Songs Of Harmony
Page 21
They stopped to freshen up at a little past midday and have some food. Javin felt more comfortable being with Meldren than he had felt with anyone else. Spending time together, looking after the animals, had been... companionable, better than companionable. Being close, concentrating on a task in front of them meant that he could let her presence seep into him. He liked it. He liked her. He liked being with her. After being alone, this was a new experience, one he liked very much. There was a sense of something having been shared and the beginning of something else.
The last of the dried meat was welcome, as were some berries Javin had stored in his cave. With his stomach feeling satisfied, Javin was sipping at some water. "I don't know about you, how you feel, but I've been getting this feeling. An irritation almost. You talked about being irritated before arriving here. I suppose that's the same thing for me. It's been growing as we've been busy." He puzzled at how to say it. "I think it's like a feeling to do something else. Maybe, leave here? It's like I feel I'm being pulled, or is it pushed, to go... somewhere. Does any of that make sense?" He was, he suddenly realized, not trying to work out what was going on around him. Instead, he was completely at ease. It was a very pleasant realization. And it was centered on Meldren.
Meldren became still and closed her eyes as she listened to herself. "I've been feeling it too. Again. It's like the other morning when I got up early to come here. I can't really put words to it. It's more a feeling. And, yes, I agree with you. I think it's time to go." She opened her eyes. "But where?"
Javin thought for a moment with his eyes shut, like Meldren, but this time sensing something outside himself. It was as if he was sensing the wind, or something more subtle. He opened them. "I think that it's the way I came. Back out. Maybe back to Sweetwater. Maybe not. But I'm sure that's the way to start. Do you think this has anything to do with what happened last night?" he asked. "Are we being, I don't know, influenced again? And did that really happen last night? In the daylight, it seems unreal. Or, at least, less real."
"I know what you mean," Meldren said. "I haven't been able to stop thinking about it either. Maybe this feeling about leaving is because of that in some way. I don't know." She shrugged. "But, if it is, then we have to go. Because it's what Harmony wants us to do. But does what happened mean we are... that we have no choice? We both have the same feeling about leaving, but where will it end?" Her voice quietened. "What does Harmony want of us?" She looked away for a moment. "I also don't know about us, Javin. What do we do? I've just met you for the first time. You say you have had dreams about me for much longer. Then this thing last night." She shook her head again, trying to rearrange how she saw the world to take into account this new information. "Obviously there is something special, something different going on here. But what it is, who knows?" She turned to look now at Javin, her blue eyes searching his face. "I've really enjoyed being here. Being with you, looking after the gorries and everything. And I'm getting used to accepting last night's strangeness. It's been... I mean, it's something new. Different? Special?" She was obviously trying to find the right words for how she felt. "It's not just about last night, though. That's not what I mean. Or maybe it is. Today has been..." She gave him a small, nervous smile. "I mean, I like you. I do. Very much. I just wish I knew how to say what I want to say."
Javin also spoke quietly. "I like you too. I really do. You're the first person I've met here that I feel I can talk to and even be understood. And I want to be with you. I do. I'm like you, though. I have to believe that this is no accident, us being together. And, maybe you're right that it's what Harmony wants. But what about us? Where do we fit into it all? Do we have a choice about it? When you said that, it really made me think." He returned her nervous smile. "I want to be with you. But I also want something else as well. The point is, I want a choice in what I do."
"Exactly!"
"No. I probably mean it differently from you. Ever since I came here, in fact most of what I can remember, I had no choice in what has happened to me. I was kidnapped and brought here. Then I was sent to a farm to live. I was going to find a healer to help with my memories, but that didn't happen, because of the dream, and that meant I was taken here. Again, no choice. And now this feeling that I have to go 'somewhere'. That's not my choice, either. The only choice I really made that I can recall is wanting to find a healer to get my memories back. And then there's you. You arrived and I have to choose." He held Meldren's gaze for a moment, wanting and not wanting to speak. He spoke in a rush. "I'm going back to Sweetwater, to see if there's a healer there who can help me. I don't know if that's where you are going, but it would be wonderful to travel with you. And, if that's where Harmony wants me to be, then I'll be there, but for my own reasons. And, if it's not where She wants me, then that's too bad. Because I'm choosing this, for me. But I'm also choosing this for us. I need to know my past. I need to find out who I am, why I'm here at all. Harmony can't tell me that, only my memories can. And you need to know as well." His voice dropped. "I would so like us to be together for this."
