by NJ Cole
“She picked up the few things she had and put them in my suitcase. That was her answer. I’ll be honest, I was as much relieved she was coming with me as I was concerned. I had no clue how I’d explain her to anyone back home, but I didn’t have time to worry about it. I wanted to get out of the country before any of the officers decided to press charges and we got hauled back to jail again. We called for a car. I gave her one of my t-shirts and a pair of sweat pants to wear to the airport. I’m ashamed to say in the three weeks I’d had her, I’d never once dressed her.” He glanced over at her. “I’ve made up for that since. She has tons of clothes, more than she could ever wear.”
It was true, she’d come to my house with a dozen outfits and had only worn a few of them.
“So we took the car to the airport. One of my friends, Travis, had a private jet we were going to take. We were nearly there, and pulling out our passports when I realized we had no identification at all for Raven. I didn’t even know if her name was really Raven. The more I thought about it, it probably wasn’t.”
I’d wondered about her real name. I’d assumed it wasn’t, and that Raven was a fetish name. It had never occurred to me, though, that Seth didn’t know it.
“And I couldn’t ask her. I mean, she’d never spoken. Even if I knew, what good would it have done? I probably could have found someone to make a fake passport, but not in less than an hour. I was actually afraid we’d have to leave her, but Travis said maybe we could hide her on board or bribe the customs agents. The guys were afraid we’d all get in trouble if we hid her and got caught. We agreed to try to bribe the customs officials.”
“I’m guessing it worked,” I said.
“Yep, both in Germany and the US. They uh, didn’t want money, just time with Raven.”
I nodded, though I didn’t like this fact.
“What was odd was that when I’d bought her, I’d had all these ideas of things I could do. Besides the dog thing, I was going to charge guys to fuck her, you know, but after the customs thing, and being sober, I never wanted to use her in that way.”
“You mean as a whore?”
Seth cringed at my choice of words. “Yes. When we got to the States, I took her to my family’s ranch. It’s about thirty minutes from here. It was just the two of us. I got clean there. She was with me the whole time. She took care of me, cooked and cleaned for me and we fell into our routine. I learned that she liked the crate and to sleep on the floor and she always kept her tail in. We had sex often. I even brought other girls over and fucked them. She never seemed to care. Then I began to practice BDSM on her. She was incredible, as you know. She takes so much. A few months after we’d come home I started going to the BDSM clubs again. Of course, I brought her. She loved it. Everyone wanted to scene with her. At first, I only let guys flog her or cane her, but it moved to light touching and then one day a guy offered me his submissive if I let him fuck Raven.”
I clenched my fists. Had it been that way with me? Before I could ask, Seth continued. “I asked her. She said yes. I mean, she didn’t say anything, but she nodded that she’d let him play with her. I never forced her. After a while, I stopped asking her. She’d always said yes. Most of the time she seemed indifferent, but sometimes she seemed really into it… like with you. I could tell she really wanted to serve you, which is why I let her stay with you when I had to go to Europe.”
“Thank you for that.”
“You know it wasn’t easy leaving her. I wanted to take her but...well… I still don’t have any paperwork for her. I even tried to find her father once,” he said.
“Why the hell did you do that, unless it was to kill him?”
“No, I thought maybe I could get her birth certificate or something, but it doesn’t matter. I couldn’t find him. Apparently, he owed someone else money and he just disappeared. Either they killed him, or he’s on the run.”
“I suppose it doesn’t matter,” I said. “You’re back now, and things should be fine.”
We stopped talking and just stared at Raven who had her eyes on the ground. Kennedy was still stroking her hair. Raven never looked up, never smiled.
“Things aren’t fine. She’s pretty much been like that since I got her back,” he said, starting up the conversation again. “At first, I thought it might have just been because of how sick she’d been, but it’s been nearly a month, and physically she’s fine. Dr. Brentwood has checked her out twice. I wondered if it was just how she was going to be now…” He exhaled slowly. “I’ll be honest man, I did wonder if it had been you, if you did something to her, to mess her up.”
I started to say something, but he raised both of his hands, palms up. “Can you blame me?”
I shook my head.
“But now I know…” He let his voice trail off.
I looked over at him.
“I did something...I sunk lower than I thought I would.”
I didn’t say a word, letting him talk.
“It’s just that she’s been like this, and I tried everything. I swear I did. And then, like I said, I started to wonder if you did something, or maybe someone else did something, so when she was in the shower, I read part of her journal.” He hung his head. “I know it was a violation of her privacy, and I’m sorry for that, but not that I did it. It only took me a few minutes, a few pages to figure out what was going on with her.”
“And?” I asked, wondering if she’d written about whatever I’d done that had upset her.
“And I don’t want to violate her privacy any further by repeating what I read, but she and I had a talk. Well, I talked, she listened. I confessed that I’d read her diary and I knew what was bothering her. She got upset, not that I read it. I think she was worried about how I’d feel about what she’d written.”
Seth was getting cryptic now and I was about to tell him to just say it already, but what he said next got my attention.
“I told her I wasn’t upset at all, but I didn’t think I could help her with it. I said that she was welcome in my home at any time, and she could live there as long as she wanted, in any way that she wanted, but I wanted her to think about if she still wanted me to be her Master.”
