Brad has assured me day in and day out that nothing is going to happen to him. I want to believe him. I want to trust that what he says is true. But fear has taken root in my heart and my brain. No matter how much he tries to reassure me that nothing will happen to him, I have a feeling he is wrong. Something tells me that soon we will be tested and in the end, I will come out hurting and alone and in worse shape than I am already.
"Hey baby. What are you thinking so hard about?" Brad comes to take a seat, resting his arm behind me while pulling me close to his chest.
"Nothing really. Just you, us, and where we go from here."
Since the day Brad waltzed into my house and had me against my front door we haven't stepped foot out of our little bubble. It's been amazing but I feel like we need to get out and spread our wings. See what it's like when were not so wrapped up in each other. We haven't even gone on a date yet. How can we know that we wont drive each other crazy if all we do is fuck like jack rabbits? Fucking twenty-four, seven is not a relationship. Maybe we won't get along when we're not fucking. What if we don't like each other except for in the bedroom? Are there things Brad does that will irritate me? Is there something that I will find out that could be a deal breaker? God I hope not but it's been years since we have really spent any real time together. Not since high school when he left after I started dating Sean. I have only seen him at his families' gatherings and that was only in passing. I don't really know this Brad.
"Let's go on a date." I blurt out nervously causing Brad to chuckle.
"Well that was the original plan but you sort of threw yourself at me and took advantage of me and I haven't been able to get out of your clutches since." He laughs when I swat his chest.
"Shut up. That is not what happened and you know it." I giggle.
"Owe. Alright, don't hit me anymore." He rubs his chest as if I really hurt him. "I was already planning on taking you to dinner tonight. We didn't exactly start off like I wanted but my plan was to woo you."
"Woo me?" I question skeptically. From what I've seen, Brad has never been one to woo anyone.
"Don't look so surprised. I am quite capable of wooing." He replies with mock hurt.
"I have never seen you woo a single woman since I've known you. Hell, I've never seen you with a woman at all. Are you sure you're not gay?"
"You know for a fact I am not gay but I would be happy to show you again." Wagging his eyebrows, he dives for my neck biting, growling, and kissing it to sooth the pain.
"Knock it off." I laugh breathlessly. His mouth feels exquisite as he continues to kiss my neck and jaw. He has me wanting to strip our clothes and ravish each other again and again but we need to talk. "Fine! You're not gay." I squeal out between breaths. His playful foreplay has turned into a tickle fest and with the slightest of touches, I'm squirming and laughing like a hyena. I love this playful side of Brad. It's been a long time since I've witnessed it.
"Where would you like to go tonight?" His smile is disarming and I can't help but be happy it's directed towards me. Usually, all I see on his face is a serious, no nonsense expression.
"Hmm. Lets try that new Indian restaurant by the coffee shop. I heard it's really good."
"Okay. Now that dinner is planned, what would you like to do with the rest of our day?" The suggestive tone has my thighs clenching and moisture pooling below and I know exactly what I would love to do to kill time.
"Let's play monopoly." I joke. The look on Brad's face is filled with want as his eyes dance with laughter at my suggestion.
"I've got a better idea." Pressing his lips lightly to mine in a teasing matter has me sighing. This moment right here is better than any moment that I can remember ever experiencing in my entire life. Being in Brad's arms, his lips gliding across mine is pure bliss. I didn't think I would ever get this again after losing Sean.
Deepening the kiss, it doesn't take us long before our soft caresses turn into fevered touches as we strip each other down to skin on skin. Our tongues dual for dominance as our hands scour every inch of each other setting a blaze of fire in its wake.
Before long, Brad has me on my knees leaning on the couch cushions while he slides deep inside my wet heat from behind. I groan in insurmountable pleasure with every inch of his cock. Finally, he roots himself, balls deep inside of me, deeper than I've ever felt in my life. I can't help but think that maybe he wants to climb completely inside of me and that I would love nothing more than to have exactly that.
"Fuck this feels amazing. You feel amazing." I moan not wanting to wait any longer. I need him to move already. Just before I voice my thoughts, he pulls out to the tip and slams back in causing me to cry out.
Our breaths are labored and moans fill the air as each deep, hard thrust takes us closer to the edge. I can feel the pull of my impending orgasm as we chase our release. When we finally crash over the edge, our cries are drowned out as the light-headedness from my orgasm has me drifting in and out of consciousness. The world around us doesn't exist in this moment. Only our pleasure.
"Hmm. Lets do that again." I moan out.
"Damn woman. You're insatiable." I am only half serious. I would love to go again but I know he needs time to recover and so do I. But apparently Brad has other ideas. Taking his time, Brad glides slowly in and out of me, savoring every moment of this time together, and making slow, sweet love to me. It is the most beautiful experience and it springs tears to my eyes.
If I didn't know just how much he wanted and loved me before, with the way he takes great care with me doesn't leave a doubt in my mind just how deep his feelings run.
