by Andrew Elgin
As he did so, the music he had heard earlier seeped again into his awareness, stronger, richer this time. He realized that it was far more complex than he had first imagined. What he had heard before as a simple tune was now being played by a full-scale orchestra with so many other harmonies and subtle chords. It filled him, filled his head until he could think of nothing else. He was not just listening to it anymore, there was no room for anything else. There was so much of that he was the music now.
Now, he dare not open his eyes, for fear that the music inside him would be lessened. The music broadened his awareness, made him sensitive to the rock beneath the ground he was sitting on. And because he had turned his attention to that, so he was able to know it in a way he could never have described before. He sank into it. Felt the textures vary as he moved through it. Was tickled by the thin, dark streams of water flowing deep within it. Moving deeper, he brushed through different types of rocks, different textures, colors, sounds, sliding by him as he moved deeper and deeper. Now there was heat in his awareness, lava moving in strange, slow tides around him. There was a world of sensation and glacial movement and he was part of it.
With that realization, that acceptance, he began to move swiftly upwards to the surface again. Seamlessly, effortlessly, he saw or felt himself moving upwards. His body, he knew, was on the ground, but he was moving up and away, towards the night sky, feeling the cross-currents of air as they stroked at him. And always the music, lifting him. Higher he flew and higher still until he could see the curve of the planet beneath him. But he was not just seeing the planet. He could feel it, understand it, sense how it was alive, pulsing, singing to him, with him. The mountains and the oceans were in the music. Rivers added to the songs just as much as the trees and the plants. Just as every single person added to it.
Everything was there, beneath him, and everything was joined and enmeshed and perfect. And he was perfect and he had a place and his song was there and he surrendered his name, his being, to be part of it. He stretched from horizon to horizon, limitless, and knew everything on and in Harmony, for he was part of everything.
At some point, some moment, for some reason, he became himself, became something separate, knew that he had a body, that he was a thing called a person and that he must go back and inhabit that body, care for it. Spiraling, narrowing, lessening, he drew back down and the music moved from inside to outside, from being him to accompanying him. His vision blurred, became darker and darker as he drew near to himself again until, at the last, he saw nothing except blackness and heard nothing but his breathing and even that grew silent as he slipped into sleep.
Chapter Eighteen
Javin was woken the next day by Skort licking his face and adding variety by occasionally shoving at him with his muzzle. He stopped only when Javin waved him off feebly and managed to sit up, grunting and squinting as he adjusted to the light. The fire was dead and some cold ashes stirred gently in the breeze. The clicking and murmurings of the gorries were a background of now familiar sound. Beside him lay the mug he had drunk from last night. He picked it up and sniffed the dregs suspiciously before emptying it on the ground. A little further away Meldren was also stirring. Fallack was ministering to her in much the same way Skort had, and with the same effect.
She propped herself up, pushing her hair back to take in the world around her. Evidently she felt much the same as Javin, She looked around, eyes narrowed against the light, obviously trying to understand what had happened. Finally, she saw Javin.
"What happened? What's going on?"
He didn't feel much like standing up, so he just waved the empty mug at her. "I was about to ask you that. What did you put in that drink last night? More to the point, why did you make that drink last night? You could have poisoned me, or done... something," he ended lamely. "Do you do this a lot, with everyone you meet, or just a few 'special' friends?"
While he was speaking, she was examining her mug, sniffing cautiously at what remained in it. Seemingly ignoring him, she moved carefully to the wooden bowl and lifted out a few of the leaves still immersed. Again, she sniffed at them, studying them carefully.
Javin continued. "This stuff, whatever it is, is dangerous! I saw things after drinking it that I have no words for. It's not safe and you should not have given it to me without some warning at the very least. No wonder you see colors around things. That stuff would make anyone see them--"
"Shut up!" Her voice cut across him. "You idiot! You really think I did this?" She held up the leaves. "I don't know what this is. I've never seen it before. I don't remember anything. So don't go accusing me of poisoning you." She glared at him. "For all I know, you did this. You poisoned me! It's what you do when you get lonely! What is this stuff you put in my drink? And what happened?" She became much more suspicious, inspecting her clothes. "What did you do to me? What sick little thing did you get up to?"
That was enough for Javin. "No, you listen! I have just this minute woken up, like you, after what is probably the strangest thing I have ever experienced. And, the way my life has gone recently, that's saying something! I did nothing to you. Nothing! So don't go accusing me of anything."
"So you're saying that someone else did this? Someone came here last night and made us this drink and we drank it down because we liked them so much and then we forgot our wonderful friend this morning?" She was scathing.
"No! I don't know anything like that." He felt he should be standing up for this, so he managed to scramble upright. The height somehow made his words more true. "I was sitting there, and you were over there. We, we, talked about you seeing colors. Do you remember that? And I tried telling you a lie and a truth. But that somehow was confusing. Do you remember that?"
Meldren gave a cautious nod, not willing yet to concede ground to Javin.
"Then...then you said you were going to make a drink. You'd seen a plant you knew about over by the pool. Do you remember that?"
