Be NOT a monster.
CHAPTER 8
THE MOST EXTREME PLACES ON EARTH
This is me on the second day of school.
Here we are walking to the bus stop and yes, I am holding the Big Pest’s hand.
It wasn’t my idea. But the Big Pest wasn’t sure if Bert was really truly a monster so he grabbed my hand and wouldn’t let go.
Because he was a little scared, the Big Pest didn’t want to sit near Bert on the bus. Instead we sat next to Einstein, who acted like she had never seen me before in her life. I could hardly hear Bert four rows back.
It was different. Bert growled and burped. He ruined the Fabulous Palace and the magic tree. Bert ruined every-thing. He even tried to ruin My Life.
Bert did just what I asked. He let go.
I went flying.
I wasn’t okay. I was MAD. Really mad.
I’m not going to draw you a picture of how I felt because if I did, I would look like a monster and I am NOT the monster. Bert is! So just imagine me taking the Big Pest to his classroom.
Imagine how I felt in Mrs. Grogan’s class, where my ship of discovery was still right in front of Bert’s.
Imagine me WISHING I could send Bert flying.
The lowest place on Earth sounds like the perfect spot for Bert!
Mrs. Grogan turned out the lights and turned on the projector. Everybody opened their Top Ten Geography notebooks.
Everybody except me. I opened my book, the one you’re reading now, My Life in Pictures. I turned to a brand-new page.
36,000 feet below sea level? That sounds like a great place for you, Bert! I hope you can swim!
Here’s my drawing of Bert where he belongs—in a shark cage 36,000 feet below sea level. Hold your breath, Bert!
Here’s Bert, 29,000 feet up at the tip-top of the world. Don’t look down, Bert!
It’s hot enough to set your hair on fire, Bert! Wear plenty of sunscreen!
Here’s Bert in Antarctica. Don’t feed the penguins!
Ha-ha-ha-ha, Bert, you are flying in . . .
No! No! No way! I can’t send Bert to Australia!
This is me trying to erase my picture of Bert in the middle of a cyclone in Australia.
This is everybody else outside at recess.
And me wishing I didn’t press so hard on the paper when I draw.
This is Mrs. Grogan with really truly smoke coming out of her ears.
This is me hiding under my desk because Mrs. Grogan is holding My Life in her hands.
This is Mrs. Grogan, looking at my pictures of Bert in the cyclone and Bert in Antarctica and Bert in Death Valley and on Mount Everest and way down under the Pacific Ocean.
This is Mrs. Grogan looking at my pictures of Yvonne and me in the magic tree and the Fabulous Palace and the Big Pest and my mom and dad and Wendy the Weather Woman and Fireman Dave. Fireman Dave, if only you could rescue me now.
This is Mrs. Grogan, sending me to the absolute lowest place on Earth.
CHAPTER 9
THE LOWEST PLACE ON EARTH
This picture is blank because I am on the playground without my pencil, without my book.
This picture is blank because I don’t want to think about what will happen next when recess is over.
CHAPTER 10
THE MONSTER ON TOP OF THE WORLD
This is really truly what happened next when recess was over.
I looked at Einstein. I looked at Mrs. Grogan. Why didn’t she call on Einstein if she wanted the right answer?
I closed my eyes. I could hear Bert behind me breathing. Then I remembered drawing him on . . .
I closed my eyes. I could see Bert on top of Mount Everest. Then I remembered.
And then Mrs. Grogan turned on the projector and showed the picture.
You know the one.
This one. The picture I drew of Bert on top of Mount Everest.
This is everybody laughing, except me.
This is me hiding under my desk while Mrs. Grogan showed my pictures of Bert on Mount Everest, and Bert in the Pacific Ocean, and Bert in Antarctica and Death Valley, and Bert waving in the wind in Australia.
This is everybody cheering and Bert acting like he really truly was on top of the world.
This is me hiding under my desk, where I will NOT hear everyone laughing when Mrs. Grogan shows all the other pictures in my book, of Yvonne and me and the Fabulous Palace and the Big Pest.
All those pictures of what really truly happened and all those pictures of what I WISH would happen. This is me hiding under my desk at the bottom of the universe, where I will NOT hear everyone laughing at My Life in Pictures.
CHAPTER 11
I’M AN AMAZING ARTIST!
But Mrs. Grogan didn’t show any more pictures. She turned off the projector and turned on the lights.
Then she picked up the answer from my desk and showed it to the class.
Everybody—even Bert—knew the answer to that question.
I peeked out from the bottom of the universe. I didn’t hear anyone laughing.
Here is what I heard.
And like magic, the second day of school got better than I could ever have wished for.
Even recess.
Even lunch.
Even Bert. For the first time, Bert didn’t growl, burp, or call me names. He was quiet.
Here is Mrs. Grogan giving me back my book. She gave me back My Life.
Here I am sitting with Einstein again on the bus. This time she talked to me.
I think that meant she liked my pictures.
I knew that meant she really liked my pictures.
I didn’t walk home from the bus stop with Bert because Trevon and Tommy did.
I did walk home with the Big Pest, which took forever because every few steps he stopped to pick up a stick for Sophie, but that was okay.
Because when I got home, this letter was waiting for me. This letter with the kangaroo stamp. I couldn’t have wished for a better second day of school.
CHAPTER 12
MY FIRST LETTER
This is the letter that I got in the mail from Yvonne.
This is the first letter that I finally really truly sent to Yvonne.
Here are the Top Five Things That I WISH Would Happen:
1. The fastest wind on record, 5,000 miles per hour, blows me to Yvonne’s house in Australia.
2. Yvonne and I play with her pet kangaroo.
3. Yvonne and I swim in the real Pacific Ocean.
4. Yvonne and I draw pictures of strange and beautiful flowers on a brand-new Fabulous Palace.
5. My mom and dad really truly say I can visit Yvonne in Australia.
I WISH.
This is the second letter that I really truly sent to Yvonne.
I really truly did paint a picture of Mount Everest on the fence.
The Big Pest and Sophie helped.
So did Bert.
I think Bert looks good with a mustache.
This is me, Beatrice Holmes Garcia. This is my book, or I should say, my FIRST book. It’s okay if you laughed at my pictures. They’re supposed to be funny.
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