When Sensei was done with me, he offered me coffee.
I hadn’t had something as simple as coffee in a while, and when he handed me the cup the warmth travelled into my hands and up my arms. It was nice. When last had I focused on something that was just nice?
“What do I do now?” I asked.
I knew I wanted to go get Aspen. I could tell she was still alive. Half of me didn’t feel like it had died yet and if I focused very hard I could still find her pulse, although my headache, still faintly there, made it harder.
I wanted to go get her, and get Joel. Now that my moment of self-pity was over and I felt like I could carry on again, a terrible anger bubbled up inside of me. The kind of anger that could roll over into rage if I wasn’t careful. The kind of anger that had me attack my father when he hurt my sister.
“Now you decide if it really was worth being a one woman act all this time,” Sensei said. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Asking for help wasn’t a strong suit. In fact, it made me feel weak, having to rely on someone else. Besides that I wasn’t good at trusting someone else, so this was really a tough one.
“Everyone that’s gotten involved so far got killed, and that was without me asking them.” I could still place some – definitely not all, not even most – of the blame on them for getting involved because it was what they had wanted. Ruben had taken on a job that had been too much for him. My fault because I’d messed around. His fault because he’d been stupid. Joel had known what hacking could do. He’d had the warnings. My fault because he would do anything for me without asking. His fault because he knew what his line of work could hold for him. Zelda had been my fault. She’d protected Aspen when I couldn’t. Aspen had been my fault because I’d taken a job I’d been arrogant enough to think was easy.
I was starting to realize that the arrogance and pride I’d been building for a while had been ridiculous. I’d been playing in a tide pool when the ocean out there was much bigger. And I’d crowned myself queen thinking I was winning.
The truth was I hadn’t been winning at all. I’d been losing. The only person I’d been fooling was myself. The real facts were that Ruben was using me as an assassin for lower class problems that no one tried to sort out differently. I was a murderer, hiding in the dark, nothing more. I’d thought I was bigger than my problems by choosing to take jobs that were smaller than me. I was an illusionist.
The job that had been too big for me, too big for Ruben, had been a coincidence. I was starting to realize I couldn’t beat Celia, not because she was too good, but just because I’d never really been good enough.
And now I wanted to take on master vampires because of a mess I’d created in my ignorance. And I had no idea how we would make it out alive.
“What if we all die?” I asked. Sensei shrugged.
“None of us will be around to remember it, in that case.”
I chuckled without much emotion. Blunt honesty. He knew how to hand me the truth.
I took another deep breath.
“Sensei, will you help me?”
He looked at me and smiled.
“Sure,” he said, like I’d asked if I could borrow a book.
“You may die,” I pointed out, suddenly feeling like I’d made a mistake. He looked way too happy to be involved in this. Maybe he didn’t understand.
He shrugged again.
“Maybe this isn’t a good idea,” I said, shaking my head as slowly as I much as I would dare. I liked him. He was a great guy, a good teacher, and the only ray of hope this horrible mess had offered. I didn’t want to be the reason for his death.
“I’ll help,” he said. “You asked. It’s all I’ve been waiting for.”
He had hinted at it a couple of times. I sighed and he rubbed his hands together like he was going to get something nice out of it.
“Call me Phil,” he said.
Phil? I’d never known his name. To me he’d always just been Sensei.
“Phil…” I said, trying it on for size. It seemed strange to call him by his first name. It made us seem… equal.
“Right. Now. Who else can you call?”
I thought for a moment, then pulled out my phone. Carl answered on the second ring.
“Can you meet me?” I asked. I gave him an address and he hung up, promising he would be here. I wondered if the man ever slept. I never seemed to catch him in his downtime.
He arrived at the Martial Arts Academy in less than twenty minutes. When he walked in Sensei – Phil, I should say – and Carl sized each other up like boxers in a ring.
“Carl,” he introduced himself tightly.
“Phil,” the response came. The atmosphere was tense as they looked each other over. But then it eased, and they shook hands. Whatever had happened had been smoothed over by them without any words. They had decided they liked each other.
“So, what’s up?” he asked me.
“You said you wanted in on the action.”
He nodded.
“Well, in a nutshell, my sister and technician have been taken by master vampires that are a hell of a lot stronger than the ones we’ve been pretending to be boss over. They also have a deadly cat woman as a pet that doesn’t stand down. I want to go get them.”
“Do you know where they are?” he asked.
“No idea.”
He nodded, looking thoughtful.
“Do you know how to defeat master vampires and the cat lady?”
I shook my head, admitting failure. Carl looked like he was still thinking, and to be honest I expected him to say no. I wanted him to say no. I wanted him to go home where he could be the asshole I didn’t like, because I preferred asshole Carl to dead Carl. But he shrugged in much the same way Sensei, Phil, had responded, like it was no big deal.
“Sure,” he said.
I shook my head. Two men in front of me willing to sacrifice their lives when they knew it meant almost certain death. And here I’d been thinking I was crazy. I was feeling more and more optimistic that being perpetually angry was a small problem compared to raving lunatic.
“So, what’s the plan?” Carl asked.
