"She's safe. And no, you can't see her. I need you to recover your health a wee bit more, and then we can talk more about your future. Depending on what path you choose will determine if you see her or not."
He did his best to frown. All Alistair wanted was the full truth, and yet speaking two words had worn him out.
Regardless, he needed to say one more. "Dragon?"
Layla's expression didn't change, which meant he couldn't gauge her feelings or thoughts. "Another thing that will have to wait. He's silent for now, but most likely not forever. I wish I could give you a clearer answer, but that's the best I can do right now."
His eyelids grew heavy again, but Alistair fought it. "Truth."
"I have only spoken the truth, Alistair. The quicker you heal, the sooner we can discuss options and see about your future. And since you'll try to fight it, I'm going to force you to sleep a wee while longer." She looked away and back again. "We'll talk more when you wake up again."
A heaviness settled over Alistair, and keeping his eyelids open was too much work. As they slid closed, he wanted to ask for the full truth, including the negative outcomes Layla was avoiding. Not to mention he needed to know what had happened to Kiyana.
And then there was the most important issue—if it was possible to have his dragon back for good once he was better.
However, none of those questions had been answered, nor could he ask them. Instead, darkness crept over him yet again, and the world fell silent.
~~~
Kiyana was helping to change Finn and Arabella's twin boys' nappies when there was a knock on the front door.
Arabella, who was breastfeeding Freya in her human baby form, looked at her. "Can you get it? I'm afraid if I move at all, Freya will stop eating, shift, and run away. And she needs to eat in her human form at least twice today."
Finishing Declan's nappy, she placed him in his bouncy seat and fastened the strap. "No worries."
Since Kiyana was only allowed in Finn's house or the archives, interacting with anyone else would help distract her from thinking about Alistair. Again.
Or, worrying about her upcoming pitch to the DDA director about her dragon Assembly idea. She may not have brought up the Assembly just yet, but she was hoping to sneak it into the next video conference she had with the DDA director.
Opening the door revealed Layla on the front stoop. Kiyana's stomach lurched upward. "Is everything okay?"
"The best news is that he's still alive. However, there's something I want to talk with you about straight away, in private."
Kiyana had interacted enough with Layla to know she wouldn't divulge any details until they were alone, so she guided her toward Finn's office, which had gradually become hers over the last few days.
She shouted toward the kitchen, "I'll be with Layla in the office for a bit, Ara," before shutting the door.
The room was soundproofed so no one would know what happened inside it apart from her and Layla. "Right, then tell me what's going on. And the more to the point you are, the better."
Layla nodded. "I like how the first thing you brought up wasn't about asking to see him again. So I'll bypass that bit and get to the point. Alistair woke up for a wee while."
Kiyana gasped. "Is he okay?"
"As far as we can tell, his human half is intact. It was for a matter of minutes, though, so I couldn't fully gauge his mental state. But given his questions, I think he didn't suffer any significant brain damage."
Kiyana's heart rate ticked up. Alistair had woken up once, and from what everyone had told her, that was the most important step for a dragon-shifter. It almost always meant they'd survive.
Still, she wouldn't get her hopes up too much. Layla's face was still set in a neutral expression, and she sensed there was more to the story. "While that makes me happier than you know, I sense that's not what you came here to tell me."
Layla shook her head. "No, it's not. Sid and the other doctors have been researching blood transfusions and doing their best to decode the data swiped from the Dragon Knights. While it's mostly anecdotal at this point about what happens to a dragon-shifter who receives a human blood transfusion, there is one single common factor amongst them all I can't dismiss. One that makes everything complicated."
She sighed. "Layla, my entire situation here is complicated. That's not new, and can hardly scare me."
"Maybe, maybe not. But the commonality? Every dragon-shifter who's received a human blood transfusion had become sterile."
"Sterile?" she echoed. Of all the possibilities, that hadn't been one she'd thought of.
Layla bobbed her head. "Aye. Further research is needed to ensure it's universally true, but it's a big enough concern that I need to discuss that outcome with you."
She started to put things together. "Meaning if Alistair's dragon wakes up and still wants a frenzy, he'll never be able to complete it and will probably end up rogue."
"Unfortunately, that's a real possibility. However, there is one way to maybe avoid that situation."
"If you say send me away and drug Alistair until the frenzy can pass, then so help me, I may start yelling a little."
Layla smiled. "No, it's not that." Her face returned to its calm, collected demeanor. "You may or may not know that dragon-shifter sperm doesn't survive freezing. So if you wish to stay and be with Alistair, we'll have to artificially inseminate you until you're pregnant. Correction, if you can become so because artificial insemination has a very, very low success rate amongst dragons."
Kiyana recalled hearing that in her early days at the Department of Dragon Affairs, and it was the reason why humans had to actually have sex with a dragon-shifter in the sacrifice program instead of being impregnated off the clan's lands. "And if it takes, then what happens after?"
"After, if successful and we can be sure his dragon will be calm if returned, we can try saving Alistair using what data we've managed to find. There is a ticking clock here, though. Because of the foreign chemicals in his body, ones that don't seem to go away through normal metabolic processes, each shot of the dragon sleeping drug is dangerous. It could, possibly, make his dragon silent forever."