Important encounters are planned
by the souls long before the
bodies see each other
-Paulo Coelho
Chapter 6
"Why did you stop talking to me in high school?" We are sitting across from each other in the tiny little Indian restaurant eating our delicious meals while chatting about our lives that we missed so much of. There's not much to tell for me. Everything that would have been new or different was the fact that I was supposed to be married right now in the honeymoon faze with Sean. After Sean's death, I have just been going through the motions.
Until now.
"How was I supposed to stick around and watch you and Sean together? It was supposed to be you and me. He was never supposed to get the girl I fell in love with." I nearly choke at his admission. I never once knew he loved me. Sure we were friends and I knew he cared. He even mentioned it earlier I believe but I thought it was the passion of the moment.
When we were in high school, I always thought maybe he distanced himself because he and Sean didn't get along. Maybe he was uncomfortable with being around us and thought it better to just opt out of our friendship as Sean and mine relationship grew.
"You loved me?" Brad finishes eating the bite he took and stares at me with an intensity I have never seen.
"I've loved you since the first moment I laid eyes on you. You were always it for me. No other woman could have ever compared to you. I just had to wait and bide my time before I could finally have you to myself."
"Why didn't you ever say anything? Why did you let me believe you didn't really care? Do you realize how much that hurt me when you stopped talking to me? I thought it was because you hated Sean and didn't find our friendship worth sticking around."
"Princess, I never went far. I just couldn't keep watching as you and my brother continued to fall for each other. I always thought he would leave you. I mean, he's never had a serious relationship until you came along. I guess he realized he had a great woman and couldn't let you go once he had a taste. I don't blame him. If I had you, I would have never let you go either."
"But you did. You did let me go. You didn't tell me your feelings back then. I would have given anything to be with you. I have always had feelings for you and I waited day in and day out for you to tell me you felt the same. But when you never asked me out, and you let Sean ask me, I figured it was becau
se you just didn't feel that way."
"I was scared. I didn't know how to be a boyfriend back then. I was a fuck 'em and dump 'em kind of guy. You knew this. I couldn't be the reason for your tears. I needed to get my shit together and be the man you deserved before I could be with you."
"I get it. You just wanted to play the field before settling down." If he truly loved me, then he wouldn't have spent that time fucking other girls and instead would have been with me. I knew it was too good to be true. I always thought that I would lose him to some sort of freak accident. I guess losing someone doesn't mean just by them dying but by them breaking your heart into a million tiny pieces because that is what just happened. My heart lays shattered in my chest at his admission of me not being enough to drop his playboy life.
"You're not listening. I didn't need to sow any wild oats. I just needed to make sure I could care for you. I wanted to marry you even back then but you had a whole life ahead of you and I still needed to have a career that would give me the means to give you the fucking world because that is what you deserve. I never expected you to find someone in high school and have a relationship that lasted until years later." I start at his words.
"What? Because I'm not good enough to find someone who wants to be with me longer than a night?"
"What? Fuck. No that's not how I meant it to come out. Shit. I just mean that most high school couples don't last once out of high school. High school boys usually don't want to settle down. I thought I would get my chance and I nearly lost that chance. Had Sean not been murdered, I would have taken my chance regardless that you were going to marry my brother."
"You would have hurt your brother that way?" I'm shocked, saddened, and pleased by his admission. I know I shouldn't be. It's a fucked up situation he would have put us in had he professed his love to me had Sean not died.
What if he had said something and I had never lost Sean that night? Would I have told him to leave and never come back? Would I have given up everything to be with him? Even my marriage to Sean? What would Sean have to say to all of this if he were still here? I have no idea and the confusion is killing me.
"Not on purpose but it would have been inevitable. I couldn't go through life knowing I didn't at least take a chance on us. If you had turned me away, I would have left with my tail tucked between my legs regretting that I didn't take my chance in high school but not regretting that I told you before it was too late."
"Oh." I wish he had said something when we were friends. I wish we didn't miss out on that time we could have had together. But at the same time, I am grateful he never professed his love for me then. If he had, I wouldn't have these memories of Sean and I. He was everything to me even if he wasn't number one in my heart. I am grateful for the time I had with Sean. He was an amazing boyfriend and fiancé. We would have been happy together and not once would I have regretted marrying him.
Brad has always been my first choice though, and now he is here, telling me he loves me and always has and wanting his chance to finally be in my life and in my heart. What he doesn't get is he has always had my heart even if I gave a piece of it to his brother. If he had told me all of this before I married Sean, I have a feeling that my wedding day wouldn't have happened and Sean would have been deeply hurt. I guess in a way I am grateful that Sean won't feel the pain I would have caused.
Does that make me a bad person? Would Sean hate me for the feelings I had locked away for his brother? What would have happened if I had left him for Brad?
I guess I never deserved Sean's heart after all.
"Do you think the universe fights
for souls to be together?
Some things are too strange and strong
to be a coincidence"
-unknown
Chapter 7
"Tell me everything. Don't hold anything back. I want to know if he fucks as good as he looks. Is he big? He is isn't he? Oh my god I am so fucking jealous right now. When did this all happen? Why did it happen? Were you with him secretly while you were with Sean?" Deb continues to ask her questions in quick succession not giving me an edge in word wise.
