by Michelle Amy
“Oh, it doesn’t matter,” I said, shaking my head. “Something I’d rather forget.”
“But you won’t.”
I blinked and looked up at him. It was true. I would never forget what Chris had done to me. I would never forget that final night with him, when he stood over me and stared down at me and made me feel like the most powerless thing on the planet. I could still close my eyes and see all my mother’s china lying in pieces on the kitchen floor. I sighed. “No, I won’t.”
Jack leaned forward and took a sip of his wine. He didn’t look up at me for a while. When he finally did, his eyes looked darker than I remembered. “Did someone hurt you, Alice?”
Yes, I wanted to say to him. Yes, and I’ve been afraid ever since. “It was a long time ago. I can’t change it. What’s done is done.”
Jack didn’t like that answer. “What happened?”
For some reason I was compelled to tell him. Denying him the truth made me feel like I was carrying a huge weight on my chest. But I also felt like confessing was giving him a lot of information about me. It was my baggage, not his. It was my mistake, not his.
He reached out and rested a hand on mine. “Alice. It’s alright.”
I took a deep breath. “My ex. He wasn’t the nicest person. He… he abused me. Not physically. He never hit me, but he made me feel weak. He tried to control me. When he couldn’t, he lost it. He tore my kitchen apart, threatened me. I’ve never felt so afraid, or so ashamed. I couldn’t believe that I ever let myself get into that situation. He’s why I left New York. He’s why Brooke doesn’t want me to be out with you right now. He did a lot of damage. It’s taken me a long time to bounce back.”
“I’m sorry,” Jack said. His eyes were soft and his thumb was gently stroking the back of my hand.
“Thank you. But I’m okay. It’s all okay. It’s behind me now.”
He let go of my hand when our server returned, and we ordered more wine. The buzz in my head made me forget about Chris, and I was able to give Jack my undivided attention as he changed the subject to lighter things. He took my mind off of Chris with ease, and for that I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to kiss him more than anything.
We stayed at Vixen’s until the place closed. When we were the last ones there we finally extracted ourselves from our seats and stumbled out of the place, clinging to each other for support as the alcohol threatened our balance. Jack wrapped an arm around my waist, and the warmth of his touch and the strength of him did something to my knees that I couldn’t just blame on the wine or the cold weather that made me shiver.
Jack leaned out over the curb and waived down a taxi for us. In the back of the cab he rested a hand on my knee and traced small circles over the denim. “We better get you home, before Brooke puts all your stuff out in the lobby.”
I lifted my cheek from his shoulder. “I don’t want to.”
“You said slow.”
“Screw slow.”
Then he was kissing me. His stubble was tickling my cheeks and my nose and his hands were in my hair again. I didn’t care about the cab driver who was graciously quiet in the front. I let Jack do what he wanted. He pressed himself against me like he was the one who was cold, and his hands couldn’t decide where they wanted to be. My knee, my thigh, my hip, my back. I smiled into our kiss as his fingers traced my spine.
When we pulled up in front of his house we managed to untangle ourselves long enough for him to pay the cab driver, who drove off as soon as the cash was in his fingers. I couldn’t blame him. I wouldn’t want to be driving two people who were in the back seat ‘sucking face’.
Jack pulled me by the hand up his driveway and to his front door. He fumbled with the keys and I made his job more difficult by leaning in and kissing his neck and his ear. He dropped the keys and I erupted in a fit of giggles.
When he tried to put the keys in again I stood behind him and wrapped my arms around him. I slid one hand up the inside of the front of his shirt.
He caught my wrist and held me fast. “Woman,” he snarled, “you are not making this easy.”
“What are you gonna do about it?” I teased, dragging my nails of my other hand along his lower stomach.
Finally he managed to get the door open and we both burst inside. He pressed me against the wall and slammed the door closed with his foot. His hands pinned my wrists above my head and he rained kisses of his own on my neck. I shuddered against him.
I tugged at the hem of his shirt and he pulled it off over his head.