What the fuck was he saying?
He continued, “I told her that I thought it would be best if I had some time to process things without her there, just for a little while and I thought it would help her to have someone other than me around.”
What had been so bad and what was he going to do with her now? “So you’re just kicking her out? Are you selling her off?” I asked, anger evident in my voice. I was pissed and I knew it showed on my face. What was worse was that I couldn’t even offer to take her.
“No, I’m not selling her. I’d never do that. I couldn’t… and I’m not kicking her out. Like I said, she’s welcome to stay with me for as long as she wants, but I thought maybe Kennedy would be better helping her work through things.”
I realized my fists were clenched. I tried to relax. I exhaled and we both went back to staring at Kennedy and Raven who had returned to her kneeling position facing out, but her eyes were still trained on the floor.
“That will be good,” I said, a bit more calm. “I hope Kennedy can help her. I feel so bad she’s like this.”
Seth nodded. “I know. It makes you feel helpless. I totally get why you texted me to come get her.”
I turned to look at him. “What do you mean, why I texted you to come get her? I didn’t text you, that was Raven.”
“Oh,” Seth said. “I didn’t know. I just saw a bunch of texts from your phone saying you wanted to talk. I thought it was you.”
“Well yeah, that was me. I wanted to talk to you about Raven staying longer, or visitations, something…”
His eyes widened. “So then, why didn’t you?”
“Cause when I got home and you were there, it was clear that Raven wanted to get out of there. Hell, she didn’t even say goodbye.”
Seth let out a sigh. “Well, she was upset becaus
e of what I’d said to her and I told her to get in the car. I wanted to get her out of there for you. Dude, I really thought that’s what you’d wanted.”
I shook my head. “No way. She could have stayed there forever.”
“Well shit,” Seth said.
There was a knot in my stomach. I asked the question I already knew the answer to, “So Raven never texted you to come get her?”
“No.” Seth’s answer was low, and he continued to stare at her like he was deep in thought.
My mind was racing too.
I turned back to look at Raven. I knew she was going through a lot. The attack at the club, all of the shit that had happened to her as a child Seth told me about, now him wanting her out for a bit, and whatever he’d read in her journal. The last thing I wanted was her upset about me. Maybe it really all had been a misunderstanding. Is that even possible?
Seth spoke again, “I know that you probably think I’m a dirtbag for the way that I got her. I’m not proud of it, that’s for sure, but I’m not the asshole you think I am. I really care about her. I want her to be happy, safe, but I didn’t know how to do that. I thought it was keeping her with me. I thought I made her happy. I don’t. It’s hard for me to admit that, but it’s true.” He exhaled slowly. “I came in here tonight thinking one thing, but now after talking to you, I realize I’d assumed something that wasn’t true. Now I’m not sure what to think. I think maybe it’s you she needs, not Kennedy. What do you think?”
There was so much new information it was hard to know anything. All I knew was that my feelings for her hadn’t changed, what I needed to know was what she’d been thinking. “I think I need to talk to her, to ask her what she wants.”
Seth nodded. I barely noticed what he was doing, as I hadn’t taken my eyes off of Raven. My emotions had been on a rollercoaster ride tonight, and as a rule, I never spoke to a submissive when I was emotional, but waiting would only make this worse, and Raven was far more than just any submissive.
I stood, followed immediately by Seth.
“Whatever she wants, I’m okay with it,” he stated.
I nodded. Having his permission was one obstacle out of the way. We both walked over to where Kennedy and Raven sat.
Her eyes were still on the floor and she didn’t see us approach.
“Hello Seth. Hello Kade,” Kennedy said.
Raven’s entire body tensed up, but she didn’t look up.
“Good evening, Ladies,” I said, trying to include Raven.
She didn’t move.
“Hey Kennedy,” Seth said taking Raven’s leash from Kennedy’s hand. “Kade wants some time with Raven.”
Kennedy’s mouth opened. It looked like she was going to say something, but decided not to and closed it again. She did look a bit angry though.
I didn’t blame her. Seth’s choice of words wasn’t the best. Raven’s body had gone even more rigid, if that were possible.
“I wanted some time to talk to Raven,” I clarified.
Kennedy’s scowl faded.
I knelt down on the floor next to Raven, who still hadn’t looked up. I whispered in her ear, “Raven, would you please come and talk to me in private for a few minutes? I won’t make you, but I really want to talk to you.”
She was still for a moment. She looked over at me.
I brought my hands to my chest and signaled “please.” I waited.
Finally, her head moved, nodding up and down once.
Seth handed me her leash.
I hated that I had her that way. I wanted to talk to her as equals, not as Dom/sub.
She picked up her sub aftercare bag, probably out of habit. Maybe it was a comfort thing. I took her to a semi private room. Ironically, it was the same room we’d met in. I sat on the couch. She knelt on the floor near my feet, though it wasn’t at my feet.
“Can we just talk?”
My question hung out there.
She made no move to remove her tail, nor to join me on the couch. Her eyes were still on the floor.
It was pretty clear she didn’t want to be there and had only said yes because she’d been asked.