"Whoa. Slow down. Can you at least let me answer before you ask the next question?"
"Oh right. Zipping my lips." Deb makes a motion with her fingers as if zipping her lips shut. Too bad, she will start on her questions again the moment after I answer the first one.
Deb has been my best friends since freshman year in college. She is a fun and spirited person and I can never keep up. I swear she is like the energizer bunny. She only knows a little bit about Brad when she joined Sean and me at family gatherings and holidays so hearing all of this now is probably a big shocker.
She left her parents to go off to college hoping to give herself a better life than they did. From the little she has told me about them, her mother is a mean drunk and her father is a cheating bastard. She doesn't know when it all started or if it has always been this way but she couldn't stand to watch them and their downward spiral.
"Well as you know we were friends in high school. I've always had a big crush on him, even before he helped keep his brothers friends from bothering me. After that day, he had stuck by my side for months. We were inseparable. We did everything together such as going to the movies, studying, eating out, and hanging out with our friends. Whatever we were doing, we did it together." Thinking back to those days, I don't know how I missed all the signs. Maybe because I was too naive to realize it, but Brad has always looked at me with a need that I didn't understand.
"When Sean took notice of me, he started to hang around us more and more until one day he asked me out. Brad never made mention of his feelings for me and I had always hoped he would have said something but when Sean asked me out it's as if he put a wall up. He only came around until Sean would show up. Then he started bringing girls around. They would be all over each other then leave to go do whatever behind closed doors. Then one day he was just...gone. No goodbye. Nothing. I was heartbroken. Sean said he was just in a bad place but now I know it was more than that."
"Wow. You never told me all of that. You just always hinted that he was a friend in high school."
"Yeah. It was more but we were apparently both too scared to say anything."
"So tell me how you got together now." Debs excitement has her bouncing in her seat to hear the rest of our story. I laugh because I am just as excited to tell it.
"That night that I lost Sean, I was devastated. I thought after that, I would end up being alone forever. I never expected to find another and honestly, I didn't want to. I was scared of letting someone else in and losing them like I have with everyone else I love."
"Oh honey. You've got so many people who love you."
"I know." I sigh. I know she is right but I felt alone even with my best friend and my fiancé's family around. "Brad took me home and comforted me all night. Not once did he step out of line or try anything. We were both hurting and used each other to keep the pain from over taking us. He told me he would be there for me and to go to him when I needed someone. I thought he was just saying that to be nice. I didn't realize he truly meant it."
"I could tell he cared for you deeply when he was holding you close at the restaurant. I just didn't realize that it was more than just the love of a soon to be sister in law."
"Well that night he was already on his way there to tell me about his feelings before I went through with the wedding. I guess he wanted to tell me he loved me and wanted a life with me before I married his brother. He was going to ask me to choose him." Her gasp of surprise was exactly my thoughts when he told me this.
"Oh my god. That would have made for an interesting night." I nod my head and wonder exactly what would have happened if we hadn't lost Sean. There would have been fists thrown for sure. How far would the brothers have gone to win my heart?
"As saddened as I am that I lost Sean that night, I am grateful he didn't have to go through something like that..." I pause taking a sip of my water n
ot wanting to dwell too long on those thoughts. "Because I am not sure what I would have done. I would like to think that I would have told Brad I was sorry and only Sean has my heart but I am not sure that's what would have happened. I didn't want to hurt Sean and that is exactly what I would have done. I hate myself for thinking that but at least Sean won't ever see my hearts deception." The guilt eats at me knowing that Sean, who has been nothing but amazing to me, would have been hurt by my actions had the night gone differently.
"He knows you never would have hurt him intentionally. He loved you and only wanted you to be happy. It would have hurt him to know you felt more for his brother, and it would have hurt his pride but he wouldn't have held it against you. I also know he wouldn't have let you go without a fight." I nod my head. The tears are threatening to spill and I choke back the cry as it tries to climb to the surface. I've cried enough as it is and I refuse to any more.
"Last week Brad stormed through my door demanding my heart and body. Oh Deb, it was the most beautiful and amazing moment in my life. I swear I have never felt so dominated, and cherished, and loved, and... Just everything all rolled into one." I gush. I don't even know how to explain it to her. There are just too many things I felt in that moment he took control that I cannot even articulate the series of emotions he evoked in me.
"Eek. I love a cave man. I bet he was fucking gorgeous under all those clothes."
"He is sculpted like an Adonis under those tight jeans and form fitted shirts. I don't even know how to describe it correctly. He's cut with precision, tight abs, hard body, perfect V that leads to the most beautiful cock I have ever witnessed. His biceps are huge. I don't even think I could fit both of my hands around them. And that ass. Holy shit I didn't know men could have great asses. I still have yet to trace every tattoo that colors his skin with my tongue." He is pure perfection.
Fate (Fate Unexpected, #1) Page 3