by M. Clarke
Christmas was just around the corner and I still hadn’t gotten anything for Max. I was supposed to go visit my parents, but Max was adamant that I shouldn’t fly, so I persuaded my parents to come to Los Angeles. I was actually glad Max convinced me to ask them to come. Since Becky wasn’t traveling to her parents, it would mean we would get to celebrate together with Nicole and Kate, too.
It had been a while since the four of us went out to dinner, so we agreed to meet tonight. It was the first night Max wouldn’t be at my apartment. I’m sure Becky would be happy about that. Not that she minded him coming over, but it would give us time to catch up and hang out.
“So…he leased a 740 Beemer for you?” Nicole exclaimed, twirling her straw. “That is so sweet. Those cost a fortune.”
“I wouldn’t have protested, but knowing Jenna, I’m sure she did. Didn’t ya?” Kate asked.
“Of course I did, but somehow Max always gets his way. I mean, not always, but with things like this. He said it makes him happy,” I explained, looking at my menu. I was so full of excitement and nervousness about my new car, I was sure my stomach didn’t have room for food.
“Don’t worry and don’t feel guilty. It’s leased, anyway. Make him happy,” Becky said sharply.
We all looked at her, giving her the “what’s up with you” look.
“What?” Becky snapped. “Why are you all looking at me like that? I’m just saying....”
Becky had no idea how harsh her tone sounded. Something was definitely wrong.
“Are you okay?” Nicole asked.
“I’m fine…fine. Just a little stressed. I’m behind with my work,” she said and hid behind her menu.
Something was bothering Becky for sure, but I couldn’t tell what it was. She usually confided in me, but I hadn’t been available much lately, and for that, I felt awful. I made a mental note to ask her later.
“Enjoy it while it lasts, honey, cause when you get married, it will be different.” Kate paused. “Take the advice from a married woman, nothing stays forever. Things change, especially once you have a child.”
“Like what?” Nicole inquired, breaking her eyes away from the menu.
We all leaned in closer with curiosity. “Well for one thing, Keith used to take care of me; he was always so attentive. Once the long dating relationship was over and we got married, I felt like I was the one taking care of him. Not only do I have a daughter, I’ve apparently gained a son, too.”
“Have you spoken to him about it?” Nicole asked. “You already know Craig and I had a long talk and everything is better now. Men are what I would call non-intuitive. You have to tell them everything; spell it out. They don’t understand. They are not the same species.”
Kate looked flustered. Instead of responding, she continued. “I mean, is it so difficult to wash the damn dishes while I feed Kristen, change her diaper, and bathe her?” she huffed. “He just sits on his ass and watches television. His dirty socks are all over our bedroom and he leaves the newspaper on the couch. Do you know how much dirt and ink a newspaper leaves on a couch? I know he’s had a long day at work, but it takes two people to raise a child, not just one. Sometimes I feel like I’m a single mom. I love Kristen, but I need a break too. Just because I don’t work doesn’t mean I’m not keeping up with my share of the responsibilities.”
Kate’s voice softened toward the end and her expression changed from being intense to relaxed. I guess she just needed to let off some steam. We all looked at her, but we couldn’t give her any good advice, since none of us had been through it.
Nicole draped her arms around Kate. “Just talk to him. He doesn’t know how you feel.”
“I so needed to be here with you guys. I need my girlfriend therapy. I love my life right now, even with these small problems, but sometimes I miss our college life,” Kate continued.
“I know what you mean,” Becky seconded, apparently thinking about those years too. “No responsibilities, no work…just going with the flow, living one day at a time, and definitely, all the parties.”
“I hear ya,” Nicole agreed. “But we’ve gotta move forward.”
Our waitress came to take our order, interrupting the conversation.
“What do I feel like tonight?” Kate mumbled under her breath.
“I’m not that hungry. Let’s do family style,” I suggested.
“Sure,” they all said in accord.
We placed our order and the waitress left.
The ride to our apartment was quiet. I was too busy concentrating on driving, while Becky had focused her attention outside the window. Feeling the tension in the air, I wasn’t sure how to start the conversation. When we stepped into the apartment, I didn’t want Becky to go straight to her room, so I asked her if she’d like some tea. Accepting my offer, Becky sat at the dining table while I prepared the drinks.
Placing the hot mug in front of her, I sat in the opposite chair, and saw beautiful red roses in a vase with a big red bow tied around it. I loved how they filled the room with their sweet scent. “Are these yours?” I asked.
“Oh, I completely forgot.” Becky ran her fingers through her hair, looking tired “They were delivered this afternoon. They’re for you.”
“For me?” I questioned. Only one person would send red roses to me, but they didn’t look like the roses he usually sent; these were much smaller. Still smiling, I opened the envelope and began to read the card.
Jenna,
I’ve made a huge mistake.
Please give me another chance.
Think about it.
Miss you,
Luke
“What’s wrong Jenna,” Becky asked quickly. She must have seen the disturbed look on my face when I crumbled up the note.
Matching her eyes, I sat on the cushion and mumbled unhappily, “They’re from Luke.”
