by PJ Fernor
I looked to my left and saw Lo’s door.
My niece.
I put my hand out toward her door and stopped myself.
She was in bed. Safe. Tucked in. Sleeping.
Battling nightmares of her own.
Now that we were finally getting settled in the apartment a little bit, I knew I had to find her a therapist. I wanted to treat Lo with love and respect. Meaning I talked to her about everything. She didn’t want to go to a therapist for fear of someone finding out at school. Because apparently one girl did and a bunch of kids decided to call her crazy. And a few wonderful you-know-whats threw little candies at her and laughed, telling her to take her pills.
I felt for Lo in so many ways.
Right after the accident and death of her mother, she ended up at my old apartment, right in the heart of the city. It wasn’t a bad place to live, far enough from the bad parts, but the change was a lot to process. The thought of her going to a new school and making new friends all while trying to process the grief of losing her mother was too much.
Hence the reason I stood in front of a half-eaten chocolate cake, wondering how much of the extra piece that I craved would go to my hips and backside.
I decided on a cup of tea.
The kitchen was so small I couldn’t open the fridge and the oven door without the two hitting.
My sister’s house was still standing. It was my house now. But it just didn’t feel right to live there.
I put on a kettle of water and grabbed a mug from the cabinet.
Before I could drop the teabag into the empty mug like an anchor from a ship in the ocean, I heard Lo’s door open.
Hers creaked worse than mine.
“Psst,” I said from the kitchen.
“I hear you,” she said in a whispering voice.
Lo was gorgeous. She had the blue eyes of her mother but everything else came from her father. That guy was going to get his someday. Bad enough abandoning your daughter when she was a baby, but he had no problem signing away all of his rights. And there was no sign of him anywhere, even with Alex gone.
Alex. Alexandra. My sister.
Lo had her hair pulled back and was half asleep, but I could see the truth behind her eyes.
“Tea?” I asked.
“Of course,” she said.
She turned and walked to the table.
She wore her favorite hoodie from her school. It was torn up and oversized. I suspected it came from a boy but Lo swore on her life that wasn’t true.
I had no idea where she was in her life with boys… or girls… what she thought or felt. Or where Alex had left off. What conversations had been had or skipped for a better time. And I had zero experience as a mother.
As an aunt? Sign me up. Bring a toy, some sugar, do something crazy, and call it a day. But now… it was all different.
Just as the tea kettle started to whine, I lifted it off the burner.
Apartment living meant respecting those above, below, and next to you. The concept was foreign to Lo as she had lived in the same house her entire life.
I poured us tea and made it with enough milk and sugar that it looked silky white and tasted like candy.
I sat down across from Lo and she sighed.
“We meet again,” I said.
“At least tonight it’s almost two. We’re getting there, right?”
I laughed. “True. I was hoping you’d sleep better here. New place. New routine. But same town and school.”
Lo nodded. Then frowned.
“It’s okay though,” I hurried to add. “It’s all okay. It takes time. You hear every little noise from the neighbors. Right?”
“Right,” Lo said.
It had nothing to do with the neighbors.
Plus, this was just our second night here.
“Are you excited for tomorrow?” Lo asked.
“Yeah, I am,” I said.
I sipped my tea.
Excited?
To go from tracking down the really bad guys in a busy city to a small town like Sandemor? I wasn’t sure the word excited was the right word. But for Lo’s sake, it was.
“You’re lying,” Lo said.
“Logan,” I said.
“Allison,” she said back.
“I am excited,” I said. “Change is fun.”
“No, it’s not,” Lo said.
“Fine. It’s not.”
“This is my fault.”
“Nothing is your fault, Lo,” I said. “Please don’t ever think that. I’ve been honest with you this entire time. We’re going to make this work.”
Lo opened her mouth to speak again. But she stopped herself.
She looked down to her tea.
I watched the way she bit her lip.
Talk to me, Lo. Please… just talk to me…
She sipped the tea and swallowed more than just the tea down.
She was a tough girl. She had her mother’s genes. Which were my genes. We were dead set on showing the world that women like us could kick some serious butt. Even if it meant shoving a lot of emotion down.
I reached across the table and flipped Lo’s hand so it was palm up.
“Remember this?” I whispered.
I used the tips of my fingers and tickled her hand.
She pulled her hand away, laughing.
“Two seconds,” I said.
“It tickles,” she said.
Watching Lo smile made me picture her as a child again. The two of us relaxing on a rainy day, trying to watch a movie, both of us bored. I’d tickle her hand and see how long it would take her to giggle. We’d time it. Then she’d look at me and I’d ask if she wanted to play in the rain.
Alex would get annoyed and hurry to put towels on the floor for when we came in soaked.
I wished I could go back.
To dance in the rain one last time with Lo when she was innocent.
And to force my sister to get out there too. To not take life so seriously.
Maybe if I did that…
I shut my eyes and made the what if’s go away.
We finished our tea.
“We need sleep,” I said.