I hesitated. I hadn’t really thought that far. When he looked at me he barked a laugh.
“Two humans and a half-breed? I don’t know. You’re good, Adele, but I think we need something else.”
He was right. As offensive as he was, it was the truth, and if we wanted anything to happen, we needed something else.
Someone else.
“I have to go,” I said. “I’ll meet you guys back here in an hour.”
“Are you going to get someone?” Carl asked.
“I don’t know.” I had no idea what would happen. “But when I come back, if I came back, it will either be me, or I’ll have someone with me.”
They both just nodded. I turned to leave, but not before I noticed the look Phil and Carl were giving each other. It wasn’t very friendly. I didn’t have time or energy to worry about them. I got on my bike and pulled out. Just maneuvering the machine that was technically too big for me took more effort than I would have liked. How was I going to fight if I had this many injuries? Hopefully my vampire blood would do its magic and heal me up quicker.
I wanted to shake my head but instead I just mentally shook off the worries that wouldn’t do for now. I didn’t want to let my headache come back. It had slipped back into a dull thud at the back of my head, much better than the sharp pain that had been like a thousand chisels in my temples.
I was daylight and I didn’t expect I would get anywhere. But I had to try, one last time. There was only one person that I knew that knew the masters well enough to help me. Jennifer knew them, but she was just a human, and it took a vampire to know a vampire.
I only knew one vampire that could help me. The only vampire I’d let live.
The house was quiet and shuttered when I pulled into the driveway. I’d left the engine on, so he’d know I was coming, but maybe he wasn’t even at home. I was feeli
ng too frail to hope for anything more than walking out again with my dignity intact.
I walked right up to the front door. Or rather, limped up to the front door. My legs were fine but I kept feeling like I wanted to double over my ribs, like that would ease the uncomfortable pain the bruising caused. I paused at the front door before I rang the bell. I took two deep breaths and winced both times when the expansion of my chest hurt more than when I’d been walking.
I lifted my hand to the doorbell, hovered before I rang it, and finally managed to push it down. Nothing. I wondered if I should ring again. Would that make me impertinent? I was suddenly weak and pathetic. My whole adult life had been about bravado and courage and killing when it was necessary. Doing what was needed to survive. I worked alone and I didn’t get attached to anyone or anything. It was bad enough that all of that had been a joke.
It was all pushed to the back now. I didn’t have any options anymore. All my arrogance had gotten me a fat lot of nothing. In fact, it had gotten me the opposite of what I’d been doing it for.
It had gotten me angry and frustrated, it had gotten me beaten up. It had gotten Aspen kidnapped.
I rang the bell again and swallowed hard, ignoring the fist of nerves that groped at my gut. I didn’t blink an eye when I staked vampires. I was boss with a gun and my leathers. But ringing the doorbell and talking to a man got me in a cold sweat. Bulletproof. Right.
Maybe Joel had been right. I was built backwards.
The thought of him got me to ring the bell a third time. I could stand out here and feel sorry for myself, or I could man up for a change and do the right thing. I was starting to realize ‘the right thing’ wasn’t what I’d always thought it was. In fact, it was the exact opposite.
And I hated that I’d been fooling myself for so long.
“You’re going to have to open it yourself and let yourself in,” a muffled voice from the other side sounded, yanking me out of my thoughts and kicking me into a new spin of frantic nerves.
“The sunlight is a problem for me.” Of course. It was heading on towards late afternoon and the sun was an issue for a purebred. Lately I was getting sloppy, forgetting the facts. I had to pull my act together.
“Can I come in?” I called, certain that when he heard that it was me he would say no. I would barge down the door and demand he see me, I thought.
Yeah right. Me and what army? And in my state? I didn’t have any of my vampire killing tools on me, and I didn’t want to kill him. Not anymore. He would finally get his wish: I didn’t bring my stake.
To be honest I never really did want to kill him.
But I did want to squash him into a corner and get him to help me get Aspen back. It was becoming a desperate nagging at the back of my mind. The hard thoughts, the toughness that I was imagining, made me feel more like myself. Bruised and banged up, yes. But on a mission, and I was never really a woman to take no for an answer.
When he answered ‘yes’ to my question it threw me off guard. I’d expected a struggle to get into the house.
I opened the door. The house inside was dark and warm, almost humid. I wondered if he’d had heaters on. And I wondered why. I closed the door behind me and the only bit of light that had bled into the black disappeared.
I stood still for a couple of counts, just getting used to the darkness. I could see well enough in the night, provided my eyes were accustomed to the dark.
“What do you want?” Connor’s voice flowed around me, deep and caressing like when I’d heard it first. It was that melody that I never wanted to stop listening to. My eyes were getting used to the dark and I still couldn’t see him. It was darker deeper into the house. So dark that the blackness was complete. No amount of night vision could let you see something when there was just nothing to see.
I had no idea where he was.
But I could smell him. It was the same smell I’d smelled in the alley that morning when I’d dragged him out of the pending dawn. It was the smell that had surrounded me the first time I’d come here to take him out. The smell that had surrendered me to him when I’d had nothing left but the raw side of me.
