by PJ Fernor
We were still holding hands.
The moment grew quiet between us.
He stared at me, trying to figure me out.
I lifted my hand that was holding his hand.
I put my other hand over his hand and squeezed.
“I’m sorry, Ben,” I whispered. “I just have to…”
Ben pulled his hand from mine and nodded.
“Let’s get out of here,” he said. “Before we both end up in trouble and we screw up finding this little girl.”
I climbed into my car and checked my phone.
The missed calls and texts from Lo were frantic.
There were calls from Miss Kesslier.
Even a few text messages from Miss Kesslier.
I covered my mouth with my left hand, not sure if I wanted to cry or get sick first.
Here I was judging Cat and Connor for their parenting skills or lack thereof.
But what kind of ‘mother’ was I?
Chapter Twenty-Nine
I had no idea what I was walking into when I got home, but I did not expect Lo to come charging from the dining room table, where she had been sitting with Miss Kesslier, toward me.
Arms out, hair flying back behind her.
For a split second I looked down because I swore it was the little Lo who used to love me as the crazy fun Aunt Allie.
Lo jumped into my arms.
She was just about the same height as me, so I wasn’t actually able to really pick her up.
I held her tight and looked at Miss Kesslier.
I opened my mouth and Miss Kesslier put a finger to her mouth, telling me to stay quiet.
In other words this wasn’t the time to say anything.
Ben stood behind me and he stayed silent too.
When Lo saw him, she moved away from me and wiped her eyes.
“Hey, listen, Allie, I’m going to get going here,” he said. “I’m going to go figure out what we can do about that SUV.”
He whispered low enough so Lo couldn’t hear him.
I reached for Ben and grabbed his forearm for a quick second.
Then he was gone.
I stepped into the apartment and shut the door.
“I’m so sorry,” Lo said. “You’re supposed to be… working… and I’m…”
She gasped for breath in between each word.
She sniffed and all I could see her as was little Lo again.
But Lo wasn’t little. And she wasn’t crying because she hit her knee on the pavement or a butterfly she had been playing with decided to fly away for good.
This was serious.
This was… panic…
I gently touched her arms. “Lo, listen to me. I’m here. And Ben is going right back out to work. Forget about the outside. This is just you and me.”
“I’m going to make hot cocoa for everyone!” Miss Kesslier yelled.
“You, me, and Miss Kesslier,” I said.
Lo smiled. “She’s got to go. I don’t mean that mean…”
“Go sit in your room,” I said to Lo. “I’ll be right in.”
Lo nodded and we parted ways.
I met Miss Kesslier in the kitchen.
“I don’t have anything for hot cocoa,” I said.
“I do,” she said. “I’ll be back in a few. Okay?”
Her eyes were big and begging to be part of everything.
I couldn’t say no to her.
“Of course,” I said. “And thank you for being with Lo. What happened?”
Miss Kesslier leaned toward me. “I was working on my crossword puzzle, watching the news, and then things just got crazy. She came out of her room looking for you. Almost like she forgot you were gone. And she just… she was scared, Allie. Terrified. And when she couldn’t get a hold of you, it got worse.”
“I’m sorry you had to go through that,” I said.
“No… it was fine. I was happy to be here. She misses her mother, Allie. She needs to process that grief. And when it hits…”
I stepped forward and hugged Miss Kesslier.
She smelled like mothballs, sugar, and old garlic.
I swore to myself I’d never forget that smell.
The hug was short lived and Miss Kesslier said she’d be back in no time with hot cocoa.
I faced Lo’s door and told myself this was a defining moment in our relationship.
I opened the door and Lo sat on the bed, hugging a pillow.
After I shut the door, I sat down at her desk chair and slowly turned to face the bed.
“Did you find the girl?” Lo asked.
“No,” I said. “Not yet. Is that why you’re upset?”
“I’m not upset,” she said.
“Lo… Miss Kesslier said you were panicking…”
“I was not,” she said. “I hate that old woman.”
“Logan,” I said. “Don’t say that. She’s the only help we have at the moment.”
“Because everyone leaves!” Lo yelled.
She jumped off the bed and hurried to the corner.
I rose up and walked to her.
“I miss her too,” I said. “I miss her a lot. Even if we weren’t perfect. Sisters always find a way to fight and love with the same fire. But I really miss her.”
“My father left us, Allie,” Lo said. “And he’s just… somewhere. And I’ll never know who he is. Or why he left. And it never mattered… but…”
“What?”
Lo looked back. “My friends and I were texting about getting together. And I just… I have no home. Everyone is talking about their schedules and their parents and who will and won’t be home. But what do I have? An apartment. I can’t have a party here. I can’t do anything here.”
