Lauren knew this was true. “Well, he can’t. He doesn’t have time for friends.”
“He doesn’t want friends. He doesn’t want people to get close to him. It compromises his power over them. I bet you’ll find out he’ll keep even you out of certain places in his life.”
“Charles tells me everything,” said Lauren, lying through her teeth. Kelly didn’t know about her conversation with Charles the night he left for London.
“That may be so, or not,” said Kelly cryptically. “Anyway, in my opinion, Charles sees himself as superior to the rest of humanity, and I think it will lead to trouble for you.” Lauren shook her head slowly until Kelly spoke again. “Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to come in here to trash Charles. I just want to make sure you’re all right and happy with your choices.”
“You’re entitled to your opinions, Kelly. I’m not saying you’re not,” Lauren said edgily, “however, I will tell you that I am going through with my marriage to Charles. I…I love him. And we are going to have a wonderful life together. This…this infatuation is just some kind of pre-wedding jitters or something. I’m going to tell Caleb that. He’s a reasonable man, and he’ll understand. I’m just going to be honest.”
“Are you, Lauren?” asked her friend, and before Lauren could answer, Kelly left the room, shutting the door with slightly more force than necessary.
Lauren pushed away from her desk, laid her head back against the cushioning of her chair, and stared at the ceiling. There was really nothing left to do except make sure Kelly could find everything she needed when she took over the job. The day dragged on. Finally, she looked at the clock. It was four; it was time to call Caleb and tell him the change of plans. She was prepared for him to be upset, but he was perfectly calm.
“That’s fine,” he said. “Just give me the address, and I’ll be there. I’d like to see where you work, anyway.”
After he hung up, Lauren paced up and down the long room, agitated. Nearly a half-hour passed and she finally called Kelly. “Can you come in here for a moment?”
Kelly came through the door two minutes later. “What?” she said flatly.
“Are you angry with me?”
“Of course not!” said Kelly. “Just exasperated, I guess. I don’t know, Lauren. I guess I have to just tell you straight. Nothing like this would have happened if you were truly in love with Charles. Bottom line. That’s the fact.”
“That’s not true!” Lauren argued indignantly. “You can have an attraction to another person, even when you’re in love with someone else.”
“Not an attraction that’s such a distraction,” persisted Kelly. “And, Lauren, whatever you do with your life, I will support you and be there for you, but I’ve told you from the start, I don’t think Charles is the man for you. But I’m not marrying him; you are. You’d better search your soul, though, and make the right choice.”
There was a knock at the door.
“Come in,” Lauren called out.
The door opened, and Caleb walked in. He had the dark gray trousers on and a light blue linen shirt. The sleeves were rolled above the elbow, exposing his powerful forearms.
“Oh,” he said easily, “I didn’t mean to disturb you. I’ll wait out here.”
“Don’t, no, don’t worry,” said Lauren nervously, coming around the desk. “This is my friend and colleague, Kelly Russell. She was just leaving anyway.”
Caleb extended his hand and shook Kelly’s politely. “Pleased to meet you.”
“The pleasure is mine,” said Kelly, smiling. “Well, I’ll be going now. Oh, Lauren, could I see you in the hall a minute, please?”
Lauren followed Kelly out of her office, shutting the door behind her. Kelly’s hand snaked out, and her fingers closed around Lauren’s wrist.
“Is that him?” she hissed in a stage whisper. “Is it? Is that the plumber?”
“Yes, that’s the plumber.”
“Plumber! He’s not a plumber; he’s a goddamn movie star! What’s going on here! You are crazy, girl! You better think about this hard. Call me later.” She dropped Lauren’s wrist and skipped down the curved marble stairs toward the front door.
Lauren stared after her for a second, then returned to her office. Caleb was standing where she had left him, looking around the opulent room.
“Sorry about that,” she apologized.
“Oh, no problem,” he said. “Your office certainly isn’t like mine.” He laughed.
“Well, we use some of the antiques and artwork in the offices. It makes a good impression when we entertain potential supporters. We get very little government funding. We depend mostly on gifts from wealthy donors.”
