by Nova Jacobs
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For Jeremy
An intelligence that, at a given instant, could comprehend all the forces by which nature is animated and the respective situation of the beings that make it up, if moreover it were vast enough to submit these data to analysis . . . For such an intelligence, nothing would be uncertain, and the future, like the past, would be open to its eyes.
—PIERRE-SIMON LAPLACE,
A PHILOSOPHICAL ESSAY ON PROBABILITIES, 1814
Prologue
On the morning he was to die, the old man woke early and set about making breakfast. He put eggs to boil, bread to toast, tea to steep, and as he did so, felt he understood why prisoners on death row request such commonplace meals on the eves of their executions. They didn’t crave elaborate spreads of coq au vin, foie gras, octopus salad, oysters on ice. These poor souls longed for burgers, fried chicken, pizza, ice cream. Whenever he would come across reports of these ill-fated last suppers, it was the childlike ones that got to him most: the strawberry shortcake eaten by Chicago serial killer John Wayne Gacy before his lethal injection; or that kid in Texas, Jeffrey Allen Barney, who said he was very sorry for what he had done to that woman, and asked only for a carton of milk and two boxes of Frosted Flakes.
The old man, too, had simple tastes. Though he was by nearly all standards a man of culture, his culinary preferences were aggressively ordinary. He had enjoyed a variation on the same breakfast for as long as he could remember. Why stop now that someone was coming for him?
He did, however, prepare two of everything, arranging twin cups and saucers, and two egg spoons on the breakfast tray. Animals escaping the flood, he thought, as he placed two brown, soft-boiled eggs side by side. He had always been a generous host, and he would be one to the last. Besides, it was early, and his visitor would no doubt be hungry. And how about some music to make the proceedings more pleasant? He selected a well-loved classical CD and pressed play on the living room stereo.
Sunrise was still an hour away when, with only ambient light from the kitchen to guide him, he carried the tray to his usual spot at the far end of the yard. A café table sat ready with two chairs beside a Jacuzzi platform. He arranged the sets of plates, napkins, and cutlery, and took a seat on the side of the table facing the yard, his back to the fence. He poured Earl Grey from a pot into one of the teacups and glanced at his watch. The phosphorescent face read 5:35. He still had time to escape, to get in his old Cadillac and drive somewhere far from here, but he was done being afraid. He was ready to die. All he had to do now was wait.
PART 1
* * *
– 1 –
The Merchant
The Resurrection Cemetery sounded to Hazel Severy more like a threat than a place of peace and final repose, but as far as she could tell, it was shaping up to be a lovely service. Her grandfather’s casket, draped in white roses and gold embroidery, positively glowed in the Southern California sun. If there had been any doubts that Isaac Severy, a Catholic suicide, would receive a proper send-off with the full regalia, those doubts were now dispelled.
From her seat among the chairs arranged on the vast mortuary lawn, Hazel glanced around at mourners’ faces both familiar and strange. Her hand went to the pocket of her dress trousers, into which she had slipped an unopened envelope not an hour before. It had arrived that morning inside an overnight FedEx packet mailed from her store. Assuming it was a bill or some other piece of bad news, Hazel had groaned when she saw the package with her name sitting on her brother’s breakfast table. But when she tore open the sleeve, she found a small blue envelope with a sticky note from her sole employee:
This came for you the day you left.—Chet
It wasn’t a bill or an eviction notice. It was a letter from her grandfather; more precisely, her adoptive grandfather, the man whose body now lay in that attractive walnut box. The envelope was one of those candy-striped airmail types, a nostalgic indulgence of his. Isaac’s name appeared nowhere on the envelope, but the address of her Seattle bookstore was written in his shaky hand. The postmark read October 16. On October 17, he would be dead.
She stared at the winged “Par Avion,” at a stamp featuring a sunflower, and felt increasingly light-headed. It was too much to take in, this unexpected missive from the dead, so she slipped it into her pocket unopened. In fact, she thought she might let the reading of it forever remain a future possibility. As long as the envelope was sealed, she would have one last communication waiting from Isaac.
She had brought the letter with her to the funeral as an odd sort of comfort, but as she sat in the unusually blistering October sun, watching her grandfather’s casket warp and buckle behind her own tears, she pushed a corner of the envelope deep under a fingernail until it stung.
The call had come a week ago. She had been pacing her Pioneer Square bookstore, hatching a desperate scheme to abandon her life, one that involved either disappearing into a country of exotic coordinates or landing in debtor’s prison. She loved Seattle, and she loved her store—in a mostly unstable life, books had been the only reliable refuge she had known—but she now owed a figure so large she was certain there must be a corresponding digital ticker somewhere, climbing upward daily like the national debt.
The bleat of her store phone had interrupted her thoughts. She picked up the receiver, mustering her usual bright greeting, “The Guttersnipe, can I help you find a book?” After a pause, the halting voice of her brother, Gregory, told her that their beloved Isaac had been found dead in his backyard. By his own hand. The housekeeper had chanced upon him that morning in his Jacuzzi, a set of live Christmas lights coiled in the water with him, one of its bulbs crushed.
