by Sammy Sutton
— William Jennings Bryan
Amanda did not know what to do while they were gone. The idea was great. Waiting for the outcome was not. She decided to retreat to the bedroom, relax, and meditate awhile. Perhaps it was due to her argument with Josh, but a few of her worries over her relationship with Antonio had crept in. She sat down and began her breathing techniques, and within 15 minutes she had entered into a state of superconscious awareness. Here she let her heightened mental clarity and intuition meld in order to find solutions for issues that were separate but equal in relation to any problem she had.
Holding onto a clear mental picture of Antonio as she had first seen him, she searched for answers, and hopefully affirmation of her feelings.
As her mind worked, the picture she held in her mind kept changing to one she did not know. Why? Was it a future event or a past one? As she concentrated on the image, her mind suddenly swirled with vivid blue light, and soft tones rang throughout her being. She saw Antonio lying on the floor of a dark place, his head bleeding, his hands reaching out, and his face wore a look of such happiness for a moment before it changed to absolute despair. Then she felt peace, for now she was seeing and feeling what Antonio had felt when he saw her in his vision in Hidden Mountain.
Just as quickly her vision changed to another scene, this one of the Priest in the Pueblo. As he spoke she looked away from his eyes and did as George had instructed; look beyond what she saw that day, to the events surrounding him.
There on the edges she could see the outline of a room. As her vision cleared, the scent of cedar permeated the air, and then she knew what was before her, The 'Hall of Judgment' in the 'House of the Forest of Lebanon'; the home of King Solomon! Giant shields hung from the cedar paneled walls and the floors huge stones shone to perfection beneath the cascading light of dozens of windows; was it any wonder Isaiah called it an armory. The shadow of a man stood near an ornate throne, there just out of sight, and as she focused on him, the vision faded….
The tears were pouring down her cheeks, and she knew she had been given not only a vision, but a direct affirmation of all she felt for Antonio, and all he had said in regard to his feelings when he first saw her, and the mission they were on was real!
Chapter 31
"Minor things can become moments of great revelation when encountered for the first time."
Margot Fonteyn
Towards the end of their inspection, Antonio decided that seeking suggestions from Josh could benefit both of them.
“Hey, Josh, maybe you wouldn’t mind giving me some advice. I don’t understand these food issues with your mom. About 90% of what she has eaten since she arrived has been yogurt. I understand she will eat certain meats, but not often. Either she is going to starve or end up starving me. Help me out man.”
“Yeah, she is afraid of chemicals and hormones. At home, she knows where to get organic, chemical-free food.”
“You’re saying she doesn’t feel comfortable with the food quality here?” Antonio rubbed his head.
“Right, but she’s not all crazy with it. She doesn’t know where you should get it. Usually all the sources have websites. Just look, it’s easy to find.”
“That helps a lot, thanks. Has she always been so concerned with food?”
“Some, but when she got sick, she made it a priority.”
“She got sick?”
"Yeah, you know the tumor. Since then she has focused on holistic healing and using food and natural herbs to counteract the symptoms, especially with her feelings about not having the surgery."
“She has a tumor in her head and won’t get the surgery. What type of tumor?” Antonio had stopped and was now almost yelling in panic.
“Didn’t she tell you? It’s not cancer. Ah man, Antonio…she’s gonna kill me.”
“No, I’m gonna kill her.”
“Antonio, it’s not that bad….”
“Why won’t she have the surgery?”
“The surgeon at home has only done two or three, and it is close to vital portions of her brain. He could mess up.”
“Why not use another surgeon, someplace else.”
“I think she could and it’s not the money, but because her insurance denied her, she's making it a point, since others are unable to pay.”
“She would do that, you’re telling the truth. That is precisely what she would do. Damn it all.”
“Really, Antonio, she’ll kill me.”
“No, Josh. Excuse me for being rude, but I’m going to go have a talk with your mother now. I won’t take even the smallest chance of her dying on me. Not on my watch, my friend.” Antonio stormed into the house, leaving Ruger and Josh in the yard.
He found Amanda relaxed on the bed. Closing the door behind him, he paced, fidgeting until he yelled. “Damn you, Amanda.”
Amanda belted out of her trance.
“What happened?”
“You’re sick, and you didn’t tell me.”
“I am not sick.”
“You have a tumor in your head. That qualifies.”
“It is not that bad. I take care of myself. Truthfully Antonio, I have not thought about it once since I met you…I swear.” The expression on his face devastated her.
“Didn’t you think I deserved to know?”
“I see… you would not fall for me if you knew? Antonio, I apologize. I failed to read the sign -Only perfect need apply.”
“Amanda, you know that’s not what this is about.”
“No, I do not. It does not cause pain most of the time, therefore I do not think about it.”
“That’s crazy.”
“That is your opinion. Antonio, if you think I am sick I will be sick. Do not do that to me.” He thought she was nuts for sure.
“I’m not making you sick Amanda, it is already there.” His cheeks were moist. Wiping his glasses, he continued the lecture. “Damn it! I won’t be able breathe if something happens to you. You owe it to me to get treated.”
