by M. Clarke
“No, he left a little while ago. He’s going to stop by the office, then come back around noon.”
Becky headed to the kitchen, coming back with a broom and started to sweep the pine needles into a pile. I wanted to help her, but we only had one broom; so I became creative and tore off some paper towels, got down on my hands and knees, and swept up some needles.
“Jenna? What are you doing?” From her tone, she didn’t like my ingenuity.
I stopped and peered up to her. “Helping, silly. We only have one broom.”
“Get up,” she demanded, sounding a little irate, but her intonation was soft. “Stop. I can do this. It’s no big deal.”
Standing up, I glanced at her, feeling baffled by her expression. Without a word, I headed to the kitchen and threw the paper towel in the trashcan. As grateful as I was, I guess a part of me was also feeling helpless. Max had been here day and night taking care of me, though I was feeling much better since the car accident. What I really needed to do was get out of this apartment. I wasn’t the type to mope around and have everyone treat me as if I couldn’t lift a finger.
“Jenna.” Becky stuck her head into the kitchen, looking guilty for slightly blowing up at me. “I’m sorry. I’m not mad at you. I just didn’t want you to overdo it.”
“I’m fine. I wish everyone would stop treating me like I just got out of the hospital.” I rolled my eyes.
Becky’s eyes popped open, unbelieving what I had just said. “But…you…did.” Then she went back to sweeping.
Leaning back against the kitchen cabinet, I crossed my arms in annoyance. “Is that the reason why you didn’t ask me to go pick out a tree with you?” I asked loud enough so she could hear me. I was trying to brush this hurt aside, but I couldn’t help the way I felt. We had always gone tree shopping together. It was a tradition. How could she go alone?
Becky came inside the kitchen and stood in front of me. “I’m just thinking of you, dummy.” Draping her arms around me, she squeezed me tightly and spoke with sincerity and tenderness. “Don’t ever end up in the hospital again. I thought I’d lost you.”
A sudden pang pierced my heart from her words. I could imagine how she felt. If she had been the one in the hospital, I would have felt the same. Tears pooled in my eyes and one drop managed to escape at the corner. When she released me, I quickly wiped it away and she did the same when she turned from me. “Anyway,” she continued. “Who’s going to pay the other half of the apartment cost?” she snorted, trying to hide the fear and sadness as she walked out of the kitchen.
I was deeply touched and though I was the one who had physically suffered, I could understand—Becky, Kate, Nicole, Max, and especially Matthew—what they had been through because of me. I felt guilty for being so stupid, driving while clearly incapacitated by gut-wrenching sobbing, hurt, and anger; all because I thought Max had cheated on me with his ex, Crystal. I still hadn’t even told my parents what had happened, since they were on a cruise.
“Is that all you care about?” I followed behind her, stealing the broom away so fast she had no idea what was coming, and started to sweep.
“Good. My cleaner is back.” She didn’t try to stop me this time. Maybe she just needed a hug or a confirmation that I was fine. “I need to run some errands and head to Starbucks since I ran out of coffee. I’m going to bring my laptop and read some query letters while I’m there. Do you or Max want anything?”
“No, we’re good, but thanks.”
Becky looked deep in thought, then dashed into her bedroom, making some noise, and came out with several small boxes in her hands, just as I finished sweeping the last pine needles into a pile. “Let’s decorate the Christmas tree before I go.”
“Sounds good.” I steadied the broom against the wall.
Placing the boxes down, Becky went to the kitchen and brought back a bowl of water as I opened the boxes. Kneeling down, she poured it into the container surrounding the base of the tree. “There, now drink up and stop shedding your greens and make our place smell like we’re in the middle of the forest.”
“Here, you get to put up the first one,” I said, handing her an ornament. It was a frame with a picture of the two of us. We had taken it when we first moved into this apartment.