Becky had the most disgusted expression on her face. “Now he sends you flowers? He should’ve treated you better when you were together. Just tell him to get lost! You’re not thinking of giving him another chance, are you?”
“No, of course not,” I shook my head. “I would be crazy if I did. Max is wonderful. He is everything I could ever ask for. Luke has been texting me almost on a daily basis. I told him that I was seeing Max, but that doesn’t stop him. I ignore his texts, but I don’t know what else to do.”
“It’s a good thing Max isn’t here right now. He would totally flip out.”
“True,” I agreed, then took a sip of my tea, which was helping to warm me up. “I don’t want to throw them away. It would be such a waste, but I don’t want Max to see them.”
“Then keep the flowers and throw away the card. If he asks, tell him they’re for me.”
“Are you sure?”
“What are friends for,” she winked.
Speaking of being friends, I needed to change the subject. It had been about me since Max entered my life. I needed to be there for her now. “Becky,” I called softly, getting her attention once more. “What’s wrong? You hardly said a word in the car.”
“Nothing.”
“I can read you like a book…well, almost.”
“Really, it’s nothing.” she said it as if she meant it, but I knew better; and I was not going to give up. “I just have a lot on my mind,” she continued. “I go through this guilt trip when I turn down a potential author. I feel like I’m taking away their dream.” She brought her mug to her lips and blew away some steam.
“I’m sure they’ll get picked up by another agent.” I had no doubt this was not the reason for her foul mood, but I just played along. “You can’t say yes to all of them. It’s like interviewing for a job. One person gets the spot.”
“Yeah, I know,” she sighed, shrugging. Taking a sip, she seemed to relax as the warm tea went down her throat.
“So I’ve been meaning to ask you about Ryan.”
“Who?”
“You know, the guy you were so excited to see over Thanksgiving? Did you tw
o hit it off?” I plopped my feet up on the seat and pulled my knees closer to me as I shivered. It was freezing out today and we had just turned on the heater as we walked in.
“Oh, him. He asked me out, but there was nothing there.” Her finger slid around the rim of her mug while her eyes followed. “There was no spark, no chemistry…nothing. Shoot, my book boyfriends were even hotter than him,” she giggled, evidently thinking of something or someone else.
Suddenly, she looked lost in thought. “Are you okay?”
Becky didn’t answer my question, but instead she asked, “Do you know why I needed a roommate?”
“No, I didn’t care about the reason. I was desperate. You and I had just met and I really needed a place to stay. I couldn’t stay at my apartment after what had happened with my roommate and my ex.”
“I needed one because my roommate got into a car accident. She died in the hospital.”
I felt the blood drain out of me and I was sure my face was as white as the wall behind me. It wasn’t too long ago that I was in the hospital. Becky must have gone through such a rough time, especially since it must have reminded her of the tragic loss. Maybe that was the reason Becky’s mood had been so unsteady lately. It started the day after I came home from the hospital. “I’m so sorry, Becky.” I ran to her and held her tightly.
“There’s more.” Her head stuck up from the empty space around my arm. Releasing her, I pulled out the chair next to her and listened intently. “She died because of me. I let her drive drunk. It was my fault.” Tears started to flow down her cheeks. “I was pretty wasted myself, but I was alert enough not to get in the car with her. I tried everything to get her out of the car, but she wouldn’t listen and I couldn’t think straight. I realized too late that I should have taken her car keys.”
“Becky, it’s not your fault. You can’t blame this on yourself. That is too much of a burden.”
She wiped her tears, brought her knees up to her chest and started to rock slowly.
I know…but I know you wouldn’t have let me drive,” she said with conviction, looking right at me.
“Of course I wouldn’t now, but who is to say what I would have done back then? We’re more mature now and we know better. There are things that we’ll always regret. Hopefully not too many; but in the end, it all comes down to the decisions we make as individuals. You tried to stop your friend, but it was her choice to drive drunk. Just like, you didn’t force me to give Max a chance, but I did. You were certainly an influence, but you didn’t make me. We learn from the past to make the future better, okay?”
Becky nodded, but I wasn’t sure she was sincere, or if she believed it. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to think I would make an awful friend or roommate.”
“And if you had told me years ago, I would still be around and still be thinking you’re the best friend anyone could wish for.” I dove in for another hug and held her until she was ready to let go.
“Thanks,” she said, wiping her tears again. “I needed that.”
“You can tell me anything; I’ll never judge you.”
“I know. That’s why I love you,” Becky said, giving me the most heartfelt smile.
I’m glad we had that talk. The guilt must have been eating her up all these years. Then, I wondered if some of the things she had done that I had often questioned, was her way of coping with that guilt. The excessive drinking, going through boys like they were nothing…maybe hoping for the one that would help her forget.
It was close to midnight and tomorrow would be my first day back at work. I had promised Max I would spend the night, so after Becky headed for her room, I headed to Max’s place.
I felt better getting that off my chest last night, but I hadn’t told Jenna the whole truth. I failed to mention my roommate had killed someone else in that accident. I know she wouldn’t judge me, but that was my guilt that I needed to come to terms with.