“Yeah we do,” Lo said.
“I’ll clean this up. You close your eyes.”
“Thanks, Au… Allie…”
I smiled.
I didn’t want to be called Aunt Allie.
Allie was fine.
Lo walked back to her room and shut the door.
I put the tea mugs in the sink and eyed the chocolate cake again.
I grabbed a fork, popped the plastic lid off and dug in.
Life was too precious to not eat chocolate cake at two-thirty in the morning.
Chapter Four
I envisioned a big breakfast before my first day on the job.
That didn’t happen.
Instead it was waffles in the toaster with Lo and I battling for bathroom time. Of course, I just needed a quick shower and to brush my teeth. I didn’t even bother to wash my hair.
For Lo, it was a process. A teenage process. Everything had to be perfect.
Watching her triple check every little feature in the mirror brought back memories of what it was like in high school for me. And that was the time before technology existed. There were no phones, unless they were attached to a wall in the kitchen. That meant there was no social media and fear of a bad picture or judgment that went beyond the halls of high school. Trust me, there were issues when I was younger, but there was also a time when a fight could solve a lot of issues.
You’re law enforcement, Allie. You endorse violence in school?
I moved from the kitchen to Lo’s bedroom and it looked like her closet threw up.
Which was the normal in the morning.
She was in her third outfit and looked ready to break down into tears.
I crept up behind her and touched her shoulder.
She screamed.
Then I screamed.
“What was that?” she
yelled at me.
“You look pretty,” I said.
“Pretty? I look pretty? I don’t want to look pretty.”
“Then you don’t look pretty,” I said. “You look rad.”
“Rad? What is rad?”
I shook my head. “I… uh… food…”
“I’ll eat on the way there,” Lo said. She turned to face her bed then spun back around. “Can I borrow some money?”
I loved that question.
Borrow some money.
Like I was ever going to get paid back, right?
It was okay though. It was the least I could do for her. Before Alex was killed, Lo worked at Enzo’s. Probably the best little pizza place in town. Where Tommy used to take me…
Never mind that.
Lo worked the counter and cleaned tables.
But she hasn’t gone back since her mother’s death.
It was on the tip of my tongue to ask her when she was going to go back, but each day was an inch forward and I feared one question could knock her back a mile.
I gave Lo a twenty and went to the kitchen.
A knock at the door stole my attention from the burnt waffles and cold coffee.
And it wasn’t just a knock.
But a series of knocks.
Aggressive, fearful…
I reached for the small gun I kept in my bag and walked to the door.
Through the peephole I saw the twisted and round face of an elderly woman.
The knock sounded again.
“One second!” I yelled as I tucked the gun into the back of my pants.
I opened the door and before I could say a word, a hand touched my wrist.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“I heard a scream.”
“Oh,” I said. “That was my niece. I accidentally scared her.”
“Oh dear,” the woman said. “Your niece?”
“Yeah. We just moved in.”
“Two days ago. I know. You can call me Miss Kesslier. I live next door, you know.”
“Nice to meet you,” I said. “I’m Allie Down.”
“Down?”
“Like… not up.”
Miss Kesslier laughed. “That was good. Welcome to the building. Sorry I didn’t stop over sooner. I was fighting off a cold. I don’t like to leave when I feel sick. Nothing worse than spreading your germs around, right?”
“Of course.”
“Bad enough so many do it. Hey, you said you live with your niece?”
I stepped out of the apartment to shield any words getting back to Lo.
So this is the nosey neighbor who wants to gossip.
“Her mother recently passed,” I said.
Miss Kesslier gasped. She grabbed my arm. “Your sister?”
“Yes.”
“How tragic,” she said. “Oh… my heart… bless you both. And your sister. God rest her soul.”
“Thank you,” I said. “It’s been hectic.”
“To say the least,” Miss Kesslier said. “Well, you’re here now. I’m here for you.”
“Oh…”
“No questions asked,” she said. “I’m right next door. No matter what it is.”
“Thank you,” I said again. It was the only way to get rid of Miss Kesslier. “That means a lot to me.”
“I’ll make sure you know the ropes around here,” she said with a laugh.
Her face was perfectly round, her hair bright white and probably bouncy once the hairspray was washed away. She wore a shirt and pants combo that matched in color and her shoes were a dirty white color. Her hands had long fingers with aged, yellowish nails. The veins in her hands were a rainbow testament to time and age.
“I’m actually on my-”
The door across from me opened and Miss Kesslier spun around.
“Good morning, Janice,” she yelled.
A short woman wearing glasses with pretty blonde hair ushered a young girl that was her twin out of the apartment. She gave a quick wave and pointed to the young girl’s backpack and they hurried toward the steps.
When the door shut, Miss Kesslier looked at me. “Janice and Janelle. What a story there.”
“I better-”
“Father walked out one night,” Miss Kesslier said. “No warning. Got up from the dinner table and that was that. He was the breadwinner for the family. Moved to the midwest to be with some whore he met online.”