Taking it from my hand, she looked at it with soft eyes, recalling when we took it. Then, she looped the string on a section of branch. After putting the first ornament in place, we draped white lights around the whole tree. This was kind of tricky, since they always seemed to tangle. We hurriedly hung the other ornaments. We finished by placing the angel on top, and decided not to turn on the lights until tonight.
After Becky and I hugged, she went out with her workbag, while I headed straight to the computer, waiting for Max to return. While I was surfing the Internet, my phone buzzed with a text. Surprisingly, it was from Luke. Not only did he apologize again, he asked to see me. The last text I’d sent to him, I told him that I was seeing Max and that there could never be anything between us. I guess he wasn’t giving up. I didn’t know what else to do except to ignore him.
Jenna had no idea how difficult it was for me to see her lying in a hospital bed, so helpless. I couldn’t blame her. She didn’t know I had lost a good friend before; a friend who just happened to have been my roommate. I was too embarrassed to tell her that Amber had been under the influence of alcohol when she was driving.
I should’ve been a better friend and forced her not to drive. Not only did she die in that accident, but she had taken someone else’s life as well. That was unforgivable, but it was not my story to share. My friend had passed away because of a terrible mistake, and I know somewhere she’s feeling a whole lot of guilt and making amends for what she had done.
Selfishly, I was glad I wasn’t the one who took someone’s life. I’m also glad my friend would never know what she had done. I don’t think she could have ever forgiven herself, so in a way, fate somehow was in her favor, but not for her parents.
That made me sober up right away. Since that day, I had never allowed any of my friends to drive drunk, even if I had to steal their car keys. I spent many days missing her and I drowned my sorrows, sometimes not in a good way. So, I decided to get a roommate, hoping that would help me move on. Not that I wanted to forget her; I just really wanted someone around. I had friends, but they were mostly party friends.
When Jenna became my roommate, her goody-two-shoes ways made me a little more conscientious of my behavior. I stopped cussing around her, because she would flinch or become edgy when I did. She was so innocent and naïve, it made me like her even more, not to mention her “goodness” rubbed off on me…somewhat. Nicole and Kate also came into our lives shortly thereafter. We ended up doing a group project together and the rest was history. We were great friends who were meant to last, even after college.
Though I still partied during our senior year, I didn’t party as hard as my junior year. I didn’t have a good reputation with the boys like Jenna did. Guys went after her, not only because she was beautiful, but also because she was not the type to go out with just any guy. She was like a trophy they would try to win, but couldn’t. So conquering her meant they would have to be someone pretty special.
As for me, I made out with enough guys to lose count, but I wasn’t a slut. I’d had two actual boyfriends, though not long term, so I was more experienced in the “making out” department than the “long-term relationship” department. I was always hoping one day, I would meet that guy who would lift me off the ground and never put me back down again. That was how Jenna told me she felt with Max. I was so happy that she found her forever—hopefully.
Starbucks was packed and the line was too long. I thought by now it would have slowed down, but since the weather was cooler, it attracted more customers. The thought of leaving entered my mind, but I realized I was practically high from the first whiff of the scent of coffee, which was so addicting. I didn’t care if I had to stand in line all day. I had to have my cof
fee fix. I was totally addicted to caffeine and my favorite latte.
After I picked up my drink, I headed toward the table in the corner near the front door. Since it was difficult to find a table at Starbucks no matter what time of the day, I was more than happy to find a table with two chairs. Perfect! Hopefully, nobody would sit across from me.
Taking out my laptop from my oversized bag, I opened it up and immediately clicked on the file I named “query.” I was so behind it wasn’t funny. I had put work on hold while Jenna was in the hospital. Unable to think clearly that whole week, I stopped trying to read since I couldn’t give it my full attention, and that would be totally unfair to the authors.
Before I even opened my first file, a group of women who started giggling like schoolgirls distracted me, whispering things like, “He’s hot…let’s get his attention…ask him to sit with us.”
