by Lesley Jones
“She was like this for a while the other year, just after we got back from Australia—distant. I put it down to the fact that she hadn’t fallen pregnant straight away, but then we bought the new house and she seemed happier.” He took in a deep breath and then let it out slowly. “I was worried then that there was something going on between her and Cameron King.”
Whoa.
“You remember when the girls went to the opening of his new club and ran into Haley White?”
I shifted in my seat, memories of that weekend making me feel uncomfortable.
It was the weekend Carla had come out with her little secret. We’d eventually hired a pilot to get us home early that night. The girls had called us numerous times to let us know that there’d been a bit of an incident between Haley White and George. Because of Carla’s revelations, we’d all chosen not to answer our phones, too worried to speak to them in case they picked up on the fact that something was wrong.
Jimmie was like an intelligence officer in the way she didn’t miss a trick. Ash was like the Spanish Inquisition when she knew she wasn’t getting a straight answer. George ... George just had Maca wrapped around her little finger and she’d soon having him spilling his guts. Perhaps that would’ve been a good thing, getting it all out in the open, but that wasn’t what he wanted and so I’d committed to the lie, never speaking again about it to anyone, including my wife.
“The day after, on the Sunday when we got home, there were all sorts of pictures of them together. I thought that maybe something had happened that night.”
“Georgia was with the girls all night.” I tried to reassure him. There had been a lot of rumours about those photos, and the way Cam was looking at her.
“And you don’t think they’d back her one hundred percent and lie for her if they had to?” That thought pissed me off.
“Ash wouldn’t lie to me.” I told him.
“Nah? You told Ash about what Carla said that night?”
Oh. I let out a long breath and shake my head no.
“We all have secrets, mate. Even the best of marriages have secrets.”
It actually caused a pain in my chest to think that. I hated the idea that Ash kept secrets from me. Double standards, I know, but yeah, I’m a bloke. It’s how we operate.
“She’d told me years before that when we first got together that she was in love with him, but she’d never realised it when they were together. When she left him for me, he told her, and he told Ash if you remember, that he loved her, but would step aside if that’s what made her happy.”
I think back to the day George had disappeared with someone from Cam’s staff and no one could find her for six hours. I remember Ash saying that day that Cam had told her he was in love with my sister.
“You only had to look at the way he looked at her in those photos to know he still felt the same way, and I’ve got a feeling its mutual.”
He sipped his drink and waited for my reaction.
“But that was only last year. Those photos were only a year ago.”
“It was the year before, but close enough. Anyway, after those pictures came out, she was a bit weird. I can’t put my finger on what kind of weird, just ... I dunno? Nervy, jumpy. Then when we found the new house, she went from loving it to not being sure overnight. One minute it was perfect, the next it was wrong. I thought she was just making excuses, and that she didn’t want to buy something new with me because she was planning on leaving me for him.”
“Fuck, you never said anything. Why didn’t you say? I would’ve had Ash ask her?”
He looked right at me, “Coz if she was gonna go, I didn’t wanna know about it.”
Poor fucking bloke. I felt so bad for him in that moment. Between my sister and Carla, I was surprised he had any faith in women at all.
“Anyway, this, how she’s behaving this time, is worse—much worse. I feel like she’s completely shut me out, Marls, like this has only happened to her. It was my baby too. I thought I was gonna lose them both. While she was having surgery, I actually sat and thought about how I would kill myself if she didn’t make it.”
I let out a long breath at that. I had no words because I totally understood where he was coming from. If anything had happened to Ash before we had kids, I wouldn’t have wanted to live either. Now, it was different. I wouldn’t want to, but I’d carry on for the sake of our babies. I shuddered because the thought alone was too horrible to contemplate.
“I know this is easy for me to say, Mac, but you just gotta give her time. You know what George is like. She deals with things a bit different than the rest of us. She shuts everyone out until she’s ready to face things again. It’s how she was when you two broke up. Just give her time, but keep reminding her that you’re there for her as soon as she’s ready to move forward.”
He’s poured us both another drink. “I just... I miss her. I miss her company. I miss our chats when we go to bed, I miss waking up with her. I miss her shit all over the bathroom and listening to her sing in the shower. I even miss her crap cooking.”
“Nah, I’m not having that. George is the only person I know that can burn a salad.” I tried some humour. My sister could hold a tune, no problem, but could not cook for shit.
“I just miss human contact.”
I talk to Ash the next day and she tells me that she’ll have a chat with Jimmie and arrange a girl’s night out and try and work out what’s going on with George.
When Maca and G split up when we were younger, I was clueless to what he was going through. I had no concept of love and the emotions involved. Back then, I could see no further than the next orifice to fill. Now it was different. Now I totally understood. Ash was my world and I fully understood where he was coming from.
Two nights later, I went from wanting to help my brother-in-law out, to wanting to throttle the fucker.
We had a break from recording so I’d spent the day with Ash and the kids, just doing normal things. I’d taken them to school and because it had snowed, we’d built a snowman after I’d picked them up. I’d let them toast marshmallows in front of our open fire and they’d eaten them as they drank their Ovaltine before I tucked them into bed.