“Excuse me?”
“Yeah. That’s right. You heard me. He was paying this woman for attention for six months straight. All without Janice knowing. And then he moved out there to be with this whore. Leaving Janice all alone with Janelle. And Janelle is so smart. Plays piano but here she can’t play as much or as loud. The other apartment here is where that son of a… you know what… where Calvin lives.”
“Bastard?” I asked.
“He works odd hours and is always a grump,” Miss Kesslier said. “I told him if he ever messes with Janice or Janelle I’ll take a rolling pin to the back of his skull.”
“Careful with that talk, Miss Kesslier,” I said with a grin. “I’m a detective.”
“You’re a cop?” she asked.
“That’s right,” I said. “Today is my first day on the job here. I don’t want to have to arrest you for threats, right?”
Miss Kesslier wiggled a finger at me. “You have a sense of humor like my late husband. Dry, serious, but still funny. I like you. You’ll do fine here.”
“I plan on it,” I said. “At least for the sake of my niece.”
“That’s right,” Miss Kesslier said. “Again, how sad and tragic.”
“That’s life,” I said.
“I guess I should let you go. I don’t want to obstruct justice here.”
I raised my eyebrow.
Miss Kesslier puffed out her chest. “I watch a lot of those crime shows. I’ve picked up a few things over the years.”
“Good to know,” I said. “It was a pleasure to meet you, Miss Kesslier.”
“Same to you, Allie Down. At least I know you’ll keep us all safe.”
Miss Kesslier went back into her apartment.
I scanned the hallway and turned and opened the door to my apartment.
Lo rushed from the bathroom back to her bedroom.
I sighed.
“Yeah, I’ll do everything I can to keep you safe.”
Chapter Five
I stood at Lo’s door.
I thought about knocking but held back.
She needs a minute. She needs privacy. It’ll be okay.
Seconds ticked away, but that was okay. I believed in being early and if I couldn’t be early then I’d at least be on time. I never knew when Lo was going to have a moment of grief.
My fingers touched the doorknob and when I tried to turn it, it wouldn’t move.
Locked.
That I didn’t like.
At all.
I moved from the door to my bedroom.
Lo and I shared a wall. My bed rested against the wall, her desk rested against the other side.
Feeling like a snoop (but it’s my job now!) I got on my bed and pressed my ear to the wall. I just wanted to hear something from Lo. She was so tough. So strong. Giving hints that maybe her life with my sister wasn’t as happy as the pictures showed. Which was the way life seemed to go for everyone, right? Whether it was a picture developed and stuck in a photo album or ones managed all online through social media, a smile wasn’t always a smile.
So you’re telling me that Alex was the one who ran the red light? That she was going, what, full speed? What the heck is full speed? Okay, I get it, the speed doesn’t matter. The fact that she ran the red light… maybe that doesn’t matter either. She’s never coming back to her daughter. But what about the answers? I’m trying to visualize the accident and the scene. Alex obviously must have made a mistake, right? Maybe she was thinking about work or Lo… oh, Christ, I can’t say that out loud. Lo cannot feel anything from this
. Blame, I mean. Even if she finds out Alex ran the red light… so she goes through the intersection just as another vehicle is coming? This vehicle hits the driver’s side front door and then what? Alex’s car is thrown fifteen feet and the other vehicle just drives off? What kind of vehicle was it? To hit…
My stomach began to churn. The waffles and coffee were giving me a warning that if I kept thinking about my sister’s accident, they were going to make a reappearance.
I hated the word accident.
That’s not what it was.
To me, it was murder.
If Alex ran the red light and got hit and killed… why did the other person leave?
My ear was still plastered to the wall.
I blinked to refocus on Lo.
From her room all I could hear was the faint sound of music.
Probably coming from her phone.
There was nothing else though.
In my line of work, I had to think about the worst possible scenario. And that was all the time. A traffic stop was never a traffic stop. A domestic call was never just two people in love having a disagreement. And a car accident was never just a car accident.
My niece was in her bedroom, alone, right before school, living through her own personal version of hell as she grieved the loss of her mother. She went from living in the house she grew up in to living in my apartment in the city to now living in this apartment, all the while needing to go to school and find her new sense of normal.
And was there ever a sense of normal when it came to high school?
The pressures of everything waiting for her, and now she had to carry the baggage of her mother’s death.
I made a fist and wanted to pound on the wall.
Instead, I moved off my bed and went back to Lo’s door.
This was the really tough part.
I wasn’t Aunt Allie or even Allie.
I had to think and act like a mother.
I had to know Lo was safe.
When I grabbed the doorknob, I twisted it hard and slammed my fist to the door.
I’ve been on calls like this before. The door locked. Music playing. Someone needing help. Where we had to break down the door only to find it was too late…
“Lo!” I yelled. “Open the door right now!”
My voice cracked a little.
I kept hitting the door.
My hand fought with the doorknob like I was going to break the lock.