“Hmm,” said Caleb. “And you’re leaving this job? Don’t you like it?”
“Oh, yes, but…Well, sit down, Caleb.” She gestured to the Queen Anne chair Kelly had vacated and went around to sit at her own chair.
Caleb remained standing, a small smile on his face. Lauren looked up, surprised. “Something wrong?”
“I’m not a patron,” he said. “I’m not going to sit across this massive desk from you to discuss our private lives. Let’s sit over here.” He pointed to an intimate grouping of a small loveseat and two overstuffed chairs against the far, book-lined wall.
Lauren stood up slowly. “Well, okay. Yes, we can sit over here.” Her heart was pounding. She was trying to keep a physical distance from him. She knew what she had to do, and she knew that any touch from him had the power to erode her convictions.
Caleb sat down on the loveseat, legs apart, leaning forward, his arms resting on his knees. Lauren sat in the big chair facing him, her shoes left on the floor as she curled her legs up under her. She pulled at the hem of her khaki skirt, trying to cover more of her shapely legs. Nervously, she fussed with the cuffs of her white blouse. Caleb spoke first.
“I came to ask you to break off your engagement, or at least postpone the wedding. Just until we can figure out what to do. I don’t think you’re ready to get married, Lauren, at least not to that guy, and I’m in love with you. I’d like to give us a chance.”
Lauren looked at him, sitting on the loveseat, the poster boy for masculine virility. She could hardly repress the temptation to reach out and touch him, just to feel those muscles rippling under her fingers whenever he moved. For a moment, her mind stuck and all she could think of was his hands on her throat, stroking her, caressing her breasts, opening all her physical and emotional floodgates. For all his animal strength, he was gentle with his touch, yet he could stir the flame in her until the resulting fire between them transported her to unexplored heights of passion.
“Lauren?” He looked at her with that dear, open and honest face. The green lights in his eyes smoldered now with emotion, with that passion she had come to know so well.
“Caleb,” she said, standing back up, “I have to say this. Please hear me out. I’ve never met anyone like you. I’m drawn to you like a moth to a flame. Everything we did together, I — I have never experienced with anyone, but I’m engaged to someone else. Someone who leads the life I do.” Lauren began to pace. Caleb remained motionless on the couch. “I intend to go through with my wedding to Charles. I intend to continue with my plans, with my goals for my life.” She turned her back to him, pretending to concentrate on the books on the shelves. She was trying to forget how safe he made her feel. Why couldn’t she just let go? She was trying to forget his charming way of speaking so honestly and openly about everything. She was trying desperately to forget what he looked like when he leaned over her in bed. She heard him stand. In a moment, she felt the heat of his body as he stood very closely behind her. His arms went around her.
“You will regret it,” he said simply. “Just postpone things. Come back to New England with me. You can stay in your grandmother’s house for a while. You said you had such good memories of your time there, that you loved that house.”
Lauren melted back into his chest. She felt her resolve weakening, and she
struggled to maintain her stand. She said defiantly, “I do love the house, but that was a long time ago! That was the old Lauren. I’ve made it, Caleb. I’m where I always pictured myself. I worked to get here. Maybe if I did live there and I wasn’t engaged, then there would be something between us. I mean, there is something between us, but I won’t let it interfere. I won’t let it happen and spoil my plan!”
He spun her around then, and kissed her hard and long. She slumped forward into his embrace, her lips opening involuntarily, inviting his probing tongue into the warmth of her body. His hand was on the small of her back, then up under the blouse, on her bare skin. She could feel the thrill between her legs as he clasped her tightly.
“I love you, Lauren,” he whispered.
Suddenly, she pulled back and away from him. “No, no. Please! Please don’t touch me! I love you, too! I do.” Tears gathered at the corners of her eyes.
He stood there, motionless, arms at his sides. Her own heart was aching. She had better get this over with. She smoothed the sides of her skirt. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry you came. I wish you hadn’t. I want you to leave now. Please.” Caleb’s image blurred as those tears scalded her eyes. She blinked hard, and they spilled down her cheeks, but she stood her ground, determined.
