Tearing my gaze from her, I muttered that I didn’t feel good and went back into the house. Mercifully dad was sleeping on the couch and I didn’t have to face him. I knew it would be a matter of time before he talked to me about last night and I wasn’t looking forward to it. For the life of me I didn’t know what he was thinking, unless the meds and his exhausted state had finally gotten to his mind. As if that thought had summoned him, I jumped at the sound of a knock at my door.
“Come on in.” I called out.
Dad came in, and closing the door behind him, made his way over to the bed.
“Got some time to talk?” he asked,
“Nah, can’t you see I’m busy?” I gave him a forced smile as I sat up and leaned against the headboard.
Dad sat down next to me and turning to face me asked “Well?”
“Well what?”
“Go ahead and ask me.”
“About what?” I asked, trying to pretend I didn’t know what he meant.
“About last night.” Dad pointed at me, “You have to be wondering why I had you watch Cynthia and I.”
I sighed, “Dad that was pretty damn awkward,” I put my hands out, “Why the hell would you want me to see that?”
“So you could see how hot Cynthia is, so you would think about her.”
“What?” I shook my head, “I…I think I just heard you wrong.”
Dad shook his head, “No, you heard me,” he pursed his lips in thought, then sighed, “Think I got ahead of myself though. I need to talk to you about something very important.”
“Go ahead, Dad.”
“Look Jason, whether we’re saying it out loud or not, we all know I don’t have a lot of time left.”
“You don’t know that !” I said quickly, “They’re coming up with new things all the time and…”
I stopped when he reached out and put his hand over mine.
“No Jason,” he said softly, “I only have a few months tops and I want to talk about what happens after that.”
“You already told me,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady, “The insurance…”
“The financials are set,” he nodded. “I want to talk about something more important.”
“What’s that?”
“Jason, I want you to take care of your mother for me.”
“Of course!” I exclaimed. “I told you dad, I got one more year left in school and I’m going to look for a job here at home. I’m going to stay living with mom for as long as she needs me to.”
“I know you will,” he nodded, “But I need you to do more than that.”
“Like what?”
Again dad paused as if her were trying to pick his words. After a long silence he shrugged and said quietly, “Jason, I want you be with Cynthia.”
I shrugged back at him, “I think I just said I would stay with her, and why do you keep calling mom by her name?
“No, Jason, I mean…” he looked away “Be with her, as in…” he took a deep breath, “Jason I don’t want you to be with Cynthia as her son, but as her…lover.”
“I…” I leaned forward, “Now I know I didn’t hear that right.”
“Yes you did.” Dad squeezed my hand. “I want you to take care of her in every way Jason, I want you to not just share her house, but her bed and of course her heart. That’s why I want you to start thinking of her as Cynthia, not mom”
I sat there stunned, trying to figure out if this was a bizarre prank. Dad didn’t look as if he were kidding and with a sinking feeling in my stomach, I recalled how he had started this conversation; he wanted me to think of mom like…”
“Dad, that’s…” I put my hands up, “That’s just fucking sick!” I blurted out.
“Strange yes,” dad nodded, “But sick no. She…”
“She’s my goddamn mother!” I snapped at him. “For Christ’s sake dad, she’s going to be the only parent I have, I…” I trailed off and felt like an asshole, I shouldn’t have said that.
“I know Jason.” He said softly. “And you know what? You guys can be the best of both worlds; you can love each other in every way depending on how you feel.”
“Dad, that’s nuts…”
“Love is love Jason. Only thing that would be different is you could show your love physically.”
“I couldn’t do that.” I shook my head. “I don’t think of her that way!”
“Not before this week.” Dad said, “Not before last night. Don’t tell me she’s not hot Jason.”
“Dad please, I…”
Ignoring my protests, he continued, “Cynthia is a gorgeous woman, and an insatiable one. She’ll give you anything you want.” He gave me a sly smile, “Anything”
“Knock it off!” I shouted at him, “I’m done with this bullshit! Why the hell would you even think of this?”
“I don’t want Cynthia to be alone.” He said quietly, remaining calm in the face of my yelling. “She’s too young and too attractive; she’s also too sweet and loving to go through life without someone to be sweet and loving to.”
“She won’t.” I told him, lowering my voice. “Like you said dad, look at her, she’ll be upset for awhile and should be, but sooner or later a nice guy will come around and…”
“You hope.”
“I know dad,” I nodded and tapped my chest. “Because, trust me, I’ll watch out for her and make sure he’s a good guy. I’ll see too it she’s with the right one.”
“You can do it by being that right one.” I started to speak, but he raised his hand, “Jason, this is pretty weird for me too and I’m screwing it up.”
“I don’t think there would be a way not to.” I rolled my eyes.
“You asked why I would think of this?” Dad waited and I nodded. “Jason, you know how Cynthia is.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, noticing how he was still avoiding calling her mom.
