him might be better too? A hard core of anxiety told her that at some time over the past few weeks she’d fallen in love with Connor without realising. Had she said that tonight? She didn’t think so—lovemaking was something you did with bodies, with souls, not with words.
Did it matter? Should she have said she loved him? She didn’t know. After all, he hadn’t said that he loved her either.
Still puzzling, not sure whether she should be exhilarated by her realisation or apprehensive, Zoe surrendered to sleep.
She woke early as usual. For a moment, feeling a warm body beside her, Zoe froze in panic. Then memory flooded back. She raised herself on one elbow, smiled down at Connor’s gorgeous face on the pillow and gave him the gentlest of kisses. What would today bring? Last night had been sheer magic. Today their lives must revert to normal—but with changes. They would have to talk things over before she collected Jamie. How were they to organise their lives now? She thought it might be fun deciding.
She slipped carefully out of bed, taking care not to wake him. She went downstairs to make…What should she make? She didn’t know if Connor preferred tea or coffee in the morning. He’d wanted tea last night. She made tea, hoping their habits were the same.
He hadn’t moved when she tiptoed back into the bedroom. She put his mug on the table by his side of the bed, crept to her side and slipped back between the sheets without disturbing him. Or so she thought. Suddenly an arm was round her waist, she
was pulled close to a hard naked body. ‘You’re awake,’ she gasped.
He slid strong arms around her. ‘I’m awake. I woke up and you weren’t here and I remembered last night and thought of a whole lot more things that I wanted to do. Now you’re back, I’m going to make up for lost time.’ Then he kissed her.
‘Things we want to do,’ she mused after kissing him thoroughly back. ‘It’s funny you should say that. I’ve got a list. First of all, I’d like to lie here in your arms some more. Then there was something I meant to do last night and I didn’t get the chance.’
‘Oh? What was that?’
She smiled. ‘Just lie on your back like I did yesterday, you know, with your hands behind your head.’
‘So you can…’
‘Wait and see. You are quite warm? I’m going to throw the bedclothes off.’
Now it was light she could see more of his body. It was perfection—muscled, no hint of fat, and skin like warmed silk. She bent over him, let her breasts trail across his face, then moved so they touched his chest, his abdomen even…then she took him in her mouth and revelled at the gasp of excitement that he gave.
She loved that she was giving him so much pleasure, but she was arousing him faster than he wanted. ‘My turn to stop you,’ he murmured, reaching to pull her up until they were level again.
He kissed her slowly, languorously, building up the passion caress by caress. Last night had been swift and almost frantic, a coming together of two people who simply could not wait. But now they had more time, they could explore each other’s bodies, find out what the other liked, where to stroke, where to kiss, where even to leave the slightest suggestion of a bite. And all the time there was the delicious expectation of the ecstasy to come. By the time they finally got there, Zoe’s skin was so sensitised that Connor’s lightest touch was enough to send shivers rippling across her. And from the way he shouted in exultation at the finish and then buried himself in spent triumph against her she thought he too had had an experience beyond compare.
‘I love you,’ she whispered silently, not quite daring to say the words aloud.
Then they curled up in contented satiation—it was almost as precious a state as the act itself.
Connor opened his eyes for the second time that morning onto the square of light coming through the rose-strewn curtains of the coach house main bedroom. This time, however, Zoe was in his arms, her curves fitting beautifully into him and her hair drifting across his skin.
His hold tightened, and her eyelids fluttered open. Connor’s heart thumped. She was just so gorgeous. Had he—against all expectation—found a woman who was not only generous and giving, but also wouldn’t let him down? The thought made his emotions shy away.
‘I never drank my tea,’ he said. ‘After you went to all that trouble to get up early and make it.’
‘I didn’t drink mine either. This man stopped me,’ she told him, laughing.
‘That’s terrible. You can’t trust anyone. Now don’t argue, just lie there and I’ll fetch some more.’
‘All right. Oh, do you prefer tea or coffee first thing?’
‘Tea,’ he said, surprised. ‘Why?’
She gave a tiny smile. ‘No reason.’
When he got back he paused, noticing the little Regency table under the window. Zoe had made a feature of it, put a pretty lace mat and a small jug of flowers on it. He hadn’t seen it last night.
She smiled when she saw where he was looking. ‘Pretty, isn’t it? Far too delicate to leave downstairs with Jamie charging all over the place, but it goes beautifully up here.’
He’d had her all wrong, misjudged her right from the beginning. He couldn’t begin to describe the wonderful feeling that gave him.
It was gorgeous just to lie here next to Zoe, getting to know her on a physical level, both of them holding each other, stroking whichever bit of the other’s naked body was handiest. He’d forgotten how lazily pleasurable such mornings could be. But Connor was conscious that time was passing. They had lives to lead outside this bed. Before last night he’d thought he’d known what his life was going to hold. But now things had changed, he wasn’t sure about what was to come. He hoped he was going to like finding out.
‘I’ve got to fetch Jamie in an hour,’ she said, echoing his thoughts. She looked at him, her eyes as honest as always. ‘Do you want to have coffee and scones on the patio and we can…think about things?’