“Who knew car salesmen were so ripped,” I whispered, taking in the view of his chiseled stomach and arms.
He did the one shoulder shrug yet again and I turned to butter beneath him. As he leaned into me I ran my hands over his back and shoulders. I traced lines down his arms and felt the veins in his forearms. I undid the button on his jeans and he undid mine, and it wasn’t long before his warm body was pressed against mine.
I hooked one leg around his in an attempt to hold him close for as long as I could. I fell into him and let him lead me through it all. His wandering hands held my hips and thighs with a strength that made me quiver beneath him. His kisses were strong and urgent and he demanded more from me.
He unclipped my bra with one hand and the other hand pulled it away and tossed it off the bed. He released my wrists which were still pinned above my head, but his eyes held me in place. Then he started to move down, his lips trailing across my chest and down the middle of my stomach. He teased me mercilessly and rained more kisses along my hips, just above my jeans. He hooked his fingers in my belt loops to get more control of me, and used them to turn me around so that I was pressed face first against the wall. I stayed where I was, hands splayed on either side of my face, while he shimmied my jeans off.
His hands wandered all over me again. He held my hips and my ass and came up to stand behind me. He pressed his face into my shoulder, nibbling my neck and my ear. He brushed my hair away and held it, pulling my head back gently to expose my throat. He bestowed more kisses and more nibbles there, taking his time. All the while his hands were on my hips, holding me to him.
He reached around my front and cupped my breasts. His breath on my neck and the gentle squeeze of his hands gave me butterflies all over again. I tried to turn around- I so desperately wanted to kiss him. But he held me fast, pinning me beneath his weight and his strength. He would only let me turn around when it was his idea.
Jack kept me there for only a few more moments before he slowly turned me to face him. I hooked my arms around his neck and he leaned down to kiss me. Our breath became quick and eager. My fingers buried themselves in his hair and the sudden pang of need that rippled through me demanded that I satisfy it.
He pulled away and took my hand, guiding me slowly down the hall and up his stairs. On the landing we kissed again. His hands wandered to the top of my underwear and he teased me a bit more. I struck back, my own hands working to try to get his pants off. I had to struggle with his belt for only a moment before I found success.
He stepped out of his pants and gathered me up in his arms. He carried me to his room and gently placed me on the edge of the bed. Then he placed one hand between my breasts and pushed me to lay down. I did as I was told.
He pulled my panties off and I silently thanked myself for wearing a cute lace pair, despite my intentions of returning to my own apartment alone that night.
He worked his way back up, using his teeth this time. His hand on my thigh moved to between my legs and he began to stroke me ever so gently. He muffled my gasp with another kiss. He pulled me closer to the edge of the bed and my hands sought the waistband of his boxers. He laughed at my pathetic attempt and the sound of his laughter only made me want him more. He helped me as I tried to pull his boxers down.
He bent over me again and his fingers entwined themselves in mine above my head. His kisses grew stronger, more intense. His teeth pinched my bottom lip and I felt him settle between my legs. I couldn’t resist the
heat that was forming there, and I tried to edge my way closer to him. He smiled into our kiss, knowing that I wanted more; knowing I was ready.
And then we were one. He pressed into me and I surrendered to him. I let him carry me away to sensations that were completely new to me. All the while he watched me beneath him. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. His hands held mine, or they held my hips, or they were on my breasts. He lowered himself down over me and I wrapped my fingers around his wrists.
I gave him everything I had. I let him take me away with him until we both finally collapsed back into the bed and I was coiled around him and my skin was covered in glistening sweat.
His eyes were closed as he lay on his back and my arm was draped across his chest. As I stared at his jaw and his cheekbones and his eyebrows I came to a sudden and startling realization: that he was mine.
Chapter Seven
I unlocked my apartment door and tried to slip inside as quietly as possible. I held my boots in my hand so that my steps on the hardwood floor were muffled by my socks. I made it four steps into the apartment before Brooke’s head peaked out her bedroom door and she pointed at me and the boots in my hand.
