“Oh my! Look! Look, Kelly,” she squealed happily. “I won! I actually won a ribbon at the county fair!”
“Ha! That’s incredible!” laughed Kelly. “What a hoot! A blue ribbon!”
Lauren felt strangely happy as she picked up the blue ribbon and turned it in her hand. Why should it make her so pleased with herself, she wondered? Why should she care about an award from a county fair in rural New England? It was satisfying, however, and she looked over the array of other prize winners. Men and women had made these things, grown these things, and taken pride in their success. There had been a time when lives depended on one’s ability to grow things, make things, preserve things, and this was a tribute to those times.
The three wandered out of the round house and looped around through the exhibit barn. There were a lot of information booths from the surrounding towns. The regional hospital had a booth; the animal shelters, farm equipment dealers, and car salesmen also had displays. There were some maverick salesmen selling food processors, vacuum cleaners, and other small household appliances. Lauren exited at the far end of the building and realized her hand was full of brochures. Kelly’s was as well.
“And what are we supposed to do with these?” Kelly asked, holding them up.
“Make paper airplanes, I guess.” Lauren laughed and turned to continue their tour. It was then that they saw the fire trucks.
“Oh, look!” breathed Brian excitedly. “I love fire trucks! I wanted to be a fireman when I grew up. Let’s go look at them!”
“I’m sure there’s still time,” muttered Kelly.
About six trucks were parked in a line, each from a different town. A couple of them were antiques. They were all cherry red and so shiny it was hard to look at them in the sunlight. Three firefighters tended each truck, helping droves of little children climb aboard, sit in the cabs, and get their pictures taken. One 1930s hook and ladder antique was employed giving rides around the fair grounds.
Kelly gave Brian a good natured push forward. “Hey, get right in line. Maybe they’ll let you take a ride with the rest of the kids!”
Lauren started to laugh, and that was when she saw him. His back was to her, but she knew it was Caleb. He was dressed in uniform blue slacks, black firefighter boots and a blue t-shirt with “FIRE DEPARTMENT” written across the back. Her stomach leaped. He turned toward her and bent to scoop up a little girl with curly blond hair in a yellow striped pinafore dress who looked to be about three years old. He held her in one arm, smiling down at the cluster of children clamoring at his knees. How was it that his clothes always seemed to fit him to perfection? No matter what he wore, that body underneath, with all its power and grace, was agonizingly evident. Lauren tried to turn away, but it was too late. He saw her.
Lauren was powerless, held by the tether of her emotion. Their eyes locked.
Lauren heard Kelly whisper, “Oh, no.”
Still holding the little girl, Caleb waded through the sea of four-and five-year-olds to her.
“Lauren, it’s nice to see you,” he said congenially. He smiled his bright friendly smile. “Hi, Kelly. Nice to see you again, too.” He held his hand out to Brian. “Caleb Cochran,” he said.
Brian shook his hand. “Brian O’Hara,” he said and then added pointedly, “I’m with Kelly.”
Lauren found her voice. “Hi, Caleb,” she said bravely. “Looks like you’re busy today!”
He laughed. “Oh, yeah,” he said. “We do this every year.” The little girl sat easily in the curve of his strong arm and stared at Lauren critically. She was obviously not happy with this interruption of her plans to ride the fire engine. Caleb said, “I heard you were at the house, fixing it up. Just call the shop if you need any plumbing done. I’ll send somebody up.”
“Put me on the truck!” demanded the little girl suddenly. She grasped his chin with her tiny hands and turned his face to hers.
Caleb laughed. “Okay, pumpkin.” Before turning back toward the fire truck, he looked at the trio and said, “Hey, why don’t you guys stay for the fireworks? The fire departments put them on. They start about eight. We’ll start setting them up as soon as we finish here. They’re pretty cool.”
“Oh, we’d love to,” said Kelly urgently. “Wouldn’t we, Lauren?”
“Yes, I would like to see them,” Lauren heard herself say. “We’ll do that.”