Meldren was still suspicious, saying nothing.
Javin was talking as much to himself as he pieced his memories together, walking and pointing out what happened, reliving it as best he could. "I got stones out of the fire, you brought the wooden bowl. We put the stones in. Actually, you did. You were really quick doing it. I was impressed. Then the plant. Then I stirred it and then you filled each mug and we drank it." He stopped, looking at Meldren, imploring her to believe him. "That's what happened. That's what I can remember anyway. What about you? Do you remember that happening?"
"What I remember is that we talked about my seeing colors. After that...?" She shrugged, her mouth tight with unspoken accusations.
Javin tried to think of another way of convincing her of his innocence and of her role in the previous night. "There is an explanation. I know it. I just don't know what it is or how to convince you."
"Convince me of what? That you drugged me?"
Javin chose to ignore her anger as he tried to understand what had happened. "We both woke up from whatever it was in that drink. In other words, if anything happened, then it was that we somehow drugged each other." He batted away her response, rushing to speak first. "I don't know how and I don't know why. But that's the only thing I can think of. It makes no sense. But we both woke up together." A sudden memory caused him to rush on again. "Your dogs. They look after you, don't they? They woke me up, well, that one did," pointing at Skort. "If I'm so bad, then why didn't they protect you? Why did they wake me up and not try to eat me or something? If I'm so bad, did something so bad to you, why are they not bothered?"
For the first time, he could see his words having a positive effect. He pushed on. "Last night, you were seeing my colors when I lied. Look at me now when I'm telling you this and tell me what you see, what my colors tell you. I'm not lying! I did nothing wrong to you. I drank the drink and had the strangest experience of my life, then I woke up. That's the bare bones of it. And, as far as I can tell, that's the truth of everything that happened. Look at me and tell me I'm lyin
g. Or look at me and believe me."
As he was speaking, Meldren took on that distant, unfocused look which meant that she was looking at his colors. After he had finished, she sat so that her chin was on her knees, her hair falling to hide her face as she hugged her skirts to her legs.
"What you said about the dogs? That's true. They would have defended me. And," a reluctant sigh, " I think you are telling the truth." Javin gave a sigh of relief. "As far as you know what that is, anyway." She looked up at him. "I'm not saying I believe everything you said, but I can't think why it happened. Or how it happened, come to that. You say you had a strange experience. At least you had an experience. I can't recall anything until I woke up." She scrunched her face up, thinking. "There's maybe a small 'something' that I can recall." She held her finger and thumb close together. "This small. Something. But I don't know what. Maybe if you tell me what happened to you, it might help?"
"I'll tell what I can, but maybe with some food? Now I'm awake and upright, I feel a little shaky. Ravenous but shaky."
Meldren felt the same. She checked briefly on her animals to reassure herself all was well there. After freshening up in the pond and eating some fruit and dried meat there was a noticeable easing of tension between them. They sat, each against a wagon wheel, out of the direct morning sunlight.
"What do you really think happened, Javin?"
He shook his head. "I really don't know. At least, I don't know what happened to you and I'm not clear about me, either. But something did." He paused for a moment, deciding how to say what he wanted to say. "I should have told you something earlier. But if I had, I would have sounded crazy. Or crazier, at least. And you might have left straight away." He put a reassuring hand out to Meldren. "Don't worry. It's nothing nasty. Just... well... weird is the best word." He took a deep breath and plunged on, looking straight ahead so that he wouldn't have to see her face, her reaction. He wanted to get it over with as quickly as possible now he had started.
"I've seen you before. Many, many times. I don't mean I've been spying on you. Nothing like that. But that dream I had that I mentioned? The one Torrint said was of Harmony? What I didn't tell him was that I saw a face in that dream. Only from the side. And I've seen it many more times in my dreams since then." He gulped a breath before hurrying on while his courage was still with him. "Meldren, it's your face. The side of your face. I'd know it anywhere. I've seen it so often. I don't know what it means, or whether it means anything to you, but I recognized you the first time I saw you. But what was I going to say? Oh, hello! You're the girl from my dreams?" He allowed himself a wry smile at the thought. "I don't think that would have been a good start. Not that this has been so great, either. But the point is, if I can see your face in my dreams, and you then arrived here, why can't what happened last night have something to do with it all? After all, you did say that you felt you had to rush here without really knowing why." He studied his hands closely. "That's what I wanted to say."
Meldren stared at him, wide-eyed. "Oh you are full of surprises, aren't you? I don't know what to think. I've been in your dreams?"
"Yes, but not in any, you know, strange way. Nothing like that. I've only ever seen your face. Or, rather, the side of your face." He shook his head, remembering. "You have no idea how powerful it was, that first dream. Amazing. Just amazing. I thought that that face, your face, was somehow the face of Harmony. But then I met you and you are a real person and I don't really know what to think about it now. The dreams were so real, so true."
Meldren stared off into the distance, obviously trying to make sense of Javin's story. "I believe in dreams," she said, "and the power of them. I believe you are telling the truth. I can see it around you. And you are right about the dogs. But that doesn't make any of this easier. What I still don't understand is what happened and why it happened."