Caleb gave a little sigh. Lauren saw him recover, and he spoke quietly. “I’m not sorry I came. We had to work it out, and it looks like we have. I’m worried for you, Lauren, but I’m not going to stand here and beg. You know how I feel, and you’ve made it clear what you want. I see what’s important to you, but I’ve got things that are important to me, too. I’ve got some standards that I don’t compromise. I guess I thought you were that kind of person, too. Actually, I think you are. I think you’re afraid to look yourself in the face, to see the real Lauren. For some reason, you think you’re more in control behind this smoke screen you’ve created for yourself. I’ll leave, but I will always remember the time we had together. Like I said, I’m pretty good at living with my memories.”
“Oh, Caleb,” she cried, “I love you, but can’t you see how much I would have to change? How much I would have to give up for this love of ours?”
Caleb gave a little, quizzical laugh. “You don’t give up anything for true love,” he said. “Love gives you everything.” He said nothing more. He turned, and with his easy, unconcerned demeanor, left the room, closing the door softly behind him.
Lauren stood, shocked at what she had instigated. She felt as though someone had sucker punched her in the stomach. She felt sick. She heard the soft voice of the watchman, the big front doors open and close. Then silence. She collapsed in a small heap beside the chair and wept.
The surge of emotion exhausted her, and after her sobs had subsided to whimpers, Lauren must have drifted off to a fitful sleep, for she awoke in a panic to the click of her door opening a half hour later. She tried to scramble up from the floor. Her legs were leaden, cramped by the position in which she had crouched in her despair, and she nearly fell over. The room was dark.
“Lauren!”
It was Kelly. “Here I am,” Lauren said weakly, pulling herself to her feet. Her face felt puffy, and her eyes burned. Kelly crossed the room and switched on the desk lamp. The two friends stood staring at each other.
Kelly gasped. “Lauren! What happened? I came back to the office to get a paper I forgot and then I heard something in here when I was leaving. Tell me, what went on?”
Lauren sat down heavily in the big chair. “I told Caleb there couldn’t be anything between us. I told him. I told him I was going through with my marriage to Charles and that was it.”
“Oh, dear,” breathed Kelly, sitting on the arm of the chair. She took Lauren’s hand in her own. “Did he freak out?”
“No.” Lauren sniffled. “No, he didn’t, not at all. He just said he was good at living with his memories, and he left. Just walked out.”
Kelly sighed. “Well, what did you expect? That’s what you wanted, wasn’t it?”
Lauren said, “I was fine. I was fine until he left. Then I came undone. I just couldn’t stop crying”
“Oh, honey!” Kelly reached around Lauren and gave her a big hug.
“It’s better this way, though. Really. This is where I live. This is my life. I’ll be fine. Caleb will be fine. It was just a — a kind of glorious interlude.” She put her face in her hands.
“I’ll say,” muttered Kelly. She rose from the chair and went into the small powder room behind Lauren’s desk. Inside there was a sink, toilet, and a little shelved alcove in the wall that held Advil, some cosmetics, hair and tooth brushes, and some fluffy small towels and washcloths. Kelly took one of the washcloths and soaked it in cold water, taking it out to Lauren.
“Here, honey,” she said. “Wipe your face off with this.”
“Do I look bad?”
“I’ve seen you look better.”
“My face feels all puffy. My eyes are burning.”
“Hold that cold cloth to your face for a while.” Kelly went back into the powder room and returned with two Advil and a small bottle of water. “Take these,” she ordered.
Lauren obeyed, sipping pensively on the water, twirling the bottle slowly in her fingers.
“Too bad to end the last day of your job like this,” Kelly said.
“Oh, it doesn’t matter. I haven’t been here in spirit for a while. You’ve done more work than I have here lately.”
“You’ve been preoccupied,” remarked her friend indulgently. “Now pull yourself together, and I’ll walk home with you. Or maybe we should call a cab. It looks pretty gloomy out there.”