Hazel couldn’t have said how long the conversation lasted—or, in her deep disbelief, how many times she had made her brother repeat himself—she knew only that when she closed up her store immediately afterward, the sun had set, and she was exhausted from crying.
But she wouldn’t be going home. Having lost her apartment in Belltown weeks before, she was now living in the narrow space behind her shop. The back room was cramped and airless, with barely enough space for her mattress. She had moved most of her things into storage, bought a mini fridge, and begun sponge bathing at the bathroom sink. She had told no one of her indignity, not even Bennet, her boyfriend of almost two years. Every night, she exited her shop for the benefit of whoever might be watching, maintaining the ritual of locking up and walking to the bus stop before doubling back to reenter her store from the alley. Better confined to the back than spotted through the shop’s windows at odd hours by her landlord. This wasn’t the first time she had been homeless. She supposed it was in her DNA. And what is DNA, Isaac had once asked, but an invisible road map of how our lives will play out? If that were true, Isaac’s own genetic GPS had sent him careening off course.
That night, as she sat cross-legged on the mattress, eyes parched from evaporated tears, she recalled a curious detail from her conversation with Gregory: Isaac had prepared two breakfasts for himself that morning, one half eaten, the other untouched. She had heard vague reports of his absentmindedness, but in her weekly phone calls to him, he had sounded as quick as ever, always armed with amusing stories, and never repeating t
he ones she’d already heard. At seventy-nine years old, Isaac had been remarkably healthy. He had looked no older than sixty-five, and the only ailment she had known him to have was his lifelong struggle with migraines. Migraines ran in the family, but mental illness? Depression? Had she been so consumed with her own daily battles that she had missed something obvious? Now, as she stared at his casket, she felt a fresh stab of shame.
She removed her hand from her pocket and returned it to her lap. What if she had been the only one to receive anything that might be defined as a suicide note? As the priest appeared and began to speak, Hazel couldn’t help but study those family members around her for hints that they, too, had received a surprise delivery.
Most of the fair-skinned, light-eyed Severy clan had chosen seats shaded by the surrounding sycamores. Strange, though, how this Nordic-blooded family thrived in—even seemed to prefer—the merciless Southwest sun. It was rare for a Severy to permanently stray east of the Rockies or north of Napa Valley. Few had ever moved outside a twenty-five-mile radius of Pasadena’s Caltech. It was she alone, with the dark eyes and hair, who had succumbed to gloomier regions.
If any of the family had received a letter from the dead, their expressions betrayed nothing but ordinary grief. Only Gregory, seated across the aisle, his two-year-old son passed out on his chest, noticed her studying the crowd. She wondered why they weren’t sitting together, considering they’d arrived in the same car. Their separation across the aisle suddenly seemed significant to her, emblematic of a gap that had been widening between them the past couple of years. Having a child did that to a person, certainly, but with Gregory, it sometimes felt as if he were being steadily pulled away from her by a source of gravity she couldn’t identify. Her brother gave her a sad smile and returned his attention to the homily.
“Who died?” Hazel’s grandmother, seated beside her, asked no one in particular.
“Isaac Severy,” Hazel whispered, as if he were a mutual acquaintance.
“Everyone’s going these days,” Lily mused. “That’s what happens when you reach a certain age. It’s one long ghoulish parade.”
Hazel gave her grandmother’s hand a squeeze. She was struck by how pretty she looked, even though she was wearing what appeared to be every necklace she had ever owned, and her eyes had been emptied of their former intelligence. Lily Severy had once been a celebrated translator of Spanish literature, but her mind had faltered in recent years, and for the past few days, she had alternated between anguish over a loss she couldn’t quite place and a dreamy fascination at all the activity around her. In her more lucid moments, Lily did appear to be aware that she’d been married to a mathematician, though the details were muddled. At the elderly care facility where she now lived, she liked to educate her nurses on her husband’s invention of calculus. “You know, it wasn’t that German fellow, like they all say.”
The next two hours were a warm broth of tears and praise served up for one of the most beloved academics in Southern California. What seemed an endless procession of Caltech colleagues and students took the microphone and spoke of Isaac’s unearthly level of brilliance, not only in the mathematics department but also in diverse disciplines touched by his acrobatic mind. They spoke of the equations he had created for Caltech’s Environmental Sciences, such as the ones that could anticipate the complex movement of oil spills, the ever-changing paths of migratory birds, and the erratic pattern of melting ice in the Arctic. They spoke of his ferocious curiosity and of his heart. “He wasn’t just my hero, he was my friend.” There were allusions to Sir Isaac Newton, for whom he had been named. A fitting kinship, joked one of his Jewish colleagues, for here were two Isaacs who despite all evidence to the contrary simply must have been Jews.
Just as Hazel was growing restless, her uncle Philip, Isaac’s eldest child, stepped behind the microphone. Philip was a lean, delicate man with hair so light his eyebrows were nearly invisible. As a result, he had a perpetually afflicted look, as if he were under constant assault from light and dust. Today his eyes were hidden behind a pair of dark glasses, but that didn’t stop him from squinting every time the sun struck him at a certain angle.