“That is complicated, Antonio.”
“I bet my 'Indiana Hat', I can un-complicate it.”
She shook her head as she burst into tears.
“I will find a good surgeon, and you will have the surgery. Listen Amanda, you will not stand on some insurance inequality principle unless it’s over my dead body. I won’t let you take a dumbass risk with your life.”
“It is my decision, not yours, Antonio.”
“Amanda, you always talk about your obligations. Yet, right now, you disregard them. That is selfish.” He knew that would push her past the edge.
“Take that back, you do not have all the facts. Nor do my kids, it is a dangerous surgery. Damn you, the only selfish thing I have ever done is to fall for you.” She was devastated.
“You jerk. I tried to tell you I was a bad catch. You kept on pressing until I broke. I did not set out to deceive you.”
Antonio spoke as he thought, “That’s where it comes from, sick people are close to the other side, I should have realized.” He surmised her insight came from an illness.
“Do not worry. I will…I am more than willing to alleviate the problem.”
“Don’t you dare say that, damn it. Take that back, I have not said anything to insinuate I want you out of my life. On the contrary, if you were listening, I said that I am demanding you allow a surgeon to remove it… fix it… treat it. It’s too late, Princess… I want you for always, even if you have 10 tumors in your stubborn head.”
“Do not call me a Princess!”
“I will call you that when you act like a princess. I’m going to go apologize for walking off on your son. You stay here. I’m not done with you yet.”
He found the kid.
“Josh, I’m sorry for acting rude, I lost my head. I won’t allow her to hide behind something that scares her, especially if it could kill her.”
“I shouldn’t have told you, Antonio.”
“Josh, I appreciate that you told me, and I am sympathetic. You feel
like you’ve violated her but saving her is the important thing. Let me take you to a guestroom, so you can unpack.
By the way, feel free to do whatever you want here. I mean it, but I’m not finished with your Mom.”
“I see that, Antonio.”
He returned to her.
“Amanda, you hurt me by not telling me. Geez, I thought you were starving yourself. You didn’t tell me the chemicals and hormones have significant importance. That’s how Josh ended up telling me, accidentally. I asked for help and suggestions on your eating habits. Don’t you trust me?”
“Antonio, I did not think about it. I have not felt sick for one minute with you. Honest, it just did not enter my mind. You will never understand it…please believe what I am saying.”
“You may as well know that I won’t let it go, Amanda. We’ll get it fixed, even if we have to go to Europe.”
“Josh certainly feels terrible.”
“Hell yes he does. He feels that he’s violated you and one of your damn principles.” He didn’t stop. “Amanda, what if it was me, or one of your boys with a tumor? How would you handle that?”
Tears filled her eyes again, “I will not imagine. Antonio, do not get ugly.”
“Exactly, I will imagine for you. You would be deranged, crazy. Amanda, this may surprise you, but you don’t have the caring market cornered.”
“Is that not a little harsh?”
“Amanda, I’m mad as hell. I’ve never been this mad.”
“I am sorry.”
“Pop has never even made me this mad.” He told her.
“Great.”
“Maybe you should talk to your son. I feel sorry for the kid. By the way, he’s a great kid, and I’ve noticed you are a great mom. Go talk to him, okay? Thank you.”
Antonio needed to catch his breath. Damn, he was hurt and mad. José could find anything or anyone. A surgeon shouldn’t be a problem, which reminded him he had to overnight the envelope back to José before it was too late.
“Mom, I’m sorry. But he’s right.” Josh said.
“It is okay, honey. I’m not used to someone caring like him, it did not occur to me to tell him.”
“He’s crazy about you, Mom.”
“I know and I feel the same way.” She confessed.
“I shouldn’t have come.”
“Yes, you should have. You must always feel welcome where I am. Antonio is glad you came. He was nervous, but he is relieved. You really impressed him,” she explained.
She gave her son a kiss, then turned to walk out, and bumped into Antonio standing by the door.
“I have to get to town to overnight this envelope. I thought Josh might ride with me, and maybe help me figure out something for dinner.”
Josh agreed to go.
“Are you going to drive Raven?” Amanda asked.
“Absolutely.”
“He will enjoy that.”
They all walked to the kitchen area. Antonio opened the fridge for a quick scan. “Okay Josh, let’s go.”
Antonio said to Amanda, “We won’t be gone long.” He gave her a quick hug and whispered, “I got this.”
She smiled, although she felt drained, exhausted from the day’s events. She had thought to share her vision with Antonio, but not today. He had enough on his plate right now. She would treasure it and hold it close for a while longer; a special secret she would reveal when the time was right. A few minutes rest was what she needed. After the boys left, she went to the bedroom and curled up on the bed.
***
“I looked in on your mom, she’s sleeping. It seems she decided to relax while we were gone. I think she’s exhausted. Maybe we should let her sleep for a while.”
“Antonio, go to her. I’m tired and need to make some calls. I think I’ll be fine until dinner.”
“Okay, Josh. I’ll see you later. Remember, whatever you need, help yourself.”
“Thanks.”
