by Amber Nation
I was so into playing that I didn’t realize that I had begun to sing as well. I haven’t sang in front of anyone or even in public in several years and I had vowed never to do so again. I knew that I wasn’t even close to being up on the same stratosphere as Cher in singing, but I thought I was pretty decent. Pate squashed those dreams when he broke my hands. He told me that I would’ve never amounted to anything as a singer or a pianist and that I sucked and it was better this way.
You didn’t want that type of negativity to sink in but since I heard it so often, I ultimately started to believe him.
I would often be humming or singing to myself while cleaning up the kitchen or cooking dinner because what else did I have to do? He would come up behind me and smack me on the back of my head telling me that I sounded awful and to shut up. So I just stopped singing. I don’t know why I didn’t ever stop wanting to play piano, but the not wanting to sing in front of people always stuck with me.
I finished the song and just sat there staring at the keys with my hands placed in my lap. I didn’t know that I had an audience until I heard several sets of claps behind me. I gasped and swung around on the bench to see Brock, Toby, and Grady standing there with their mouths almost literally hanging open, slapping their open palms together.
My cheeks became inflamed as I felt the blush creep its way up my body.
“I…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to start singing, I know you are just being nice."
“Doll face, I am nothing if not honest. And that was one heck of a performance." Toby boasted, and he hung a hand out, “Now, I know my Cher and girl you just brought it up a notch," he finished with a snap which caused me to chuckle.
I supposed that I could forget about their gossip fest.
I looked down at my hands and just shrugged my shoulders, “Thank you," I replied ever so softly.
“Hey, I have an idea. The Nation’s Capital is performing Friday night, how about you come on before them and just perform one song?" Grady chimed in with his brilliant to him plan.
I didn’t know how to respond, before this would’ve been a dream come true performing a song in front of an audience for their listening pleasure. But I’ve been out of the spotlight so long I didn’t know if I would be able to calm my nerves enough to go on.
I made a last minute spontaneous decision, “I would love to perform a piece on the piano, but I don’t know if I can sing along with it. It’s been a long time since I’ve sang in front of an audience and I stopped doing so because of one person’s remarks to me. I just don’t want you to be disappointed if I just end up playing an instrumental piece."
“Hey, don’t worry about it. Just the small piece you played a few minutes ago blew me away, I could only imagine what an intricate piece would do." Grady added.
Brock finally chimed in, “Whoever said anything bad to you regarding your singing abilities was a fucking dumbass. You need to know that what we three just heard was brilliant." He sheepishly placed his hand in his pocket and turned and walked out of the room. I knew he would be on Mike’s side once he found out everything that went on between the two of us, but it was nice to get that reaffirmation from him.
Mike
It had only been a few days, but things were just too lonely at home. Sadie was either whimpering or pouting and didn’t even want to play fetch with her favorite yellow tennis ball. I knew we both felt the same, I just didn’t know what to do about it.
I heard what my father had to say, but I still haven’t come to terms on what to do just yet. Brock told me that he ran into Sheridan just the other day so I knew she was still in Brown County, which lessened the brick that was laying on my chest just a little.
Bringing my favorite coffee mug to my mouth, I took a generous sip. It’s still rather hot, but it just tasted bland. Sheridan made the best coffee, it never had a tasteless flavor whenever she made it. It’s because she made it with love.
Releasing a deep sigh, I poured the remainder of my colored water down the drain in my kitchen sink and watched the liquid swirl around the stainless steel basin until it settled down the siphon.
An idea sprouted in my head and I hoped like hell it was going to work. I had to be at work here in a bit, but on my downtime when I didn’t have a run, I would stop by the diner and get a cup of coffee from there.
Yeah, that would be my exact reason in going to the diner, I needed flavor in my life because this unsavory crap wasn’t going to cut it anymore.
And if I just so happened to run into Sheridan hopefully some spark of a plan would come to mind on what to do.
That was my mantra that I was sticking to, I was not going to the diner just to see Sheridan. I just needed a decent cup of coffee. Sounded brilliant and believable to me.
Sitting in the passenger seat of the ambulance, my partner Todd pulled into the concrete parking lot of The Diner and parked in an empty parking space at the edge of the lot.
It had been one hell of a day and now I really was in need of that cup of coffee.
The sun was setting and the gentle glowing of rich amber colors were fading into the horizon. Another day was almost complete. Another day without my Sheridan.
It was almost funny referring to her as mine because I really didn’t have the right to label her as such. She was never ever mine to begin with, so the point was completely moot. Wishful thinking I suppose.
Todd was the first to exit the ambulance, he was a middle-aged man with salt and pepper hair, becoming more and more salt colored as he continued to work with me. I quickly followed suit, exiting the ambulance and making sure the doors were locked.
We had several runs today luckily nothing being life threatening, which made it all in all a good day, even if we did have to run our asses off. We even had to sign off midway through our shift to restock the bus of things that we had run out of.