Ash had gone over to Jim’s for dinner with George the night before, but had nothing to report. George had repeatedly stated that she was fine, and remained pretty much silent other than that. I decided to drive over to Maca’s to see how he was doing, picking up a bottle of whiskey on the way.
Because the house was behind key coded security gates, despite being in London, the front door was never locked, which is a shame, really.
I stood in silence for a few seconds, my brain trying to process what was going on.
Maca was leaning with his back against the marble bench top, arms spread wide, his knuckles white as he gripped the edges. His head was tilted towards the ceiling with his eyes squeezed shut.
His shirt was unbuttoned, as was the top button of his jeans.
Carla was kissing down his chest as she stroked her fingers over his abbs.
If I’d had a gun, I would’ve shot them both. Extreme, I know, but that’s how pissed off I was with the pair of them—him for being such a fucking idiot, her for being so devious as to attack while he was weak and vulnerable.
Yeah, I know it takes two and all that, but they were in his house. She’d obviously come to him. Not that that made him any less to blame, but she should’ve stayed the fuck away.
I watched in silence as Carla attempted to slide her hand inside Maca’s trousers. I held my breath, I swear even my heart stopped beating as I hoped and prayed that he would do the right thing.
Without even looking down, he grabbed her wrist and stopped her hand moving any lower. Carla stared down at his hand around her wrist for a few moments and I decided then would be a good time to make my presence known.
To this day I can’t believe how calm I managed to make my voice sound when I spoke.
“I’m just gonna leave this bott
le on the table here. I think it’ll help with the guilt later, Mac, when you wake the fuck up to yourself and realise that you’ve just made the second biggest mistake of your life.”
I stood and waited for their reactions.
Carla turned and smiled at me. Maca started to cry.
“Get out.” I told her. “Get the fuck out and do not ever set foot near him, us, or our band again.”
She stood up straight and walked towards me.
“Your sisters a cunt. She won him back once, but I’m fighting to keep him this time.”
“My sister might be a cunt, but don’t ever underestimate what those two have between them, sweetheart.” I gritted my teeth as I spoke.
“If what they have is so fucking special, then what’s this? What was that we were just doing?” She snarled like a rabid fucking dog.
“That, like I said, was the second biggest mistake of his life.” I nodded my head to where Maca was still standing. His shoulders shook as he cried, his jeans and shirt still open.
“See, you’re so inconsequential, sweetheart, that you don’t even take the top spot for fuck ups. If the number one spot didn’t finish them, then you sure as shit won’t. Now move along.”
She stared at me for a few seconds. “Oh,” I added, “if word of this is ever repeated, I’ll know, and I’ll make sure that you never find work in this industry again. Now FUCK.OFF!”
She left. When I looked back at Maca, I noticed the coke lined up on the kitchen bench top.
“I wanna kick the living fucking shit outta you right now, but that’ll have my sister asking questions. Do up your jeans and sort yourself the fuck out.”
He did as he was told and turned to look at me.
“What the fuck have I done ... what the fuck have I done?” He bent himself in half and threw up all over his kitchen tile.
“Fuck’s sake.” I grabbed him by the arm and marched him upstairs to his bedroom.
“Get yourself showered and sort your shit out. You’re going over to my mum’s, and you’re gonna be the husband that my sister needs. That—what you did down there—will never, ever be talked about again. Are we clear?”
He blinked a few times, but remained silent. I slapped him. I actually slapped him like a little bitch. I wanted to punch his fucking lights out, but that would leave bruises and cause questions, so instead, I cracked him right around the face.
“Are we fucking clear?”
“Yes.”
“Good. Anything you’ve got going on with her ends right now. You will never see her again.”
“There’s not ... it wasn’t ... she turned up with weed and coke and she was just ... there’s nothing going on. Nothing has ever happened since I’ve been back with G, I swear, Marls. Tonight was a mistake, a giant fucking mistake.” He started to cry again. “I’m lonely, so fucking lonely. She won’t let me touch her. I just wanna love my wife. I want us to be able to grieve together and I wanna make her better.” He pulled an ugly face as he sobbed and blew snot bubbles out of his nose, which just made me wanna crack him again.
“Well banging the staff ain’t gonna achieve that is it, Einstein? Now stop fucking snivelling, grow some balls, get in the shower and go and get your wife back.”
I was shaking from head to toe. The urge to go and hoover the rest of the marching powder up my nose almost overwhelming, but me and Ash, we had a pact. We only did that shit together nowadays, that way neither of us did anything stupid without the other. Perhaps I should pass that tip on to Maca, the stupid prick.
A week later, Maca and George were sunning themselves in the Caribbean. Things were a little tense between him and me for a while, but we moved on. Yeah, I was pissed off with him, but as a bloke, I sort of got it. It wasn’t right and I should’ve been loyal to my sister, but I’d seen those two apart and I knew that the world didn’t work properly when that happened. Neither of them were perfect, but they were perfect together.
I was just leaving the sports hall at Joe’s school when my mobile phone rang. His football training had been moved inside because of the snow that had fallen on and off all week.