“You’ll enjoy it. Try to get a seat on that grassy bank over there,” Caleb said. “Well, nice to see you. Good luck with your house.” He turned his attention back to the child and walked away from them, the swarm of children bobbing after him like a school of little fish.
Kelly said, “What is it about a man with a baby that’s so damn sexy!” Lauren was silent, still watching as he lifted the little girl up into the cab of the fire truck and climbed in after her. “Lauren, are you okay?”
Lauren nodded. “I don’t think I want to stay for the fireworks.”
Kelly was all over her. “Why ever not? He asked you to. He probably wants to see you afterward.”
Lauren shook her head. “I doubt it. He spoke to me so impersonally. He might as well have been talking to his next-door neighbor, or — or his sister.”
“Well, that’s because we were with you,” offered Brian, trying to be helpful. “A man doesn’t just put his feelings out there for everybody to see. Besides, he was busy with the kids.”
“Come on, Lauren, let’s stay. You owe it to yourself. You know you’re still in love with him.”
Lauren sighed as they drifted back toward the food tent. “He said he knew I was in town,” she said. “He knew, and he didn’t call or stop by or anything.”
“He thinks you’re still marrying Charles,” Kelly pointed out. “And he’s trying to be a gentleman about it. You’re lucky he even spoke to you.”
“I think he spoke to me because he doesn’t care anymore. He’s over it. If he felt it to begin with. I think he just wanted to fool around.” She felt as though all she wanted to do was go home, climb into bed, and sob.
Brian put a brotherly arm around her. “It’s almost seven o’clock,” he said. “You need a beer. Let’s get some beers and something to eat, we’ll watch the fireworks, and go back to the house. Come on. You’re with us. We’ve got your back.”
“That’s right,” persisted Kelly. “We’re here to have fun. And we’re your guests. This fair thing was your idea, after all. And you won a prize. Don’t forget that!”
Lauren managed a wan smile. “Hmm,” she said with a sigh.
The American Legion was putting on a chicken dinner. Hordes of burly men were turning half-chickens in wire mesh cookers over the huge fire pit and slopping on the barbeque sauce. Brian was in his element. A fan of almost any kind of food, Brian pushed Kelly and Lauren ahead of him. “Take a plate,” he urged. “Let’s get through this line. This looks fabulous!”
They took their paper plates and plastic utensils wrapped in paper napkins and went down the line, where a chubby jolly mustachioed man plunked half a juicy barbequed chicken onto each of their plates. They moved on to the next long table where several high school girls were dishing out more food. There was sweet corn, coleslaw, and potato salad, and for dessert there was apple pie with ice cream. Their plates were so full as they sat down at a nearby table, they had to support them with both hands. As they unfolded their paper napkins and armed themselves with their plastic knives and forks in preparation for their meal, Joan Halloran came by with a tray of pitchers filled with beer.
“Pitcher of beer, anyone?” she asked. She didn’t wait for them to answer, but set the pitcher down and plunked large plastic cups in front of each of them. She gave Lauren a big smile. “On the house,” she said. “Lauren, did you see? You won! I told you, didn’t I?” Joan proffered her hand to Kelly and Brian, seemingly unaware of the precarious tilt of her beer tray. “I’m Joan Halloran,” she announced to them. “I’m the listing agent for Lauren’s house. Isn’t she doing a magnificent job? And, we have mo
re people who want to see it next week.”
“Nice to meet you, Joan,” said Brian, depositing a ten dollar bill on the tray. “Take this,” he said. “My donation. This gig is worth every penny I’m spending here.”
“He’s easy to entertain,” said Kelly, taking a bite out of her corn on the cob. “However, this food is excellent!”
“Glad you’re having such a good time,” said Joan. “And Lauren, don’t forget to pick up your blue ribbon! Your grandmother would be so pleased.”
Lauren forced a smile. “Yes, I think she would,” she said.
“Well, I’ll call you when I get the offer, and when the other couple tells me when they want to see it,” said Joan, drifting away to other tables. “Bye-bye, now. Enjoy the fireworks!”
