The Tome of Bill (Book 8): The Last Coven

by Rick Gualtieri

  Though I seriously doubted anyone in our group was about to be swayed by his insane ramblings, she probably had a point. Well, okay, I had assumed nobody in our group would be swayed. But then, Sally had produced the knife. Suddenly, I wasn’t so sure.

  “Are you certain about this?” Kelly asked. “You’ll be vulnerable.”

  “No,” Sheila replied with a laugh. “But I enjoy the irony of not being certain. Besides...” She turned and looked each of the group in the eye, finishing with me. “I’m surrounded by good friends who won’t let anything happen to me.”

  “Damn straight,” I said.

  “I agree,” Gan replied, stepping between us. “It would be dishonorable to allow any harm to come to you under such circumstances.”

  “Thank you, G...”

  “Besides, I prefer you to be at full strength when you finally face my beloved. I will be most disappointed if your final defeat is not most glorious.”

  A WALK IN THE WOODS

  The Sasquatch shamans were attempting to make contact with Grulg in advance of their sending spell, mostly to make sure his people didn’t immediately try to smash our skulls upon our arrival.

  The witches were likewise busy following Decker’s instructions. Gan, despite her dislike of Christy, offered her advice as they worked. Yep, wouldn’t want any harm to come to the Icon before I could tear her limb from limb in a fair fight. Whatever floated her boat.

  That left the rest of us a few minutes of down time.

  “Let’s go for a walk.”

  “It’s daylight out,” Sally replied, leaning against a wall well away from where the others were gathered.

  “We’re in a fucking forest.” I tossed her the bottle of spray-on sunscreen I’d just liberally applied to myself. “There’s plenty of tree cover. And it wasn’t a request.”

  I locked eyes with her and a battle of wills ensued. It wasn’t something I was used to winning against Sally, but that anger inside of me had been bubbling up to the surface big time ever since she’d produced that knife. It was all I could do to not throttle her right there. If she thought I was backing down this time, she had another thing coming.

  “Now,” I snarled, my voice sounding lower and more menacing than intended.

  For a moment, she looked as if she had something snarky to say, but after a beat simply replied, “I guess I could use some fresh air. The meatsack is starting to get a little ripe anyway.”

  She did have a point about Tom. Hopefully, wherever the Feet sent us, it was next to a YMCA, lake, or garden hose. He could definitely use ... no! Enough with the stupid shit. This was serious, and I didn’t need to be distracted until I got some answers.

  “Everyone else stay here. We’ll be back.”

  The witches and Gan barely glanced my way. Sheila looked at me questioningly, but I gave her a single shake of my head. As usual, only Tom seemed oblivious.

  “I wouldn’t mind stretching my legs.”

  “Dear, could you come over here for a second?” Christy asked to my eternal gratitude.

  I grabbed hold of Sally’s arm and guided her out. Though spots of sunlight filtered down here and there from above, the Sasquatch village was only slightly less wooded than the surrounding forest. The fuckers liked their trees and, right now, that was just fine by me.

  A few of the creatures milled about, but with the peace treaty and us now respectably married, we were all one big happy family. Okay, maybe not. Most of them still looked like they’d sooner shit on our corpses than talk to us, but whatever. Either way, they left us alone.

  Except for one, who started sniffing the air as we walked by.

  “What smell funny?”

  “Cool coconut tropical sunrise scent, asshole,” I replied as I led Sally away into the forest.

  * * *

  I wasn’t stupid enough to think we’d find any privacy from the Feet out here. We were in their fucking backyard, for Christ’s sake. However, just about when I was ready to stop and round on her, Sally took the lead.

  Curious, I followed her.

  She kept walking, the tree covering getting denser all the while. I was beginning to suspect she was avoiding the confrontation she no doubt knew was coming when we stepped out into a clearing of sorts. The trees all leaned inward, blocking any direct sunlight. An odd place, but vaguely familiar, too.

  “Is this...?”

