Cockpit

by Joanna Blake

"I came to London to seduce you."

  She shook her head wildly, backing away from me.

  "No, you're Rebecca's friend. You know the same people as I do."

  I handed her a drink and held mine up in a mock toast.

  "She's the one who hired me."

  I tossed my drink back, my eyes on Rosie. She looked so baffled. Of course she was. She didn't have a mean bone in her body. How could she understand something so hateful?

  "Why would she do something like that? I don't understand."

  I shook my head.

  "I don't either. At first I thought it was just an expensive practical joke. But now I think it's something else. Something darker."

  I grabbed her shoulders.

  "Don't let her use me to hurt you Rosie. And don't trust her. Promise me."

  Her gorgeous blue eyes shone with unshed tears.

  "Okay Nick. I won't."

  I smiled at her sadly. I knew I had lost her. But she didn't hate me. Not yet anyway. And at least her cousin wouldn't win. I went to the phone and called the front desk.

  "There's a limo downstairs waiting to take you home. I'll take you out through the back. Just one last thing- please promise me you will tell me if you need me. If anything happens in the next few weeks that I should know."

  She looked confused but she nodded. I would never forgive myself if I made her pregnant. But at the same time, a small part of me hoped that I had. That we had done something that would last together.

  That maybe, somehow, she'd let me see her again.

  She didn't say a word as I led her back down through the service entrance. I tossed my sport coat over her shoulders and head, covering her face and torn dress. I put her into the back of the car. I was about to shut the door when she stopped me.

  "Just tell me one thing Nico."

  I turned back, looking one last time at her beautiful face. She inhaled deeply, as if she was afraid to ask me. But she was too brave to hide. She lifted her chin and stared me right in the face.

  "Was it all an act?"

  I smiled at her sadly.

  "No Rosie. None of it was."

  Rosalie

  Rain was hitting the roof of the limo at a steady pace as we drove out of London and into the countryside. I felt raw, jagged. I was sore between my legs. But it was my heart that felt strange.

  Almost like it had been emptied and filled. Then emptied again.

  I didn't know what to think.

  I wanted to believe that Nicholas had meant what he said. He hadn't been acting when he was with me, even if he had been hired to come here. I tried to hold onto that one tiny grain of hope in this horrible, confusing mess. But Rebecca's actions were so cruel, so baffling that it was hard to think about anything else.

  Why?

  Why would my own flesh and blood do something like that to me?

  I wrapped my arms around myself as the tears finally started to fall. Once they started though, I couldn't stop. It felt like they would never stop.

  Nico.

  Rebecca.

  My own stupidity.

  Why would I think that a man like Nico would be interested in me? Would want me? Pursue me?

  Love me?

  He had said he meant it. But why should I believe him? Especially when I was a shy, awkward bookworm and he was... him.

  Gorgeous. Brilliant. Exceptionally appealing. Sexually advanced.

  And the things he'd done to me... how he'd done them. Without ever once mentioning using birth control. I'd assumed he knew what he was doing.

  Oh God. He had. He had said something at the end there... about calling if there was something he should know...

  Realization hit me like a wall of icy cold water.

  He had deliberately tried to get me pregnant.

  Was it possible? Would someone really be so cruel?

  I closed my eyes, leaning back against the seat. No. Nicholas wouldn't do that. He probably assumed I was on the pill. Just as I had assumed he had taken care of it.

  I'd been beyond stupid.

  I wiped my tears away. If I was pregnant I would deal with it. I would handle whatever came.

  I could do it.

  I had to.

  By the time the limo pulled up to my parents estate I was calm, with no trace of tears. I went up to my room and packed a small bag. Then I climbed into bed full dressed and waited for dawn to lighten the sky.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Nicholas

  I decided to fly coach, even though I could afford first class. I didn't deserve luxury. I didn't deserve anything.

  I'd been so close to giving every penny back to Rebecca. But then I'd had a better idea. My last good thing. My last connection to Rosie.

  I'd given the entire twenty thousand dollars to the bees.

  Part of me hoped I could tell her about it someday. Even though I knew that wasn't in her best interest. I had turned my phone off the moment she left the hotel room. It's not that I didn't want to hear from Rosie. I just didn't want to hear another word from her cousin Rebecca.

  Also known as 'the bitch who ruined my life.'

  Rosie was the one who had saved it.

  I wasn't going to squander the gift she had given me. I was going to be the man she saw in me. I had to be.

  As soon as I stopped drinking.

  The stewardess had already brought me several tiny bottles of booze. Luckily my seat mate didn't want to talk to me. She was too busy knitting. Just a tiny little old lady who barely filled her seat.

  I was probably scary as hell to someone like her. Dark, brooding, drunk, seething with self-loathing and anger. I felt like there was a dark cloud hanging over my head. And it was ready to erupt in an epic thunderstorm.

  I closed my eyes, calling up a memory of Rosie. She was walking in front of me laughing. It was chilly but she'd insisted on taking off her shoes and dipping her toes in the ocean.

  And then she'd insisted on splashing me.