Lauren tried hard to keep her thoughts to the barbequed chicken dinner, her friends who thought enough of her to drive four and a half hours to visit her, and the fun time they were having at this county fair. She laughed at Kelly’s sarcasms, discussed the plans she had for the house restoration, and giggled at Brian’s remarks while they people-watched.
Her mind, however, was all about Caleb. Her stomach was churning, and her emotions had tied themselves in more knots than a ball of yarn abandoned by a kitten. Why had he been so distant? Why hadn’t he called her? Was it as Kelly had pointed out — that he believed her to be marrying Charles, so he was staying away from her? When she had first come back into town and been in such close proximity to him, she had actually thought, actually entertained the idea, that he might try to win her back. He might call again, and then she would have the opportunity to tell him that she had broken it off with Charles, that they could be together, but Caleb was not a man to grovel. He had made his case. She had shot him down, and he had accepted the inevitable like the man he was. It was she who could not accept things as they were; it was she who still ached for him, desired him as she had no other man, ever. She squirmed internally as she faced the fact that it was her own greed, her own insecurity, her own blindness to her circumstances that had made her rebuff him. Well, she had been punished for placing value on valueless things. She was living that punishment now. Mentally, she squared her shoulders and held her head high. She deserved whatever she got, and she would take it.
Brian sat looking at his plate. It was scraped clean, with only the chicken bones left. He gulped down his last swallow of beer. “That was amazing!” he exclaimed. “I feel like a new man.” Suddenly he pointed in the direction of the grassy field on the other side of the fair grounds. “Hey, look, people are starting to gather for the fireworks. Let’s go over there and make sure we get a good place to sit.”
They wandered across the midway and chose a place higher up on the bank. The sun was setting. Random little clouds floated across the sky, blushing pink in the sunset. The heat of the day was fading, replaced by a delicious crispness in the air. They settled themselves on the grass, still warm with captured sunshine, and watched as the crews prepared for the show.
Dusk had fallen, and the night was fast approaching. Lauren peered intently into the gloom. Even though the fireworks were located far away from the crowd on the opposite side of the field, she was sure she could pick out Caleb. There were six men, working in a line, setting the different explosives at various distances and patterns to get the most out of the pyrotechnic display. Caleb was near the end of the line. It appeared to Lauren that he was making a final inspection of the setup.
Kelly leaned over to her. “Is that Caleb?” she asked in a stage whisper.
“I think so,” agreed Lauren.
“I think it’s him, too,” said Kelly. “You can’t hide something that gorgeous. I think you should try to find him after the show. You two need to talk.”
“I hope they’re careful,” was all Lauren would say. It was true. She longed to talk to Caleb. Just to unburden herself and let him know the truth. But could she? Did she even have the right to talk to him after what she had put him through? Perhaps it would be better for everyone to just let what was in the past stay in the past. After all, she didn’t even know what she was going to do after the house sold.
The first stars were coming out, and the crowd around them was growing. People were spreading blankets on the ground. Couples were cuddling. Mothers and fathers were sitting together in family groups, holding small children on their laps. Then there were the groups of teens. Random groups of boys on the edge of the field, looking askance across the crowd at random groups of girls on the opposite perimeter. Lauren had to smile. You couldn’t ignore the powers of attraction. It was what kept her staring at the man in the distance even though it was getting harder and harder to see him through the deepening shadows.
Suddenly the crowd seemed to hush. Brian leaned forward and whispered, “Here we go.”
The display started with a series of pops and whistles and bangs that exploded into the air in reds, blues, yellows, and greens. Twinkling sparks fell to earth like so many stars. Then the show escalated. The fireworks grew louder and more spectacular; the crowd punctuating its satisfaction with gasps and applause. The whole show lasted about a half an hour, leading up to a sensational series of ear-splitting whistles, booms, and blasts, filling the sky directly overhead with sparkling patterns of multicolored lights and flashes. It seemed as though the cacophony would never end, but finally, a huge explosion sent a shower of brilliant sparks raining down on the whole area. Then, silence. The crowd erupted into applause, lasting almost as long as the final volley. At last, mothers began to gather up babies. Fathers carried little ones on their backs or pushed them in strollers along the bumpy ground. Couples strolled hand-in-hand back toward the parking lots. The clots of teens dispersed into the night.