He nibbled her shoulder. ‘Can’t we stay in bed and think? I like it here.’
‘I doubt we can. Stay in bed and think, that is. To plan any kind of future, I think I need to get out in the fresh air, to have a clear head. This bedroom is full of you and me and magic. But Cinderella is back with the ugly sisters now. You know it really.’
Then she paused. ‘We do have a future, don’t we, Connor?’
‘Last night’s magic will never go,’ he said, ‘and I want the future to be magic too.’
She kissed him. ‘Come on, you. Time to get up.’
He knew she was right, but he’d been without this particular sort of magic for such a long time that he wanted it to continue, even for a little while.
But she rolled out of bed away from him and headed for the shower. ‘You’ve got five more minutes to laze,’ she called. ‘Then you can have the bathroom while I make elevenses.’
On the patio, he thought glumly. Where they would have to be grown-up again.
Of course he had nothing to change into so he came down in his dress trousers and open-necked white shirt. Zoe, by contrast, was in T-shirt and shorts. It made him feel self-conscious.
‘The outfit still suits you,’ she said, a twinkle in her eye.
‘It’s a good thing the neighbours aren’t in to see me wearing it.’
‘I’ll have you know my neighbour was out all night long himself.’
He took the coffee she handed him and bit into a buttered scone. ‘Thanks.’ Then a deep breath. ‘Do we have to talk, Zoe? Can’t we just be?’
She sat down abruptly. ‘Part of me wants to. But most of me wants to know where we stand.’ She twisted her hands together. ‘This is really hard for me, Connor. I promised myself that I’d stay man-free for Jamie’s sake. I’m not having anyone else compromising his happiness. I also decided it for my own sake. Neil hurt me very badly and I didn’t want to be hurt again. I thought I’d accepted that, within myself. I thought I’d settled for not sharing my life with anyone. But you aren’t just anyone. I’ve fallen in love with you. And now I don’t know what to do.’
She loved him. He was suffused with an immense joy. And also awe, because when Zoe loved she did it wholeheartedly, no matter how unworthy the loved one. ‘I would never put Jamie at risk,’ he said.
She gave a shaky laugh. ‘Or, at least, not without training him for it first. There are other ways of hurting a child. Playing with him one day and ignoring him the next. Breaking promises. Forgetting to pick him up. Creating such a reputation for yourself that people talk and your child suffers by implication. People change and I was wrong before. I love you, but Connor, I’m so scared—how can I risk it again?’
Tears were trickling down her cheeks. Why was she sitting in a chair instead of on the bench where he could put his arm around her? ‘Zoe,’ he said urgently. ‘Zoe, that part of your life is over. I’m not Neil; I’m me, Connor. And I want to make you and Jamie happy. And that’s all I need to make me happy. Now come and sit here by me. I need my arm round you; just touching you gives me so much pleasure.’
So she sat beside him on the bench and he put his arm round her shoulders and kissed her. ‘I didn’t say it, did I?’ he asked. ‘It was something I thought I’d never say again. But I love you too.’
‘We love each other. That’s all that’s needed; nothing can go wrong.’ She laughed softly. ‘And we’ve both fought so hard against any kind of commitment. But there was no chance. Right from the start—remember that spark?’
‘I remember. Then we tried to be ju
st friends and that didn’t work either.’
‘True.’ She slipped her arm round his waist, rested her head on him. ‘It’ll all be different now.’
‘I still don’t know you very well,’ he said after a few minutes’ silent bliss. ‘Now I want to know everything. What were you like as a child? You’ve told me about wanting to be a midwife and having trouble with your mother. But what about the real you? What were your dreams?’
‘You know about the midwife dream,’ she said sleepily. ‘Other than that, I was just the same as any other young girl. I’d daydream and call it planning. I wanted a husband and family. A real family. All I really wanted was for my kids to have the brothers and sisters that I hadn’t had. I picked three boys’ names and three girls’ names, just to be safe. Ideally, I wanted a mixture, but I’d be happy whatever I had. And of course I kept on changing my choices.’
‘You wanted three children?’
She heard the reserve in his voice, felt him stiffen against her, and realised with alarm what she had said and how he might interpret it. ‘That was when I was young, Connor! I knew nothing about motherhood then. I’m perfectly happy with just Jamie—and now I’ve got you and that’s wonderful.’
‘But you said you wanted three children. Why change your mind?’
She had been so happy. But now, hearing his carefully controlled question, suddenly she felt she was on the edge of a precipice, a chasm in front of her and there was no way she could stop herself falling. ‘It doesn’t matter! I’ve got Jamie and I’m perfectly happy. No, it’s more than that; we’ve got
Jamie together. You must realise that he has come to see you as a father. All that talk of three; it was just what I dreamed as a young girl.’
There was an infinity of desolation in his voice. ‘Funny, we’re alike. I wanted three children too, but I’d only picked two names. I thought that would be enough to start with. Don’t laugh; one of the names was James.’
‘Connor, I’m not laughing. I think…I think the coincidence is wonderful. You’ve got your James.’
Village Midwife, Blushing Bride Page 14