“Walk of shame!” She cried. “I told you so!”
I dropped my boots on the floor and put a hand on my hip. “For your information, he dropped me off. He woke up earlier than me, made me coffee and eggs and brought them to me in bed. Then he gave me a towel and I showered there. And he brought me home because he knew you’d be shitting bricks.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. And we had an amazing time. And we’re going out again on Sunday. And I’m really happy. And you’d like him if you gave him a chance. And-”
She held up a hand. “Alice. Relax.” She came out of her room and came to stand beside me. She chewed the inside of her cheek and stared at her hands which were clasped in front of her. “I’ve been thinking, and I think I was too hard on you last night. I just really don’t want you to get hurt again. But I trust you. If you say he’s a good guy, then he’s a good guy.”
“Brooke,” I said, the smile I had been wearing all the previous night returning to my face, “you have no idea how good he is. He gets me. He gets me and he still likes me. What’s with that?”
Brooke laughed. “I get you and I like you.”
“Exactly. He’s a good guy.”
Brooke nodded. “I get it.”
“Thank you for looking out for me all the time. I’m lucky to have you.”
“Oh don’t pull that with me right now,” she said, waving me away as soon as she saw the tears bursting to life in my eyes. “Miss flow just showed up and I’m not about to start crying this early.”
I laughed and felt lighter as our friendship returned to normal and our mini fight passed. I went to my room to get ready for work, and Brooke followed hot on my heels asking for details about my date with Jack. I put it all out there for her. She nodded along and was pleasantly surprised to find how much we had talked.
I glanced at the clock on the wall. “I gotta head, okay? But I’ll be home around one in the morning. Will you be home?”
“Yes, I’ll pick something on Netflix and will be waiting with snacks and pizza.”
“You are the best.”
Chapter Eight
At work the following day my eyes continuously darted to the front doors. I was hoping that Jack would come for a visit. There was a part of me that was leaking doubt into my mind: he got what he wanted last night, he may not pop by for little visits anymore.
This was my toxic mind. This was the insecure mind that Chris had single-handedly created. Jack wasn’t like that. I knew he wasn’t. He had an edge, sure, but at his core he was a good man, and I knew he had enjoyed himself on our date just as much as I had.
Regardless, the hours ticked by and by the time it was nearly one in the morning, there had still been no sign of him. I worked the bar with Claire that night, and she noticed my incessant head bobbing. I’d look down as I poured drinks, and look up to the doors whenever I handed them off.
“You’re going to give yourself whiplash,” she called over the music as she sidled up beside me. “Who are you watching for?”
I pursed my lips.
She laughed. “Jack, perchance?”
I nodded.
“Holy hell, girl, has he got you wrapped around his little finger, or what?”
“Maybe a little bit,” I said, flashing her a smile.
We worked well together. We had an uncanny ability to be able to move around each other without colliding. We traded drinks and finished pours for one another. We engaged in playful conversation with our customers, and my tip jar got more action in the two hours I worked with her than it had any other night. I was going to make a point to ask Max if the two of us could work tandem more often.
I handed off four shots of tequila, and then the next customer stepped forward. I grinned when I saw him: Jack. He was smiling back at me. “Barkeep, you know what to do!” He said, raising an eyebrow and cramming a twenty dollar bill into my tip jar.
“You know, I like spending time with you. You don’t need to pay me to do it.”
“I wasn’t sure,” he shrugged. “I thought I’d play it safe.”
Claire told me to sit with him and chat for a bit, and that she could manage the bar for fifteen minutes or so. I gratefully slipped out and hopped up on to the bar stool beside him. He leaned in and gave me a soft, sweet kiss that reminded me of all the kisses from the previous night, and left me aching for one more. He gave it to me, but then pulled away. “If Max catches me making the moves on his staff he may kick me out of here.”
“Well, we don’t want that. I guess I’ll just have to wait until my shift is over.”