He unfolded a piece of paper with his long fingers before peering up at the gathering. “As many of you know,” his fragile voice began, “my father had passions that went beyond mathematics. There was almost nothing that did not interest him. He was a devout scientist, but he was also a religious man who grappled with the entire idea of faith.”
He then read Emily Dickinson’s “This World Is Not Conclusion,” a poem Hazel remembered well from college, and one that was now making her feel some real affection for this uncle whom she had seen often while growing up but still barely knew.
After struggling through the final stanza, Philip withdrew quickly, leaving behind a restlessness that lasted several minutes. Hazel shifted in her chair, inadvertently catching the eye of Philip’s younger sister, Paige, seated half a row down, her stout body swathed in black silk. In her prime, Aunt Paige had been a brilliant political statistician, but she’d apparently done little with her talent in recent years, and her standing in the family was now one of a recluse and grump. She had never married, but there was a grown daughter somewhere—Alexis, was it?—whom no one ever saw. Whether Alexis resided north of Napa or east of the Rockies was anyone’s guess, and Hazel didn’t spy any likely candidates here today.
At last, the queue behind the microphone shrank to zero, and a few people stood. But the sound system gave a startling buzz, calling attention to a young man who appeared before them as if by conjuring trick. He didn’t speak right away, taking his time sifting through bits of fuchsia-colored paper. Hazel found something about the man instantly arresting. He sported the beard of a woodsman but was otherwise dressed in the shabby welfare-academic vein. He cleared his throat and spoke in a vaguely British accent.
“Good mathematics is generally impossible to read aloud,” he began, “but why should that stop us?” He laughed nervously, and when no one joined him, he resumed. “A proof, as many of you know, is a number of true statements leading to a logical conclusion. Proofs are the cornerstone of mathematics and are really meant to be seen, not heard. If, for example, I were to read aloud Andrew Wiles’s famous proof of Fermat’s Last Theorem, which is a hundred fifty pages, by the way”—another laugh—“we’d be here for days.”
“Who is this guy?” a woman in Hazel’s row asked.
“However,” the man continued, “what I have here is not a real proof—only fragments scribbled on these cocktail napkins—but what if, as a kind of tribute, I read just a scrap of his work? An everyday bit of fluff floating around his head, so that we might have some idea of what it was like to be Isaac Severy? So I hope you’ll indulge me while I read this bit of ‘ordinary’ mathematics: Let dx over dt equal A times x plus f of x plus epsilon times g of x . . .”
Hazel had a strange urge to laugh. Yet there was something soothing about the cadence of his voice as he delivered this long chain of letters, numbers, and symbols. Isaac would have liked the absurdity of this moment, and she suddenly missed him terribly.
“Is he reading an equation?” someone behind her whispered. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”
Hazel didn’t take her eyes from the man as he continued his recitation, but her hand had wandered to her right pocket. She slid her fingers inside, over the crispness of the envelope, and before she knew it, she was running a fingernail along the lip until she could feel a thin sheet of paper within. Almost without thinking, she had broken the seal, and now there seemed to be no retreating from Isaac’s letter.
– 2 –
The Theorist
Philip Severy had no one left to impress. The full weight of this fact descended upon him as he stood in front of family and strangers, blinking away the lighthouse glare of his father’s coffin. His sister, Paige, had ordered the thing outfitted with white roses and metallic vestments. Had she meant it as some kind of joke?
Because if she had intended their father’s death box to be both heinous and comically reflective, well, bang-up job. Philip pushed his sunglasses flat against his face and struggled through some words he had prepared.
When he returned to his seat, his twin sons were wiggling a few chairs down. Their teenage bodies were present, but their minds were no doubt reliving their last tennis match. Silas and Sidney worshipped tennis, lived for it—would probably even die for it in some offshoot universe where one was forced to choose between such things. Death or a world without tennis? “Death!” they would chime in unison, before linking arms and marching off the nearest cliff together. They loved the sport in the purest way that one can love a thing, with the whole of their selves. Philip was not like his sons in this way, not anymore, and it was only now that he knew this with terrible certainty.
As another Isaac Severy fan took the podium, Philip’s attention wandered to a translucent spider making its way over the charcoal dunes of his slacks. At that moment, the dark folds of cotton twill were this tiny spider’s entire known universe—and the sudden intrusion of Philip’s forefinger to flick it into the air must have been an extraordinary phenomenon that the spider would never be able to explain. I was there, and then I wasn’t.
His wife touched his arm. “You were great up there. You all right?”
Philip nodded. Why shouldn’t he be all right? His father had killed himself a week ago. No reason, no warning. Killed himself. It sounded absurd and wrong. Like vicious gossip. Just two weeks ago, they had been sitting together at his sons’ final set in the Junior Tennis Open quarterfinals. His father, relaxed that day, had taken a break from questioning Philip on a recent journal article he’d coauthored and from wondering aloud if the work was up to Philip’s usual standards.