After giving several offers to excited authors, I headed out to the mall. I needed to mail my parents’ gifts and get something especially nice for Jenna, Nicole, and Kate. There was still a week and a half left until Christmas, but I knew that the closer it got, the crazier the mall would be; limited parking spaces, long lines, and swarms of people with bad, grumpy manners.
Everywhere I looked Christmas decorations of red and green adorned the walls and doors of every store. Parents braved a seemingly endless line with their children, to take a picture with Mr. Fake Santa Claus, who looked rigid and bored. As the Christmas music resonated throughout the mall, it filled my heart with a giddy feeling, and I couldn’t help but sing along.
Entering Nordstrom, the bright colors caught my eye. A table held neatly folded cashmere scarfs lined up in rows, and more hung on a rack adjacent to the table. This was going to be easy. Thumbing through the layers, I was so excited. They were simple, solid colors, but elegant. Buying a gift I knew they would love gave me a huge thrill, and I was beyond happy that I could get the shopping out of the way this quickly.
I bought a purple one for Nicole and red for Kate, but I was indecisive for Jenna. Then a thought jolted my mind. Not only did I want to make her blush, I wanted to buy something she could use. Oh, I couldn’t wait! Holding the shopping bag with two Nordstrom boxes inside, I dashed to Victoria’s Secret.
There were so many options for sexy lingerie that it was difficult to pick just one. I finally picked a black negligee with spaghetti straps, low cut to show cleavage, with lace trim on the bottom. It was perfect. Taking it to the mirror, I draped it on my body. Yup, it would drive Max crazy seeing this on Jenna.
I was just about to put it down, when I heard a soft wolf whistle. No single man would dare come in here alone, so who was the jackass that was standing behind me when he’s already taken? I hoped his girlfriend smacked him hard.
Still looking in the mirror, I slowly lifted my eyes the length of his body, checking him out. I saw long legs, tight abs, nice biceps, and Oh God! Blistering heat flushed from my head to my toes. Mortified, I turned to him as my breath stuck in my throat, unable to meet his eyes. “Umm…Matthew…wh…what are you doing here?” I wasn’t sure how loud or soft I spoke. He stepped closer, as if he wanted me to repeat my words, or was he checking to see how red I was.
“Awww,” he pouted like a child who had just had his favorite toy taken away. “I was enjoying myself.”
His words made me blush even more, so I wanted to return the favor. I stepped forward, closing the space between us and held my bold stare. “Do you shop here often or is this your regular hang out?”
My question had no effect. Instead, he lifted the corner of his lips and gave me the most delicious, wicked grin. “Only when I get to see one of those draped on a beautiful live model.”
Did he just call me beautiful? Damn! My face felt warm again and I noted some curious customers’ eyes gazing at us. “Ummm….” I blinked and refocused. “I wasn’t buying it for me. I’m buying it for Jenna as a Christmas present.”
“Lucky Max.”
I don’t know why, but that made me giggle.
He smirked and his eyes glinted flirtatiously. “If you want, you can go try it on and show it to me. I’ll let you know if Max will like it on Jenna.”
“What? In your dreams,” I said flatly, turning away from him to pick up my pace toward the cashier.
Thankfully, there was no line so I went straight to the register. As the cashier rang me up, she kept looking behind me with a smile I knew so well. It was definitely a flirtatious smile or the kind that begged for attention. Whoever was behind me in line must have been hot for her to gush like that.
After she gave me back my credit card, I reached for the bag, but before I could grab it, someone behind me snatched it instead. As I turned to see who would take my bag, I smacked into his hard chest.
“Whoa…steady…I wasn’t going to steal it,” he said, wrapping an arm around me to keep me from falling.
I sucked in air as I dissolved into
Matthew’s embrace. He was the sizzling sun and I was ice, unable to move, melting into his warmth. As my chest heaved, my knees became weak and I saw nothing but his beautiful eyes staring intently back at me, willing me to see nothing but him. Nobody else existed in our own little enclosed world. It was only a few brief seconds, but it seemed timeless until he spoke and released me.
“Here, let me take the other bag for you,” he said.
My eyes moved from my hand to his as he quickly took possession of my packages. Then his fingers laced through mine tightly as he lead me out the door.
Focusing on our hands intertwined the way they were, I felt so incredibly good, but wait! What the hell? After the initial shock of what had just happened wore off, I yanked my hand away and halted.
Matthew turned to me and gave me a surprised look. “I’m just holding your hand. It isn’t an invitation to sleep with me.”
I looked at him with the most evil look I could give him. I couldn’t believe he’d said that. Now the pleasant warmth from his hand just became icy cold. Did he suddenly think we were going out? He didn’t even ask me and I wouldn’t go out with him if he did. He was an arrogant jerk who seriously needed a massive scolding. “I can hold my own bags and I didn’t give you permission to hold my hand. You must have tuned out when your mother taught about manners because your brother has them for sure,” I stammered.
“Geez…you’re feisty. Okay. I won’t hold your hand, but I’m holding your bags for you. And no, I’m not like Max. I’m spoiled and I get what I want.” He started walking away.
Why did he say that? Was he trying to tell me he wanted me? “Where are we going?” I followed behind him, since he was holding my bags hostage.