It drew me to him just like it had before, a magnetic pull that I’d never felt from any vampire, no matter how pure or how old they’d been when I’d encountered them. And they hadn’t been very old, I’d started to realize.
I also knew that Connor was much younger than most vampires I’d met, but he had that thing about him.
“I asked why you’re here,” he said again because I hadn’t answered him. I’d been getting lost in his smell instead. But here it was. The moment of truth; the moment where I was going to have to lay down the courage and bravery I’d managed to scrape together, the arrogance and pride that laced everything I did.
“I need your help,” I said. The words scraped my throat as I spoke them and they hung in the air after they’d left my mouth.
“And why should I help you?” he asked. His voice was harsh and I physically flinched. Why indeed?
“There is no reason why you should,” I admitted. I was already doing the groveling thing. I might as well lay it on thick if it meant he would help. If it meant we could get Aspen back.
If it meant he would think of me as something worthy again.
“I don’t understand you,” he said. “The one moment you’re kissing me, the next you’re killing me, and you never seem very sorry about either.”
“I was,” I said quickly. “About the killing, I mean. I regret it.” I regretted the kissing too, but not for the same reason. I regretted shooting him because I’d been pushed into something I hadn’t wanted to do at that point. I’d been scared. Scratch that – I’d been terrified. It wasn’t every day that love could kill, but the once in my life that it did, it made me skeptical about love in general. My parents weren’t the best example of a healthy relationship.
I regretted kissing him because I’d let myself get emotionally involved with a mark. I’d let myself go. I’d been weak. I’d dared to love again, and I was scared that with that weakness I’d never be able to save Aspen again.
And look where it had gotten me? But I couldn’t just keep doing this. I had to fix it. Otherwise I would kill myself, and guilt and shame was a hell of a lot slower than a bullet or a stake.
“I don’t think I want to play this game anymore,” Connor said and his voice was cold enough to drain the warmth in the room. Maybe the warmth hadn’t been from a heater. Maybe it had been him, his emotions. Something.
“Please…” I started but I didn’t know what to say. Besides, I was begging. And I hated begging.
“Dammit Adele—“Connor started, flipping on a light switch. The fluorescent light following the click flooded the room, lifting all the colors out and setting them in stark contrast to each other. Harsh, not like light should be. I winced, the sudden light hurting my eyes and by definition my concussed head. But Conner didn’t wince or cover his eyes like he had before.
He stared at my face, and all the traces of hostility drained out of his eyes.
“Oh my god,” he whispered, letting his eyes roam over my bruises and the way I was trying to hold myself up. “Who did this to you?”
“Please help me get Aspen back,” I asked again. “I can’t do this alone. You know them well enough to tell me what to expect.”
Connor took a step closer to me and I felt my knees wobble. I didn’t have the strength to stay upright for long if he was going to come closer to me. He already had me weak at the knees and pathetically head over heels for him. I couldn’t do his pity on top of it all.
He stepped up until he was right in front of me, the length of his body mirroring mine, but not touching it. I straightened up and took a deep breath, trying to ignore my ribs. Connor lifted his hand to my face like he was going to touch my eye, but he didn’t.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
I shook my head and wished I hadn’t.
“I’m the one that should be sorry,” I said. Co
nnor put his arms on my shoulders, tentatively, like I might break. I didn’t, but I wondered about that myself. Gently he pulled me closer to him, and for the first time I let him without a fight. There were no guns, no knives, no battle of wills. It was just Connor, the man it turned out I loved, and me, finally leaning against him.
“I’ll help you,” he said finally, and I felt my body sag with relief. He held on to me, his arms wrapping around my body, and I let him hold me up for a second before I took my own weight again.
“We just need information,” I said when I pulled away from him again and looked into his eyes. They were deep blue, like the ocean, and I wanted to drown in them. But there was no time. “Can we meet here?”
“Who’s we?”
“My Martial Arts instructor and a colleague. We’re going to get her back but I don’t know where to start.”
“You’re taking on the masters with two humans?” he asked, looking at me like I was crazy. I shrugged and felt like cursing because I kept forgetting I couldn’t do the body language I usually used. It damn well hurt.
“I don’t really think you should go in there alone,” Connor said and I didn’t appreciate how know-it-all he sounded. But his face softened. “Not if they did this to you. They’ll eat you alive.”
I didn’t think he meant it figuratively. I shivered.
“You can’t come, though. They want you dead. What better time to kill you?”
Connor chuckled. “Don’t tell me you’re trying to look out for me now? You’re a walking conflict.”
I was. He was right. But I didn’t want him to die. So I loved him. So what? That happened to people, didn’t it? Well, not to me. Which was why I didn’t want to let the one man that was willing to have me, when I showed only an ugly side, die.
“I don’t have anyone else to ask. My people are all missing. Or dead.” The last words were so heavy I felt like I might crumble under their weight. Connor must have seen something in my face because his eyes changed, got lighter and deeper. Ringed with a dark green where I swore it had been midnight blue a moment ago.
“I don’t want you to go alone,” he said. “Get them to come here, we’ll talk. And tonight after dark we’ll head out.”
Vampire's Shade Discounted Box Set Page 18