“She’s…” he sighed, “She’s kind of clingy and she’s, well, she’s needy.”
“I…” I stopped recalling how I had been thinking that yesterday. “Yeah, I know what you mean.”
“Good. You see how she acts, she knows I love her, knows you love her, but she always needs to hear it.”
“She’s always said hearing me say I love you mom means the world to her.” I pointed out.
“Nice try.” Dad smiled, “But you’re right because she loves being a mother, she wanted more kids, but I didn’t think we could afford it and got fixed. Anyway Jason, Cynthia is very timid, she’s not that confident and as far as men go…”
I waited, but he remained silent. Finally I took the bait, “What about men?”
“I’m going to tell you something that I don’t want you to repeat. If Cynthia ever wants to discuss it she will, but if not it stays between us okay?”
“Sure.” I agreed, curious now.
“When Cynthia was young her parents divorced and her father skipped town. Her mother remarried and her new husband…” dad put his head down, “Molested her.”
“Molested her.” I repeated softly.
“Yes, and she was afraid to tell her mother. That animal raped her for almost two years before her mother actually walked in on it, and called the police.”
“Oh my god.” I said stunned, “Jesus dad, that’s horrible.”
“It is and it got worse because somehow her mother blamed her, probably didn’t mean to, but she had issues as well. That’s why Cynthia tries so hard to be loving and wants so badly to be loved, why she needs to be doted on.”
“I guess that makes sense.” I said, still trying to get past what he had just told me.
“The main effect that had on her was Cynthia was terrified of men.”
“I would be too.”
“She went to therapy for years, but she was never comfortable with men. As she got older she was a very pretty girl and a lot of boys asked her out. A few times she went out, but whenever they would
try to kiss her she would get scared. Some of them started stories in school that she was damaged goods and they said nasty things about her.”
Dad stopped and I flinched as he went into a coughing fit. I looked down, closing my eyes and trying to will it to stop. The coughing subsided and after he caught his breath, dad continued,
“She did meet a really nice guy who was patient with her and after awhile, she decided to let him be her first, well first willingly,” he added disgustedly, it went okay and she was even enjoying it, until he grabbed her hands in his while she was lying there. He didn’t mean anything by it, but she went nuts and bit him.”
“That’s tough,” I said quietly,
“It was. After that, she…” he shrugged, “She started seeing women, had girlfriends all through college. I saw her in a coffee shop one day and asked her out. She said no, and I kept asking. I…” he shook his head sadly, “Anyway, no time for that story, point is, it took over a year before she would let me sleep with her, we went slow and easy and I was scared I would scare her, but everything worked out and after that,” he gave me a wink, “She made up for lost time, even before I got sick she would wear me out.”
“Okay, enough about that.” I waved my hand at him.
“Now she knows she is going to be alone again and she’s scared Jason. I’ve told her I want her to move on, but she says it’s too late, she won’t be able to trust another man.” He frowned as he went on, “For the last few weeks she’s started having nightmares about what happened to her. She’s afraid to be alone, but more afraid of men.”
“She could go back to therapy,” I suggested, “Talk to someone.”
“She says it won’t work, it didn’t before. She’s been with me over twenty years and she’s never going to find a man that she trusts would never hurt her.”
“That’s not true, there’s a lot of….”
“So I was pretty upset.” Dad began quietly. “I’m worried for her. I know you plan on helping out, but she needs to be with someone, truly be with someone. A couple of weeks ago I started thinking, do I know anyone? Who do I know that would be that good to her that she would trust?”
He paused and put his hand to his mouth and waited, a moment later he started coughing again. I watched as he brought out his handkerchief and put it to his lips. When he was done, I caught the sight of blood on it, before he hurriedly put it away.
“Dad, you want to talk later?” I asked,
“No, this isn’t as easy as you think it is.” He told me. “Anyway, you broke up with Jen and Cynthia was going on and on about how stupid she was. Kept saying how sweet you were, how any woman would be happy to have you. She said young girls like Jen had no appreciation for a nice guy like you, she made a joke that you should look for an older woman.”
For the first time dad looked me in the eye.
“And that’s when it hit me. There is one man just like me,” he tapped my chest. “We raised you to be good to women, be attentive and sweet and Cynthia knows you would never hurt her. And the two of you already love each other.”
“Not in that way.” I told him.
“That line could be crossed very quickly.” Dad said, “Quicker than you think.”
He stopped speaking and after an awkward silence, I asked, “So you want me to become my mother’s lover.”
“Yes.”
I took a deep breath and told myself to be calm. He wasn’t thinking rationally. I wondered what the hell mom would think of this? On that note I saw an out and began speaking slowly, carefully choosing my words.
“Okay, first of all, this is nuts. But, before we go any farther, what the hell makes you think Mom would be okay with this?”
“Your mother is fine with it.” He said softly.
“W…what?” I gasped.
“I spoke to her first. No point in bringing it to you if she wasn’t okay with it.”