Walking behind Todd, I saw the illuminating red neon lights that the outside of The Diner was decorated in, they must have just came on with dusk approaching. You definitely wouldn’t ever be able to miss this place at night. He entered through the front door first and I took my time looking around the establishment to see if anyone I knew was in attendance. I wouldn’t outright admit that I was only really looking for Sheridan. Even if I was, I didn’t see her standing at any of the tables.
“Hey, Deputy Bradley," I heard Todd say to Ethan, but I couldn’t see because he was in my direct line of sight. He inched towards the man, which opened up my view on…Sheridan. But it was what she was doing that had me intrigued presently.
She currently had her open hand covering the top of Ethan Bradley’s. I had to do a double to take to really lock in that what I was seeing wasn’t just a figment of my imagination. And indeed seeing their elusive handholding a second time just twisted that knife that already pierced my heart just a bit further.
Rage boiled deep in my gut and it was almost too much to handle, I felt as if I were a volcano on the crest of erupting. She was now seeing fucking Ethan Bradley? Wow, the connection that I thought I imagined must have been just that, but that didn’t mean that it hurt any less.
“Mike!" Todd snapped his fingers in front of my face startling me out of my delusion.
“Yah," I bit out realizing that I was still looking at their connected hands. I looked up at Todd with my brows furrowed and my nostrils flared. Just then, I turned my line of vision up to meet Sheridan’s wide eyes, the penitence on her face was remarkable, like she was caught doing something that she wasn’t supposed to.
I didn’t know why she would’ve felt that way, we weren’t anything, right?
“I suddenly don’t want any coffee from her."
“Her?" Ethan said straightening up his posture from where he was leaning on the counter with a menacing look taking root on his face.
“Here…I said here." I didn’t of course, but who was he to argue to me about something he knew absolutely nothing about. But then again if Sheridan was fucking Bradley, perhaps he knew more tha
n I did about her because, at this time, I felt as if knew absolutely nothing.
I pivoted my work boot on the floor turning in the opposite direction from my audience and shoved open the glass door that was outlined in metal, making it come close to hitting the aluminum siding. I needed to calm myself down because that was all I needed to end up having to pay for a broken door.
I took a few deep breaths filling my lungs with the fresh air from outside. Deep inhalation in and letting it slowly release out through my nose.
“What the hell was that?" Todd said as he came out from The Diner finding me seated on the back bumper of the ambulance my navy work pant clad legs were crossed at the ankle and stretched out in front of me. He was carrying his cup of coffee and I regretted openly denying myself a cup. I missed Sheridan’s coffee, but more importantly I missed her.
Apparently she didn’t reciprocate those feelings which made me feel like a failure all over again. I believed that it was safe to say that I was a failure at keeping anyone in my life.
I deserved my life of solitude, I just didn’t want it.
“Jameson what the hell, man?" He jerked his boot up kicking my crossed feet apart further trying to get my attention.
I unfolded my arms and pushed myself off of the bus and walked around to the passenger side door banging my open palm on the back of the bus on my way, which signified that I was ready to go.
I couldn’t trust myself to speak. I was never really one to open up about my feelings and Sheridan had been the first in an extremely long time. Things were better off when I was closed off and a recluse.
I still had several hours left on my shift, in one instance I was hoping for radio silence, but the other I wanted to keep busy so my mind didn’t wander back to things that couldn’t ever possibly be.
One thing I knew was that I had to call Brock. I took my phone out of the cell holster that was attached to my belt, whenever I was on shift it was much easier to grab my phone from off of the side of my hip instead of digging around in my pocket. I found Brock’s name and pressed send and waited for him to answer.
“Hey, Mike," he greeted happily on the other end of the line.
“Hey, uh, do me a favor, will ya? Change the brakes on Sheridan’s car and then call her to let her know that it’s ready. I won’t have time to work on it anytime soon and she needs a car." That was a blatant lie, I had time to work on it, I just couldn’t bear to actually do it anymore. The truth was that it could’ve been done ages ago, but it was my way of keeping Sheridan around.
I guess that didn’t make me any better than Pate. Sure, I didn’t force her to stay but I wasn’t exactly relishing on her freedom.
“Sure, thing man! Oh and don’t forget that we are playing at Emmy Lou’s tomorrow night." I rolled my eyes consciously knowing that he wouldn’t be able to see my reaction. I had no desire to play tomorrow night, but I had a duty to the band and I wouldn’t leave them hanging.
“Alright, what time should I make myself known?"
“Be there at six-thirty so we can get everything set up. And be sure to wear a smile, even if it is just a forced one. I don’t really know what’s going on, but you are retreating back to your former pathetic self."
“Got it," I replied in my most enthusiastic tone before I ended the call on him. I threw my phone down in my lap and laid my head back on the headrest only moments before we got a call to head to the local nursing home.
Flipping on the lights and turning on the siren, we were on our way to do what we were trained to do; save lives. It didn’t help that, in the furthest back recesses of my mind, I wished that things would’ve turned out differently for the one who saved mine.