"You can't remember anything from last night?"
She shook her head. "Maybe something. Maybe nothing. But you can remember things? What were they?"
Javin tried to explain what he had seen, what he had experienced. He stumbled over the words, paused several times to try and recapture the feelings, before excusing himself with, "...and that's about the best way I can tell it."
Meldren sat in silence for some moments, still looking puzzled. "Your colors, when you were talking about it, they were the brightest I've ever seen. On anyone! It was like you were surrounded by flames. I have no option but to believe everything you said. But that doesn't help me. Why did you see and experience all of that and I didn't? What was I doing? Why was I even there?"
"You said you could remember something small. What was it?"
"It was like I was being taken away, led away, into a room and the door was shut on me. But, just before it all went dark, before I blacked out or whatever I did, I heard something. Hearing you talking, it must have been something like the music you heard. It was nothing like as strong as yours, but it was there, in the background. And then it went and I woke up." She chewed on her lip as she thought. "Hardly seems fair, does it?"
"I agree."
"No, I mean that you aren't even from here and you get all this happening to you, get Harmony coming to you. And me? I get nothing. I get to go to sleep."
Javin hadn't considered that before. "But I still think you had an important part to play in it all. You had to be here. You were drawn here. You were in my dreams. You're part of it somehow."
"Yes, but how?" Her frustration was evident.
Javin closed his eyes, thinking and feeling his way to capturing an idea swimming around his mind. "What about this? What about if Harmony didn't just come to me, but She came to you as well? What if, without you, Harmony couldn't connect with me, couldn't make me listen? What if She made me see you in my dreams; made me ready, if you like?" He turned to face Meldren, his words becoming more urgent. "What if She really was here, with us both, last night? She used you to make the drink and that made me drink it and that made the connection?" He became more excited as the idea became clearer. "You said you didn't know the plant. I'm pretty sure I've never seen it here before. But there it was, growing. And you, or rather, Harmony inside you somehow, made the drink out of it. And, after you made it, She sent you to sleep? That would all make sense, wouldn't it?"
"I don't know. I suppose so." Meldren was tentative.
"Don't you see?" Javin was animated now, fully taken with this interpretation. "That would explain you not remembering anything after our talk of my colors. It would explain you, or Her-in-you, making the drink and you not remembering that. Then you, the real you, drank it and that would explain the music you heard before you went to sleep." He nodded to himself enthusiastically. "That makes sense of why you are here. It explains it all!" He smiled hugely at Meldren who was still trying to take it all in. "That makes you really important. Do you realize? I just got to listen and see things. You, you, on the other hand, actually met with Harmony, really had Her inside you, as part of you. How many people can say that, can say they were chosen by a planet, a whole planet?" He laughed out loud at the concept and at himself for saying it. It seemed only yesterday that he could not conceive of how people on Harmony thought about their home and here he was trying to persuade one of them that her home had chosen her! It was fabulous and ridiculous and hilarious at the same time.
His laughter slowly affected Meldren, bringing a cautious smile at first, before finally grinning at him as she began to see what had happened in a new light. His words were still not embedded as a truth inside her, but she was feeling her way to accepting what he said. And she liked the feeling it gave her.
The rest of the morning was spent tending to the animals, with Meldren berating herself for being careless of them. The look on Javin's face, whenever she spoke of her supposed failings, the quizzically comic upraised eyebrows and look of surprise, was always sufficient to make her stop and smile. The gorries were found roosting in various parts of the canyon. Their feet, supposedly the most prone to p
roblems, were checked, accompanied by a great deal of noise and fuss and half-hearted lunges. After the farm work he had done, Javin felt more than comfortable dealing with these ungainly, slightly idiotic-looking creatures.
Skort and Fallack accompanied them both, yawning or panting, preferring to doze when opportunity allowed. At first somewhat intimidated by their size, Javin came to appreciate their gentleness and dedication to Meldren. Their eyes never left her, and when they closed their eyes, their ears swiveled to find her. Their heads were at the level of his chest, making the size and strength of their jaws more obvious. He was unsure about how to respond to them, or whether he should even try to approach them by himself, when the brown and black one, Fallack, decided for him. Javin was standing watching Meldren tie her hair out of the way before dealing with the next gorry when the dog moved over to him and swung his head into Javin's chest and made a low huffing sound, before sitting directly in front of Javin and looking at him.
"Looks like he's decided you can be trusted," Meldren smiled. "I'd suggest you let him smell your hands. Sort of your idea of holding hands to say hello, but in dog language." Javin did so and Fallack graciously sniffed and then tasted with the tip of his tongue. "Don't get too excited," she added. "Better to let him always make the first move. At least until he knows you better. And that doesn't mean that Skort agrees with Fallack. Yet." Javin was grateful for that advice.
The mandria, who's name he discovered was Sarlin, was brushed and talked to and patted and stroked and generally fussed over. It had managed to eat everything it could reach, so they took it down the canyon a ways, towards the gorries, and hobbled it there, where it made appreciative rumblings.