“It’s not Cole, Sloan.”
Why on earth would she be calling me? “Where’s the fire, Noriko?”
“What fire?”
“Oh, for God’s sake. What do you want?”
She started to cry, and my anger immediately subsided. “Is there a problem with one of the kids?”
“He tried to kill himself, Sloan.”
The horror of the words took a moment to sink in. Finally, I whispered, “Cole?”
“Yes. He tried to commit seppuku but failed. He’s bleeding internally, and they’re taking him into surgery.”
“Where are you?”
“Mt. Sinai.”
“I’ll be right there.” I disconnected and looked at Trent through tear-filled eyes.
“What is it, babe?”
“I have to go.”
“Talk to me.”
I tried to answer, but I was shaking so hard I couldn’t speak. He closed the space between us and wrapped around me like a comforter.
When I was able to talk without chattering, I said, “Cole tried to kill himself, but he’s still alive. Noriko’s at Mt. Sinai. I have to see if there’s anything I can do to help.” I was unaware of the tears covering my cheeks until Trent wiped them away with his hand.
“I’ll come with you.”
“Thank you.”
The ride to the hospital was interminable, but we finally got there and headed straight to the emergency room. Noriko was pacing outside the closed doors, looking crazed. Her hair was pulled back in a sloppy ponytail with tendrils falling around her face, and her eyes were puffy from crying. The worst thing was her outfit. She must not have had time to change because the bloodstains were clearly visible on her gray sweatpants.
“How bad is it?”
“I don’t know. He’s still in surgery.”
People in big cities usually overdosed or jumped off bridges. Some slit their wrists or blew their brains out, but I could never imagine Cole doing anything so destructive. “How did this happen?”
“He tried to commit seppuku.”
“You said that over the phone,” I snapped. “What does it entail? A gun?”
“No,” she trilled. “A knife! He tried to disembowel himself.”
“Jesus,” I whispered, backing away from her in shock. “How far did he get?”
“The doctors haven’t come out to tell me anything. All I know is there was blood everywhere.”
“Was he conscious?”
“Yes, and he kept calling for you.”
“Me?”
“It’s always been you….”
I buried my face in Trent’s shoulder and let him hold me. I was too shocked to cry or say anything to comfort Noriko. A part of me blamed her for this tragedy. If she’d been a better wife, she’d have noticed something was wrong and wouldn’t have left him alone. Suddenly I was enraged and turned on her.
“Where in fuck were you when this was going down?”
“I was with the children,” she said, covering her face with both hands. “He would not allow me into his bedroom without permission.”
“How long was he in there by himself?”
“Since last night.”
“Didn’t he have dinner? Breakfast?”
“He refused to join me for dinner last night, and when I knocked this morning, there was no response. After several hours, I started to worry and finally called 911.”
I looked at the ceiling and muttered. “This is fucking unbelievable.”
“I didn’t know he was planning this, Sloan,” Noriko said haltingly. “I thought we’d be okay once the children were born, but things got worse instead of better.”
“I knew it,” I said in resignation. I was sickened by this turn of events. For once, I wished I’d been wrong and he’d been right. His children were supposed to be a source of comfort, to make up for everything he’d given up, but reality was so far removed from the fairy-tale ending he’d imagined, Cole hadn’t been able to cope. The last thing I wanted to say to him was I told you so, but it kept repeating like a bad case of indigestion.
Chapter 25
About two hours into our wait, a doctor in bloodstained scrubs showed up looking for a family member. “I am Mrs. Fujiwara,” Noriko said softly. “How is he doing, Doctor?”
“We had to perform a laparotomy to determine the extent of the damage. Miraculously, he missed the vital organs. His liver, colon, and small bowel are intact.”
“Are you sure?” Noriko asked. “There was so much blood.”
“He must have passed out as soon as he plunged in the knife, so he didn’t get a chance to cut across his abdomen. The worst we had to contend with was the bleeding. Once we got that under control, he stabilized.”
“Thank God,” I said. “Will there be any residual damage?”
“Peritonitis is always a concern with a knife wound, as is tetanus, but he’s been given all the right shots to prevent an infection. He’ll be in a lot pain for several days, but he’s young and should heal quickly. We’ve put him on a morphine drip to get him comfortable for now.”
Noriko broke down and sobbed into her hands. I stepped forward and asked, “Is he conscious?”
“You are?”
“Sloan Driscoll, a… friend.”
The doctor appraised me, and recognition bloomed in his less than professional scrutiny. “Aren’t you the model for Klas?”
“Yes.”
“So you’re the one.”
“The one?”
“Mr. Fujiwara has been asking for you since they brought him in. The last thing he said before we put him under was ‘Tell Sloan I’m sorry.’ When he regained consciousness, the first thing he wanted to know was if you were here.”
“May I go and see him?” Noriko interjected.
“I can only let one person in, Mrs. Fujiwara, and unfortunately, he’s asked for Mr. Driscoll, not you.”
“She should go,” I said. “It’s her right.”
