by Sammy Sutton
“Amanda, I don’t know what I should do for you. I don’t want you to be with me out of a sense of duty. I can’t handle the thought of you being afraid, or uncomfortable with me.
I could trigger something without knowing and suddenly become your perpetrator. When that gets in my head, I think as much as I want this, it’s not worth losing you, or worse, watching you stay with me despite the discomfort you feel with me.”
What was this, a conspiracy? Every little piece of goodness, from all of those people who had lost theirs, had somehow absorbed into Antonio, and now resonated from the depths of his kind-hearted soul. Even to the point of giving her up, forever.
"I do not want to lose you Antonio. I trust you more than I have ever trusted anyone in my life. What has happened here, right now changes us, and I want that change, I need that change."
"Amanda, my Lita once told me that everything changes, life is temporary. That is why we must have the courage to love, to grasp the moment, because we never know when it will end, but have faith that love will last forever."
Amanda was in his arms, and the words they said at that moment were not heard with the ears, but with the sattva, that basic element that binds the heart, soul and positive essence of a human being.
CHAPTER 20
"Hold on to what is good, Even if it's a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe, Even if it's a tree that stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do, Even if it's a long way from here.
Hold on to your life, Even if it's easier to let go.
Hold on to my hand, Even if someday I'll be gone away from you."
Pueblo Indian Proverb
Antonio awoke before dawn, he had preparations to make. After their emotional discussion the day before they had fallen exhausted into bed right after dinner. He had a plan for today, which he believed would make Amanda smile. Throwing back the covers he rushed through getting ready, and made a hasty descent down the stairs.
The sound of Antonio moving about let Amanda know she no longer needed to stay abed. Throwing on her dressing gown, she moved downstairs to watch as Antonio conferred with Maria on the ingredients of a large basket of food that set on the table. "Are you sure it'll stay cold Maria?"
"Mijo, have I ever let you down? Mija will have her favorite food, at the right temperature. Now go on, finish your plans. I will have breakfast ready when you get back." Maria motioned him out of her way, and he quickly turned to leave and spotted Amanda. His look of guilt quickly passed, and he began to smile.
"Just the person I was coming to fetch." He took Amanda's arm and led her back upstairs. When they got to her room, he pushed her inside and told her to dress for a trek.
"Are we going back to Hidden Mountain?"
"Not today, today is someplace special I have in mind. Now hurry, we have a bit of a drive ahead of us, and not even Raven can fly for real!" He was laughing and acting like a fool, but Antonio did not care. He left her there and went to pack all they would need.
Half an hour later they were pulling out of the drive, and heading south to intercept I25. With a 4 hour drive ahead of them, he talked Amanda into reading aloud, going over his notes on the Scrolls. By the time he exited onto the 560, the conversation was getting lively. They debated back and forth whether a word had a literal meaning or a deeper one, and the trip passed quickly.
It wasn't until she saw the sign for the Chaco Culture National Historic Park that she knew where they were going; Ancient Chaco Canyon, the home of the Mogollon people. Just saying the words out loud brought tears to her eyes. "How did you know Antonio that this was a dream of mine? Not to just see it, but to do so with someone who could understand its true value?" She was literally vibrating with excitement, and pestered him until he told just where they were going in the park.
Antonio could only laugh as she looked out every window at the scenes passing by."Hold on, wait for it. Just a few more minutes, and you will see." He drove Raven through the Park to the entrance for 'Kin Kletso', Yellow House Pueblo.
As they parked, and Amanda stepped out of the car, he watched her face was glowing in the clear bright light of the New Mexico sun.
Coming around Raven he took her hand and led her forward. The rock of the towering walls glowed with vibrant colors, the rich hues taking on a shimmering life of their own. Antonio knew it was because he was seeing it with Amanda, but he believed he had never seen this place look so mysterious and other-worldly.
There first hour was spent walking around the perimeter, gazing over crumbling formations of stone, and gazing up at the awesome masonry towers that seemed to absorb the shadows and light around them. Antonio led her up to the top of the prominent cliff that lay to the south-east. From there they stood and looked out to the east to see the gorgeous sight of Pueblos del Arroyo, and Bonito.
Amanda had said little since they arrived, and Antonio was beginning to think he had made the wrong choice. Maybe she would have preferred to see one of the more touristy Pueblos in the Park. "We can go somewhere else if you prefer Amanda." He looked down at her smiling face, and she shook her head.
"No, this is the one I wanted to see. Here I can feel them without interference."
"Whatever you say Witchy Woman, but the only thing I feel is hunger pains."
"Just another moment, please Antonio." He would stay forever if she asked. They turned to look down over the Pueblo, and Amanda began to speak. As always Antonio was surprised at her depth of knowledge on this, another subject he loved.
"Imagine with me Antonio, step back and see it as it once looked." Amanda used her hands to show Antonio where to look and see what she drew with words.
"A large rectangle, made up of 50-70 rooms. The largest tower room would have been built at the base of that large western boulder. Even before its construction, the boulder could have been used as a place for rituals and calendrical forecasting. From there they could have observed the changing settings of the sun in anticipation of the winter solstice as the sun moved across right where we are standing."