“You don’t have to come with me. It’s only six blocks. I’ll be fine. I’ll call you later.”
Kelly looked at her, askance. “Well, okay, I guess. I’ll get a cab downtown, then. Are you sure you’ll be okay?”
Lauren managed a smile. “Yes, I’m sure. And thank you, Kelly. You are a real friend.”
They hugged each other closely for a long moment and then left the office, walking down the curved marble steps arm in arm.
Out on the street, it was just getting dark and had started to rain. Kelly hailed a cab.
“You sure?” she said before she got in. “You don’t even have an umbrella.”
Lauren smiled and nodded. “Yeah. I’ll be fine. I’ll talk to you later.” Maybe the rain would wash away her obvious emotional trauma, she thought, and hide it from the ever-observant eyes of Dennis. She started down the street.
Entering the building, she managed a small smile for the doorman and punched the elevator button. The door slid open, and she went in, feeling the elevator take her up. At last it stopped, at Charles’s penthouse private entrance. She got out, and Dennis was standing there.
“Oh, you didn’t have your umbrella with you, I see,” he chided her. “Here, give me your briefcase and go change before you get a chill.”
Lauren had to smile. “You sound like a mother hen, Dennis.”
“Just looking after you,” he said, smiling back.
Gratefully, she handed him the briefcase. It felt as though it weighed a ton. “I’m fine, really. I’m not that wet. I think I’ll just go into the den and have a drink.”
“Very well. I’ll bring a snack.”
She let her thoughts run. I did what had to be done, she thought. I’m engaged. I’ve established my life. One fling can’t jeopardize that. I have to put it in the past and forget about it. At least I know Charles. I don’t even know Caleb. Maybe Charles and I just need to be together more, that’s all. She mused, looking out the window at the city, lighting up as dusk fell. She was so engrossed in her thoughts, she jumped when her iPhone rang. She looked at the caller ID and answered immediately.
“Charles!”
“Hello, darling.”
“I was just thinking about you!”
“And I, you. That’s why I called. I was going to congratulate you on your last day in the salt mines. Did it go well?”
Lauren’s voice nearly caught in her throat. “Oh, oh, yes, it did. Thank you, Charles.”
“And did they present you with a gold watch?”
Lauren laughed. “No, they didn’t. Guess I wasn’t there long enough.”
“Well, I’m calling to say that I’m taking off from Singapore in a couple of hours.”
“Oh, Charles! You’re coming home early! I’m so glad. I miss you so much.”
“And I miss you, too, darling, but I have a stopover in London. A business colleague here in Singapore is headed to the London office. I thought it would be a good time for me to visit that office too, explain things that transpired here, and then come home to the States. It won’t be a long stopover, just a couple of days or so.”
“Oh, Charles…”
“Now, this is business. Remember, I promised to devote my whole attention to you and our wedding when I get back.”
“I know. Really, I’m fine. It’s just…it’s just that I miss you.”
“I’ll be staying at the St. James’s, then.”
“The same suite as always? We had such a wonderful time there when I went with you last fall.”
“That’s where I’ll be, darling. I’m at the airport now.”
“Call when you get to London, please. I miss you so much, Charles.”
“I’ll call.”
“Charles?”
“Yes?”
“I love you.”
“Yes, darling, well, get a good night’s rest. I’ll call when I get to London. Bye for now.”
And he hung up. Lauren felt hollow. She wished Charles would just get home. Spending time with him would alleviate this awful void and banish any residual feelings she might harbor for Caleb Cochran.
Lauren listlessly ate the snack that Tina prepared for her. Dennis came in to take the plate away. “Thanks, Dennis. That’s all I’m going to eat tonight. I don’t feel that well.”
“You do look a little drained,” said Dennis. “Why don’t you just relax here, then. I’ll be in my quarters. You can ring me for anything at any time. Would you like some Advil? Pepto-Bismol?”
Lauren smiled wanly. “Oh, no, Dennis, thanks. I guess I’m just tired. I think I’ll get into bed, watch a little news, and try to sleep.”
Small Town Girl Page 12