Antonio went into the bedroom and removed his boots and shirt. He stretched out beside Amanda. No wonder she had succumbed to sleep, today was an exhausting, chaotic mess. Looking there at her lying in what he now called 'her side' of the bed, he thought it was funny how, in a few short days, they became so accustomed to doing their own thing.
Needing to feel close to her, he moved up against her back. The tumor issue scared the shit out of him. He tried not to wake her, but she rolled over, into his chest. He wrapped himself around her.
“Antonio, I did not mean to hurt you. I swear I would not knowingly hurt you.”
“I know, but it scares me.”
“Antonio, hold me. Please, hold me.”
“I’ll hold you while you rest. Your son is taking a nap, too. I’m not leaving. I’m too busy loving you.”
“I almost forgot. There is one more thing you should know. Josh wants to know about the project. We did not discuss how much, or what to tell him. I told him that you would have to tell him. I think he deserves some explanation.”
“I agree. You rest, I’ll figure out how to handle Josh.”
He smoothed her hair with his hand as he watched her drift back to sleep. He contemplated the amount of information Josh required. He wanted to tell him all of the facts, he deserved at least that much respect.
Could the information put him in danger? He was probably in danger with or without the information.
Antonio felt guilty about the potential danger Amanda and her boys faced.
***
The three of them moved into the great room after dinner and shared some small talk.
“I’ll be leaving early in the morning, taking an early flight out. I have some stuff I need to get done.” Josh informed them.
“I thought you were staying for at least a couple days.” Amanda said.
“I found out what I needed to know Mom, you’re fine. You and Antonio need the time.”
“Josh, your mother and I would like for you to stay longer.”
“I’ve already booked my flight, but thank you anyway.”
“Josh, come back to my office. I want to show you something.”
Amanda lingered behind. She did not know what he was going to show him.
“Josh, your Mom says the tumor doesn’t generally cause pain. I’m convinced there are symptoms. I need to know, but in light of the project we’re working on, it’s imperative that I know.”
“Sometimes, she doesn’t hear well out of the left ear, other times it’s not bad. Certain sounds are a problem. I don’t think she can tell where, or which direction sound comes from. That’s the main issue I’ve noticed.”
“Thanks, I needed to know, that explains why she could tolerate some extreme sounds that I could not… The project your Mom and I are working involves a groundbreaking artifact. Due to security measures, we are unable to talk about it, yet. It’s not about trust, but the knowledge could put someone in danger.”
“I understand, Antonio.”
They walked back to where Amanda was sitting.
“Mom, I love you. I’m going to go to bed now.”
“Goodnight son.” She kissed him. “I love you.”
“Antonio, I too want to go to bed.”
“Me too...” Antonio added.
Amanda went to the bathroom and prepared for bed while Antonio removed his clothes and set out some lounge pants, in case he had to leave the room. Amanda finished and he went to brush his teeth. When he came out, she sat in the center of the bed, still in a quiet mood. He missed her normal spunk, and felt sadly responsible for her gloom.
Chapter 32
"There is nothing so wrong in this world that a sensible woman can't set it right in the course of an afternoon."
-- Giraudoux
Antonio decided to leave the door connecting the bedroom to his office ajar. This would keep Amanda in view from his desk chair. He needed to know if she were to wake-up.
He opened her laptop. As it booted up, he hated himself for knowing his choices were limited. He intended t
o take her medical information from her computer to avoid spending, who knows how long, to convince her to relinquish it. She traveled often, so he was sure she kept her bios on the computer for convenience. With any luck, this should provide the specifics of the surgical procedure required and possibly the diagnosis.
Damn password… What was her password? He should be able to figure this out, she probably used an esoteric, or biblical word. Which one was it? His first two tries failed, and the security system on the computer warned he would be locked out if he did it again. Thinking hard he went back over the subjects he knew she loved. The Sacred Dream, she told the story many times to her sons when they were small. It has to be Shekinah… Bingo!
“Damn, I’m getting good,” he whispered. Documents, folders, manuscripts…no medical folders, what would she have it catalogued under? Health, of course she never used the word medical. Health is a much more personal word. Her beliefs were holistic and medical meant doctors.
He opened the folder, Health…He saw hundreds of files in the folder. Scanning them for a short time, he felt nauseated. She was not avoiding her illness, the proof was in his face, and she had worked hard to find a solution.
He e-mailed the file to himself and erased the evidence from her sent folder. If he suddenly had to get off the computer, his trail was covered.
Files defined everything. The problem, doctors, hospitals, and holistic cures, three-hundred and seventy-two files all about the tumor, along with another health issue she had researched.
There was another problem from an exposure in her past. She had to have the supplements or the illness could cause death. No wonder she was concerned about chemicals and hormones.
Damn, he noticed her current surgeon had tried to diminish the risks. Amanda hated being played the fool. She didn’t trust doctors. He could see the evidence of where she strove to heal herself; lists, triggers, foods, herbs, he was going to hack all the information he needed to make sure she was taken care of. Every bit of it was going into Maria’s hands as well.
Antonio knew he was about to embark on his greatest study, not about the Ancients, but about a woman’s battle to survive.