  “Grulg’s secret place,” Sally said, stepping in and taking a seat upon a moss-covered rock. “The spot he showed us when he spilled the beans on Turd.”

  “How’d you find it again?”

  “It’s because I pay attention, ADD boy.”

  “Fair enough.” My tone was neutral, but deep down I was impressed. I couldn’t have found this place again had I marked it in my GPS. Maybe that was her ploy – drag me out here and then hope I didn’t find my way back.

  “I assumed you didn’t want prying ears.”

  “You assumed correct.” I stepped over and faced her. “So, want to tell me about it?”

  “About what?”

  “Don’t play stupid, Sally. That’s maybe the one thing I understand better than you.”

  She smiled slightly.

  “Why did you have the knife?”

  Rather than answer the question, she replied, “Do you think Ed will be happy to see us?”

  “I think Ed will get more pissed off every hour we leave him there, but yeah. I’m expecting puppy-dog let out of a hot car levels of gratitude from him. But that doesn’t have anything to do with...”

  “And what do you think he’ll say when I ask him to bite me?”

  “What?” We were back to that? “Considering the few times you’ve bitten him, I think he’ll be highly amused at a little payback.”

  “Maybe. I know the prospect frightens me a little, but I find it exciting, too.”

  “Your sex lives are your business.”

  “Not like that.” She waved a hand dismissively. “The thought of facing down Alex, Ib, hell, even James without being afraid that they’ll take over again. You really have no idea what that’s like.”

  “Wait, James?”

  “Don’t get me wrong. I’m not worried about him. He’s a friend. He’s always been a friend. He’s the one good thing that happened to me as a vampire...”

  “He’s a good...”

  “Before I met you.”

  “Oh.” And just like that, the anger that had nearly boiled over was gone. Talk about instantly disarming a booby trap.

  “But even so,” she continued, seemingly oblivious to the loop she’d just knocked me for, “there’s always been that shadow, even with the good ones. Knowing they could do that to me, it gives them power. Hell, even you can when you’re hopped up on blood.”

  “You know I’d never do that.”

  She waved me off. “Yeah, yeah, but it’s still there. That sense of inequality, of subservience, of knowing you’re only free due to the other person’s good graces. It sours you after a while. Turns you hard. Combined with the bloodlust, that nearly overpowering need to hunt and kill that’s been there ever since I woke up like this...”

  “Dressed like a prostitute?”

  She glared sourly at me. “As a vampire.”

  “I hope that’s not the only reason you’re helping me rescue him.”

  She stared back with a look that said her opinion of me was rapidly dropping several notches. “Don’t be stupid. You know I was on board long before the munchkin kicked in the front door.”

  “Sorry. Yeah, I know. And also, I’m sure you’re eager to save him. After all, you and he...”

  “You’re about as subtle as a rhino in a china shop.”

  “I thought it was a bull.”

  “You’re even worse.” She leaned back and took a deep breath. “I don’t know. He’s a nice guy, and I respect that he had the balls to ask me out even knowing what I am and what I could do to him. You don’t see that often.”

  “Desperation makes a man b
rave.”

  “You would know.”

  “Touché.”

  “But things kind of hit a brick wall. First, there was when you disappeared on your mad jaunt into crazy town. Then afterwards, when we learned his blood could make vamps go boom. Who knows, maybe I have a little ADD myself because I tend to get distracted easily.”

  The last of the anger gone, I sat down next to her.

  “Then there’s what happened between us after you killed Turd.”

  And I hopped right back to my feet again. “Um yeah. Still remember that, eh?”

  She tapped the side of her head. “One of the loopholes of compulsions. Unless you’re specifically told to forget, you don’t.”

  “That wasn’t me. Not exactly.”

  “I know that now. Didn’t know it at the time.”

  “Sort of ... complicates things a bit.”

  “Welcome to life, Bill. It tends to be that way. Apparently, it gets even worse after you’re dead.”

  “Tell me about it.”

  “I often don’t,” she said cryptically.

  “Huh?”

  “We’ve been joined at the ... well, fist mostly, since I ran into you on that subway car. Yet you really don’t know me at all.”