It had hit England early this year. February was usually our coldest month, but today was only the first of December and it was bitter.
“Big brother Lennon.” I pressed the key fob to unlock the car and let Joe in as I answered the call.
“You need to get to the Royal Free as soon as you can.”
My blood stopped pumping and my insides instantly became as cold as the snow under my feet.
“What, why?”
“George and Maca have been in an accident. It’s bad, Marls. Really bad.”
I got in my car and suddenly I was driving along. My phone was on speaker and Len was telling me that Bailey and my parents were on their way. My brain slowed. I couldn’t think. I had to get Joe home. Ash would want to come with me. The girls were at dancing. What was I gonna do with Joe? The girls?
“Marls, are you listening to me?”
I was listening, but I didn’t hear a word.
“Dave is on his way to your house. He’ll stay with the kids so that you and Ash can come to the hospital. You need to drive carefully, but you need to hurry. Do you understand what I’m saying, Marls? They might not make it. You need to hurry.”
The traffic and sounds blurred. My heart had stopped and failed to restart properly.
“Dad, what’s wrong?” Joe asked from the back of the car.
Everything.
“Nothing, mate, all good. I just need to get you home. Dave’s gonna come over and play FIFA with you for a bit.”
“Aw, sweet.”
I’m at my house without knowing how I got there. Dave pulled up as I did, Ash already waiting at the front door. I send Joe inside.
“What happened?” I asked anyone that might have an answer.
Ashley looked at Dave, then they both turned and looked at me. Dave shook his head no, and Ashley cried.
I didn’t want this. I didn’t want this to be happening. I wanted to go inside my nice warm house. I wanted Joe to beat me at FIFA. I wanted to see my daughters in their tutu’s, showing me the moves they learnt this week.
“We have to go.” Ash stated. “Can you drive, Marls, or d’ya want me to?” I stared at her in silence for a few seconds. “Marley, we have to go.”
I held my arm out in a sweeping gesture, offering her my car. I don’t know why I did it, I just did. I didn’t even say goodbye to my kids, or Dave. I just got in the car and drove. I wasn’t even sure of the exact location of the hospital, I just knew that it wasn’t far from George and Maca’s house in Hampstead, so I headed in that direction.
The radio was playing Carnage songs. Ashley switched the system to play CDs, and Creeds ‘With Arms Wide Open,’ started to play.
I turned it up loud as Ash reached across to take my hand.
I listened to the words of a song about a man finding out he’s about to become a father.
My sister was due to give birth to a son in four weeks’ time. She was looking the healthiest she’d ever looked in her life. She’d not put on a lot of weight, but she was glowing. Maca was the happiest I’d ever known him to be. They’d been through so much, this was finally their time. They were about to finally have their moment; become parents, become a family, become complete. They’d lived a lifetime together, and yet their lives were only just about to begin.
The song ended and ‘Praise You’ by Fat boy Slim started to play. My car’s CD system had a function that allowed it to choose a track from each of the fifteen CDs that were loaded. I drove, unseeing, just listing to the music and trying my hardest not to think.
The Cardigans, ‘Love Fool’ played and I laughed because it reminded me of Maca—not the words, but the title of the song.
‘Red Alert’ by The Basement Jax was up next and I cranked the sound system louder.
Eminem, ‘Stan.’
Moloko, ‘Sing it Back.’
Armend Van Helden, ‘U
Don’t Know Me.’
Oasis, ‘Wonderwall.’
Nirvana, ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit.’
Massive Attack, ‘Unfinished Sympathy.’
Bones Thugs N Harmony, ‘Tha Crossroads.’
There were others, I’m sure. Those though, were the ones that would forever remind me of the silent drive my wife and I made to the hospital.
When we arrived there was chaos; reporters, television crews, photographers, and fans. They were everywhere.
Fuck ‘em all.
I pulled up right outside. “Wait here,” I told Ash.
I walked around to her side and opened my door. Taking her under my arm, I started to walk us inside. I had no idea where I was going, but I needed to get there soon.
“Sir, you can’t leave your car there, Sir.” I turned to see a copper talking to me. I threw him the keys.
“Move it, tow it, keep it, burn it. I don’t fucking care.”
As we walked towards the hospital entrance, I spotted one of the PR people that worked for our label. She was instantly joined by four policemen and a half dozen minders. We were surrounded. I went where they lead and when we got there, I saw Len.
We were in a private room when Len told Ash and I to sit down. He was shaking. Not just his hands, but his entire body. He had no colour in his usually olive complexion. His skin looked almost see through.
My eyes wanted to close. My brain wanted to shut down. I wanted to disappear.
“George and Maca were on the pavement outside a baby shop on Brentwood High Street.” He started. “I don’t know the exact details, Milo’s still with the police, but a car came up onto the pavement and hit them.”
He started to cry. I squeezed Ashley’s hand as she started to cry too. I don’t know if I started or if I was already crying. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t fucking know.
“Marls, it’s not good. It’s so not fucking good.”
“Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God,” Ashley chanted from beside me.