“There’s no need to agitate the man in his condition. He’s requested you.”
The more the doctor spoke, the more I recognized a kindred spirit. He was obviously attracted to me and more inclined to break the rules in my favor. “Are you sure I should go? His wife takes precedence over a friend.”
“I know this is totally against the rules,” the doc continued, “but you need to get in there and let him know you’re around. Did you guys have a fight, or what?”
“We did not have a fight, and furthermore, he’s not my partner anymore.”
“He was your partner?”
“Is this really relevant, Doctor?” Trent asked, frowning at the man who was far too interested in the personal aspects of this case.
“I’m just trying to get an idea of what we’re dealing with. Disembowelment is not your everyday occurrence. No one in their right mind would choose this method of suicide.”
“He is a historian, and this makes complete sense,” I pointed out, defending Cole for some reason. Privately, I had to admit he couldn’t have chosen a more dramatic exit, and I planned on giving him a piece of my mind when I next laid eyes on him, but right now, the doctor was pissing me off and needed to shut his pie hole.
“Perhaps if he lived in Japan,” the doctor continued, “but over here, it’s uncommon. We’ll have to put him on suicide watch, and I’ve requested a psyche visit.”
“He has a psychiatrist,” I said. “Let me call him.”
“He does?” Trent asked.
I nodded and pulled out my phone, praying I still had John Butterman’s number in my contacts. I did, but he wasn’t picking up, so I left a voice mail asking him to call back on an urgent matter. I hadn’t seen John in over two years, but he’d been instrumental in helping Cole make the transition from a sighted to blind man. He’d been his counselor at the Lighthouse Guild when Cole was starting to lose his eyesight, and had become a good friend to both of us. If anyone could help Cole, John would be the most likely candidate.
“It’s done,” I said to the doc, who continued to stare at me intently. It was making me uncomfortable, and I felt I was back in the modeling pool dealing with gossipy queens. If this guy was indeed gay, and I didn’t doubt it for one minute, Cole and I would be the topic of conversation for weeks.
“Let’s go and see your friend,” he said, walking away without a backward glance.
I kissed Trent briefly and squeezed his hand. “I’ll just be a minute.”
“Take your time,” he said. “He needs your support right now.”
“I love you,” I whispered, hugging him fiercely. “So fucking much!”
“I know, babe. Me too.”
Cole was in a private cubicle in the intensive care unit. He was surrounded by bleeping monitors, and there were bags of what I assumed were antibiotics and life-sustaining electrolytes hanging from the metal stands close to his bed. There was also a plastic container filled with bloody fluids underneath his bed. Cole’s eyes were closed, and his complexion was pasty. I would have assumed he was dead if not for the machines. He looked terrible, but his Sloan radar, however, was very much alive, and he croaked out my name as soon as I got close.
I kissed him lightly on his cold lips. “Shogun, I’m here.”
“Shogun, my ass,” Cole whispered. “I fucked up my own seppuku.” Tears were leaking out of his eyes and rolling down his face, making a big wet spot on the pillowcase.
“Why, Cole? Why’d you have to go and do something so drastic? You should have called John and asked for help.”
“My life has turned to shit without you.”
“No it hasn’t. You’ve just lost the plot. Having healthy children has been your main focus for the last year and a half. I understand it can be overwhelming, especially in light of Ken’s death, but you have to stay the course. The kids and Noriko are counting on you.”
He shook his head and protested in a shaky voice, “They’re strangers who’ve invaded my space. Send them away.”
“Come on, Cole. I get you’re in a dark place, but don’t abandon your boys after everything you’ve endured to bring them into this world. You can’t expect her to do this on her own.”
“But it wasn’t the plan,” Cole wailed. “You and I were supposed to raise them together.”
“Unfortunately, it didn’t work out. You’ll have to figure out some other way to make this easier.”
“Why didn’t I listen to you? You called this from day one. Everyone will be better off if I disappear.”
A few months ago, I might have gloated, knowing I’d been right all along, but I was happy with Trent and felt desperately sorry for Cole. I honestly wished things had worked out for him.
“Hindsight is always twenty-twenty,” I remarked gently. “I’m not going to let you die. After you’re discharged, we’ll try to find a solution to make this transition to fatherhood less daunting. The important thing is to get some much needed rest and rebuild your strength.”
“Don’t leave me,” Cole panicked.
“I can’t stay here. I promise to come every day, but you have to cooperate with the doctors and nurses. Don’t do anything dumb.”
“What can I do? Haven’t you noticed I’m shackled to the bed?”
Belatedly, I realized he couldn’t scratch his nose without setting off the alarms. “I’m sure this is just a precaution. They don’t want you pulling out your lines by accident. I’ll talk to the doctor, although Noriko will have to insist they remove your restraints since she’s your legal partner.”
“Tell them you’re in charge.”
“No, I have no legal right to interfere.”
“Fuck!”
He was starting to get agitated and pulled at the straps. “Calm down and let me see what I can do, okay?”
“Don’t go!”
“I’ll be back in a minute.”
“Promise?”