“You want me to think Mom wants to have sex with me?”
“It’s not just sex Jason,” dad said, “It’s about love, the sex would be a perk.”
“Oh, Jesus.” I shook my head, wondering if this was really happening.
“At first Cynthia thought my meds were getting to me.”
“Same thought going on here.” I said dryly.
“But I kept talking to her and the more I did the more sense it made.” Dad grunted, “Then I played her a bit dirty and told her it’s what I want and I’m telling you the same thing.”
“Are you kidding?” I demanded, “You want me to promise you, I’ll sleep with my….”
“You’ll sleep with Cynthia, yes.” He said seriously. “The two of you will become lovers and I can truly rest in peace knowing you’ll take care of each other.”
“Dad I….” I tried to slow my spinning mind down, “I don’t believe mom is okay with this, I think…”
“She’s okay enough to have put that little show on for you last night.”
“She…she knew I was watching?” I asked, shocked.
“Not only that, it was her idea.” As I sat there stunned, Dad continued, “She wants you to stop seeing her as a mother and start seeing her as an attractive woman. She wanted you to see how good she’ll be to you.”
“Please, stop.” I whispered.
“And she will be Jason.” Dad said putting his hand on my shoulder. “Cynthia will make you happy in every way and she wants you to make her happy as well,” he smiled at me, “She wants to try it Jason, she wants to be with you.”
“Does she?” I asked, “Or is it just for you?”
“It might be just for me at the moment.” He shrugged, “But she’s willing and I think once the two of you get together, you’ll both see how right it is.”
“There’s nothing right about this.” I muttered.
“There’s nothing wrong with two people taking care of each other.” He gestured to himself, “Or making a dying man happy.”
“That’s not fair dad.” I told him.
“Cynthia said that too,” he smirked, “In the beginning anyway. You know, she told me last night, it was embarrassing, but exciting knowing you were watching, she wants you to want her.”
I shook my head, but dad pushed. “Promise me, Jason, promise me you’ll do this.”
“Dad I…” I stopped and took a deep breath. As dad stared at me, I tried to come up with something. I couldn’t believe he had come up with this, never mind guilt me into it being his dying…I stopped on that last thought. Dad would never know if we did or not. With a huge sigh, I nodded. “Okay dad,” I began, “I…I’m not sure if it’ll work, but I promise I’ll try.”
“Thank you Jason.” Dad said softly, “This isn’t easy for me either you know.”
“I know, and like I said, I’ll do what you ask.”
Dad nodded, and then began to smile. “Glad to hear it, but you do know that I know what you’re thinking?”
“What do you…?”
“Same thing Cynthia was thinking, ‘he won’t know’ just make an empty promise.”
“No, dad really I’ll go through with it, I…”
“I know you will.” He said, squeezing my arm. “Know how I know?”
“How?” I asked, dreading the answer.
“Because you two are going to get together this week, while I’m still around so I know it will happen.”
“What?”
That’s right Jason,” dad said as he stood, “Before the end of this week, you and Cynthia will become lovers.”
Chapter Four
I jerked awake and sitting up, looked around the room. I thought I’d heard something and listened intently. I looked over at the small clock on the nightstand and saw it was midnight. After dad’s bizarre conversation, I’d watched a little TV, then tried to read for awhile to get my mind off of what he claimed he wanted from me.
I’d dozed off only to be awoken by the sound of Dad coughing outside in the living room. The jag l
asted so long, I’d started to get up to go see if he was okay. As I did I noticed that I was moving slowly and realized I was scared. That forced me to move faster, but just as I had reached my door the coughing stopped.
I’d listened and when I heard dad tell Mom he was okay, I went back and sat on the bed. Earlier dad and I had been discussing Mom and how weak she seemed, but there was nothing weak about her when it came to dealing with this. From day one Mom had been strong, at least in front of us. I was jolted from my thoughts by a knock.
“Dad?” I called out.
The door opened a crack and I heard Mom’s voice, “No honey it’s me. Can I come in?”
“Hold on,” I told her as I got off the bed and looked around for a pair of shorts to slip over my boxers “I need to put some…hey!”
Despite my warning, Mom had come in and closed the door behind her. Keeping my back to her, I spotted a pair of shorts and had grabbed them when she said, “Oh please Jason your bathing suit shows more than your underwear.”
“It’s the point,” I said as I turned my back to her and slipped the shorts on.
I turned around to face her and immediately thought, ‘oh shit’.
Mom was wearing the very short red robe from last night. In addition to the fact it barely went down past her hips, the front was tied so loosely I could see more than a little cleavage.
“Ummm….” I made a show of looking away, “You might want to fix your robe.”
“Why?” Mom asked as she walked up to me, “Is it such a bad view?”
Oh my god! My father wasn’t joking; Mom was going along with this! Well I couldn’t talk him out of it, but I was sure I could get through to her.
“Listen, Mom….”
Becoming My Mother's Lover Page 3