"People often say Pueblo Indians as if they were saying Cherokee or Apache, but they are wrong. They were never a particular tribe; Pueblo is a word that should be used correctly, as it was meant to be. It is a term that describes the wonderfully unique Indian Culture of the Southwest…more specifically, the Indians of the Four-Corner region.
Did you know that they did not as many people believe, build these great Pueblos by adding on rooms as the population expanded? They built from a plan, a blueprint that was a design of how it would look from start to finish. How did they do that without a written language? I am studying that issue, and one day I will find the answer."
That last was said as a promise, to him or to her, Antonio was not sure; but he had no doubt she would figure it out.
Breaking out of her reverie, Amanda laughed and took his hand. "Come on my poor baby, let us go feed you, and let us go exploring!" They almost ran back to Raven, and quickly spread out a blanket and set out their lunch.
Maria was right, everything had stayed cool and fresh, and it was thrilling to watch Amanda try to eat and talk at the same time, as she explained more of the ancient peoples history.
Antonio laid back and just watched and listened until her hurried eating frenzy was over. She stood abruptly and wanted to go now. "I feel something here Antonio, something I cannot explain."
"Take it easy now. No rushing off by yourself. There are rattlesnakes' here and they could be curled up anywhere inside the ruins." Antonio hurried to join her as she set off exploring.
Inside the ruins, he watched her poke her nose into every crack and crevice, muttering to herself, and then he saw the notebook come out of her ever present purse, and she started making notes, and even asked him to measure off sections where she pointed. Finally she settled down to a slow pace and he sat down on a low wall to watch her.
Unlike Pueblo Bonito and others, there were no sunken Kiva's or underground
rooms, and he felt safe allowing her to wander around on her own. He could see her pass between breaks in the walls as she bent over or exclaimed over something that thrilled her. He saw her pick up sandstone block and admire it and laughed. Only Amanda would find pleasure in a brick.
Antonio watched her bend over and crawl into another room via the low break in the stones at ground level, when she could just have easily walked around the other end of the wall. He could hear her murmuring to herself and settled back and closed his eyes and let the peace of the moment take him.
Amanda crawled beneath the wall just to see if it felt like something they would have done at this point. Once she stood on the other side, she looked around and realized she had entered the tallest tower section of the ruin. It was easy to imagine the rituals that had taken place here in this structure. She turned to exit at the broken edge of the wall, and that was when she saw it; the bluish fog had returned, and this time it rose up around her until she was encased within a bubble of flashing light.
"I am not afraid." She said, and waited for whatever was coming through the other side. She knew the veil between the worlds was said to be weakest here, and she knew she had invited this presence by entering a room held sacred.
From out of the fog stepped a man, but to her surprise he was not one of the People, he was dressed like a priest, with linen trousers, a blue robe, plain white linen belt, an ephod and a breastplate covered with 12 stones, the agate stone shone brighter than the others, and Amanda knew she was in the presence of a son of Levi. His head was wrapped in linen that formed a conical shape and he stood proudly there before her. Amanda knelt down before him, and in her mind she heard, "Rise sister, we are equals in this place." Amanda stood mute before him, her eyes almost blinded by the glow, and the ears ringing once more from that same tone heard within Hidden Mountain.
"I have come with a message; you must share with the Judean. Time is of the essence, and you must understand the message of the Scrolls. Seek out the others who will understand. They have keys that you will need to unlock the mysteries before you. Those closest to the Earth are the ones who still see. Using air and fire, bind the flow between the heavens and the earth. Blood runs within the connected, align them together. The ancient enemy is rising, no longer hiding. Beware all who have power over man."
Freed from her inability to move or act, Amanda watched the fading image before her, and could not look away. She wanted to scream wait, but could not. What the hell did that mean? Why must all mystical moments be so confusing? Just once, could she not have a brilliant moment of clarity and be able to act immediately on some otherworldly message.
Antonio jerked awake, he had been dreaming of the Maze, and swore he heard that nauseating sound ringing in his ears right now. Unsure of where he was for a moment he blinked and tried to clear his head, and then he remembered Amanda. Panicked he jumped up, just in time to watch her stumble over the lower end of the tower wall. He rushed to her side, apologizing for falling asleep on her with every step. "I am such an idiot; I fell asleep and left you alone, when all I wanted was to share this day with you. Amanda I…"
She interrupted him, almost falling down trying to reach him. "Antonio, the most amazing thing just happened!" She was waving her arms around and trying to get the words out.
"Slow down, tell me, are you alright Amanda?"
"Oh, much better than alright, I just had a vision!" She smugly announced with her hands on her hips.
Antonio reached for her head to be sure she hadn't bumped it hard, and to see if she had a fever.
She batted his hands a way, and danced out of his reach.
"I believed you when you told me about your vision, but you think I am hallucinating!"
"No I don't." He lied.
"Yes you do. Antonio you cannot tell a lie worth a damn! In fact when we get to your house, I am going to tell Maria." With that she stalked off towards Raven.
What was he 12, to be told on? Antonio rushed to pack up their lunch things and watched Amanda pace around the area, muttering and waving her arms.