  “I think I do. And...” I stepped back, not wanting to catch the aforementioned fist to my face. “I’ve seen you open up more than you think you have. I know you and Starlight were friends. I know you and James have history. I know that when I met you, you’d have gutted most people sooner than talk to them, yet just a few months later had become a patron saint to the homeless back at Pandora.”

  She nodded thoughtfully.

  “I know you and Christy get along and that you’ve gone out of your way to protect her.”

  “Those are all good things. What about the bad?”

  “Well, I know you’re a psycho mass-murdering bitch when you want to be. And I mean that as a compliment – I’ve seen your dark side and it still hasn’t scared me off.”

  She raised an eyebrow. “Did you know I was once like you?”

  “Awesomely cool?”

  “The opposite, dipshit. I was a dork, a bookworm back in grade school.”

  Okay, I was willing to believe a lot, but this strained the boundaries of disbelief. “You’re shitting me.”

  “It’s true. I spent my days in the library. My sister Linda was the glamorous one. She had the looks, the popularity, the boys.”

  I couldn’t quite stifle a laugh. “Hold on. Linda and Lucinda?”

  “Yes, my parents were assholes,” she snapped. “Especially Dad.”

  The bitterness in her voice stopped me short. I’d heard things like this before. “Hold on. He didn’t...”

  She rolled her eyes at me. “Relax. This isn’t one of those types of confessions. He never laid a hand on me. He was just a chauvinistic ass and he made it known all the time. He’s the reason I eventually rebelled, ran away from home, made some bad decisions that led me to this life. Who’d a thought little bookworm Lucinda, who dreamed of being a businesswoman on Madison Avenue, would end up like this?”

  “Well, if it helps, you filled out quite nicely.”

  “Don’t think I’m not aware. Being a vampire under Jeff was tough, but it did wonders for my self-image.”

  “So why are you telling me all of this?” I asked, then remembered why we were out here. “And what does this have to do with the knife ... or is it Sheila?” Yeah, I was tossing the bait out there, but fuck it. Can’t be a pussy all my life.

  “I’m telling you because this is it. It’s the end game. I’m not gonna lie. I’m pretty certain not all of us are coming back from this one. So I figured you deserved to know that much. As for the rest...”

  “Yeah?” Now we were getting to the interesting part.

  “It’s because you wouldn’t.”

  “Wouldn’t what?”

  “Kill her, if it came down to it.”

  “Wait, what are we talking about?”

  “You said it yourself, I have a fondness for Christy. I consider her a friend. Never thought I’d say that out loud, but she is. I like her. Hell, I might even go so far...”

  “As to say you like Tom, too?”

  “More like tolerate him to a small degree. A very small degree.”

  “Okay, fine. I’m sure he’d be good with that. But why do you think I need to kill...?” I promptly shut my mouth as realization set in. “The prophecy?”

  “Ours and that goddamned one the Magi have.”

  “You don’t really think...”

  She stood and threw her hands in the air. “What the fuck does it matter what I, you, or anyone else thinks? We’re dealing with magic here. It doesn’t follow the rules of logic. I can’t say I believe in destiny, but if I did, I sure as shit wouldn’t want to know about it in advance. The fact is we do, though, and it seems hell-bent on happening. That scares the shit out of me.”

  “She doesn’t want that. Sheila, I mean. She’s not a baby killer.”

  “Do you think I don’t know that? I’ve lived the greater part of my life with people who are. After a while, you begin to develop a knack for spotting the type.”

  “Okay then. But even assuming fate throws us a monkey wrench and we learn Christy’s kid is destined to grow up to be Ming the Merciless, I made Sheila a promise that I’d stop her if it came down to it.”

  “And that’s the problem, Bill. You’re not a killer either. Sure, you do what you need to do, but you don’t enjoy it.”

  “I might’ve enjoyed it with a few of them.”

  “You wouldn’t enjoy it with anyone who didn’t deserve it.”