Rushing my way into the front door of the bar, I looked down at my watch to see it was six-thirty on the nose. I was extremely lucky to make it on time. After getting off of shift at seven am this morning, I tossed and turned in my bed until I finally fell asleep around noon. Which meant that I overslept my alarm and luckily was awoken by a whimpering Sadie who wanted to go outside.
Work was hellacious after leaving The Diner. The call we received from dispatch to the nursing home ended up being a case where we had to wait for the coroner. It never got any easier seeing someone die. It was a part of my job that I didn’t enjoy, especially when it happened on my watch it always hit a little too close to home.
A beer was definitely calling my name so I made a b-line to the bar before I even went to seek out the other members of the band. But it seemed as if they were on the same wave length as me as they were all sitting at the bar having a drink. Now this wasn’t an uncommon occurrence but it was odd for them to be altogether before a set.
Normally Toby was running around like a chicken with his head cut off making sure that his choice of outfit for the night was up to par. Brock almost always was in the backroom making sure his guitar was in tip top working order for the night. Charlie was another one of the easy going guys in the group, he was often late and showed up right before it was time to be on stage. So the fact that he was here, on time was weird in and of itself, especially since he and Maggie were back together.
I seriously felt as if I was in the middle of the twilight zone has they all three simultaneously turned around on their bar stools to where they were now facing the stage. I caught Grady out of the corner of my eye and lifted my hand in the air signaling that I wanted a beer. There was only one kind that I drank and he knew that was all I ever got while being here.
Tessa was the one to bring me back my beer also bringing her husband, Brock a refill as well. But instead of leaving, she put her elbows down on the countertop and leaned into her hands.
“I am so excited, I cannot wait," she said. I had no absolute clue what she was talking about so I didn’t hesitate in asking.
“Oh, it’s just the newest Brown County Babe is performing tonight before y’all go onstage."
“Tell me Tessa, what is the Brown County Babes and who do they entail?" I hadn’t a clue what she was referring to as I had never heard that term before. It was endearing I supposed calling a group of her friends the Brown County Babes. Or maybe it was a new all girl group in the area, that would be a great variety.
Cupping her hand to her ear pretending that someone was yelling for her, “What’s that Grady?" Trying to turn in the opposite direction she was desperately tried waving me off but I reached over the counter and caught her by the elbow, she wasn’t getting out of this so easily.
“It’s nothing big, Toby just dubbed a few of us girls as Brown County Babes. There is of course me, Emmalynne, Maggie, and now…" She trailed off on the latest newcomer and once I heard the sound coming from the piano she didn’t need to fill in the blanks, I could handle that task just fine.
I took a more than generous swig from my green tinted beer bottle before I turned to give the guys the most menacing look that I could muster up.
I didn’t know if I could actually turn around and look at her.
She seemed to be doing a quick warm up exercise that had the entire audience into it when I glanced all around me, but still not being able to turn in her direction.
Then she actually started speaking into the microphone, introducing herself.
“Ahem… Good evening, everyone. You’ll have to excuse my nervousness it’s been," she quickly took a deep breath, and I could hear her releasing it into the microphone, “quite a long time since I’ve performed for a crowd. My intention is to sing, but with my nerves I’m not sure if it’ll be a possibility." I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, she was actually going to sing.
I polished off my beer before I finally made the brave decision to turn around and as soon as my eyes connected with hers my breath whooshed out of my body. She looked exquisite. Her hair hung down her back in curly ringlets and the way the piano was set up on the stage I could tell that she was wearing a light teal dress with a cream sweater over it. The dress hit her mid-thigh while she was sitting down on the piano bench. I could see fragm
ents of her bare feet on the pedals that were connected to the bottom of the piano.
It almost made me crack a small grin to know that she couldn’t wear shoes while playing.
And of course to strike me dead right here where I was standing, she was wearing her signature ruby red lipstick. I didn’t know anyone else who could make that color look so goddamn enticing.
I could just imagine her succulent red lips wrapped around my straining cock, staining it crimson as she took it deep within the alcove of her mouth. Only that could never happen now since she was with Ethan. And that did absolutely nothing for my overbearing erection.
You could see the presence of her nerves as she began speaking again. Her hands were faintly shaking as she adjusted the microphone that was on a stand in front of her, making it to where it was a little more easily accessible. “So if you would, please just bear with me, I would greatly appreciate it." She finally broke her eye contact with me as she went on. “This song really hits home for me. I never intended on ever coming to Brown County, but someone thought it was crucial in my making an appearance. And although there are hundreds and possibly thousands of different ways that it could’ve happened, a certain person took a risk by driving impaired and collided with my car." She began shaking her head back and forth, “No this isn’t a public service announcement about drinking and driving, although I could very well turn it into one. After all, I do have the mic." She giggled and then winked at someone in the crowd. She was working them and they were eating out of the palm of her hand.
You could tell that she was relaxing because her posture wasn’t as pronounced and the shaking in her hands had ceased. She was becoming comfortable with everyone. I was on the verge of praying that she would sing because I wanted to finally get to hear her beautiful melodic singing voice. If it was anything like the woman before me, it would absolutely astound me.