He stood and dropped the basket by the trunk. "Amanda, I am sorry, but this life of ours does not need to get any more off-center than it already is. Unfortunately, we do not seem to be in full control anymore."
Amanda turned to look at him, and saw in his face that he meant every word. He reacted out of fear of what he really did not understand, despite having a similar experience; he still chose to mute the irrational side of his brain.
Taking his face in her hands, she kissed him softly, and comforted him. She told him in short sentences what the priest had said, and expected of them.
"What the hell does that mean?" Antonio responded abruptly, before turning to finish packing up the car.
"That is exactly what I said…well, not while the priest was standing there, but later." Amanda found herself answering his back as he went around and got in the car. She joined him, and they sat there in silence, and then Antonio remarked; "From now on, any message they need to pass needs to come with a decoder ring."
Amanda bit her lip to keep from laughing at the look of determination on his face as he turned Raven around and headed towards Santa Fe.
CHAPTER 21
"Her lips on his could tell him better than all her stumbling words."
~Margaret Mitchell
Since returning from the Pueblo, Amanda had felt a thousand thoughts fighting for center stage in her mind. Her body literally hummed with the energy left over from her encounter in the Tower Room. She needed to do something, but what? Antonio finally left her alone and went to answer a call for assistance from a colleague who needed help with a document he wished to present as authentic to the British Historical Society at the next conference. While he was gone, she sat down and wrote frantically of her findings and the 'event' at the Pueblo.
Once her notes were complete, she took a long shower, and as she dried her hair, she realized the humming energy, while muted was still there. It literally made her skin so sensitive, the only thing she could feel comfortable in was a silken gown, she usually used as a cover-up at the pool. Lost in her thoughts she tried to define this new sense of not being able to understand her own body, or clarify what she wanted. Amanda had always prided herself on her decisiveness, and feeling organized, now she felt as if she was standing on the edge of a precipice to the unknown, just waiting for someone to yell 'Geronimo'!
Pouring herself a glass of wine downstairs, she walked around the deck of the pool in the moonlight. Not even the idea of a late-night swim was appealing. Looking towards Antonio's lab, she saw it was darkened, so he must be inside.
Returning to the house, she went upstairs and stood in his office doorway and just watched him. He was reading off of one monitor and typing a document on the second. Here was something new also, a man she trusted, someone who did things just to make her happy, and asked nothing in return. Where was this pairing going to take her, this journey designed by Destiny? Softly from the place all women have, she heard a voice say, 'Geronimo'!
As Amanda entered Antonio’s office a slight pulse moved through her limbs. Aware of her presence, he turned the large chair to face her. She took a couple of steps forward to stand before him.
Through a look of concern he spoke to her. “Amanda is something wrong?”
She glanced up at him sheepishly. “No.” "Be brave Amanda", the voice whispered, "trust him, trust yourself, believe you deserve this."
Between one breath and the next, she reached for his hands and placed them on either side of her hips. Antonio was looking into her eyes, and there she saw the trust. Holding his wrists she began coaxing his hands into a caressing motion. For a moment she closed her eyes and allowed herself to sway in his clutch. Her shallow breaths began to match his caress. As the rhythm of his touch became a part of her, a soft smile emerged, and her heavy eyelids opened ever so slightly to watch Antonio.
With intense eyes Antonio watched her. She arched her body in r
esponse to his deep massages at the small of her back. Her determined hands moved to his shoulders as she continued to dance with his touch. The smooth choreography flowed from the rehearsal of a thousand dreams.
Antonio smiled softly at her bold moves, wondering if she was a figment of his imagination. Her fingers reached for his dark chocolate locks, the gentle waves so soft and smooth felt good against her fingertips.
She removed his glasses and placed them on the table. “Can you see me?”
His raspy voice responded, “Yes.”
She whispered. “I want you to see me make love to you.” A deep moan escaped Antonio.
The soft touch of her fingertips against his face overwhelmed him. His dark eyes glistened back at her.
Several minutes passed while she lost herself in the faint smell of sandalwood emanating from his strong, regal neck. Slowly she unbuttoned his shirt, and pushed it off his shoulders, and then with a slight twist removed it completely.
Waves of sweet torture vibrated through Antonio. Her fingernails traced his shoulders, and travelled the hills and valleys of his sweaty chest. His deep moans gave her power. He thought she was going to kill him, and he’d love every bit of it. Now what? Her straightened back presented her silk covered breasts directly before him. Full, round, and erect, he wanted to take them in his mouth.
Instead, her arms enclosed him as her body pressed against his. He felt her breath, warm and wet on his neck. The moment so powerful, he felt her tremble. Arching her back, gently, she brought him to her breast. His hands squeezed her shoulders as his lips closed firmly around her, the wet silk adding even more abrasion to the sensitive tip. Her arms quivered as her palms took his cheeks, raised his head, and kissed his mouth. The kiss, long and hard, enveloped them with years of bottled passion.
Suddenly she was stepping away, and for a moment Antonio tensed in anticipation of Amanda's denial for completion. But instead he watched her grasp the hem of her dress, and pulled it slowly up over her body, and over her head.