Kiyana crossed her arms over her chest. "So I have to decide soon, is what you're saying?"
Layla nodded. "Aye, I'm afraid so."
To think, Kiyana had pictured a few lazy days getting to know Alistair before participating in the frenzy. She'd already prepared herself for becoming pregnant and all the risks—including death—that came with it for humans carrying half-dragon-shifter children.
But now, she couldn't even talk with Alistair. And if she didn't agree to a possibly long, drawn-out artificial insemination process, she may never be able to do so.
Some might think her crazy given how long she'd know the dragonman, but she hadn't given up yet and wouldn't do so now.
Still, she needed as much information as she could gather. "My main question is whether me being pregnant will be enough to satisfy his dragon's need to claim? Because that seems to be where the problem lies, in that Alistair will hurt me if awake, with his dragon present, to complete the frenzy."
Layla placed her hands into the pockets of her lab coat. "If I were a betting person, I think it should be enough. After all, you'll carry Alistair's scent, and that should appease his inner beast." Layla reached out a hand and gently squeezed Kiyana's bicep. "I know it's not ideal, and probably not how you pictured being Alistair's true mate would turn out, but it's the best I can do."
She wanted to laugh nervously, but bit her lip instead. Kiyana's rosy dreams of Alistair carrying her off to bed, her being able to see his dragon in the frenzy, and better getting to know the dragonman before getting pregnant, were gone.
And yet, after spending nearly two weeks on Lochguard, it was fast becoming her home. Some might say she was rash when it came to her feelings concerning Alistair, but she'd never felt the same connection with any other man than she'd had with Alistair.
Even if they had
n't fallen in love with each other, she believed they could someday.
And Layla's proposition could be the only way she ever had a child with the dragonman she wanted a future with.
Uncrossing her arms, she stood tall. "I'm fine with the artificial insemination. But Alistair should have a say as well. This is too important a decision to make without him."
"Aye, I know. And I plan on asking him. However, I wanted to talk to you first. Not only will this change your life forever, but it also sets you on a path you can't change, Kiyana. Once you bear a dragon-shifter's child, there will always be a stigma attached to you in the human world, meaning that if things don't work out with Alistair, you might not get a second happy ending."
She put up a hand. "Don't say that. True mates are supposed to be a dragon-shifter's best chance at happiness, right? Besides, Alistair is kind, caring, and more honest than many people I've known in the past. Add him wanting to protect me—no matter how much I wished he'd have asked for my help with his problem—it all points to a man I want."
"Aye, well, then I'll talk with him. We'll also have to put you on hormones, to hopefully help the pregnancy take. It won't be easy, though, so prepare yourself."
She ignored the flicker of worry in her belly. "I can handle it."
"Then I'll be off to get things ready. As soon as Alistair's awake, I'll talk to him about it."
Layla moved toward the door, but Kiyana asked, "Can I see him at least once? You know, before I try to conceive his child?"
"I won't lie to you—I don't know. I can't risk his dragon waking up and taking control."
Her heart sunk a little. "I understand."
"Sorry, Kiyana. I wish it didn’t have to be this way. But know this—I will fight for whatever support you need, and will even convince Finn to expand your list of safe places so that you can see some of the other humans on Lochguard until Alistair is whole and sane again. Especially since talking with Gina and Holly will help you, I think, as they've both survived the pregnancies and births of their half-dragon-shifter children."
Human mortality was more common than anyone liked when it came to a human bearing a dragon-shifter's child. However, Kiyana knew Lochguard had much fewer complications in the last year or so than the other clans. She suspected there was a reason, but one she would ask about later, once Alistair was past the danger zone.
She motioned toward the door. "Then go and get everything set up. I'll be here if you need me."
After giving her a sympathetic look, Layla exited the office.
Kiyana immediately sat into the chair and took a deep breath. Without ever doing more than kiss Alistair, Kiyana might soon be carrying his baby.
It shouldn't make tears prickle her eyes, but it did. Not because she'd soon be pregnant. No, because she could still lose Alistair—or part of him, if his dragon went eternally silent.
She'd been strong for nearly two weeks, but right then and there, she wanted her mother to come up from the South and comfort her.
However, she didn't think that would be possible. So she'd merely have to take Layla up on her offer to speak with the other humans mated to dragon-shifters on Lochguard.
Chapter Fourteen
Several days later Alistair lay in his bed still inside the surgery, staring at Finn's face, and tried to think of how to reply to what he'd just heard.
A human blood transfusion was most likely his best chance at recovery, but by doing so, he'd probably end up sterile.
And the doctors weren't completely sure the solution would work.
Alistair asked, "Why would Kiyana agree to this?"
Finn shrugged. "The lass cares for you. Aye, it's not love. But I think it can be, one day. And this may be the only chance for you to have a child, Alistair. Even then, it's not a guarantee."
If he had the strength, he would've lifted his hands and rubbed his face. However, merely staying awake still drained his energy, so he settled for a sigh. "And I can't even talk with her before making a decision, aye?"