Meldren had listened to him carefully, her unfocused gaze showing that she had been watching the colors change around him as he spoke. Then she seemed to take great interest in her thumbnail. When she spoke, her voice had a catch. "It feels right. What you said feels right. It does." She paused, weighing her words. "Before Harmony has anything more to do with you, with us, maybe, you have to find out who you are. You have to know that first. Then you can tell me. I can't explain it well to you, but the colors around you, even in the daylight, are bright and pure. Don't ask me what that means, but I've not seen them that way before around anyone. My guess? You're doing the right thing, for the right reasons." She grinned at him, but could only hold it briefly. "Of course, I could be fooling myself, and you." Another close examination of the nail and a pause, "But I can't go with you." She hurried on. "The one thing I know about myself is that I hate having too many people around me. Small places and few people for a short time are fine. But if there are too many people for too long they all push into my head. I can't stop the noise, the colors. I end up feeling sick. Once in a town, I was sick. It takes days for me to feel like I have got rid of all that noise. It's like it builds up in my head, everybody's in there, and I have to get rid of them. Clean them out, by being alone with my dogs and my gorries." She shook her head. "Your colors don't make me ill. But you have to trust me. That place is not for me, and you wouldn't like me if I was there. Besides," she hurried on to stop his protest, "I don't want you to have me to worry about when you should be getting healed. I've been traveling for a long time now without you. I'm sure I can last a few more days."
Javin's nodded a few times as if in response to an inner voice before he could look at Meldren. "I understand. Really, I do. I would hate to have you hurting because of me. I wish I could help you. But," a tilt of his head and it was his turn at a sudden attempt at a smile, "thanks for being honest with me. I am going to miss you." He frowned at her, still with her head down. "Very, very much. I am going to be so fast at getting healed, you won't have time to miss me." He took a deep, swift breath and gestured at the campsite. "We should get packing. I have some time left yet to persuade you to change your mind." He gave a brittle smile. "No harm in trying is there?"
She shook her head, although whether in agreement or not was not clear.
Neither could think of anything else to say as they set about packing up, hitching Sarlin and setting off. They agreed they were heading, at least to begin with, back to Sweetwater. The dogs didn't seem to mind, as they herded the reluctant gorries along. It was only the humans who had difficulty in being normal.
At one point, beyond the canyons around midday, they came to where a faded track curved away from the one to Sweetwater.
"Well, that's where I'm going to go," Meldren said, her voice a little too bright. "It leads on to a place called Luck. I have no idea why it's called that. Maybe it's got another name, but that's how I know it. And it's small
. I like that. Sweetwater is too big for me. And down that way there's really nowhere else to go. At least," she smiled, "I haven't found any other tracks along there. It's about four days, I think. I might be remembering wrong. Beyond Luck, there are other places. But I'll be traveling slow. You'll find me easily enough. There's not many girls driving a herd of gorries, are there?"
Javin gazed off into the distance, as if the right words were out there somewhere. "I know how I feel about you. And you've said much the same things about me." He looked now at her, trying to be precise, careful. "But, is this really us? Or is it Harmony playing with us, making us have these feelings?" He reached for her hand. "I need to know this. I think I do know, but I need to be sure."
Meldren held his gaze as firmly as he held her hand. "I am certain. I know the things I feel which are mine and those which aren't. I've been on my own long enough to know what I feel and what is true for me. And this is true. And if it is Harmony playing with us, as you said, then I am so very grateful to Her for this. And if She put this feeling in me Herself, it's only because I was ready for it... ready for you." She laughed softly. "I've been thinking about us. It sounds like a story. Two strangers meet and they realize it's something... different. Special, in a way. And it happens quickly. Just like a story." She patted his hand. "I don't mind being in a story with you. Especially not this one."