  I took in the silent forest around us. One might have thought we were the last two people left on earth at that moment. Problem was, if we waited here long enough, we might end up that way. “You said it yourself. I do what I need to do.”

  “Not this time. You’re too close. Too conflicted with any of us. What if it turned out that killing Ed was the only way to stop this? What would you do?”

  “I ... I’d make like Captain Kirk and the Kobayashi Maru. I’d find a new choice.”

  “No. You’d hesitate, try to talk your way out of it. Maybe you’d even manage it, but maybe you wouldn’t. Know what I would do? I’d kill him.”

  “He’s your friend, too.”

  “I know. But here’s the thing: I’m already a killer. I gave in to the darkness a long time ago. It’s a part of me now, and that’s why I had the knife. So if push came to shove, I could kill her so you wouldn’t have to.”

  “Wait, you did this for me?”

  “You truly are a fucking moron when you want to be, you know that?” She turned and gave me a shove. Of course, a shove from a tiny vampire was pretty much the equivalent of a four-hundred-pound wrestler putting their all into it, so I ended up landing on my ass about ten feet away. “When this all started, it was all about me. I won’t lie. You were a means to an end. Nothing more. But then you and your goddamned humanity ended up being contagious, like some sort of disease.”

  “Hadn’t quite thought of it that way,” I replied, getting to my feet and dusting off the seat of my pants.

  “It’s like one day I woke up and suddenly I believed in you. Well, here’s the thing. I still do. You’re one of the most clueless assholes I know, but you’re a good person inside.”

  I stepped back over to her, but cautiously this time. I’d meant to drag her out here to chew her out, not get beaten up. “I don’t know about that.”

  “Whatever that thing inside of you is, it’s not you. It can act like you, but it isn’t and, here’s the thing – you’re stronger than it. You proved that when you didn’t let it kill me. You proved it again when you blew the shit out of Vehron and took over, even if it was just for a short time. You may not believe it, but you are.”

  I considered my recent mood swings. I still wasn’t sure I could agree. However, hearing of her faith in me didn’t exactly hurt. “Thank you.”<
br />
  “Fucking idiot,” she replied offhandedly.

  “But that still doesn’t explain the knife. I mean, if you think destiny is that strong, then Sheila and I still have to face each other in some final apocalyptic battle.”

  “Yeah,” she replied, lifting a hand and... Holy crap, was she wiping her eyes? Hell, I’d barely ever seen her shed tears of laughter, but this... “You’re going to lose, you know.”

  “Huh?”

  “Just what I said. You’re going to lose that battle.”

  “I might not be the best fighter in the world, but...”

  “But you’re going to lose it on purpose.” She held up a hand. “No, don’t try to argue it. You will, because that’s what you’d do for anyone you loved rather than have to hurt them. You’d do it for her. You’d do it for Ed. You’d do it for that idiot Tom.”

  “I’d do it for you.” I paused at the realization of what I’d just said. “Um, what I meant was...”

  “I’m not a fucking idiot, Bill. I know.”

  “Oh.”

  “Believe me, I know.” She stepped up and placed a hand on my cheek. I looked her in the eye and finally saw her. The mask that she always wore had fallen away and, in her eyes, I saw the pain of a life forced to live as a monster against her will. “But I’m not as generous as you. I’m a selfish person. I can’t promise I would do the same.”

  “You might surprise yourself.”

  “You might want to think twice before betting on that.” She blinked and her eyes turned soullessly black for a moment before resuming their normal green color. “I can promise you one thing, though.”

  “What?”

  “I’d sooner kill that girl and have you hate me, than watch you do it and hate yourself.”

  PART 2

  EJECTING THE WARP CORE

  Had my life been a romantic comedy, our time alone in Grulg’s secret place would have culminated with much kissing and rolling around in the dirt.

  Sadly, we were in the middle of Armageddon, and fate – whether or not it existed – didn’t quite like me that much.

  I did manage to pull Sally into a big hug that she returned for maybe about four seconds before threatening to knee me in the balls if I didn’t let go.