I couldn’t help laughing, and being the curious type, I had to look. Shifting my eyes away from the screen, I peeked up to see him standing in line. He was wearing an Angel’s baseball cap, a dark grey sweater, and jeans. Nicely built, he was tall with broad shoulders, and an ass anyone would love to squeeze. He was definitely swoon-worthy from the back. He reminded me of someone, but I couldn’t figure out who.
When he turned to the side and winked at the ladies that were ogling him, my heart did a funny flip and I just about died right then and there. Actually, I wanted to bolt out the door, but he would see me. Oh God! I didn’t want to see Matthew again after our last encounter. That’s when he had told me to wash his sweater after I purposely, though I made it look like an accident, dumped the leftovers on him. Not only that, he had the audacity to ask me out. If he looked a little more to his left, he would see me staring at him, so I shot my eyes down to the screen. Ducking my head as low as I could without making it obvious, I prayed that he wouldn’t see me.
I don’t know why I felt this way when he was around. My heart fluttered and butterflies danced inside my stomach. In all my dating years, I had never been like this in front of a guy. In fact, I made the boys feel like how I’m feeling right now. Damn! I had to break out of it somehow. This feeling was too much for me to handle and I didn’t like it at all.
Hearing the cashier giggle meant only one thing. She was flirting with him or vice versa, but I didn’t care. I just wanted him gone. When I heard his footsteps, I held my breath, hoping he wouldn’t notice me. I didn’t know what he would say or do, but from what I’d recalled from our last confrontation, he would probably say something egotistical and get me all riled up.
When he passed by, I slowly exhaled the breath I was holding, knowing he would be gone as soon as I felt the cold breeze from the door that was swung open. I couldn’t understand how his mere presence sent blazing heat through every inch of me. Just when my heart had settled down, I saw the chair slide out across from me. How rude!
He or she didn’t even ask if the seat was taken. Great! Playing the same game, I refused to look up and acknowledge the uncouth person. After a few seconds, a sound vibrated through my ear. Now I knew it was a male from the deep sound of him clearing his throat. Thinking he was doing it out of impulse or just simply from the need, I ignored him until he did it again, begging for my attention. This time, he nudged his feet lightly against mine at the same time.
With a huff, I flashed my eyes directly into his and heat infused through me. I couldn’t look away; I think I even drooled a little. As I desperately tried to break away from the spellbinding trance he had over me, I couldn’t move or speak until his deep voice and that sexy grin snapped me out of it…somewhat.
“Hello, Be…caaa.” He dragged the last sound of my name out as if it was the ending of a song. Leaning toward me, he crossed his arms on the table, and checked me out. I wore a form fitted black sweat suit from Victoria's Secret, and my hair was tied in a high ponytail.
Feeling his eyes practically undressing me, and irate that he called me by the wrong name, I spoke out. “I don’t know who you have confused me with, but I’m not Becca. My name is Becky,” I scowled.
“Don’t worry. I remember your name, and I never forget a pretty face. I just like to call you Becca. It’s cute. It has a nice ring to it.”
“Then don’t expect me to answer when you call me by that name.” Did he say I was pretty?
Matthew ignored my last comment, reached over to grab my cup, and took a long whiff. “Hazelnut, such a girly drink.” Then he placed it down and took a sip of his. Watching him made me thirsty, so I took one too. “Becca, what are you doing?” His eyes burned through the computer screen…actually through me.
“None of your business,” I snapped lightly, so he would get the point that I didn’t want to be bothered.
Matthew beamed a mischievous grin that caused all sorts of funny flips in my stomach. He was simply gorgeous. “I made you answer when I called you Becca.”
Grrr! He was right; I did. Knowing he had the upper hand right now, I changed the subject. “Do you mind? I have work to do. Some of us actually have to work.”
He didn’t like that reply. I could tell by his eyebrows narrowing together, pinching in the center. A part of me felt bad. I shouldn’t have said that, but then again, that’s what he got for being an ass—albeit a hot ass.
“You shouldn’t read on the computer screen so much. It’s not good for your eyes.” Matthew leaned back into his chair, spreading his long legs, while his eyes continued to be fixated on me.