I decided to just talk to her and she could listen. At least, she’d know how I felt. What she chose to do with it would be on her.
“Thank you for coming in here and listening to me,” I said, leaning toward her. “I felt awful about the way you left my house and I hoped we could talk about it.” She didn’t lift her head, but I could see a tear roll down her cheek. I continued anyway, “I had the best time with you were there and I never wanted you to leave.”
Her head snapped up at that. Her eyes were filled with tears and there was so much pain there, it took the words from my mouth. I lost my train of thought, only able to focus on her face. “Raven, what is it? Please, talk to me.”
She let out a sob, shifted her weight, and removed the tail from her ass. She sat it down on the couch and looked up at me. She looked even more vulnerable, if that were even possible.
“Raven, please, tell me what you’re thinking.”
The tears were rolling down her face and she seemed to be having trouble speaking, “W-why?” was all she could say, though she was trying for more.
I waited for her to continue.
“What did I do wrong?”
“Wrong?” I asked. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You were perfect.”
“Then why? Why did you call Mast...Seth, to come and get me?”
I slid from the couch to the floor, so I could sit next to her. “I didn’t. I mean, I texted him, yeah, but it was to see if he would leave you longer or if I could get scheduled visitations.”
“What?” she asked, looking up at me again, her tears slowing.
“I loved having you there so much and I couldn’t imagine you going home. I texted him that I wanted to talk to him.”
Raven sniffled. “He said that you wanted him to pick me up. I didn’t even know what I’d done wrong. I was so hurt.”
“Like I said, you hadn’t done anything wrong. I was trying to get more of you, not send you away.”
She wiped her eyes. “Then why didn’t you say that?”
“Well, I was going to, but Seth never called or texted back, and by the time I saw him in person, he was buried in your ass.”
Her eyes filled with tears again.
“Baby, please don’t cry. I’m sorry to upset you. I shouldn’t have said that, but when I saw him there, doing that, it kinda crushed me. I know it shouldn’t have, but it did. I knew you belonged to him, that he was the man who owned the other end of your leash, but I’d been living in denial, in a fantasy where I imagined you were mine.”
“You did?” she asked.
“Yeah, I did. But I had no idea how you felt. I was going to talk to you about it, but before I did, Seth was there. I still was going to say something, but then Seth asked you if you were ready to go home, and you nodded.” It was my turn to feel the sting in my eyes signaling tears were about to come. I really didn’t want to cry in front of her.
“I know. Seth had just told me that you had texted him a lot, telling him you wanted me gone. I was so hurt and I never say no, so I just nodded, yes.”
“I thought that meant you wanted to go.”
“I didn’t.”
I lifted her chin, wanting to look in her eyes. “And if I’d asked if you wanted to stay?”
She looked me in the eyes and whispered, “I’d have said yes.”
I pulled her into a hug and held her for a long time. Knowing she wanted to be with me meant the world, but was she picking me, or picking me over Seth? Did she even feel like she had other options? We had a lot more to talk about. I released her from my arms and sat on the couch, pulling her up with me. I took both of her hands in mine. “I want you Raven, and Seth has given me permission. I’m not going to take you though.”
“Okay,” Raven said nodding.
I hadn’t finished talking.
There were tears brimming in her e
yes again. How could her self esteem be so low? I didn’t have to think any further than the story Seth had told me about her childhood. If she really wanted this, it would have to be something we worked on.
I took her chin in my hand. “Stop Raven. I didn’t mean that don’t want you, what I was trying to say was that I wasn’t going to just take you. What I meant was that was going to ask you, and I am. I’m going to ask you Raven, but I need you to know that you truly have a choice, and it’s genuinely a choice between more than just Seth and I. If you want to be independent, free of all of this, I can give you money, or loan it to you if that makes you feel better. We can get you set up in an apartment. I’m sure I can get you a job at the company I work for. Nothing fancy, ground level, and not working for me, but you’d have a new start.”
I looked at her.
She was shaking her head. “No,” she said softly.
It was the first time I’d heard the word from her. I won’t lie and say that my heart didn’t break a little when she said it. “Okay. Does that mean you want to go back with Seth, or with Kennedy?”
“No,” she said again a smile spreading across her tear soaked face. “I don’t want to be independent or live on my own. I want to be with you. I want to go home with you.”
I pulled her into my arms again and hugged her tightly. I let my emotions pour out. “I want to be with you so much. You have no idea how much I’ve missed you, how empty the house, my life has been without you.” I pulled back and looked into her eyes. “And you can be yourself. You don’t have to wear a tail and you don’t have to be a pet anymore.” I leaned in and kissed her hungrily on the lips. I could feel her stiffen in my arms. Letting her go, I looked back into her eyes. “What is it? Was it how I kissed you?”
She shook her head. “No. I love how you kiss me.” She took a deep breath. “I know it might seem wrong, but I like being a pet. I like living like that. I love serving you and…” Her cheeks turned pink. “I do like serving others.”
It was my turn to be confused. “You like...you like sleeping in a cage?”
She nodded. “Sometimes. I like napping in there when you aren’t around. I do like sleeping in your arms in bed.”