“Yes.”
I made my way back out to the waiting room to discuss these new developments with Noriko and was surprised to see Eileen. She must have just flown in from the West Coast and looked as miserable as her daughter-in-law. Her eyes were red-rimmed, and she practically lunged at me when I walked through the door. “This is all your fault!”
“How could it possibly be my fault?” I said, stunned by the accusation. Trent immediately came to my side and put his arm around my shoulder for support.
“If you hadn’t been so pigheaded about Noriko and allowed events to unfold naturally, Cole wouldn’t be so miserable nor would he have tried to end his life.”
“What about my happiness?” I said, raising my voice to match hers. “Doesn’t it count for anything?”
“You were his partner and should have put his needs ahead of yours.”
“I did that for years, but this was different. And really, Eileen, it’s none of your business anymore. The deed is done. Let’s try to pick up the pieces of this mess you and Ken created.”
“Don’t speak about Ken when he can’t be here to defend himself.”
“Will everyone please calm down and tell me what’s going on?”
Dr. John Butterman stood on the threshold, looking puzzled. He couldn’t see us due to his own blindness, but he could certainly hear the tone of our conversation. “Is Sloan here?”
“I’m here, John,” I said, moving closer to him. “Thank you for coming.”
“Your message was very cryptic. Why is Cole here?”
“He tried to kill himself.”
“My God.”
I led him to one of the sofas, and when he’d settled, he asked for more details. I told him the little bit I knew.
“Is his wife here?”
“Yes.”
“I’d like to speak with her alone.”
“I can talk to you, Dr. Butterman,” Eileen interrupted. “I’m Cole’s mother, Eileen. I know what’s going on.”
“Do you live with Cole, Mrs. Fujiwara?”
“No, I don’t.”
“Then how can you possibly know more than his wife?”
Eileen flushed, angered by John’s question, and stalked out of the room.
“Good fucking riddance,” I muttered under my breath. I left John when Noriko arrived and went in search of Cole’s doctor. Trent held my hand the entire time but didn’t say much. His presence was all the support I needed. At the nurse’s station, I caught up to the doctor.
“Hey, Doc.”
“What’s the matter?”
“Can you get Cole out of his restraints?”
“The man just tried to kill himself. Don’t think he won’t try again.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“It’s a liability issue, Sloan. We can’t take any chances. I need clearance from his psychiatrist before I do anything.”
“How long will you restrain him?”
“Is the shrink here?”
“He just got here and is talking to Cole’s wife.”
The doc looked around and leaned in conspiratorially. “Not that it’s any of my business, but why is Cole married when he’s obviously gay and still in love with you?”
“You’re out of line,” I snarled. “Cole and I are not here for your entertainment.”
He stepped back and raised both hands in a peace offering.
“Cole almost died,” I continued to rant, “and you’re treating this like a soap opera.”
“Sweetheart,” he drawled maliciously. “It was so Madame Butterfly… if you had only seen the blood.”
I gasped, and Trent stepped forward and grabbed the doctor by his collar and hit him in the jaw. The man went down like a fallen tree, yelling for security, and we were surrounded in about five minutes. On our way to the hospital administrator, all I could think of was poor Cole, who was waiting for my return.
Chapter 26
It took forever to convince the hospital administrator that Trent wasn’t an unstable hothead. He brought up his military background, and threatened to countersue because of the attending physician
’s lack of ethics. When I injected and recounted the conversation leading up to the incident, the administrator apologized profusely, probably visualizing a massive lawsuit. I requested a replacement doctor for Cole but was informed it wasn’t an option. He did assure us the doctor would be issued a stern reprimand.
John was walking out of Cole’s room as I was rounding the corner, and I pulled him aside. “Did you get a chance to talk to him?”
“He keeps drifting in and out of consciousness, but I plan to return tomorrow, and for as long as it’s necessary, to get to the bottom of this.”
“They won’t remove his restraints until you give them the okay.”
“It’s understandable, Sloan. We can’t ask them to take a chance without evaluating him properly.”
“I can share what little I know.”
“Why don’t you two go to the cafeteria and discuss it over a cup of coffee?” Trent suggested. “I have some business that can’t wait, but I’ll be back in a couple of hours.”
“Sounds good,” I said, nodding. “John?”
“Let me grab your arm so you can lead the way.”
“Of course.”
Before moving down the hallway, I leaned closer to Trent and whispered. “Thank you for being so understanding.”
“See if you can’t help the poor bastard. No one else seems to know what the hell they’re doing.”
“I’ll give it my best shot.”
“That’s all you can do. Lend your support so he knows he’s not alone.”
“I’ll try to remember it’s out of my hands.”
“Remember this,” Trent said, pulling me close and surprising me with a passionate kiss. “I love you.”
I beamed, blown away by his understanding. I was seeing a different side of my master and loving this new person who was emerging. “I love you too.”
After John and I were settled with coffee and sandwiches, he questioned me. “How long has Cole been depressed?”
Cleave (Cutting Cords Series Book 3) Page 15