Javin held her gaze. "It is sudden." He gestured back to the canyon. "I've spent days and days back there being on my own, nothing really happening. And then you arrive and, well, all of a sudden, here we are hurrying and we don't know why or what for. Is it all too quick? Or are we doing the right thing? I wish I knew, for certain. Not about us. I know how I feel about you. After all," he flashed a smile, "I've been dreaming about you a lot. How could I not like you? Not want to be with you?" He was serious again. "You and me sounds fine. Boy and girl together. But you, me and Harmony? Boy, girl and planet? That sounds a little strange, doesn't it?" He sighed heavily. "I'm not sure what I'm really saying--"
Meldren put her free hand to his lips to silence him. "Shhh! Thank you for wanting to be sure. I can't worry about Harmony. It's us that counts. And, as I said, I'm sure about what I'm feeling, even if it is the result of something strange, very strange, going on. I'm happy with what is happening. Is that good enough for you?"
Javin breathed a small sigh. "Thank you."
"Perhaps we should thank Harmony instead."
Javin shook his head. "Let's just keep it about the two of us, like you said. For as long as we can, anyway." He tipped his head questioningly. "You're sure you can't come with me?"
Meldren eyes shone as she shook her head. "Don't ask."
He took a deep breath. "I'll find you. I promise. I just hope I will be the same as now and that I'll like myself. That you'll like me."
Meldren put her hand on his arm. "Don't worry about that. Worry about getting lost. You're new here, remember? For all I know, you're going to be useless looking after yourself." Her eyes sparkled as she teased him. "Torrint brought you here, you walked out with me and now, for the first time, you're going to be on your own." She shook her head. "How will you ever cope?"
"Well, I guess I'll just have to try, won't I?" He turned his head slowly, scanning the land. "So, over there is where I should head, is it?" he asked, pointing in the direction they had come from.
Meldren just shook her head again. "Oh, you'll be fine, I'm sure." Suddenly, she wrapped her arms tightly around Javin, burying her head in his chest. "Just promise me you'll come after me quickly? Please?"
He bent to kiss the top of her head and wriggled his arms free to hug her back. She clung to him and tilted her head back, her eyes searching his face for reassurance. "I promise I will find you again." He smiled and touched her nose with his. "I'm crazy and you're strange. We're perfect for each other."
However long the kiss was, it was not long enough for Javin. And, from the look on Meldren's face and how her eyes brimmed, she felt the same.
She gave a watery little smile as she rubbed her nose. "Go! Get going! You have a good stretch yet. Stop wasting time here." She shooed him off, biting at her lip as she did so.
"I still don't see why you can't come with me." Javin made one last plea. "We wouldn't have to do this."
Meldren wiped her eyes with the heel of her hand. This time, the smile was firmer, more certain. "Now, go. The sooner you start, the sooner we'll be together again."
Javin could not argue with that logic, so he turned slowly and began to walk away. Every now and then, he would turn back to look and there was Meldren, standing and waving to him. Finally, he breasted a rise and waved at the now tiny figure, flanked by her two dogs, for a last time before reluctantly heading down the hill to where his memories might be found.
Chapter Nineteen
Javin, once he had started out, didn't want to stop: there was so much to return to. So it was that he arrived tired, footsore and hungry in Sweetwater when it was almost completely dark, the moon not yet up and only the fading afterglow on the horizon and some stars providing any relief from the blackness.
His eyes had become used to the decreasing light, so he was able to follow the track with relative ease. Arriving in the town, however, the darkness seemed more intense. The buildings were black shapes in the gloom, all details lost. He recalled the lights burning in Hanlar and Paysa's home and how bright it had appeared to be then. But on the outside, there was very little beyond some lighter blemishes on the darkness, soft glows with no distance to them. He could make out no details in the windows. They were for letting light in and for keeping the wind out. Their construction gave them a haze which made them useless for gazing through.