Not knowing how to respond, I decided to ignore him, and shifted my eyes back to the screen. I’d hoped he would get the point that I wasn’t in a talking mood. Actually, my nerves were unsteady and I didn’t know what to say, but he kept right on rolling with whatever he thought this was. Matthew, tapping my shoes with his, made me look up at him. “You didn’t answer me,” he said, giving me that sly grin.
I pulled my legs back so he couldn’t touch me again. “Why don’t you talk to those ladies behind you instead? I’m sure they have nothing better to do. Go bug them.” I pointed to the table where the group of women sat. Their eyes never left him, and I could tell they were honing in on our conversation. Matthew didn’t even bother to look in the direction I pointed. He didn’t seem interested at all.
“I’d rather stay here. I think you like me here too.” With his eyes intentionally locked on mine, he took a big gulp of his drink, and EVER so slowly, licked away some that escaped with a long, seductive stroke of his tongue. Watching him made me quiver…EVERYWHERE. My face became as hot as my drink, and naughty thoughts rushed through my mind…I wanted to be the cup he just licked.
Managing to snap out of my trance, I said hastily, “Fine. Suit yourself. I’m not going to talk to you.” My eyes went straight to my laptop, but since I was dying to know, I asked him a question. “Why are you even here? You don’t live near here.”
“I thought you weren’t talking to me?” he smirked, but he continued. “Max asked me to stop by your place and bring some files over. We have some business to discuss.” He leaned over. “I actually work for a living, too, in case you didn’t know, but I also like to have lots of fun. I could show you what I mean someday.”
I just stared at him as my jaw dropped. Show me what fun meant? I don’t need him to show me. I practically invented the word…well okay…not really, but no way would I allow this arrogant jerk to show me what that meant. “I don’t think so,” I replied with a sting of attitude.
Without a comeback, Matthew stood up, shifted his baseball cap and quietly pushed his chair back in while I watched his every move, trying not to make it obvious. “Gotta run. Duty calls. Have a nice day.”
“How long will you be in my apartment?” I asked casually.
“Couple of hours, I suppose. Why? Would you like me to stay longer?”
“No. I just wanted to calculate how long I need to be here so I don’t run into you again,” I said in monotone, with a twitch of a brow—playful yet serious.
He let out a chuckle. “T
hat’s a first.”
What did he mean by that? When I thought he was out the door, I took in a deep breath. He was stealing my oxygen and I didn’t even know it…that thief. He even took a piece of me with him, but I didn’t know what it was. All I knew was that I kind of missed his presence and our awkward, not-so-friendly conversation.
I was just about to click on a query letter when I saw a shadow looming over me, getting smaller. “Looks like an important document. I like what you’re reading. The file must be called the blank screen,” he whispered in my ear. His hot breath brushed against the side of my neck and heat rushed to the core of my being, making me dissolve into the chair. I didn’t want him to stop.
When he opened the door, the cool draft took his warmth away. I was upset at myself; now he knew I had nothing on my screen. I was also sure he knew I was too nervous around him to even think of work. That was just freakin’ great!
It had been a week since I was released from the hospital. Max came over every single day to take care of me, even though I was perfectly fine on my own. I also had Becky if I needed anything. Max threatened to hire a full time nurse if I didn’t cooperate, which would have been a waste of money, so I agreed. My sweet Max; he was too good to be true, but sometimes too much to handle.
Matthew came over on several occasions to discuss work, but somehow Becky always managed to have scheduled a meeting or something. I had a strange feeling she was purposely avoiding him, and I was sure I knew the reason why. I was assuming she had a crush on him, since I had never seen her act this nervous around a guy before.
Max and Matthew decided that I should transfer to Matthew’s department, which I was thrilled about. I would be helping him with the layout of the magazine and I couldn’t wait to get back to work. Since I would be under Matthew’s supervision, Max agreed that I could start as soon as he felt I was ready. I was one hundred percent ready to get out of this apartment and get back to reality. Now I just needed a car.