  I had pretended to be angry, but it was just an excuse to tackle her. We'd wrestled on the sand, laughing like children. Until we stopped laughing. I'd been on top of her, feeling like I held the most precious thing in the world in my hands.

  She hadn't been coy or made a joke to lessen the moment. She'd just stared back at me, as if she thought I was the most special person she'd ever met.

  She had thought it too.

  But she had been wrong.

  So very, very wrong.

  "Whatever it is, it will get better."

  I opened my eyes to see that the woman sitting next to me had laid her hand on my arm. Her hand was delicate, covered with wrinkles and age spots. But it was warm. She was looking at me with compassion, not fear.

  Maybe I wasn't the big bad wolf that I thought I was after all.

  I laughed but there was no humor in it.

  "I doubt that."

  "I see. You must have women problems. There's no way out of that."

  She patted my arm again.

  "You're pretty much screwed."

  I looked at her, laughing for the first time in days.

  "You're very smart."

  She picked up her knitting and winked at me.

  "I know."

  Rosalie

  I stared out the window of the train as it headed for the Chunnel. I'd bought my ticket feeling like another person. A person who went where she pleased. Made her own decisions. A person who was utterly alone.

  I was another person.

  Rain was streaming across the window as I closed my eyes, remembering the terrible scene as I tried to leave the house that morning.

  "We refuse to allow you to see that man again!"

  "I don't care what you think you can and cannot refuse. I'm leaving!"

  "With what money? Your trust? It's sadly depleted, my dear."

  "You fool- we needed you to make a good marriage. Not everything is about you!"

  "What are you talking about?"

  "All of this- this is mortgaged
to it's rafters! Don't you care about your family?"

  "Perhaps I would. If my family cared about me."

  I'd been shocked as my Grandmother had walked into the room, tossing a gossip magazine onto the table. There was a picture of me, wrapped in Nick's arms on the beach. I was staring up at him adoringly. Which only made the caption splashed over the cover worse.

  The caption read "Barefoot Duchess and the American Gigalo."

  I started laughing then. And I hadn't stopped as I picked up my bag and walked out the front door. I hadn't looked back.

  Now here I was, shamed, alone and penniless. Or nearly. I had enough money to get me far from home. I had my computer. I had some clothes. And I had my wits.

  I'd never felt freer.

  Even despite his deception, I knew I had Nick to thank for this feeling. Of course, the ultimate betrayal was that he'd left me alone. Even knowing I might be carrying his child.

  It didn't matter though. I had to find a job and quickly. I fired up my laptop and started looking. The sky was the limit now. Or the Earth was the limit.

  I wanted to work with growing things. Join a communal farm. Or work with animals.

  I just needed to find a place that provided room and board... or a way to make enough money to get by. I didn't need much to live on. I wanted to experience life, not go from one cushy cage to another, trapped in some nine to five job. I was going to do this my way. Wait tables if I had to. Babysit. Walk dogs.

  Whatever it took.

  Whatever gave me some freedom to do something important with my life.

  I would send for my dogs as soon as I could. I wished I had someone I trusted who I could ask to care for them...

  I sat up straight in my seat. Thomas, the stable master. He would take them in. He had always been kinder to me than my entire family put together. I drafted an email to him and hit send. Just as we soared into the Chunnel.

  Thank goodness for wi-fi.

  I started searching. It didn't take long to find a whole slew of for profit organic farms. Even a few that specialized in honey bee preservation. It was a key component of farming, encouraging bees to form hives near your fields. I didn't see any jobs on offer though. And I wasn't a scientist. I was technically a student, or a socialite. My resume wasn't exactly impressive.

  Well, not yet.

  It wasn't until I used the word 'Sanctuary' that I found something intriguing. It was a Sanctuary for rescued horses and farm animals. I'd heard of such places in America. This one was in Spain of all places. Southern Spain.

  And they needed help.

  Volunteers actually. But it was a start. And I had my student ID still. That would get me a cheap Eurorail pass. I could get to Spain without spending too much money. Which was good, considering I didn't have much.

  I chewed my lip and started to craft an email...

  Three hours later I was standing in the center of Paris with a series of train tickets that would get me to Granada. I walked outside the station to inhale the scent of Paris. I took one whiff and smiled. Then I turned around and went to board my train.

  I was really doing it.

  My life was finally beginning.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Nicholas

  I kissed my mother's cheek and headed out. I had given up my house in the hills and moved back in with her. If I was going to make a go of it, I had to save every penny.

  I'd left messages for all my clients and said goodbye. Except for one.

  I was having lunch with her today.

  Kelley Sloan.

  The woman who started it all.

  I drove from Malibu to Beverly Hills, making good time for once. When I was younger I'd loved driving. I had bought my first car with all cash. I felt like I had made something of myself that day.

  Now I hated it. When you were driving, all you had time to do was think. And remember.

  That was the last thing I wanted to do.

  Music was even worse. Every song seemed to remind me of her.

  Rosalie.

  I turned my phone on once a day, late at night. Just to see if she had called or texted. On the chance that maybe, in some small way, she needed me. If she was having my child. If she was alone or lost or afraid.