“Terrific!” exclaimed Brian. “Terrific show! You couldn’t see a better one in the city! And the food! This has been one of the more satisfying days of my whole life!”
“Brian’s overstimulated,” said Kelly, casting her eyes heavenward. “It was a good show, though.”
“Pretty spectacular,” agreed Lauren as she tried to identify which of the shadowy figures down by the fireworks stage was Caleb.
Kelly turned toward her friend. “Lauren, you march yourself right down there and find Caleb. You two are in love. You can’t let it go.”
Lauren did not take her eyes off the figures clearing away the debris from the fireworks display, but she answered Kelly. “We might have had the chance to be in love, Kelly. I really think we did, but I squandered it. I ruined it. And now I can’t bring myself to tell Caleb the truth. What would he think of me? He might think I was making it up. He might think I was unpredictable and fickle in the worst way, that I might pull something like that on him — ”
“Stop! Stop!” exclaimed Kelly angrily. “You don’t know any of this. You’re just speculating on assumptions. All this is groundless. You’ve got to talk to him, tell him the truth, and let what happens happen. Really. You can’t move on — anywhere — until you do. It will erode your self-confidence.”
Brian said simply, “Go try to talk to him, Lauren. Kelly and I will wait in the car.”
Lauren stood for a moment. Then she made up her mind. She had caused her own misfortune. Her own dishonesty had led her into this awkward situation. At least she could set the record straight. At least she could tell him the truth.
“Thanks,” she said to her friends, managing a small smile. “I’ll go see him. I’ll be right back.” Squaring her shoulders, she set off across the field with determination.
It was difficult to see clearly. Smoke from the ignited fireworks still hung in the air. There was an acrid smell that burned the inside of her nose. The moon hadn’t risen yet, and it was very dark. Lauren concentrated on the silhouettes of the men as they went about the business of packing up their gear. They were all dressed the same in their fireman’s blue work pants and T-shirts. Which one was Caleb? Then she saw him. He was carrying a large metal box to a nearby truck. He didn’t see her approach. She wa
lked up behind him as he set the box in the back of the pickup.
“Caleb?”
He turned around. “Lauren!”
“I — I came to talk to you.”
“I’m pretty busy right now,” he said. “Cleaning up.”
“Yes, yes, I see that. I’m sorry. Can we talk for just a bit when you finish?”
He looked around, then said, “Well, step over here a minute. I can take a break. What can I do for you?”
What can I do for you? His impersonal tone made Lauren’s heart sink, but she steeled herself and spoke. “Caleb,” she said, trying to hide the desperation in her voice, “I just came to say how nice it is to see you again.”
“It was nice to see you again, too.”
“And I wanted to tell you something,” she went on, feeling as though she must be babbling like an idiot. “I’m not going to marry Charles. I broke it off. I’m staying here for a while to — ”
“Lauren, I — ”
“No, please, hear me out. I realize I was wrong, Caleb.” She was talking fast now.
“Lauren, listen, before you go any further — ” Caleb started to say.
“I just want you to know that I’ll be here, working on the house. I thought maybe you could come by and…and we could talk. Just talk, that’s all,” she finished lamely.
“Caleb?” A female voice came out of the darkness.
“Right here, Amy,” he called back. “I’m just finishing up. I’ll be there in a minute. Just wait for me over by the gates.”
Amy? The flame of hope that had flickered in Lauren’s heart was snuffed out as surely as if one of the fire hoses had been turned on it. Amy. The name clattered against her eardrums. Suddenly she was hot with embarrassment, sick to her stomach with an all-consuming feeling of foolishness.
“Oh, oh my,” she stuttered frantically, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Just forget what I said. I didn’t mean to — I’m sorry, Caleb. I didn’t mean to — I have to go now.” She turned to leave, then thought she might faint. She stumbled and felt his hand close around her arm. He turned her around to face him. The shadows played on his face, hiding his emotion, but the green lights in his eyes flared.
Small Town Girl Page 18