“Oh, Lo…”
“Then they started asking me about the missing girl. Because you’re trying to find her. And they started talking about the rumors. And someone said there was once a serial killer around here. Some guy who killed kids and cops. And then there was a story that they caught the guy and killed him but it turned out it wasn’t the guy. So the town covered it up and said it was. And someone texted I hope nothing happens to your aunt, Lo, because then you’ll have nobody and you’ll be an orphan. Then they started talking about being an orphan and how cool it would be. I got scared…”
I turned Lo around and hugged her.
The instinct hit me to tell her I wasn’t going anywhere. That nothing was going to happen. That we were going to be fine.
But how could I do that?
I had just been standing on a flipped over trashcan, peeking into Connor’s garage.
What if Connor had come out of the house and done something to me?
On purpose or not…
I took a deep breath.
Lo needed me to say something though.
I pulled her away and touched her face. “First off, rumors are rumors. Every town has a story. I grew up here. So did your mother. The story when I was a kid was about a guy named Gus. He wore a long black trench coat and had dog treats and candy. He would make friends with the dogs and steal the kids. Guess what? It was all a lie. A story. Fake.”
“But this little girl missing isn’t,” Lo said.
I swallowed hard. “Lo, there are just things about my job… you saw what it was like in the city, right?”
“And I thought it would be different here,” she said.
“I know. I can’t control what people say. Or what your friends want to talk about. Everything you’re hearing is just rumor. I promise you that. They’re looking to get everyone nervous. And anyone who says something about you… just remember how strong you are.”
“I hate hearing that.”
“But you are strong. And if… when the time is right, you can go talk to someone.”
“What? Yeah, right.”
Don’t press the issue, Allie.
“I’m here, Lo. We’re going to figure it all out together. And you did the right thing tonight.”
“What?”
“Babysitter? I’m old enough…”
“Right. Sorry. Not a babysitter. I don’t know the word.”
“Where was your phone?” Lo asked, changing topics, which I welcomed.
“I left it in my car. Which I won’t do again. But I need you to know there might be times when I can’t answer. You did the right thing by calling Ben.”
“I felt so stupid.”
“Never feel stupid asking for help. Now let me go check on that hot cocoa. And let’s call it a night, okay?”
“Okay,” Lo said.
“And for the record, wherever we live, there’s no parties allowed,” I said. “I know the cop who busts up all the parties.”
“Garrison?” Lo asked.
“How did you know that?”
Her face turned red. “I… heard…”
“Yeah, okay,” I said.
I left the bedroom and smelled chocolate.
“That smells good,” I said. “Thank you so much…”
My voice trailed off when I saw Ben standing in the living room, holding two mugs of hot chocolate.
“Hey,” I said. “I thought you…”
“Your neighbor gave me these,” Ben said. “She’ll be back in a minute with marshmallows.”
“Right,” I said. “Did you find something out about the SUV already?”
Ben put the mugs down on the table.
“I have to tell you something,” he said.
“What?” I asked.
“Laura just called… a body was found…”
Chapter Thirty
Then
The little boy is awake in the middle of the night.
Again.
He doesn’t even count the days anymore.
He doesn’t cry for Milton anymore.
His father said it’s just about time to get rid of Milton’s bed.
But then two nights ago his father drank whiskey and came into the little boy’s room. He sat right on Milton’s bed and woke the little boy up to let him know he was going to replace Milton.
For him.
He was going to make it happen so the little boy needed to put a pillow over his head so he didn’t hear the sound of his new brother being made.
The little boy wasn’t sure what that meant.
But he had heard sounds from his parent’s room before.
Momma said it was just his father tickling her. And telling adult jokes.
That was when Momma was happy.
But she’s not happy now.
And she might never be.
The little boy touches Milton’s bed.
“I miss you,” he whispers.
“I miss you too, brother…” an echoey voice says.
The little boy gasps and moves away from the bed.
Then he hears a snickering laugh.
He turns and sees his sister standing in the doorway.
She shows him the middle finger again.
“Let it go, Frank,” she whispers. “God. You’re going to kill Mom. Just let it go.”
“You… you…”
“What are you stuttering about? Are you slow? I should have pushed you instead.”
The little boy feels scared. His heart is racing.
He hates his sister.
Why is she like this? She was never like this before.
What happened to her?
“Remember what I said to you, Frank,” she says.
She looks around and reaches behind her. She has a gun. A real life gun.
The little boy nods.
“Tell me what I said to you, Frank,” she says.
“I… I won’t say anything… I promise…”
“What happened up there?”
“He… he fell…”
“Who fell?”
“Milton.”
“What a moron,” she says.
His sister lifts the handgun and points it at the little boy.