  I spent a lot of time imagining all the things that could wrong.

  But I didn't text her. Or call. And I turned the phone off again immediately. The temptation was too strong. I knew I would give in eventually if I wasn't careful.

  And that was the last thing she needed. I'd lost the privilege to be with her. But nothing could stop me from loving her.

  So each night, in the most unselfish thing I'd ever done, I turned the phone off again and stuck it underneath my mattress. It was weird. But it felt like she was nearby when I did that.

  Sort of a digital teddy bear.

  I shook my head. I was pathetic. But a broken heart will do that to a man.

  And mine was well and truly broken.

  Every night I lay in bed remembering every minute I'd spent with her. Certain moments though... the ones in bed. Those were on repeat. Over and over I relived every time I'd taken her.

  And that blow job... dear lord. I still got hard thinking about it.

  Like, right now... in traffic.

  I forced myself to think of something else. Walking on the beach with Rosie. We'd made plans for the future. We were going to travel. See the world. Do good.

  Maybe open a little restaurant somewhere.

  Vegetarian of course.

  I smiled. I was going to do that at least. And I already knew what I'd name it.

  I pulled up to the valet and handed them my keys and a twenty. In LA you tipped everyone. Before and after, if you wanted good service. It was impossible to NOT tip, even if you tried to park on the street, you ended up tipping fifty people before you got home again.

  I didn't mind though. Everyone was just doing their best. And if I opened a restaurant here, all of that would be part of the equation.

  Kelley was waiting for me at the bar. It had been years since I saw her as a client. She looked good. Happy even.

  But we'd always kept in touch.

  She was the first person to congratulate me on getting out of the biz. She'd texted me when she'd heard. Apparently, the rich, lonely women of Los Angeles were not happy about it.

  "You look amazing."

  She laughed.

  "I look tired. That's what motherhood will do to you. But yes, I'm happy."

  She looked me over once.

  "You on the other hand look terrible. Gorgeous as hell, but terrible."

  She waved over the bartender and ordered us both herbal tea. I shook my head. How the times had changed.

  "What's her name?"

  "Who?"

  She gave me a look that said 'don't play dumb with me.'

  "The one who got you out of the business. You know, I never thought you'd do this forever Nick."

  I shrugged.

  "I didn't expect to do it at all."

  She smiled at me.

  "But you were so good at it! You are a legend in this town. Some of your clients are never going to get over this."

  "Yeah. So I've heard."

  "So. What happened? You fell in love?"

  I nodded.

  "She didn't like what you did?"

  "She didn't know."

  "Oooooo... Nick that is not good. I assume you told her?"

  I nodded, my mind immediately dragging up the painful moments in my hotel room.

  "And she freaked out?"

  "No. She was cool about it. She is cool. She's just not with me anymore."

  "Tsk tsk. You should try and get the girl back Nick. Cool is not that easy to come by."

  I laughed.

  "Don't I know it."

  "What's the plan?"

  "I want to do something she would be proud of. Open that restaurant I always dreamed of. Or at least, cook in one."

  "I remember your breakfast in bed Nick. You
can cook. I would gladly invest in a restaurant."

  I smiled at her.

  "That means a lot coming from you. I mean it."

  She took out her phone and started tapping on it.

  "I have a few foodie friends who would be into that. But if you want to start easier, why not a food truck?"

  "A food truck? Like street meat?"

  She gave me a look and I laughed, for real this time.

  "No pun intended."

  "Los Angeles is hungry for gourmet food trucks, believe me. Just swing by the studios one afternoon. Or Los Felis. Or Venice. Or Silver Lake. Hipster mama's have to eat too."

  I nodded. It was a good place to start. And with Kelley's help...

  "What's the angle?"

  "Latin fusion. For my mom. And vegetarian. For Rosie."

  "Rosie, huh? That's the one who got away? Is that what we are calling the business?"

  "Yeah."

  She smiled at me.

  "Oh, I am so in."

  Rosalie

  "Hi. I'm Rosalie. I'd love to help with your organization. Do you have a suggestion of a place to stay?"

  I paced back and forth in the street outside the Sanctuary, talking to myself. I read once that talking to yourself was a sign of intelligence. But right now, I felt like a right idiot.

  A right idiot who hadn't showered or slept in a real bed in three days.

  I was about to have my interview. I had used baby wipes to clean myself up a bit. Brushed my hair. I was wearing jeans, since that was all I had packed. And riding boots.

  Because that was what I'd been wearing when I ran.

  I took a deep breath and tried again.

  "I'm Rosie. I love animals and since I have no idea what the hell I'm doing with my life, I thought I'd pop over. Also, I'm homeless."

  "Nice to meet you, Rosie."

  I spun around and came face to face with a young man wearing round spectacles. He had a faint German accent, an ornate mustache and kind eyes. My mouth must have been hanging open because he gently took my hand and shook it.

  "You're hired."

  "I- I am?"

  "Well, we don't really pay much. But we will feed you. And if you get kicked in the head or bitten we will pay for the doctor."