He wondered, for the first time, what exactly he was going to do. In his rush to be here, he realized he was without a plan. He had nowhere to spend the night and no idea what to do about food. He rued the urgency of his journey now. This would have been so much easier in daylight. He walked slowly along the main street, wary of the uneven surface with the occasional large stone waiting to trip him. Worse were the gaps where such a stone had been removed, but the hole remained.
The barely discernible outline of the place where the strange, ancient technology was housed; the device which had spread the news about Blackeye, was just ahead of him. He rested his hand on the low wall as he tried to recall the layout of the buildings. He recalled they had eaten at a place nearby and kept his ears sharp for any sounds which might help him, for he was not sure, in this darkness, where it was in relation to the communication hut. Finally, he heard what sounded like two or three people talking more loudly than anywhere else he'd passed. It was better than nothing, so he decided to try his luck.
Pausing on the street, he felt certain he was the only person outside. He wondered briefly if he was breaking any laws by being out at night. He had no idea what to do or if there was any sort of protocol to follow, so he decided to simply announce himself by knocking on the door and going in. He took a deep breath and was about to step forward and knock when the door flew open, a bearded, beaming head with twinkling eyes beneath large bushy eyebrows peered round it and boomed at him, "Come in, then! Don't just stand there! We're expecting you!" There was a fire burning low in the fireplace in the far wall, a table and stools were close by the door and the stranger gestured towards them. There was also the enticing smell of food which called to his stomach. Although there were only some candles and small wicks in holders, it was dazzling to his night-adjusted vision. He took a step, expecting a step up, but there was a slight hollow just in front of the door which he failed to see. He tried to catch his balance but instead caught his foot on the threshold and fell headlong into the room, desperately trying, and failing, to stay upright.
He crashed his head onto a stool and he felt himself bouncing off that onto the floor. His face felt numb. The last thing he heard was the voice saying, "Ow! I forgot to see beyond the arrival. Do you think he's all right?" And then he blacked out.
"I tell you, I don't know!" The voice, female, sounded tired and irritated. "If you'd listen, Fortin, I've told you I have no idea. All I can do is wait with the rest of you. Now get out and let me and him be." Javin liked the idea of being left alone. He sought the soft darkness again where there was nothing to bother him. But, as he sank, he felt a snag in his mind, a reminder that he had something important to do, if only he could recall what it was. But the thought of trying to remember was too big and clumsy for him to deal with, so he sank beneath it, gratefully.
Later, he was aware he was thirsty and that swallowing was unpleasant. He tried to move his arm to find out what was happening. He felt, instead, a touch on his arm and a voice, the same female one from before, saying, "You'll be fine. But you must rest and drink your medicine. I'll help you." A hand, cool against his skin, supported him, making him aware of how weak he felt. He didn't want to open his eyes. A cold, bitter liquid entered his mouth. He wanted to spit it out. Instead, he spluttered and coughed droplets of it as most of it went down his throat. He felt his face being gently wiped clean as his head was lowered back. His face remained puckered at the bitterness.
"It will help you mend quicker. Help you sleep through the mending." Her voice was soft, near his ear. He remembered that he had to remember something. He wanted to ask how long he had been like this, but the sweet blackness rose up to meet him before he could begin to shape the words.
He drifted up and down in that blackness, sometimes breaking free of it just enough so that he could hear sounds around him. Sometimes he heard her voice again, little snippets which meant very little, obviously talking to someone else. "He looked half-starved to me... It's a mess in there. Blows to the head are never easy... The herbs will stop the pain, but how he'll mend, if he'll mend right, that's not easy to say." Sometimes she spoke just to him. He knew those times because her voice was closer to his ear and softer. Sometimes, he felt sure he felt her breath on his face. "Don't worry. You'll be fine. You hit your head and you need to rest... It was an accident... My name is Della... I'm a healer... When you can, wiggle your toes or move your feet." He didn't feel like doing that just yet. Maybe later.