The little boy’s teeth begin to chatter.
He doesn’t want to be shot and killed.
“Good boy, Frank,” she says. “Good boy.”
She lowers the gun and walks away.
The little boy jumps into his bed and hugs his pillow.
He wants to cry so badly but he doesn’t.
He curls up under the blankets and falls asleep.
The morning light wakes him.
Morning.
The little boy climbs out of bed and looks at Milton’s empty bed.
Then he walks through the creaky house and goes down the steps.
He doesn’t hear his father’s voice.
His father drinks a lot more than normal now, which means he sleeps in a lot too.
The little boy smells food.
Real food.
Bacon. Eggs. Toast. Butter.
The smell of coffee too.
The little boy smiles and races toward the kitchen.
When he enters, he sees Momma standing at the sink.
She’s staring out the window.
And she’s smiling.
The little boy smiles.
“Momma,” he whispers.
This is it… she’s back to normal now…
His father was right.
It was going to…
Momma turns and looks at the little boy.
“Oh, Frank,” she says. “You should be in bed. Go back to bed.”
The little boy looks down and sees his mother’s wrists are cut.
There’s blood squirting from the deep wounds, pulsing like some kind of gross and scary movie.
The little boy tries to scream but can’t.
Momma shuts her eyes and falls down to the kitchen floor…
… all while breakfast begins to burn.
Chapter Thirty-One
Jessie
Jessie loved to take walks.
She had memories - good memories - of her and her parents going for walks through the neighborhood. It was how Jessie remembered herself as growing up. Now, there were probably pictures and stuff of her in a stroller as a baby, but that was too far back to actually remember. What Jessie did remember was pedaling her red and white tricycle. The one that was under the Christmas tree. The one she had to wait until the week of Valentine’s Day to use because up until then it had been cold and snowy. But that week there had been a weird stretch of warm weather that melted the snow and it was nice enough to pedal the tricycle.
In a way, the walks were only for her parents.
Jessie pedaled her tricycle. Then her first real bike. With training wheels. Then the training wheels were gone. And then she got a new bike…
Jessie’s teeth chattered as she walked in the darkness next to the man.
“You cold?” the man asked her.
“A little,” she whispered.
“We’ll be home soon. Don’t worry. We’ll be back home really soon.”
Jessie had no idea where she was.
That was the worst part.
When the man came rushing down the basement to tell her they were leaving, it was a sign of hope. Jessie promised herself if she ever had the chance to run, she would do it. No matter what happened, it was better than being chained to a wall in that creepy basement.
The man had freed her and shown her a gun, making it known if she did anything stupid, she’d die. That was enough to keep Jessie calm and listening.
She finally got to see the first floor of the house.
It was old, smelly, like some forgotten place in the world.
And all the windows were covered in newspapers instead of curtains. Most of the newspapers were faded, leaving sunlight to spread across the room.
That’s when the man put a blindfold over her eyes.
Jessie cried.
She couldn’t help it.
“We’re just going for a walk,” the man had said to her. “There’s no reason to cry. And if you listen to me and help m
e, I’ll even let you walk back home without the blindfold on. Okay?”
Jessie nodded in agreement.
She listened to the man struggling to carry something.
He tossed that something over his shoulder and then put something metal on Jessie’s wrist and his wrist. To make sure they were connected together. Plus, he still had the gun.
Then they walked in the dark.
In the cool night.
Jessie blindfolded.
Every sound like a hint that Jessie couldn’t makes sense of.
When they had stopped, the man struggled with whatever he was holding. He said a lot of curse words. And then he stopped moving completely. Jessie swore the man started to cry.
“Want to see what happens?” the man asked.
“Yes,” Jessie had said, desperate to see anything outside.
The man took off the blindfold.
He was mad. He was sad.
He pointed to what he had brought all the way out here.
When Jessie saw what it was, she tried to scream.
The man covered her mouth and his eyes went really wide.
“That is what could happen to you,” he had said to her. “But I don’t want that for you. So we’re going to walk back to the house like a good girl. Quiet. Next to me. Do you understand?”
Jessie nodded again.
Everything she had planned in her head was wasted now.
And it was all Jessie could think about on the walk back to the house.
It made it seem like she was listening to the man’s orders, but in reality she was numb.
She was dead inside.
Dead…
The man put the blindfold back on Jessie before they got back to the house.
They went inside and the man guided Jessie to the couch.
He sat her down and chained her wrist to the couch.
“You can sit here for a few minutes,” he said. “I need to sit too.”
“Can I just stay here, please?” Jessie asked.
The man took the blindfold off her face again and he smiled. “It’s so good to hear you say that. That you want to stay. You’re going to stay. Right here.”