“I guess you will,” he said, eyeing my deviously. He ran a hand up my thigh. “But I didn’t say I was going to make it easy on you.”
I slapped his hand away and he threw his head back and laughed. The playfulness that he stirred within me was something I hadn’t felt in a long time. Brooke could bring it out of me, when we sat in the apartment and watched silly movies and binged on ice cream and pizza. But a man never made me that comfortable. A man made me feel like I had to sit straight, compose myself, smile sweetly. Not Jack. Jack made me feel like fire.
A shoulder bumped into my left side and something cold and wet spilled down my side.
“Sorry,” a man’s voice said.
I looked over. A blonde haired man wearing a denim shirt and black jeans was smiling at me while reaching behind the bar for a napkin. He handed it to me. “I’m such a klutz,” he said, “I didn’t mean to, someone bumped into me.”
“That’s okay,” I said, wiping my arm down. “Just a bit of beer, no harm done.”
He grinned at me. “Thanks, most girls would throw a fit.”
I shrugged. “Well, consider yourself lucky then.” I turned back to Jack, who was eyeing the man on my other side. “Where were we?” I said to him. His eyes slid back to me.
The blonde man tapped my shoulder. “Can I buy you a drink, miss, in a way of apology?”
I gave Jack a look that said, ‘I can handle this’. I turned back to the stranger. “I appreciate it, but that’s okay. I’m here on a date.” I pointed my thumb over my shoulder at Jack. The man looked at Jack, afforded him a brief up down, and then looked back at me.
“I wasn’t asking you out, I was just offering to buy you a drink.” His tone had lost it’s casual and friendly tone.
“I know, and I’m okay. I have a drink. You don’t need to waste your money.” I couldn’t think of a nicer way to say no. I still smiled, but there was a sense of uneasiness growing within me.
His eyes darkened. He put his beer down on the counter. “Why are bitches like you so stuck up, huh? You can’t just take a drink from a guy and say thank you, can you?”
I blinked. “That’s not at all what I was saying, I just-”
“Just shut up, I don’t give a shit. Go back to yo
ur date.”
I listened to him. His words and his tone reminded me of Chris, and I turned around in my stool and faced Jack.
His fists were balled up on his knees. His eyes were fixed on the man behind me and I could see the muscles in his jaw flexing. This was what Claire had warned me about.
“Jack,” I said, resting a hand over one fist. “It’s not worth it, just leave it alone.”
My words fell on deaf ears. Jack wasn’t listening to me. He was listening to the rage pumping through his veins, and I tried to think of something to say or do to calm him down. The drunk asshole behind me was a big guy. He was also heavily intoxicated, and I didn’t want Jack to get hurt.
“Please,” I said, clinging to his wrist when he stood up. Jack shook me off.
Suddenly Claire was in front of me on the other side of the bar. She slammed her hand down to get my attention. The ring on her thumb echoed on the wood surface and made me jump. When I looked up at her, she motioned for me to move behind the bar with her. Her eyes flicked to the front door.
Two of our bouncers were cutting through the crowd to get to us. This was an operation. They all knew what was about to happen. I was the only one who hadn’t seen this before. I swung my legs around the bar stool, slipped behind Jack, and joined Claire. She pulled me back with her against the wall of liquors and wrapped her hand in mine. “He’ll be fine,” she said in my ear, “trust me.”
I didn’t trust her. There wasn’t a single bone in my body that felt like this was going to go well. My heart was pounding, my palms were sweaty, and there was a nauseous feeling swirling in my belly that reminded me of how I had felt the night Chris lost his mind. Fear. I hadn’t felt true, genuine fear since that moment, and now it was racing through me again, threatening me with dizziness.
The blonde man who had started this mess was laughing. He was about half a foot taller than Jack, and heavy set, most likely a football player. He jeered and snickered as Jack rolled the sleeves of his shirt up. I craned my neck to find the bouncers. They were on their way, but they didn’t seem to be in much of a hurry.