"No, Layla thinks it'll trigger your inner beast, and she doesn't want to use any more drugs than strictly necessary."
It was a reasonable decision. However, Alistair was at an important fork in his life, and he wanted not only to talk with the possible mother of his future child, but he also wanted his dragon's opinion as well.
And yet, he wouldn't be able to get either. Which meant he needed to decide for himself what to do.
Humans definitely had a harder time, he understood now, when it came to living life on their own.
Alistair had more questions than he could ever have answered, but he focused on the more important ones. "Does Kiyana understand the dangers, if she does conceive?"
"Aye, of course. She's been talking with both Layla and Fraser and Fergus's mates."
The MacKenzie twins' mates were humans, too. "That may give her a false sense of security about bearing a dragon-shifter child, Finn, and you know it. They both survived easily."
"And you know the reason why, too. Dragon-shifter blood injections seem to improve a human's chance of surviving childbirth. Kiyana will receive the same. Not yours, I'm afraid, as it's too diluted with drugs. But both of your brothers have volunteered, to ensure it'll come from the same gene pool as your child, which has provided the best results so far."
He loved his brothers most of the time but hated the thought that they could possibly save Kiyana when he couldn't.
Not wanting to dwell on negative thoughts, he focused on the question at hand. Would he allow Kiyana to try to conceive his child via artificial insemination or not?
Even without his beast, the image of Kiyana holding their baby, smiling down at the bairn, sent a course of want through his body. For years, he'd put off thinking of a family or the future. However, Kiyana had made him want it all, and more, once again.
If this was the only way he could achieve it, then it'd have to be so.
"Aye, I agree. However, I want to know as soon as she's pregnant. I don't want to hear excuses about it setting off my beast, or some other bloody excuse."
Finn reached out to squeeze his shoulder. "You have my word, Alistair." The dragonman released his grip. "I hope you're strong enough for the task of getting the seed your female will need. Otherwise I'll be teasing you for decades about how you needed help. Asking for help in most things is okay, but a random male nurse rubbing my dick? Och, that I don't want."
Alistair knew Finn was trying to lighten the mood, but his teasing wasn't going to work this time. "I'll be fine. Send the doctor as soon as you can. I don't want to keep Kiyana waiting and guessing."
Finn moved toward the door. "I know you can't see or talk with her, but do you want me to pass along a message?"
What was someone supposed to say to a female who had tried so hard to save you, to the point she was trying to change how the entire world worked, and was even willing to bear your child without even a kiss or caress to make it all more enjoyable? Alistair had no bloody idea.
So he merely replied, "Tell her thank you."
Finn studied him a second before nodding. "Aye, I will. But I hope you know that's not the way to woo a lass's heart. You're going to have to try harder once you're out and well."
Alistair grunted. He didn't want wooing advice from Finn at the moment. "Aye, I know that."
It was all he could say, really. Although if he ended up surviving without his dragon, Alistair might not be in the best frame of mind to woo anyone.
No. He couldn't think like that. Kiyana deserved better. Even without his beast, he'd have to try his hardest to make her happy. Not just because he was grateful, but because he wanted to be the male Kiyana deserved.
Finn murmured, "It'll all be fine, Alistair. You'll see."
He grunted louder this time, and Finn left him alone.
Everything may not be fine in the end—Alistair knew pain and tragedy better than most—but he wouldn't give up on a life he wanted simply because he could end up half the male h
e'd been.
No, even if he had to live as a human, never being able to shift again, he'd do it. Because soon more than himself would depend upon him. Soon, if he for once had a break in his life, he'd have a mate and child, too.
And to a dragon-shifter with any sense of honor, that was worth fighting against any obstacle for.
Chapter Fifteen
Kiyana sat in a chair inside one of the rooms of Lochguard's surgery and couldn't help but tap her fingers against her thigh.
After three long months, this was it. If her pregnancy test came back negative, there weren't any more chances. Alistair's health had deteriorated to the point he'd had his blood transfusion the day before. While there was a slim chance he didn't end up sterile, no one was pinning their hopes on it.
Not that she would've had it any other way. She wanted Alistair alive more than his ability to give her a child. The doctors didn't want to risk anything if the procedure hadn't been successful, and had banned all visitors. Otherwise, she would be at his side instead of in an empty room.
However, the silent space only made her more anxious.
Layla entered the room, and Kiyana sat up straighter. This was it—part of her future would be decided here.
Layla sat across from her. As usual, the doctor's face was calm and mostly unreadable. Her first instinct said the pregnancy hadn't taken. Again.
However, she didn't want to jinx herself. "Well? What does the result say?"
Layla smiled, and the churning in her stomach eased a little. "Congratulations, you're pregnant."
Kiyana stared down at her lower belly. After three long months of hormone injections and two failures, she'd done it. She carried her and Alistair's baby.
There was a flood of relief and a little happiness. However, after so long without more than a few words with Alistair, it was harder to be excited than she'd have thought.
No, she didn't think it was a mistake. After all, she'd talked it over endlessly for weeks with her mother, who'd been allowed to come to Lochguard and stay with her.
The Dragon's Discovery (Lochguard Highland Dragons Book 6) Page 14